Greetings, mateys.

Only thing we need to note here is dat chapter numBER AYYYYYY!


Chapter 69: The Cycle

Zoh's POV:

As far as courtrooms went, and I'd been in a fair few in my time, that one had to take the cake as the strangest. I was stood in the centre of a large, circular slab of marble. I was surrounded by a table, and behind it were the confusingly random forms of a few dozen beings, who I assumed to be Spirits. It was clear that they literally just took the appearance of whatever species they wanted, as they ranged from humans to Kadriaks, which looked like the offspring of Malphite and a tree, that got hit by a truck and set on fire as a baby.

The most confusing part of that place was what surrounded us. From what I could tell, we were in a crystalline orb in the middle of space, with a diameter of about a hundred metres. It looked as though we were in a beehive made of diamond.

We were also unnervingly close to a Red Giant star the size of which I didn't previously imagine was possible. Luckily, the crystal seemed to dim the light from it considerably, saving my eyesight from being burned away.

None of the Spirits moved, so I just waved and said: "Hello."

Finally, one of them stood. He was directly opposite me and had the form of a J'haark, an incredibly lanky, bipedal species with facial features that most closely resembled those of a pig's. The irony was not lost on me.

"Zoh Kihn of Diridia. Do you know why you have been summoned here?"

"Well, there's not a whole lot I can do that you can't, so I'm guessing this is bad for me. Aside from that, no clue."

"Simply put, you are here to plead your case to continue existing."

"Oh… pretty serious, then." I concluded while scratching my cheek. After a moment, I went on: "So, uh, what have I done to deserve to be… un-existed?"

"Essentially, one of our kind has raised concern over your potential impact on the galaxy. As it stands, you will soon surpass the Spirit of Intelligence in her own field. The concern is that, if something were to occur that affects your mental state, you could very well figure out a method of destroying all of existence. Likely by way of black holes, considering your fascination with them."

I was taken aback for a moment. Destroying the universe was a task of unending magnitude, even for me. Did they really think I could do that?

"Wow, that's not helping my ego problems… So, how do you know I could become capable of that?"

"The Spirit of Time has foreseen it. Somewhere in your early thirties, you shall achieve a never-before-seen level of intellect. We have reason to believe that you will shortly thereafter figure out some way of destroying everything that is."

"Damn, this is a lot to take in… one question, do I ever become better at fighting?"

He looked over at one of the human Spirits, who looked back. A moment later, he returned his focus to me: "No. In the next two years alone, you get beaten up just shy of six hundred times."

"Dang."

Ahri's POV:

"You should really be used to it by now."

"Azir, do you have any clue just how much I've had to get 'used to' over the past few years? First, I had to go from being a quadrupedal predator barely above the bottom of the food chain, to a hybrid-human mage who is somehow hated and loved by half the people on the planet at the same time. Then I met a literal goddamn alien who revealed all the most terrifying secrets of the universe just because he thought it was funny!"

"To be fair-"

"Hold on, I've got lots more! Cause right after all that, I had to get 'used to' suppressing an insane number of urges to be in a relationship with a man who consistently got us in situation where we could have been horribly killed, again, because he thought it was funny. Then I had to get used to fighting every day because some cunt from before the universe existed decided that he wanted an empire and, for fuck-only-knows what reason, decided this was a good place to start! So, I'm sorry if I'm not quite 'used to' everything yet!"

Azir considered for a moment, then turned his gaze from the campfire to the stars.

"Did you ever actually ask what happened when people realised Zoh wasn't lying when he said he wasn't from this planet?"

"Well… no. Why?"

"Because I did ask. And everyone I asked responded in much the same way. Fear. Unlike with you, Zoh didn't deign to inform the whole planet of the whole story of the galaxy as it stands. All we heard were off-hand comments from the man himself, and rumours from everyone else. We heard of the Empire he hailed from, and how it spanned half the galaxy, how its armies numbered in the billions, how its technology could wipe us from existence without a second thought. We heard of the nightmarish creatures that dwelled out there, capable of wiping out civilisations just because they were hungry. But, most importantly, we learned that Zoh was worse than all of it."

I looked at him in confusion. He began to answer my question before I could ask it: "The 'Diridian' Empire knows what Zoh can do. He's the source of all their power, and they know that attacking us would end in their own doom. As for the creatures of space, he probably has half of them as pets. We rest easy, because we know that we have the scariest thing in the galaxy on our side. We've all had to get used to a lot, but we have managed it because we know people like you and Zoh are there to protect us. Sure, we may feel a lot more insignificant now, but life goes on, and we make do."

"Unlike you, I don't really know how to live like a normal person. 'Life goes on', for me, means more fighting."

Azir turned to look at me: "Well then, we'd better win this war soon. You've more than earned a taste of the normal life, before it all goes to hell once again."

"I'd like that, but I can't help but think I'd get bored."

"Hah! Trust me, as a man who once spent a few months in seclusion with a woman, it is rarely boring."

We laughed together for a few moments, until I noticed something in the distance behind Azir. It was hard to see in the darkness, but something was moving on the horizon. I stood up and focused on it. It was coming from the direction of Shurima City, and it looked like a… sandstorm maybe?

Azir stood up and looked with me.

"Is that a…?"

"Yes, but something is off. It's far too short." He declared, shortly before some sort of lightning crackled from the sandstorm. Azir recoiled slightly in confusion, adding: "And they definitely do not do that."

"We should run."

"Agreed." He turned to the nearby soldiers and commanded: "Light the torches and get everyone moving! We must get to the mountains before that sandstorm catches us!"

At a guess, we were a few miles from the mountain ranges, and the end of the desert. Hopefully the sandstorm would stop when the sand did, but given that we were fighting aliens from the other side of the universe, I wasn't entirely willing to bet on it.

As we started to move, tornados began to form at the edge of the sandstorm.

I stared at it for a few seconds, shook my head, then sighed: "Okay, now that's just overkill."

Zoh's POV:

"So if you already know the past, and every possible future, why am I even here?"

"We know the facts, yet we are split in opinion. Eighty-seven prefer life, one-hundred and eight prefer death. Two prefer banishment to the realm of eternal cows, but we don't take their opinions into consideration, because they're idiots." As he finished talking, he glanced over at two of the other Spirits, who were both in the forms of miniature giraffes. As I looked over, they were smacking each-other with their necks.

I raised an eyebrow at the main Spirit, who sighed: "Let's just count our blessings that they were okay with being given the joint position as Spirits of Idiocy."

As he finished talking, one of them managed to knock the other off the table, and he fell into space.

"I almost hope he doesn't come back."

"Right… so, anyway, back on topic… doesn't this just mean I'm dead? Eighty-seven is considerably less than one-hundred and eight."

"For a case as serious as this, we require an overwhelming majority of at least ninety-five percent."

"And I suppose I'm meant to convince you lot that I deserve to live?"

"Precisely. If the neither side gets more than the required percent, you will simply be frozen until we can come to a consensus."

"Oh, fantastic. I've always wanted to be a glorified ice cube."

"No you haven't."

I facepalmed and pondered: "How are so many people in the universe immune to sarcasm?"

One of the other Spirits stood up, slammed his fists on the table and yelled: "Stop wasting time! Do you know how many people are starving right now? Well neither do I, because I'm not there to supervise it!"

"Okay, jeez, fine. First argument, I invented ice-cream."

He pointed his finger at me as his expression lightened, conceding: "That's a damn good point. I switch my vote."

Lissandra's POV:

The familiar echo of a blizzard rolling over the land above reverberated through my domain, accompanied by a chill wind. It shook the rickety bridges that lined the sides of the abyss, sent shivers down the spines of my warriors, and gently pointed the flames of our home sideways.

It swerved to avoid me, instead washing over my guests; causing the Summoner's robes to wave, while attempting to pull Darius's robe from him.

"Why did you come here?" I queried, the irritation clear in my tone. Everything about the Noxian's surprise visit was concerning, and I had no reason to not make that clear to him.

"To prove a point." He stated, his accent as heavy as ever, while smacking the Summoner to the ground. He had already been kneeling, so it was a short trip, but his bindings meant he couldn't stop it from being a painful one.

I glanced down at the pitiful mage, his whimpering barely muffled by the rope in his mouth. He had all the hallmarks of torture, yet it was oh-so-Noxian. As with everything in their society, 'blunt force' was the best way to describe it. Bruises everywhere that could bruise, cuts deep enough to show bone, and a fair few missing pieces. What they had done to leave scorch-marks on his eyes, I was intrigued to know.

Clearly, that man had no information the Noxians wanted. The torture only served, as Darius put it, to prove a point.

"The point being, I presume, that you dislike this man in particular?"

"No, your highness." His voice, seeped in distrust and sarcasm, sent a very clear message. He wasn't here to joke, and we were not speaking as colleagues. "The point being that this man is in charge of all the League's operations in Noxian lands. He has been missing for week. Even an idiot could tell we were behind it, but there has been nothing done to us. Not even a word from the League."

"And you suppose this makes them weak? It is common knowledge that they are a shadow of what they were post-war. The only reason you got away with that was thanks to Zoh having bigger concerns."

The Summoner's crying and shuffling finally started to get on my nerves, so a spike of ice found its way into his skull. I made sure Darius got a good view, in case he had any ideas of trying to pressure me into something.

"He won't be a problem, thanks to a new protocol in the Noxian army. For every commander who dies, more collateral damage is encouraged. Any attempt he makes to stop the war will just make it worse."

That surprised me. I'd never believed the barbarians to be intelligent enough to play off someone's compassion in such a way. I had my doubt over how effective it would be; violence was Zoh's first plan, but rarely the only one. However, such a protocol would certainly make him a lot easier to negate if war were to start and he was not on your side.

Impressive, but I had endured enough of Darius' clumsy attempt at manipulating me.

"You want me to implement the same policy among my men and wage war over the Freljord, while you attempt to bring down Demacia. Meanwhile, Zaun will be let loose against Piltover, and pirate mercenaries from Bilgewater and Uunt will assist your secondary force in taking on Ionia. The inevitable civil war in Shurima will go down, and you're hoping that there will be too many conflicts for Zoh and Ahri to deal with, so they'll give up and live alone somewhere."

Ice buckled and shifted to bring me closer to Darius, until I was looking down upon him: "But that's only the parts of the plan you've been told. My spy network is hardly a match for the Rose of Noxus, so I'd wager your boss knows as much as I do, if not more. And oh, if you only knew the scale your country's conflict will grow to. What powers it will awaken. What enemies it shall raise. Your masters have set in motion something which they cannot hope to stop. Just know, there will be no victors in this war. Only survivors."

He met my glare and answered: "Survival IS victory."

He trudged away, disappearing just before he reached the edge of the platform. I stared down at the body he'd left for me as it was dragged away by my guards. My lips curled into a smile as the fog that clouded the future finally began to clear.

The wind began to flow over me as I turned to look at the bottom of the abyss, whispering to the snow: "The web of cracks have grown deeper than I hoped…"

With a wave of my hand, the abyss was illuminated in dull, blue light. My army stood in formation below, legions unending, awaiting the day I would awaken them.

I rose a hand to the sky and declared: "The time has almost come! Soon we shall break the ice, and plunge this land once more into the freezing depths of war!"

After a few dramatic moments of silence, my phone rang.

Pulling it from my pocket, I saw it was Malzahar.

"What you saaayin' fam?"

"Just heading to the Lotus with Rek."

"Ionian again? Thought it was Noxian night?"

"Naaah man, tha's Tuesday."

"Shit, this week is fuckin' draggin' mate. Aight, see you there."

We put on our highest pitches and yelled in unison: "Fuck off!"

Ahri's POV:

The fact that I could actually hear the sandstorm was a bit worrying. The fact that the flying aliens had already caught up to us and were hurling spears of light from above was very worrying. The fact that lightning was almost certainly aiming for me was excessively horrifying.

On the bright side…

One the negative side, it was not easy to find a bright side.

"Azir… can you find a bright side of this situation?"

We both looked around for a little while. At that moment in time, we were running as fast as we could from the largest sandstorm in recent memory which was firing a worrying amount of lightning at us and, as we had found out slightly earlier, anything caught in it stopped being affected by gravity. An army of murderous aliens were chasing us, throwing poles of pure murder at us, and screaming expletives in the heaviest, most random set of accents I had ever heard.

Oh yeah, and there were a bunch of civilians running with us, and most of the soldiers couldn't fight because they were carrying elderly people.

"Well, you're doing a good job of not getting impaled."

"That's a good point. Only one person is allowed to impale me, and Zoh's not here right now."

"Ayyy."

We high-fived and I got a cut from one of his talons.

"Ouch! That was a terrible idea."

"Yeah, sorry about that!"

From behind us, I heard Sivir shout: "Is this really what you two are concerned about right now?!"

I glanced back at her and got to witness her dodging a legitimately obscene number of spears. Hundreds of them were being thrown at her every few seconds, and yet she was somehow dodging them all. If ever there was proof that skimpy armour wasn't just for showing off boobs, it was how unencumbered Sivir was as she ducked and dived.

"What did you do to piss them off so bad?!"

"I killed their leader!"

I stared at her for a moment, judging if she was fucking with me or not. She was not.

"You've gotta be shitting me! How? When?"

"I got a bit of help…"

Nocturne's POV:

Earlier that day (17:50):

"Morgana have you seen my whetstone?"

"No, why do you need it?"

Giving up my search in the trunk, I went over to the satchel of infinite void and began looking through it while answering: "A dude just went to sleep who's afraid of sharp objects! He's a real squealer too, so I gotta nail this one!"

"Okay honey, just make sure he doesn't die! I've not even sorted out all the paperwork from last time!"

"Anything for you!" I smiled while flinging various evil things out of the infinite void. Soul-sucking plant. Unliving flesh-terror. Orb of infinite plague. Person who thinks an item not scanning on the till means it's free. Yet, no whetstone.

"No luck! I'm going to go borrow Rengar's." I floated out to the main room and turned my gaze to Morgana, who was baking in the kitchen. Smelled like cookies. I absolutely HAD to get back in time for when they were done.

"He's hunting giant two-headed crocodiles in Ionia."

"Okay, so I'll ask Xin Zhao."

"He's putting down a small rebellion in Demacia."

"Shen?"

"Fighting aliens."

"Darius?"

"Fuck knows. Not here."

"Okay, is anyone actually in the League right now?"

"Ummm… Lulu is here, I think… I saw Varus yesterday, but he was leaving soon and I'm not sure if he's gone yet. Apart from that, just the guys in lockup."

"Damn. Pretty much no-one useful, then?"

"Nope. You could just steal-" She was cut-off by the phone ringing. She stared in confusion and asked: "When did we get a landline?"

"I felt like it would be convenient for the plot." I explained before picking up the phone: "Hello you've reached the evil couple residence, how can we help?"

"Nocturne! It's Sivir. I've received some important information and need your help to act on it."

"What with?"

"I've found the alien leader, but I need help taking him down."

I sighed as Morgana stepped up to me to listen: "Sivir, everyone knows that Zoh and Ahri are there already. The problem is practically dealt with."

"This guy has cost me a LOT of money, Noct. I intend on getting payback, personally. Seeing as you're the only one I can get a hold of, you've got to help me."

"And why do I have to help you?"

"I've heard Morgana wants to expand her bakery to a few of the new cities. I'll pay for it. Free of charge."

"On my way." I concluded enthusiastically while slamming the phone.

Morgana hugged me from behind and whispered: "You're the best."

"I try my best. Now, you'd better get on with all the planning you've suddenly got to do. I'll be back in time for ice-cream night."

"If you don't make it back, I'll just wait and we can have it tomorrow."

"I'll make it, don't worry."

I floated out of an open window and ascended to the clouds. Staring into the distance towards Shurima, I searched for Sivir. She wasn't asleep, so it was quite hard to find her, but my gaze eventually fell upon her.

After taking a second to reel back and prepare, I launched at her. I slammed into the sand next to her in mere seconds, disintegrating a few birds and someone's parachute along the way.

"Oohfucking hell Noct!"

"Hello! Now, where's this alien?"

Sivir shook her head and sighed: "You mad fucks are going to give me a heart attack one of these days… He's in the townhall of the village over this dune."

I snuck up and peeked over the sand. It was just a small village, with a few houses surrounding a market with a townhall just barely larger than most of the houses. As with most places in Shurima, the buildings looked like they were made of hardened sand. Unlike most places in Shurima, the village had giant lengths of cloth to, presumably, protect from the sun. They were just barely over the buildings themselves, and just about let in enough light to keep the village from being shrouded in darkness.

Which was annoying. I could've cleared the whole thing in seconds if they simply used a slightly thicker tarp.

Having to make my own darkness got tiring thousands of years ago.

"So, what's the plan?"

"We go in there and keep on killing until their leader is counted among the dead."

I stared back at her for a moment, trying to mimic a frown. Which was hard, considering how my face was made entirely of different types of shadow., with a couple eyes. If there was one thing humans had that made me envious, it was eyebrows.

"Do you not like the plan?"

"It's a bit risky. Do you have any idea how much it hurts to get banished?"

"Well, I'm not a spectre, so no."

"A lot. Like getting kicked in the dick."

"Neither of us know what that feels like."

"Touché. Let's just get this over with."

I looked back to the village and searched for the best place to start. And, oh, would you look at that, a group in a small circle around one giving out orders. I must have done some good deeds to earn such a gift.

Throwing a spike of darkness through the air, it passed through a window, under an alien's arm, just barely over a priceless Shuriman relic, and into my target's head. That one had some… odd fears.

What had happened in his life to cause such terror at the concept of tea-pots was beyond me. As much as I would have loved to root around in there to find the answer, if for nothing other than a funny story, I didn't have time for that.

Exploding out of the alien's head, splattering his allies with blood, gore, and some bits of brain, I span around with my blades extended, shredding them all within a second. Their bodies were still falling when I flung a lash of darkness at another nearby group. Wrapping around the neck of one of them, I flooded her head with every fear she'd ever had.

Suddenly, all of her allies turned into giant insects. At least, in her eyes they did.

With that distraction set up, I flew towards the nearest alien I could find. He blocked a few of my strikes before taking a direct hit from Sivir, who was already making excellent use of her enchanted weapon. There were at least ten more bodies than I had created, which was impressive by anyone's standards.

A couple groups of them were charging me, so I backed away slightly until they got within reach. They'd just got themselves into a heavily-shadowed area. I put my hand out, sending a shock into their hearts. The aliens stopped as if they'd run into a solid wall, dazing them as I began slicing into the first one.

I tore a hole in his body and flew through it, creating two spikes with my trail that stabbed into his body. Seeing as the alien wasn't using them anymore, I took the liberty of utilising his weapon-carrying arms to help me block and parry the incoming strikes of the other aliens, along with my own blades. It wasn't the first time I'd used that trick, so I had a bit of experience fighting with so many weapons.

For every strike I blocked, I retaliated. For every strike I dodged, I retaliated. For every strike that glanced off my armour, I retaliated.

For every strike that landed… well, there were none.

I'd almost got through all of them when the rest erupted into a shower of blood, which I guessed was Sivir's work.

Shrugging off my unwilling assistant, his body hit the ground with a 'splat', flicking a bit of blood onto the approaching Sivir's cheek. She stopped abruptly and wiped it off, a certain amount of disdain evident in both her movements and expression.

"I think that's all of them."

There was a sudden, loud noise as an alien emerged, dramatically, from a house, exclaiming: "BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE!"

Aliens flooded in, forming up ranks ahead of us on the main road. The aliens in the centre began chanting, clearly performing a ritual on the coffin-like thing they were stood around.

I turned my head towards Sivir, stating: "You just had to say it, didn't you?"

"You make me wish I'd done this alone."

The alien that originally strolled confidently out, along with an accompanying band of musicians to give music to his every action. It was infuriating, simply because the one with string-instrument was slightly off-tune ALL THE TIME!

Apparently, this alien for who that terrible musician played, was the hype-man for his entire species. A fact I learned by listening to him speak for a few seconds: "Greetings, faggots! You are about to be bestowed with the great honour of being killed by… okay seriously, Freddy, tune your fucking geetor."

"I told you already, Daniscantipaloportinius stole my tune-stick!"

The one on drums threw his instrument on the ground and shouted: "And I told YOU, use my full name!"

"OH SORRY, BUT I DON'T HAVE A DECADE TO SPARE!"

The entire band erupted into oddly-musical violence as the hype-man sighed, looking back to us: "Aaaaaaaanywaaaaaay, as you can tell, we're a very impressive and dangerous race. You should just kill yourselves now and save everyone some time."

I started putting together the pieces, then declared: "You're just stalling so that they can complete that ritual!"

"Oh shit hurry up, hurry up!"

The aliens began chanting much faster, so I charged forward. Whatever the ritual was meant to do, I didn't want it to happen. Something made me doubt it called in a tide of corgis. No, the world is just too damn grim-dark for something as lovely as that to happen.

At least a hundred aliens stood between us and the ritual, with another hundred behind them. Since I had no intention of letting Sivir get swarmed (she hadn't paid me yet, after all), I decided to act as her frontline. My wide, sweeping attacks kept the enemy back as Sivir cut them down quickly, never failing to kill less than two with any one of her attacks.

It was quite funny seeing the surprise on their faces each time I sliced right through their weapons. Only the weapons they had enhanced with their 'holy' magic were able to defend against me, but they were all so inept at using them that I had an easy time cutting them down.

In fact, we were cleaving through them at an incredible pace. It was so easy that I didn't even have to use any of my powers, allowing me to slowly regain my energy.

The hype-man started backing away from the fight while exclaiming: "You know, I'm really starting to think training our King's Guard a bit better would have been a good idea!"

As he, and his band, ran away, we got ever-closer to the ritual. Obviously noticing, the aliens began chanting at incredible speeds. Those guys clearly picked the wrong careers; each and every one of them would have made for a great rapper.

We quickly reached them and I sliced a couple in half immediately, prompting one of the others to shout: "Oh just fucking do the thing, already!" with an accompanying kick.

It… actually worked. He seemed as surprised as I was.

Seeing everyone else floating up into the air and flailing their limbs around randomly made me chuckle to myself. That made my life infinitely easier.

I literally just floated up to them one-by-one and murdered them. Sivir had an easy time, too, with her ranged weapon.

When they were all dead, I floated over to Sivir and placed her back on the ground. Once I'd gotten her to hang on to something, I went over to the coffin look-alike and did my best to destroy it. Being made of mere stone, it wasn't hard to physically destroy it, but the effect lingered.

Seeing as it was clearly a magical effect, I surrounded the source of the effect in a shell of darkness, slowly shrinking it until both stopped existing. We both had to dodge a few bodies as gravity instantly returned.

"I think it's fair to say that they didn't put much thought into using that thing."

"Yeah. Next thing you know they'll block out the sun to fight Zed."

We laughed like the borderline-psychopaths we were, casually navigating our way out of the field of bodies we had created, heading towards the town hall.

A short walk later, we were right outside the town hall. It was a very open area, presumably where a market would normally stand. We stopped a few metres from the door and exchanged a few words.

"Do you feel the looming sense of dread, too?"

"I AM a looming sense of dread."

She looked over at me with her eyebrows furrowed, asking: "What does Morgana see in you?"

"She is an imminent feeling of doom."

Sivir sighed and began moving towards the door. She barely moved an inch before that entire side of the building exploded outwards. I grabbed her and flew out of the way, manoeuvring around flying debris.

Moments later, I placed her back on the ground and spun around, finding my gaze lingering on something that… it just… what the fuck can you even say?

The leader of the alien army… was a giant ball of flesh with nearly every single inch taken up by arms. It was just… covered in arms.

What the fuck?

The only holes in the sea of arms were taken up by eyes and mouths. There were only a few of them, but it could still look in every direction at the same time.

Sivir looked like she was barely keeping from puking as she screamed: "What the fucking shit is that?!"

"AHAHH YES! FEAR ME, PUNY… UH… WHATEVER SPECIES YOU ARE!" The many mouths exclaimed, as the arms flexed their muscles.

I had to ask: "Why do you look like that when the rest of your species is relatively normal?"

"EXTENSIVE GENETIC MODIFICATION. IT HURTS TO LIVE, BUT I CANNOT BE DEFEATED!"

Deciding to test his claim, I floated up to him and attempted to stab him. A few hands slapped my blade away, then others slapped me across the face.

"AHA! SEE! UN-DE-FEA-TA-BLE!"

I floated backwards and stopped next to Sivir.

"Wanna give it a go?"

She threw her crossblade at it, which sliced a few arms off before returning to her.

It seemed to work fine, so she kept doing it.

"HEY! NO FAIR! STOP! COME ON THAT'S NOT EVEN COOL! REALLY! STARTING TO… LOSE A LOT OF BLOOD HERE! THIS REALLY HURTS!"

The alien kept shouting, growing increasingly incoherent as it got closer to death until, finally, it went silent.

We stood there for a few moments, silence creeping through the village as we stared at the body.

I finally broke the silence by saying: "This was the weirdest thing to happen to me in… ever."

Zoh's POV:

"… and you know, I really just feel like I deserve a few points for telling Dav L'may that he was an asshole with a stupid name. I realise that describes me too, pretty bloody accurately, but I admit that and take full responsibility."

By that point, I'd managed to convince a decent number of them that there were more good things about me than bad, but it was taking a damn long time. As much as I enjoyed recounting all my many accomplishments in life, I would have much preferred to be back on Runeterra doing something with Ahri. Probably killing aliens.

I was about to remind them all of that time I stopped two tears in reality from crashing into each-other. Whatever that would have done, it was almost certainly bad. Doesn't exactly sound like the kind of event that would bring universal happiness and peace and rainbows.

However, I was rudely cut-off by that mean lady who set that trial up in the first place: "Enough of this nonsense! It does not matter what achievements you have in your past, the reason for this trial is the future! Need I remind my esteemed colleagues that this man will soon be capable of destroying literally everything!"

"That may well be the case, but why in the fuck would I ever want to do that? Unless you hadn't noticed, I live in the universe! It's a pretty cool place that I have no intention of destroying!"

"But that is only your current mindset. How do we know it will not change dramatically? It wouldn't be the first time you had a rapid, total reversal in your ideals and beliefs."

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realise undoing a childhood worth of indoctrination was a bad thing!"

"It's not about that! The point is: your mind is as fallible as any other mortal's. It was only a few years ago that your current partner displayed that fact perfectly! All it takes is a SINGLE insane mage with the right skills to twist your mind, and then the entire universe is fucked! And that's not even the only thing. Your sub-species of humans are afflicted with a 'blood rage', and you are far from immune to it. What if something happens to trigger it? Then we're, again, fucked."

I could sense that her speech had achieved what she set out to. The room felt distinctly more hostile.

"Okay, fine, I am just as susceptible to mind-control as anyone else. There's no way to prevent it. But, I'm willing to stop it from achieving anything. Would it please the court if I were to stick a chip on my brain that put me into a coma if it noticed any of the signs of mind-control?"

That generally seemed to have a positive effect, but of course she had to pipe up again: "But that does not address your blood rage. Its differences from regular anger on the brain are far too miniscule to be measured and countered, even by one of your devices."

"I know. All I can give you on that front is a promise. I will NEVER let that happen again. You might say that's not enough, but I would like to remind you all that the rage is not something that is unwilling. My people are never consumed by anger when they do not want to be. The core of that… illness, is that you let yourself fall to it. You know that you are going to do terrible things, but you accept that because you know what falling to it can do for you. As it stands, there are only two things which could get me to that precipice. Chemical weapons and something happening to Ahri."

I paused for a second to sigh, for that subject was deeply upsetting to talk about. Even just thinking about it put a pit in my stomach.

"I… I can deal with chemical weapons. They represent my single greatest failure, and the absolute worst aspects of my species, but I can move past that now. And Ahri... well, it's hard to describe to you what she means to me. There's not a moment in my life that I do not want to spend with her, and she gives me a kind of happiness that I simply didn't know existed before I met her. And that's exactly why I won't let the rage take me, no matter what happens to her. Something tells me she wouldn't appreciate it… anyway, that's all I got."

"And I suppose we're just meant to take your word on it?"

"I suppose so."


I didn't take a break, I'm just lazy.

Ain't it funny how there was no sex in chapter 69? You know what that is, right there? Breaking expectations.

I mean, sure, it might have been mainly because there were no opportunities for it (except Nocturne and Morgana but... let's just not get into that subject), BUT I'm still counting that as a win.