Chapter 26: Empty Resolve, Empty Soul


A/N: I do not own the Naruto Franchise!

I do however own Mari Kaede and any other OCs mentioned.

Warnings: Contains dark themes, such as depression, murder, experimentation, emotional, mental and physical torture, possible attempted suicide and mentions of sexual activities!

At this point, I also want to point out that the relationship between these two characters is actually toxic, if you are in a similar situation please seek help, it is not healthy and it won't end the same way this story will end.

I do not condone these kinds of relationships, despite writing this story.

Hey guys, sorry for the long wait this time, University and YouTube is hard to keep up with, especially since it's my last year. I might be going into a Creative Writing Masters course after this, so if my writing suddenly improves, that's why.

I hope you guys like the chapter, this is the pivotal point in Kaede's transformation into an Oto kunoichi!


Many hours passed since Orochimaru had returned to his room to rest after defeating Kaede in her foolishly thought out plan to take his life. His body was comfortably wrapped in a thick quilt as he laid there with his eyes closed, but his mind whirring. He had woken up maybe ten minutes prior to this moment, but wasn't quite finished recovering to really get up, so he tried to slip back into his subconscious to speed up the process.

However as he remained still and tried to clear his mind of all thoughts, the memories of the fight replayed in his head, and he opened his eyes, the slitted orbs gleaming with irritation as he stared up at the dark ceiling. The look of hatred and anguish when she was caught and when she was finally defeated by his hands, burned deep into his mind as her words before the fight echoed through the room, for his ears only.

"I ain't about t'preach forgiveness to a vile demon who ruined everything for me...I swore I would take your life, t'hear your last breath, even if it meant I would take mine! I was only playing nice t'get y'to trust me so I could get to this point...But play time's over...I was a promising Jounin who planned t'find a husband and have kids, live a normal, happy life for the sake of my village and my friends...But y'stupid experiments destroyed me! Y'made me into a monster, a freak of nature that ended up being labelled as a 'failure!'"

"I lost everything t'your greed!"

His expression warped with the anger he felt towards her actions, curling his lip as his fangs became visible in a soft snarl. She had betrayed him, taken the slight trust he had offered to her and thrown it back in his face...Yet he didn't kill her when she lost consciousness and therefore the fight to the death. He himself didn't truly understand why he kept her alive for this long, after all, the only other subordinate he tolerated to this extent was Kabuto, and he could trust Kabuto completely.

In the end, he had chalked it down to her personality and attitude, despite her overstepping her boundaries far too often for his liking, her reactions and responses to his taunts and musings entertained him greatly and kept him guessing. For example, her words the night before, the fearlessness she showed despite her rash decision to fight him, it was something he was not used to. However the thing that kept his interest the most was that she seemed like the wild-type that would not think things through, but actually had a very tactical and patient mind, which explained how she kept the charade going for so long.

She was different to the others that hated him, they suffered as she did, but feared him and merely did what he said because they could not escape his wrath otherwise. But she challenged him, forced him into a corner and did her best to overpower him, even when the odds were greatly against her.

A dark, sinister laugh rumbled in his throat as he slowly shifted and sat up, placing one of his bloody, bandaged hands on the quilt over his legs.

'Though she despises me, she has shown signs of change throughout her time here...' He mused silently, his lips curled into a smirk. The most convincing example of this being the time she saved his life by warning him when Tsunade attempted to double-cross him. 'Hm, hm, the little firecracker seemed quite surprised by her actions afterward, perhaps that was the reason she was quite eager to end my life more than usual.'

Her emotions were unpredictable and erratic, she had been through enough to make any normal ninja lose their sanity, and in some ways, she was halfway there, but clung onto what little sense she had left using her ambitions...She was a beast that defied any master and slowly, he had begun to wear her down.

He licked his lips at the idea of making her see things his way. The look in her eyes when she was defeated, that fire she was known for, finally burned out and with her broken resolve, she had the ability to become a useful ally to his village.

He just had to tame the embers left behind and rekindle the fire. However, until then, he would keep a firm eye on her movements and actions. After all, she could no longer be trusted, even if she had lost her way in life.

~BHBL~

Pain was all Kaede could feel as she slowly returned to consciousness the next morning, groaning as stinging, burning agony pumped through her body like the blood in her veins. "I see you're finally awake." The voice was familiar, so familiar that she slowly opened her eyes and blinked back the blurry vision of white hair and reflective glasses she was met with. "You've done something truly foolish this time," Kabuto told her, mixing some pain-relief medicine on the nightstand by her bed.

His healing jutsu could only do so much with burns of her extent, especially since he had to focus on healing Orochimaru's own injuries and his arms, which wasted a fair amount of Chakra. For now, her body's natural healing process would have to do a majority of the work.

"What're y'talking about?" Kaede slurred, unable to remember the night's events for a second, however when she went to sit up and hissed as a searing pain shot through her like needles stabbing into her skin, she recalled everything that had happened and why she was lying in bed, to begin with. Kabuto stared down at her, not scolding her for moving, as any injuries she sustained were her own fault and the pain served as a reminder of her stupidity.

Silence filled the room as the injured woman stared down at her bandaged hands, blood seeping onto the quilt from the cloth she had wrapped around her waist and torso. The battle played over in her head, again and again as she processed everything that had happened and what she had realized before eventually blacking out.

Despite being well-rested, well-healed and have full use of her body and strength, she couldn't kill him, the ill Sannin without the use of his arms. She went all out in battle and ended up the one to collapse in defeat. Her ambitions, her dream to get revenge, all of it crumbled into dust as she lost consciousness.

"Get out..." Was the only thing to leave the redhead's lips as she closed her eyes and lowered her head, shielding them from view using her hair. Kabuto arched a brow and moved his head down slightly, revealing his judgemental black eyes.

"Hm? Is that how you thank someone who spent hours healing your futile injuries?" The young medic asked snidely. However, when she refused to respond, he pushed his glasses up his nose and sprinkled the powder he had created into a bowl of hot porridge made with milk, since she couldn't take it with water. "Fine...Eat this, it will aid your recovery and numb the pain."

With that, he turned and left, leaving the empty, emotionless woman to come to terms with what she had done. It was like she was having an out of body experience, she felt numb and empty as if nothing mattered anymore.

Not only had she lost her ex-husband, her family, her friends and her village...But now she had lost the only real ambition she had left. Her mind screamed, begging her to cry, to yell, to break something to ease the pressure against her heart, but she couldn't. She was numb to it all, the only thing that crossed her broken features was a slight sense of sorrow, which dulled her usually fiery eyes.

She was nothing more than an empty shell without a purpose, without a reason to keep on living in this cruel, devious world.

She was useless.

~BHBL~

Several days passed since that terrible realization and Orochimaru was sat in his throne room, sweat sticking to his brow as he adorned comfortable clothing, unable to do any fighting in his current condition. His curse had worsened to the point where he couldn't sleep well and food could barely stay down with his intense coughing and fever. He had no more time left, he needed a new vessel...Now.

He looked at each of the Otogakure no Shinobi Yonin Shū standing before him, the same four who had put up the barrier around him and Hiruzen during their death match. Sakon, Jirōbō, Kidōmaru, and Tayuya.

Sakon was a man with white hair and painted lips who had another head that seemed to grow out of his back and hung limp, barely moving an inch when he did. Jirōbō was a larger man with balding burnt orange hair and a slightly plain looking face. Kidōmaru was a strange, dark-skinned man with six arms and an obsession with toying with his victims. While the last member, Tayuya, was a short redheaded woman with a serious face but a ruthless and rude vocabulary.

Each had their own skills and unique jutsu and fighting style, but worked extremely well together as a four-man cell, as their Fuuinjutsu abilities couldn't be matched by another else. They were Orochimaru's bodyguards and would fight whoever he asked, whenever he wanted them to.

"The tree has matured." He ground out, as he glared directly at them, which made them all uncomfortable, which they tried not to show with their tense body language. "Head to Konoha now."

"Yes." The four chorused, nodding their heads respectfully before they used Shunshin no Jutsu to disappear from sight while a lesser shinobi stood off to the side, wondering why he had been summoned.

"You." Orochimaru acknowledged the sacrificial pawn, who went rigid with fear and nervously bowed in respect. "Prepare a simple meal for the traitor and deliver it to her, then report her current condition to me directly...I want to know if our punishments have been effective."

"Y-yes sir!" The shinobi stammered, bowing once again before he quickly left to do as he was told. It was the first time he had been summoned by Orochimaru, and now he understood why everyone was so terrified of him. His mere presence made him feel like a mouse being sized up by a venomous snake.

It did not take the lesser Chuunin long to cook up a simple soup and sandwich for Kaede, and took even less time to navigate the hallways to her room. He placed the tray down and formed the seals that he had been instructed to use, before picking the tray up and opening the door.

Kaede was sat on the edge of her bed, clothed in yet another hospital garb with bandages covering most of her body. By the strong scent in the air and the stains on the robe, it was obvious she had not changed since she woke up from her injury inducted collapse.

She only looked up when she heard the door open, and locked eyes with the Chuunin as he stared at her for a second, before walking in and placing the tray beside her. He then left without another word, knowing that conversing with her would end with his own demise. Once the door was shut, the former Firecracker looked down at the meal with a dull frown.

However, instead of eating, she just looked away from it with soft sorrow and clenched teeth. Honestly, she had given up, what use was there in eating, keeping herself alive if she had no reason to keep fighting, no reason to even wake up in the morning anymore? Tears filled her eyes but did not fall as she tightened her grip on the sheets beneath her curling fingers.

She had wasted so much time, so many years, plotting revenge that she was sure would ease the pain in her heart caused by the man she despised, but she didn't anticipate that the gap between their strengths would not shrink in the slightest. She did not anticipate that she would be too weak to achieve her goals...She had lost her appetite, her hope, and her spirit.

Withering away was the least of her worries at the moment, and a small voice in the back of her mind curiously wondered if ending it all would be the peace she desired.

~BHBL~

The shinobi that had seen to Kaede knocked on the door to the throne room, a little nervous to see his leader's terrifying eyes again, but knew he would fear far worse if he did not do as he was ordered. "Come." The familiar, albeit terrifying, voice of Orochimaru called through the wooden barrier. The nervous man stepped inside and closed the door, bowing to the Otokage with respect.

"I bring you the report on the traitor's condition, sir!" He started.

Orochimaru stared at him for a moment before he narrowed his eyes and lowered his head slightly, hiding most of his face with his long, black hair. "And? Do not keep me waiting, unless you desire a short life." He hissed out, patience dwindling as his fever rose.

Shivering in fear, the sacrificial pawn straightened up. "Sh-she barely responds to any movement and doesn't say or do anything when someone enters her room. She didn't even touch the meal prepared for her, and she didn't acknowledge the fact that there was a seal placed on her door, honestly, I don't think she even knows it's there, sir!"

The silence stretched for a moment, making the Chuunin feel even tenser. If Orochimaru could, he would have rested his cheek on the back of his hand in thought, instead, he merely allowed his frown to deepen with disappointment. "I see..." He started, pausing for a moment to think. "Your next mission is to collect supplies from the nearby town, the Ryo will be provided as you leave, if the supplies do not arrive within three days, your life will be taken in its place! Is that understood?"

With his arms and the foolish sorrow, Kaede portrayed, his patience and any semblance of kindness he may have held were long gone. He knew it was an almost impossible task to get from Otogakure to the town. But honestly, he wanted a reason to cause someone harm, and this Chuunin was nothing more than a sacrifice to begin with.

The Sannin barely paid any attention to the man as he panicked, bowed and vowed to be back in time before quickly leaving to complete the task. Once the door to the throne room clicked shut, Orochimaru hissed angrily and gave the wooden barrier a glare that would freeze hell over.

Kaede was empty, she had no resolve, no desire to achieve anything. His eyes narrowed, gleaming with irritation. Seeing her without her spark was like watching a lit match burn out...It was boring.

The Firecracker without her fire was of no interest to him.

~BHBL~

Two hours slowly ticked by for the empty woman as she did nothing but sit there, staring down at the floor, periodically switching between sitting and laying. The food was stone cold and left by the door since she moved it to make space for her legs as she just let her mind run wild with the dark thoughts that remained inside her.

However, even she grew slightly tired of her own room and sighed numbly, standing and walking to the door. Maybe if she got some fresh air and watched the stars for a while, she would feel some sense of hope in her now empty heart. Kaede grasped the door handle and tugged once, looking at the metal handle with confusion when it did not budge.

She tried once, twice, three more times before panic began to set in and she rattled the door to try and get it open. Though her fear spiked, all she could muster were welled tears and a dreaded sense of captivity, that sense of being trapped and not knowing if she would ever be free again. The worst part about this sensation was the fact that she did not even want to fight for it, what was the point? It was not like she had anyone to go home to or anything to really keep her sane any longer.

Unable to really do anything, she turned and shuffled back over to her bed, sitting down on the edge once again, staring at her scarred knees. She knew now why Orochimaru had kept her alive instead of putting an end to her after her betrayal. Killing her would have been better than living through this torment.

~BHBL~

Night fell over the hideout, not that any of the inhabitants were aware of it, they lived underground, and windows were a luxury they didn't need. However, Orochimaru sat in his comfortable bed anyway, having long since left the throne room to take his medication and rest away the intense fever he could not shake. Kabuto was by his side, the clinking of glasses heard as the medic prepared his usual pain medicine.

"Orochimaru-sama." The teen began, looking over at his leader curiously. "Was it really necessary to send all four of them out?" He asked, referring to the four elite ninjas he had sent to Konoha.

The Sannin's lip curled into a devious smirk, sweat sliding down his cheek as he looked on ahead, and answered. "All four of them seem to have an interest in Sasuke-kun, whom I favor. How strong is he?"

Kabuto's smirk soon copied the Sannin's. "Comparing strength? The current Sasuke-kun won't stand a chance."

The snake-eyed shinobi chuckled darkly, his shoulders shaking as he entertained himself with his own plans. "That is why he will seek power from me as soon as possible."

The young medic stared before letting out an amused sound, pushing his glasses up his nose as he closed his eyes. "Your plan leaves little to be desired, Orochimaru-sama...It is a cunning, albeit, rather underhanded method to get what you want."

This only further lightened Orochimaru's mood as his smirk turned into a fanged grin. "Hm, hm, hm, you're forgetting who you're talking to, Kabuto...That, to me, is more of a compliment, than an insult."

"Ah yes, forgive me." Kabuto joked, his tone rather light despite the disturbing conversation. He turned back to the table holding his half-finished medical concoction and continued stirring. "While we're on the topic of 'underhanded'...I must ask, why is Kaede still alive? She is a traitor to Otogakure, therefore has no use to you now, correct?"

Orochimaru's slitted pupils narrowed as he thought over his desire to tame the wild beast that was too weak to buck and kick away. "When a fire dwindles, the wind can control it and reignite it to its full potential." He started, licking his lips. "I'll take great pleasure in using her powers to completely destroy Konoha."

"However, there are several hurdles before that, my lord..." The young medic started. "Her condition hasn't improved, her mental state grows weaker by the hour, and she has proven already that she would rather die than work for you. How will you use her power, if she refuses to give it to you?"

Orochimaru's grin fell into a frown and his gaze became murderous, without that spark she was of no interest to him, and wouldn't serve any use in missions. If she didn't regain herself, he would have to dispose of her, and he despised wasting power he could take advantage of.

He needed to correct this, he needed to give her something to live for, something to fuel the fire until the wind picked up.

"I will make her an offer she can't refuse..."

~BHBL~

It was now or never.

Kaede stood in front of the mirror in her bathroom, dark circles under her eyes from lack of sleep and a pale tint to her usually bronzed skin from the stress and malnutrition she was forcing upon herself with her current mood. She was breathing heavily as she let what she was about to do sink in, and the first inklings of emotion she had felt since losing to Orochimaru finally settled deep in her gut.

She looked down at the water filling the bowl of the sink with heavy eyes. The poor woman was all alone, no friends, family, home or dreams left, the hollow shell was cracking and she couldn't deal with it shattering completely. Her existence meant nothing anymore, and she saw no reason in continuing through this hell if there was nothing to gain from it but pain and suffering.

She just wanted to be free at last.

Swallowing hard, the redhead took a few deep breaths to calm her nerves and leaned down towards the flow of water, tears welling in her eyes as she thought about her ex-husband. Maybe she would see him again and they could have a nice, long chat about old times.

Her lips neared the deadly liquid that would end her tormented life when a voice echoed through the room, surprising her enough to make her stand up straight and spin around in shock. "So you've finally reached your breaking point...?" Through her tears, she could see the blurred figure of Orochimaru leaning against the doorframe leading to her bathroom.

She could not see his disappointed frown as she turned back to face the sink and turned the tap off, staring down at her own reflection bouncing off the water as it settled.

"Are you aware of the consequences of your decisions as of late?"

Kaede was not able to answer without choking up, and she did not want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that his words struck a chord, so she merely nodded in response.

Orochimaru's eyes narrowed. "Very well, you're aware that I am far stronger than you, and your efforts to take my life will never succeed, correct?"

Another nod, albeit slightly more tense than the first one as she squeezed her eyes shut, forcing back her tears.

"And with this knowledge engraved in your mind...You have decided to give up altogether?"

A moment passed and her shoulders slumped, nodding for the final time. Yes, she had given up, she had nothing left to fight for, so what was the point?

"Is that all you're capable of then?" Those words confused her and she turned her head slightly to look at him from the corner of her empty, brown eyes. "Your use to me is solely based on your ability to stay determined despite the odds, so your power is shown at it's fullest." He smirked. "If you lose the fire that spreads through the forest, all that's left are dead trees..."

Her eyes widened with surprise, was he...Encouraging her?!

"Life is not what you are, or what you were, but rather what you do now that determines its overall value. There may be no point in living, but embers burn brighter when the wind blows against them." He pushed off the door and looked at her from the corner of his piercing snake-like eyes as he turned to leave. "Whether you go through with your foolish decision is of no consequence to me...It's up to you to decide whether the wind continues to blow...Even the smallest breezes turn into a hurricane at some point..." His frown curled into a devious smirk and he chuckled. "And once that happens, nothing will stand in your way."

Kaede's entire body shook, tears pooling in her eyes as she absorbed his slightly confusing words, but she understood the overall meaning behind them. 'Don't focus on the past or the present, it's what you can achieve throughout your life that matters most. If you keep fighting, one day, it could surprise you.'

The woman ground her teeth as a mix of anger, confusion and frustration settled deep in her gut. She quickly kicked off and walked past the Sannin with hurried steps. She didn't acknowledge him or excuse herself as she left the room and went towards the kitchen. The pale man watched her leave, opting to allow her free roam of the hideout for the time being, until she made her decision.

It may turn the tables in his favor. He did not care if she continued to hate him, but if she pledged her loyalty to him, then he would finally have the weapon he desired when he had first seen her power for himself all those years ago.

~BHBL~

Kaede remained in the kitchen for over an hour, staring down at an empty sandwich box and a can of cola she had polished off within a few minutes of arriving. Orochimaru's words continued to swirl around in her mind, repeating again and again as she mentally tortured herself with the information. She gripped her hair and rested her elbows against the large table as she growled slightly and squeezed her eyes shut.

The tormented woman stayed silent for a moment before she sighed and opened her eyes again, spotting something in the corner of her vision that took her full attention. A black stain against the stone flooring, the stain left behind from the bottle of poison she had carried in hopes of ending the Sannin's life. Her teeth ground together and her tears pooled once again as she looked down at the painful reminder of her failure.

"Dammit!" She hissed out, grabbing a cloth and dropping to her knees, scrubbing at the stain vigorously in an attempt to remove it from the floor and from her memory. But no matter how much she tried, it would not budge, it remained there, a mark of humiliation and a reminder that she was a worthless failure.

Her mind returned to her time in the cell, the times she felt just as weak and just as pathetic, and she made a choked sound of anger and sorrow, scrubbing harder and harder, threatening to tear the fabric with the force of her actions.

She hated it, she hated him! Why did this keep happening to her, why couldn't she just live in peace and find herself a nice place to live, have a family, and die a happy woman?!

Finally, the cloth tore against the hard surface and the sound coincided with something breaking deep inside her, she choked out a sob and dropped her head as her tears finally fell and she let out all the pain she had bottled up unintentionally over the past two or three weeks.

"Even the smallest breeze can turn into a hurricane..." She ground out, opening her eyes and lifting her hand, staring at the torn skin of the bottom of her palm where her hand had made contact with the stone during her desperate cleaning attempt. She watched the blood leak from the scrapes and drip down onto the cloth below.

What was she supposed to do now? Work for him, forget her revenge and just pretend none of it ever happened?! Was she supposed to just forget that she hated him with every fiber of his being?

No...

His words before had regarded her mental state, not once did he mention her hatred for him. He did not care if she continued to despise him as long as she remained useful in his future plans. She lifted her hand to wipe her eyes, smearing both tears and blood across her cheek as she looked down at the stain.

Revenge was pointless with the gap between their strengths, and the mere thought of working with him made her stomach sink so much, she felt sick. However for a split second, the thought of redemption came to mind and she shook her head, gripping her fringe in her clean hand as she made an angry noise, like a beast desperate to escape captivity.

He had made her suffer, and now he was offering her a reason to live...Did that even count as redemption?!

The confusing thoughts continued to whisper in her mind to the point where she let out a cry, and grabbed the cloth, tossing it into the burning fire in the corner of the room, where a pot of stew was hanging, cooking slowly. She watched the rag fizzle and burn away, breathing heavily as she tried to calm her vicious thoughts, skin glowing slightly as her emotions chopped and changed with her unstable mindset.

Tears fell again as she felt herself calm down from the strong anger and she sobbed, placing her hand against her forehead as she curled in on herself and finally released the stress that had build over her entire time here, ridding herself of everything that had poisoned her mind from the day she arrived.

Anger had been how she vented before...But that wasn't an option anymore...She was lost, broken and inhuman...

But she had to decide...Now.


A/N: Thank you for reading, please review, it helps me improve as a writer! I hope you enjoyed the chapter, I just realized that this is the quietest Kaede has ever been in her life, and it's terrifying! Ha, ha!

Japanese = English

Otogakure no Shinobi Yonin Shū = Hidden Sound Shinobi Four People. (A.K.A The Sound Four.)

Otogakure = Hidden Sound Village.

Konohagakure = Hidden Leaf Village.

Fuuinjutsu = Sealing Jutsu.