Chapter 37 - Answers


A/N: I do not own the Naruto Franchise!

I do however own Mari Kaede and any other OCs mentioned.

Warnings: Contains dark themes, such as depression, murder, experimentation, emotional, mental and physical torture, possible attempted suicide and mentions of sexual activities!

At this point, I also want to point out that the relationship between these two characters is actually toxic if you are in a similar situation please seek help, it is not healthy and it won't end the same way this story will end.

I do not condone these kinds of relationships, despite writing this story.

Hey guys, I know I updated this yesterday, but I was super excited to write this chapter and couldn't wait to finish it, so here it is!

Enjoy!


The moment Kaede stepped into Orochimaru's private chambers, and the door clicked shut behind her, the deafening sound of her own heartbeat became apparent. It was as if she was on a deadly mission and her adrenaline had decided to flare up to compensate for the fear settling deep in her heart. Though she knew why she was afraid, if Orochimaru caught her, or found out, she would have no excuse as to why she was snooping in the first place. Well, apart from the residual alcohol in her system, but she doubted he would accept that reasoning and be done with it.

With a deep, slightly shaky breath, the woman stepped away from the wooden door leading to her freedom and safety and made her way over to the bed, where the object of her curiosity sat, eagerly beckoning to be read, like a good novel. Her fingers itched with a desire to see just what the leather-bound book held within and carefully she lifted it off the sheets, looking it over.

On the front, was a small label marked with a hand-written number, what surprised her, was the fact that the book's number was relatively high, which meant there were other versions of this 'saga' hidden somewhere in her vicinity. Being the obvious bookworm she was, she placed the book back down on the bed and started searching the room for any traces of the others, wanting to start with the first one.

Nothing was worse than starting right at the very end of the series.

Eventually, after searching everywhere, she crouched down by the final cupboard near the bathroom door and pulled the two handles, opening it with ease. A triumphant smirk curled her lips as she spotted many more leather books with hand-written numbers on the front and spines of their covers. "Bingo." She exhaled softly, leafing through them until she found the first one.

Though her heart was pounding hard enough for her to hear, and her fingers tingled with adrenaline, she carefully peeled the book out of its place and stood up with it in hand. No matter what was inside, the moment she opened the cover, she would be putting her life on the line for the sake of her morbid curiosity. Did she want to risk it all, after coming so far?

Like most ninja, the life-or-death sensation, the rush of emotion and terror during a fatal mission, was addictive at the worst of times. She was no different from others who could not remove themselves from the field of battle, no matter how outnumbered they were, and she knew her desire for whatever knowledge these books held would win out in the end.

Licking her dry lips, her eyes gleamed with determination and she pulled open the leather to see the parchment hidden beneath. On the first page, was an index of sorts, made sense, Orochimaru seemed like the type to organize his ideas.

However when she noticed that the index listed dates rather than jutsu types or even different elements, Kaede's brows knitted together with confusion and she flicked through until she found the first entry.

XXXX-XX-XX

I'm not really sure how to start this if I'm honest...Sarutobi-sensei said I should keep a record of my memories, so I can work through my emotions, but I don't really feel anything right now. I believe this is their way of keeping an eye on me, which makes this a rather pointless endeavor. Though, I suppose there is merit to writing down my thoughts-

Suddenly there was the sound of footsteps coming down the hall, and in a fit of panic, Kaede snapped the book shut and went deathly silent. She listened intently as the sound grew louder and louder until they were right outside the door, before slowly fading away once again. Once the redhead was certain they were out of earshot, she let out a sharp breath in relief and looked back at the book with wide eyes.

This was a journal...Not just any journal, Orochimaru's war journal. As a child, she never needed one of these, but once she lost her entire platoon during the Second Great Shinobi War, she was given one to help document her thoughts and feelings, so she could better understand them.

By the date on the top, she estimated Orochimaru was given his war journal at the age of six and no older. What could have happened at six years old that would make even the Hokage think his own pupil could lose himself to grief?!

Not wanting to be caught in the Sannin's room after that little scare, she tucked the book into her robe and slipped the one on the sheets into the cupboard, too distracted to really think through her actions. She tiptoed over to the door and peeked out to ensure she was alone when she was satisfied no one would round the corner, she slipped out into the corridor and closed off the room to anyone else's prying eyes.

'What the hell am I doing?' She asked herself mentally, hastily making her way down the hall towards her own room, hugging the book to her chest. 'Y'want Orochimaru t'kill y'for real this time?! Why're y'so interested in his dusty old diary anyway?'

Though she asked herself that question, she already knew the answer, as she stepped into her bedroom and closed the door behind her, the soft click easing her mind, as now she had complete privacy.

Deep down, some part of her wanted to know just when he became such a twisted individual, and though the idea of understanding his thoughts and feelings made her sick, a small fraction of her heart believed she would be able to accept that he was not a monster if she took a glimpse at his life prior their meeting.

With a few deep breaths to calm her nerves, the woman shuffled over to her bed and dropped down onto the mattress, pulling open the book once again to continue where she left off.

Today was supposed to be a special day for me. I graduated from the Ninja Academy last week but because my parents were away on a mission, a very important S-Rank mission that could turn the tides of this war, we planned to celebrate my achievement today, exactly three hours ago.

But that never happened. I instead met up with Sarutobi-sensei who came to my home to tell me grave news...My parents had died in the line of fire, killed by Sunagakure shinobi who had been tailing them since they entered their borders. I should feel pain or even anger towards these events, but...I feel nothing, just this gnawing emptiness that I can't seem to ease, even around Sarutobi-sensei and my teammates.

I'm all alone, and it's suffocating.

Kaede slumped back against the wall as she stared at his words, feeling a gnawing pain in her chest as she read his entry and immediately had flashbacks to the time she was shunned by her own family. It was not the same, her family was still alive, but the pain was just as terrible. Knowing there was no way to fix or repair what was broken, no matter how hard you tried.

She understood that growing emptiness, that loneliness that dwelled in the back of the mind until nothing but insanity remained.

Cursing her curiosity, she slammed the book shut and hid it in her nightstand, standing and pacing back and forth as she tried to ignore the emotions rising within her. She did not want to empathize with him, she wanted to hate his every action, his entire being.

She would not let this change her views of him, though unknown to her, the process had already begun.

~BHBL~

Though she said that, every day for the next two weeks, she would read one or two more entries in the books he hid away, periodically switching them so she could continue where she left off. She was defiantly fighting her desire to empathize with his pain, but her body seemed to move without her wanting it to, and before she knew it, she understood a little more about his life.

XXXX-XX-XX

Sarutobi-sensei took me to see my parents today. I left flowers by their grave in memory of their lives. The emptiness is still there, deep down, but I can see now that they died for the sake of my life, and I will honor that sacrifice by living each day knowing they're watching over me.

Though, something different happened this time when I went to see them. I found a snake's shed skin on the dead bouquet I left last time. Sarutobi-sensei told me it was the skin of a white snake, and that they symbolize good luck and rebirth.

Maybe...My parents are alive and well, reborn from the snake's skin? No...I'm certain this is nothing but a myth, but...I should take this as an example, and be reborn myself. I will devote my life to Konoha, just as they did.

I'll become a strong shinobi who has mastered every jutsu, so that they can look down on me with pride.

XXXX-XX-XX

Yesterday was Nawaki's birthday, Tsunade-hime even gave him her special necklace as a present, because it was his first birthday since becoming a Genin. I did notice a change in his behavior since that interaction, and during our mission into enemy territory, he was quite pumped, as if he could take on anyone who crossed his path.

But that wasn't the case. I watched, firsthand, as an explosion went off in the distance, where Nawaki had been, and his necklace, the one Tsunade-hime had given him, landed at my feet.

Death is all that comes from war, but that is not the harshest part of it.

I have never seen Tsunade-hime so broken in my life, such a strong woman, reduced to tears at the death of her little brother, the only family she has left.

Is that what it feels like, to lose someone so important to you, someone, who you grew up with for so long?

XXXX-XX-XX

Death is all that can remain after war, death comes for us all, and there is nothing we can do to halt its progress...

I was stationed near Konoha when I heard Tsnuade-hime's platoon had been attacked, however by the time I arrived at the scene, I was met with the sight of her hunched over the form of her deceased lover, broken just as she was the day Nawaki died.

People are such fragile beings...

I won't allow myself to fall down this path, I will return to my jutsu experiments, and give them the attention they deserve...I will find a way to end mortality, so I never have to fear death like everyone else.

If the white snake means rebirth, then I too will become the white snake.

XXXX-XX-XX

The war has finally ended, thanks to Tsunade-hime's suggestion to add medics to each four-man cell. Our survival rates increased and we overpowered the enemy. Hanzo himself awarded the three of us the title of Densetsu no Sannin, and now myself, Jiaiya and Tsunade-hime are renowned as war heroes.

Such a title does not affect me though, my true goals are still at the forefront of my mind.

Human beings have such power sleeping within them. If I could tap into that power perhaps then I can find the answer to immortality. The first step in my plan is to create a jutsu that will increase the power lying dormant within us, then accelerating the restoration process so that injuries will no longer prove fatal.

For that, Mitarashi Anko will serve as the vessel for my jutsu, she is young, therefore stands a higher chance of surviving the foreign chakra...Though that still leaves a death-rate of 90%.

More testing is needed before it can be implemented.

XXXX-XX-XX

My experiments are moving along quite rapidly, though I have started using live subjects as of late, the deceased can only tell you so much before they cease to be useful...Soon, my jutsu will be ready, and I will be able to test the results, however, right now, my eyes have been drawn elsewhere.

Within Sunagakure's borders lies a kunoichi with hidden potential...She is part of the Mari clan, known for their strong Katon jutsu, yet she has the ability to use Futon as well, exceeding the limits her clan once held.

Right now she is not worth pursuing though, as her skills are unpolished and hasty. I will continue to monitor her and once I deem her important to my research, I will then plan my next move.

XXXX-XX-XX

To understand all jutsu...Humans are restricted to short lifespans, meaning such a goal is impossible. Even if I were to live for a long time using a ninjutsu of rebirth, I'd be limited. And if I were to die...I'd lose everything. To obtain everything is all that matters to me now! Ninjutsu, Senjutsu, Kinjutsu, Fuuinjutsu, and Doujutsu...I will have them all!

I know now what I need to do to make my immortality absolute. Instead of making my own body last forever, a feat proving impossible as of late, I merely need to find a way to transfer my soul, my very being, into the body of another!

Not only will this keep me young and healthy for hundreds of years, if not thousands, but I will also collect the jutsu of others that cannot be learned, such as the Sharingan, for example!

I can no longer worry about what's right and wrong, such foolish limitations are the reason I'm not achieving anything substantial! I must push past the rules set out for humans, and make myself into an immortal being using all the tools at my disposal!

The search for the Fourth Hokage begins soon, I will use that to my advantage...Once I am Hokage, I can collect more test subjects, perform more advanced experiments, and finally set my new plan into motion!

The first body I will inhabit once it is complete will be...Uchiha Itachi's! That Sharingan will be mine at long last!

XXXX-XX-XX

Damn you, Sarutobi-sensei...!

To think my own mentor would vote against me being Hokage! That foolish old geezer...!

No, nevermind that, even without the title of Hokage, I can continue to gather materials and vessels to advance my understanding, starting with that woman from Sunagakure...

I have monitored her for the past year, and though her abilities have indeed improved, she will not reach any further than she already has without my intervention...Her powerful Katon and Futon capabilities are limited by her genetics, and with the right amount of tweaking, I can unlock that limitation and allow all her power to flow freely through her.

Perhaps with that, she would be worthy of testing my Curse Mark, as Anko has done nothing but fail me so far...

As Kaede read the many dates and entries he had written, moving from book to book. Her hardened expression, set there to stop her losing her nerve, began to soften until she could feel everything he felt within his words. As he got older, his paragraphs became more technical, and he mentioned experimentation more and more until finally she understood that he had crossed that threshold from childhood dream to crazed obsession.

'To think...Y'had a good reason t'want t'become immortal, after all...'

~BHBL~

Unknown to Kaede, still nose-deep in the Sannin's journals, said man, along with Kabuto and Sasuke, had finally returned to the hideout, exhausted from their long mission, but overall uninjured and successful in their endeavors. Orochimaru walked down the corridor idly, planning to slip into his room, change into a Yukata, and spend the night updating his journal before reading some rather important Kinjutsu scrolls he had acquired during his time away.

Tomorrow he would summon Kaede to brief him on the status of Otogakure while he was absent. Right now, he needed time to himself, and her boisterous nature would only grate on him in his tired state.

The Sannin opened the door to his bedroom and walked inside, however just as he turned to close himself off to the world, he faltered and spun around to assess the room itself. Though to most it seemed flawless and well-kept, like no one had been inside, Orochimaru knew better.

The book he had left on the bed, the journal he planned to update, was missing, and that's when he knew someone had tampered with his belongings.

Hissing out in anger, he rushed to the cupboard holding the many leather-bound books and flung it open, eyes narrowing maliciously when he saw that one was missing from inside as well, while the one he planned to write in was situated in its rightful place, the place he knew he had not left it.

Just as he was about to ask himself who had been in his chambers, a memory flashed behind his eyes, forcing them to widen in realization.

The day before he left, Kaede had barged into his office and saw him writing in that very book, she was the only one who had seen that book throughout his entire life, therefore, he knew without a shadow of a doubt she was the one who had moved it and taken a previous volume.

With a murderous rage settling deep in his gut, he let out a guttural sound of anger and stood up, turning on his heel before storming out of the door to confront the fiery redhead on her actions. If he found his hunch to be correct, he would no longer be merciful to her.

Her blood would paint the walls that night.


A/N: Thank you guys so much for watching! I hope you enjoyed it, please leave a comment so I can see what needs to be improved, or what you liked about it!

Japanese = English

Densetsu no Sannin = Legendary Three Ninja

Sunagakure = Hidden Sand Village

Konohagakure = Hidden Leaf Village

Otogakure = Hidden Sound Village

Hokage = Fire Shadow

Kinjutsu = Forbidden techniques

Senjutsu = Sage techniques

Doujutsu = Eye Techniques

Ninjutsu = Ninja techniques

Fuuinjutsu = Sealing Techniques

Sharingan = Mirror-Wheel Eye