Chapter 12 – The Story

Saturday, March 16th, 2019

Troy let his fingers run down my belly and his large hand inched further down to my naked body. His nose pressed into my skin and I breathed out as I woke up so happy this morning. "I love you," he whispered into my ear and I smiled as I twisted my head to let my lips meet his. He smiled into the kiss as I let my fingers run through the back of his hair. "I love you, too." I finally managed as I pulled away and he rolled me onto my back before pressing me into the mattress.

"You're so beautiful in the morning," I squinted, "What about the rest of the day?" I questioned, Troy, laughed, "Oh…your so god damn gorgeous the rest of the time. All the time. Every time." I laughed as I snaked my arm around his neck as I pulled him down on top of me. He laughed into the kiss as he let his lips begin to trail down my body. This wouldn't be the first time this morning as he smiled again. "I wish you would wake up in my bed every single morning," Troy mumbled and I giggled. "We'd never make it to work on time."

Troy laughed, "Damn straight, lucky for me, I am starting Spring Break. Take a week off," I giggled and shook my head back and forth. "I'm going to have to become a school teacher if you want me to have that kind of schedule." He smirked, "You should. You can even have my job," he said with a raised eyebrow and I just shook my head with a laugh. "You'd die if I was in your building every day." Troy let out a grumble and then a short laugh, "Yea, you're probably right."

"You will make me jealous though when you're off every single day in the summer." Troy grinned from ear to ear, "Damn straight." I laughed as he pressed his lips to mine again in a slow kiss, his teeth pulling in my bottom lip before he let go. His blue eyes surveyed my face for a minute and he smiled softly. "Don't be too jealous, I am having surgery right after school lets out." I paused, my body freezing underneath of him. "What?" I stuttered as my heart began to race and the anxiety quickly took over. Surgery? No. No.

"My meniscus, remember?" Troy said as I quietly slipped out of the bed. "Gabi," Troy's voice was concerned as I pulled on his t-shirt that I found on the floor. My hands were shaking and tears filled my eyes, "I just need to go to the bathroom." I mumbled as I slipped into his bathroom. I collapsed back against the door as I inhaled sharply, I tried to regulate my breathing but the quick cries escaped my mouth. I twisted on the water and covered my mouth. You're okay, Gabi, you're okay.

Fear ran straight through my body thinking of Troy going under for surgery. He was the one good thing in my life and for that to disappear? "Gabi," a soft knock came at the door as I sat on the floor and tucked my knees close to my chest. I could feel the panic spread through my body and tears fell down my cheeks faster. "I'm okay, I'm okay," I whispered, as I tried to get myself under control. I heard the door quietly open and I kept my head down. "Gabi," he said quietly as he sat down next to me.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I mumbled and he just pulled me against his body. "It's okay," he whispered into my ear, "It's a simple surgery, I promise, I've already had one done." He said but I was shaking against his grasp and I shook my head. I squeezed my eyes shut as the words simple surgery echoed from his mouth. The same words I heard from everybody. "Brie, you are shaking like a fucking leaf. What's wrong?" he whispered into my hair He kissed the top of my head softly while his fingers laced with mine.

Shaking my head, "No, no, today is a good day." I whispered as I wiped away my tears, I tried to break away from his grip but he only gripped me harder. "Today is a good day, you woke up in my bed. I got to kiss you senseless. I woke up loving you and I have no place to be today. Only in bed with you. I don't know, baby, I don't know what has caused you to get this upset but I don't think this has anything to do with me and my surgery this summer." I bit down hard on my lip as I pressed my face into his shoulder. The tears running down my face, "The only way this day will be ruined is if I don't know why my pretty girlfriend is this upset."

I pulled back as I wiped away the tears, "You can't die," I whimpered in pain and I felt my whole-body crumple over. Sobs tearing through my body as Troy looked at me with pure shock on his face. "You can't die," I mumbled again with the anxiety riddling through my entire body. Troy pulled me onto his lap and his arms circled me tightly, "Brie, baby, I'm not going to die. It's knee surgery." He said quietly and the sobs echoed from my throat. "Why would you think I would die?" he acted as if he wanted to say more but he paused. He blinked once and then twice before he closed his eyes painfully. "Oh my god, Gabi," he whispered. I shook my head as if he knew everything but he didn't know everything.

The sobs echoed from my throat louder as he just held me tightly. "Oh baby," he picked me up and he moved to his bed. He pulled me tight against him as sobs whacked through my body. "I'm not going anywhere, I promise, I promise," I pulled away, "No," I said with anger, "No, you do not get to promise me that. Do you know how many people have promised that they weren't going anywhere but have left me?" my voice rose with dramatics and Troy's whole body softened. "I'm sorry," he said quietly, those blue eyes scanning every single surface of my face.

"Troy!" Luna lunged up and quickly went running down the stairs as Brady's voice echoed through the house. I quickly stood up escaping the conversation as I shoved my legs into my leggings and kept Troy's t-shirt on. "Gabi, please, stay," I shook my head while scrubbing away my tears. "I have to go," I mumbled, "Your brother is here," I spoke and Troy balked, "No, you are upset. I'm not letting you leave like this." He said and I shook my head again. "No, I have to leave. I can't be here right now." I said through more tears as Brady called out to his brother again.

Troy finally got up slipping on a pair of shorts and walking downstairs. I crumbled to the floor as I let myself cry for just one more minute before I packed up my stuff. I quietly went downstairs where Troy was angry with Brady about something. His whispers were quiet and I knew he was trying to get him to leave as fast as humanly possible so I didn't sneak out those doors. "Gabi," he called as he whirled around, my hand on the doorknob. I bowed my head, "I'll see you later," I rasped and I could hear his feet moving quickly. I tried to escape from the house as he didn't grab me but I could feel him. "Please, stay, talk to me. Cry. Yell. Please just don't leave."

I dropped my head wiping away the tears, I knew if I turned around and looked at him…I would stay. I would tell him everything. I wasn't sure I wanted to stay right now and cry and feel all of my feelings. Yet, I would be leaving Troy hanging as we were going to have the conversation. The tears didn't stop as I dropped my bag. I turned around and his blue eyes were just so damn concerned. I wrapped my arms tightly around him. "I'm here." He whispered into my ear as he smoothed my hair down my back.

His lips pressed into my hair as he guided me away from the door and towards the couch. He gently eased me down as his hands engulfed mine. "I'm sorry," I said looking up at him and he shook his head. "Do not be sorry," Troy kissed my forehead as he stood up, "I'll be right back, please, don't go anywhere." I just nodded as I curled around the blanket on his couch as he disappeared for a few minutes. I heard his front door shut and lock and then he came back with a t-shirt on.

He sat down next to me and pulled me into his arms, "You don't have to say anything today if you aren't ready," he said quietly, "But I want to hold you and let you calm down. After you are okay…then if you want to leave, I'll let you. I just don't want you driving like this, okay?" I didn't say anything, I just curled against him. Neither of us said anything for the longest time as I let myself calm down. I overreacted big time but I think this goes back to Troy saying that I never grieved my sister.

My fingers curled around his t-shirt and I breathed, I could do this, I could tell Troy. He deserved to know if he was this big of a person in my life. He was the person who I went to for all comfort and he deserves a reason as to why I just had a panic attack over him having a knee surgery that he thinks is perfectly normal. I let out another breath as I went right back to that day. "My sister got into a car accident, it was very minor, just some bumps and bruises. She had a pretty big bruise on her stomach and when they did a scan, she had a lacerated spleen and her appendix was inflamed." I started quietly; Troy let his arms pull me closer as I breathed.

"She was the one that called me from the hospital to tell me about her car accident. It wasn't some dramatic scene or anything." I told him as I remember the day so vividly.

6 Months Ago:

I looked around my desk for the papers for my final portfolio that was due in just an hour. I scrambled through my drawers and my phone began to buzz on my desk. Zoey's name across the screen and I reached down for it. She typically didn't call during the day because she knew how big work was to me. My stomach twisted inside itself as I picked up the call. "Zo?" I questioned as I continued to look. "Hey, sorry, I really didn't want to bug you…" her voice echoed through the line and I felt my shoulders relax.

She was okay. My eyes scanned my desk again and I found my portfolio. I grinned as I grabbed it.

"What's up?" I asked, "I got into a car accident a little bit ago." I stopped as I dropped everything, the papers go flying in every single direction. "What?" I screeched, "You just called me and told me?" Zoey laughed on the other end of the phone. "I'm fine, Gabs. Seriously, stop freaking out. James is on his way here now and I just need help with the kids. I called Beth but you know how that goes. That free soul of hers is down south an hour taking pictures."

I smiled thinking of our sister, "Yes, I can get Lucy. I am assuming Blaine is going to do his own thing. That 16-year-old." I teased with her and she laughed, "Yea, I think I am having surgery this later afternoon. The steering wheel tore apart my insides." She joked, "It even inflamed my appendix!" I laughed at the teasing of her own self. She always was the one to make jokes. "Zoey, c'mon, what happened?" I asked for the details as I began to fumble around for all of my papers.

"I was just driving down the back roads and this car came over and plowed head into my car. My car is totaled but the airbags went off and I am fine. My stomach just hurts. It's a simple surgery." She echoed to me on the phone. "They are going to take care of my spleen and remove my appendix. I told James I had a stomachache last night and he didn't believe me." I chuckled underneath my breath because those two had been so in love.

"If you say so…" I told her with a cluck of my tongue, "I'm not going anywhere yet, I promise." She told me with a laugh and I shook my head. "Facetime me you brat," she giggled again and I knew she must have been on drugs. We both switched over to FaceTime and she smiled at me. Her dark hair was piled on the top of her head with her signature smile on her face. I shook my head as she grinned at me. "You look hot today. I bet you are getting all kinds of looks at the office." I threw her a warning look because I knew how she felt about Brad.

She gave me her innocent look, "What?" she asked with a growing smirk. "Stop, Brad, and I are happily engaged." I told her and she scoffed, "Yea, sure, happily." She said with air quotes. "When is the last time that man gave you a proper orgasm?" she questioned and I felt my cheeks flush with heat, "ZOEY!" I screeched and she giggled, "Always so easy to get a reaction from." She teased me and I rolled my eyes at her this time.

"I'll see you after your surgery," I told her with a reassuring look. Her smile grew over her face, "Oh yea, I am going to be so high on drugs. I will be living the best life." I laughed again shaking my head as I sighed looking at her. "I love you, Zo." She sobered up really quickly as she looked at me. Her eyes taking in all of my features and she smiled softly, "I love you too, Gabs." I felt tears in my eyes and Zoey shook her head. "No, no, I am going to be fine. I will talk to you after my surgery. It's simple." She told me and I nodded, "I'm just glad you're okay."

She winked, "I'm not going anywhere."

I laughed after I bid my love one more time.

I swallowed on the lump in my throat as I had kept it together pretty well since I started telling the story. The tears had stopped for the most part and I replayed our last conversation with each other to Troy. I turned to face him and he reached up to stroke my face, "That was the last time I ever spoke to her," I said as I bit down on my lip. My chin quivered and he pushed hair behind my ear, "I'm sorry." He breathed out and I bit on my lip as I looked at him.

"I tell myself; I am so glad that I did take that phone call. That I did say I loved her because I do. I love her so much and I miss her." I said as I swallowed down on the lump in my throat. He pulled me into his lap and I just rested my head on his shoulder. His fingers laced with mine and he didn't say anything as he just held me. The tears didn't flow continuously as I relaxed and breathed out as I needed to finish the story.

My eyes focused on Troy's hands as I watched his thumb stroke my hand. I inhaled sharply as I thought about the next part of that day.

I waited for Lucy as I tapped out a text on my phone. They had just wheeled her back for surgery and Blaine was going to head to the hospital after a basketball workout. My phone started to ring and my eyebrows scrunched together as I saw Brad's name flash across my screen. I shook my head as I ignored the call and looked over at the kids coming out of school. I stepped out of my car as I glanced around for Lucy.

My heels tapped on the ground while I navigated into the school's entrance and I heard her screech my name before I ever saw her. "Aunt GABI!" I laughed as her little arms wrapped around my legs. "How was kindergarten?" I asked her with a big smile growing on my face. "Really, really good! We learned our numbers and our letters today!" I smiled as I slipped her hand into mine as her teacher caught my eye with a smile. I waved as we began to walk back to my car together.

"Okay, well, I have some bad news, Lucy." Her eyes instantly drew together and she stopped walking as we got closer to my car. "Why didn't mommy pick me up?" she asked me with panic rushing over her features. I went back to her as I kneeled to her level. "Mommy got into a car accident today. She's okay," I told her quietly. "Your mommy is okay but she had to have surgery to fix her belly." I could see Lucy holding her breath and I rubbed her arm. "It's okay," I reminded her. "You can be sad but I talked to her. She was laughing and smiling. She even recorded a video for you."

I pulled it out of my pocket and I gave the phone to Lucy as I tapped to play. Zoey's bright face was on the other side. "Hi baby girl, how is my sunshine doing?" she asked into the video camera. "I really hope that you had such a great day of Kindergarten. I know you are probably a little confused about why Aunt Gabi is picking you up but mommy had to have a little procedure done because somebody hit my car. I'm okay though and I will see you tonight after my surgery." She explained softly, she was the best mother out there and I knew how much Lucy loved her. Zoey was Lucy's world.

Zoey let one of her large smiles grace the screen, "After surgery, we can have some ice cream together…okay?" she winked towards the screen, and Lucy giggled holding onto the phone. "I love you sweet sunshine, I'll see you later." She stopped the video after she blew Lucy a kiss. Lucy grinned, "C'mon, we have to go get mommy ice cream!" I laughed as I nodded my head as I helped her into my car and we got her buckled in.


Lucy giggled as we walked through the hospital with chocolate shakes. I went back to my apartment to change into a pair of jeans with a sweater. Lucy held my fingers as we went to the room James told me to come too. We walked up the stairs and through another door when I began to open the door to the waiting room when something told me to stop. I stopped as I turned to look at Lucy. "Lucy, I want you to stay right here," I told her as I gently put her in a chair right outside the door.

"Aunt Gabi!" I looked up to see Blaine come barreling down the hallway. "Blaine!" Lucy called with a grin. She hopped up and Blaine smiled to hug his baby sister. "Hey Loos-Goose," she giggled at her nickname but my stomach was too busy twisting into knots. "Blaine, stay with your sister okay?" Blaine gave me a look but I just gave him a reassuring smile on my face. "Bubba, we got you a shake! Chocolate, you're favorite." Blaine let his eyes focus on me for a few more seconds, he was searching my face for answers to all of the questions that he had. I had questions myself but I didn't have any answers. I just smiled a little bit more before he responded to his sister.

I turned around to push through the doors and everything in my body loosened as I saw James and a doctor talking in a corner. James had tears streaming down his face as he looked at the doctor for answers and the doctor looked apologetic. I felt bile form in my throat as I swallowed down on it hard as I approached hesitantly. My skin was standing up and I moved closer when James finally looked up at me. His red eyes, the massive number of tears running down his face, the shaking body.

I shook my head back and forth as the tears were immediate, "No," I croaked through thick tears forming, "No," I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs but I didn't want to scare the kids. James crumbled at my words as I closed my eyes painfully. The tears rushing down my face as I felt my body give out. "Ms.…." I heard the doctor address me but I couldn't open my eyes. "I'm so sorry, but Zoey passed away on the operating table."

My mouth couldn't stop the scream this time but I muffled it with my hands as I rocked back and forth. The doctor began to get up but I flew to my feet as I looked at him, "I just talked to her. There is no way…no…I just talked to her on the phone before her surgery. She told me it was a simple procedure." I said with a bitter laugh coming out of my mouth. "She told me that she was going to be okay and that she would have ice cream with her daughter who is literally sitting outside of those doors," I panicked and the doctor put a reassuring hand on my shoulder.

"Your sister has a massive bleed that formed after our scan. When we went into the operation we were just as shocked but there was nothing more we could do. She had lost way too much blood." I crumpled over and I shook my head back and forth. "No," I said pleading with him, "No, you have the wrong family." The doctor gave me a sympathetic look and I felt James hand on my shoulder. "Gabi, she's gone." He whispered and I broke out into hysterical sobs as James held me tight against his body.

He was 12 years older than me and he was like my older brother. "The kids," I sobbed and he just nodded into my hair. "I need you to help me," he croaked and I could only close my eyes tightly because this would destroy both of them. So much.

I just nodded as I pulled away and wiped away the tears. I inhaled sharply and straightened my back. James gave me a once over and I just nodded as we both went out into the hallway. James greeted each of his kids as with tight hugs and I bit down so hard on my lip that I could taste copper in my mouth. The blood pooling as my chest ached. Their worlds were normal right now. They were okay and they just thought their mom was in surgery. They couldn't think of anything different because it was a simple surgery.

In just a few moments we were going to rock their world. Hand them the worst news possible. I inhaled sharply and tried to keep my composure together. "C'mon, I want to talk to you guys," James said quietly and Blaine immediately began to panic. His eyes swung to mine as he stared at me intently as if I knew something when he arrived. I didn't, I just…had an instinct that something wasn't okay and I was right. Nothing was okay.

"Aunt Gabi," he spoke up, his voice even and I smiled painfully, "C'mon, Blaine. Let's just go in here for a minute," we escorted them to a private room as James shut the door. Lucy climbed up next to Blaine but his eyes were strung out as he let them swing back and forth between us. The panic was growing in his body and his hands were shaking. I swallowed on the lump in my throat as I inhaled deeply, James sat in front of both of them as he looked down and I knew he was counting to gain his composure.

"Guys, your mom…" he bit on his lip and Blaine shook his head back and forth. "No, no, nothing is wrong with mom." Blaine was stressing out as I could hear his voice grow and I trembled behind James as James looked right at Blaine. Blaine's face crumpled at the face that James gave him and I could only imagine the pain that was etched into James' face right now. "Blaine, I'm so sorry." James' voice cracked and Blaine shook his head as he started sobbing. I walked over and wrapped my arms tightly around him. "She said she was fine," he sobbed and I nodded as I hugged him tightly. "It got worse and the doctors said there was nothing they could do for her. It wasn't a simple surgery." I told him quietly and he screamed with pain. A scream that I would never forget.

The scream of losing your mother.

A horrified scream echoed from his mouth again as I knew the pain was just outrageously bad right now. "Daddy," Lucy's little voice entered the room and I saw James visibly wince as he looked over at her. He directed all of his attention to her as he breathed in deeply. "Lucy, your mommy died." He said softly and Lucy twisted her head to the side as she shook her head. "She didn't die." She said matter of fact type, "She just had a surgery." Lucy said with a tiny smile crossing her face and James grimaced.

"No, Lucy, sweetie…your mommy died during surgery." Lucy didn't say anything for a few moments and her chin wobbled slightly as she was processing everything that her dad said to her. She shook her head again and she looked over at me and then at Blaine. "Is this like when Baxter died?" she asked looking up at James. Baxter was Zoey's old dog that they had to put down last year. James swallowed but I saw his Adam's apple bobbing in his throat.

"Yes," he rasped and Lucy let her nose wiggle and her chin wiggled some more as she looked over at me with tears in her eyes. "Baxter never came back." She cried out in a panic and James lost it as I got up to go over to Lucy. "No, sweetie, mommy isn't coming back either." I whispered and Lucy's chin and nose quivered harder before tears slipped down her sweet cheeks. A sob echoed from her tiny both and I picked her up as she sobbed into my shoulder. I hugged her tightly as I cried with her. Blaine was engulfed in James arms as we were all four sobbing together.

I swallowed the tears in my throat as I felt my chin trembling again, my eyes turning away as I could never forget those words. "Jesus, Gabi," I swallowed on the lump in my throat again trying to force it all away but it was useless. I blinked a few more times and I breathed out, but I couldn't stop the tears as I just rested against Troy. The pain deep in my chest as he was the first person, I ever told the full story too. All Brad ever got was that she died.

Four days later I broke off the engagement.

Jenna got bits and pieces of the story but never the full thing. I never told her what Lucy said and I never told her how her little body trembled in mine until she fell asleep. That night she had her first nightmare and clung to me as if I was her last device. That was the first night I ever got Blaine get angry at the world in front of him. That was the first night that I realized everything had changed in just a matter of hours.

"I'm so sorry, baby, I'm so sorry that you did that alone. I'm sorry that you had to be there. I'm sorry that it even happened." I choked on a sob as I sat up. Troy let his hand fall into mine and he breathed out heavily. His own tears in his eyes as he looked at me, "I wish I had something comforting but the words I'm sorry. I wish I had some magical tool to that those memories after it all happened away. I can't imagine Lucy. I can't imagine the pain Blaine felt. I can't. I don't want too."

He wiped away some of my tears away with the pad of his thumb. "You are so strong." He whispered and I looked over at him as I couldn't say anymore. I was too talked out right now. I reached over and I let my mouth press against his. Our lips meeting softly and slowly together as he held me so close to him. "Don't ever make me a promise you can't keep," I whispered and he nodded his head, "Okay," he whispered back. His blue eyes surveying my face. "Okay." He said with one more nod and I closed my eyes as he just held me tightly against him.

"I know you have to have the surgery but don't tell me it's simple, don't tell me not to worry, because this will be my first surgery since that." My voice cracked and Troy rubbed my back, "You don't have to be there." He told me softly, I shook my head as I pulled away, "I'll be there. Just don't tell me any of that. I am going to be a mess and I am going to be there for every single moment but just don't make any promises."

"Of course," his lips found mine again and this time I escalated the kiss because I wanted to feel something other than broken.


Troy's POV

The house was dark and quiet as I was nursing a glass of Whiskey in my kitchen. It had been an okay day. I knew what Gabi meant this morning when she said this was supposed to be a good day. We were supposed to go on a date, we were supposed to have a lot of sex today, because this was our first day with zero other distractions. I didn't have any basketball to watch or attend too. That was the first since I met her since we met in the early months of the basketball season.

I woke up with her in my bed and it was a damn good start to the day.

I didn't know that mentioning my surgery being simple would set her off and I didn't know for good reason. I wasn't mad that she never told me because she wasn't ready but I almost felt like after today she had to tell me. I gave her an out but she took the opportunity and told me everything. If I went through all of that and somebody said they were just having a simple surgery, I would probably freak out too. Yes, it went more than just her appendix as her spleen was lacerated worse than what the doctors saw in the images. It went back to her car accident and it wasn't a simple surgery as she was speaking of but Gabi didn't care about any of that.

Her sister told her that she would see her later and Gabi would never see her sister again. She lost her trust in those promises, those words, and that made my chest ache. Having to help tell the kids and to hold herself together for them? She was a saint. Luna hadn't left Gabi's side too much today as they were both fast asleep in my bed. After Gabi told me, I held her until she passed out on my chest. She took a small nap before waking up.

We took Luna for a walk and then came back to eat pizza and watch movies until she fell asleep again. Neither of us said too much but that was okay. She said a lot of things today and I just wanted to be there for comfort. I was terrified of her leaving and something happening to her because she was hysterical. She was having a full-blown panic attack and I couldn't let her drive. Fucking Brady, he would just show up.

I took another strong sip when there was a quiet knock on the door. I pushed off the bar and I went over to open the front door. Cam and Dylan stood on the other side with a fresh bottle of Whiskey in their hands. "We're here to give you some more of this." Cam said brushing past me. I gave them all a play-by-play earlier, just the small details, but I knew most of them thought I was a fucking idiot for staying in this relationship.

She was grieving and hurt so badly.

But I could never go back now. She had imprinted on my heart. She had made her mark, sunk her hook, and I was gone. There would never be another woman for me. She was it. The only one. I watched them walk into my kitchen before they all had a glass in their hands. "It's okay, it was just a really emotional day. She's going to be okay. I think this might actually help her. She talked about it." I said with a shrug.

Cam and Dylan only shared a glance before nodding, "Look, we know, you love her." Cameron started slowly, "But you have to let her heal herself before either of you can continue with this relationship." Dylan pressed his lips together as I knew they all agreed with that statement besides, maybe, Jesse, that she needed to be okay before moving on. "Guys…how in the hell do I do that? I told her I would be there for her. We have plans to go to Savannah, I don't know what the fuck you think." I shook my head as I breathed in deeply.

"We're not saying to just give up on her, Bolton. Just give her some space." I laughed shaking my head, "No. Absolutely not. Because I have been so damn busy with basketball since the moment, I met her that I finally have time for her." Dylan looked at me before he sighed deeply, "Man, I get it. You finally found her. You just have to realize that she needs to get her feet back underneath of her. Give her the decision and if she doesn't take it then you just continue."

I chewed on my lip back and forth while I inhaled sharply, "I can't," I choked out, "I fucking love that girl."

"That's why you need, too." Cameron said quietly and I didn't say anything else. I just drowned the whiskey and poured another.


Sunday, March 17th, 2019

Gabi's POV

Troy didn't sleep at all last night and frankly, neither did I. We both tossed and turned and neither of us said anything. Something was truly bothering him and in the pit of my stomach I knew exactly what it was. I let my hands fumble with the blanket as I breathed in deeply. "Troy," I spoke quietly and he twisted in bed, "You okay?" he asked and I battled back tears, "Am I?" I questioned back towards him while breathing in deeply.

He looked over at me before he sat up and those blue eyes flicked over my body. His eyes landed on mine and I just stared at him. He didn't wait around to spill the words I knew he was needing to say. "Do you need time?" he asked me while sadness embedded into his face. I closed my eyes tightly hoping to ward away any of the tears that wanted to so desperately fall down my face because I knew the answer to that question. I knew how I needed to answer but I didn't want to answer that way.

"My heart says one thing; my brain says another." I told him quietly and Troy winced with the words from my mouth and I let the tears fall down my face. "I love you, so much," I whispered and Troy reached over for me and pulled me into his lap. His lips burying into my hair and he breathed in deeply, "My friends all think that you need to get your feet firmly underneath of you before we continue our relationship." He deadpanned and he gripped me tighter.

"They aren't wrong." I told him, "I thought I could give you everything, Troy. I thought I could use our relationship to get better." I paused hoping that the words didn't get jumbled together. "And you have helped me. You have done everything that I could have ever wanted from you." I wiped away the tears as I shook my head, "But there is a part of my heart that is shattered still and you're right. I need to grieve my sister and I need to be okay without somebody else supporting me." He gently wiped away my tears with the pad of his thumb, "You'd think I would have figured that our 3 months after I broke up my fiancée but I spent that time taking care of everybody."

Troy easily slipped me onto my back as he hovered over me. Those blue eyes surveyed me and he nodded, "I know." He said quietly, "I love you," I felt the words crack on my tongue and he smiled, "I know that, too." He brushed my hair away from my face, "I love you, too, and I know that I want our relationship to work and that's why I also know that I need to give you this time." I shut my eyes tightly while I twisted them away.

"Hey, no, B, look at me." I counted to four before I turned my head back over to look at him. His hand cradled my jaw, "I'm going to give you the time and space that you need and I am going to be right here when you are ready for us again. I know how much you love me and how much I love you. That will absolutely never change." He promised me with a slight nod, "Never. You are the love of my life, Gabi, and I have ever single intentions of marrying you. I just need to make sure that the girl I marry is the true Gabi." My chin shook with tears and he leaned forward to press his lips to mine. "You're my girl," he whispered.

"You don't hate me?" I whispered and Troy chuckled, "No, Brie, I will never hate you. I just want you to be happy." I locked my arms around his neck and pulled him to my lips. "I'm so sorry," Troy shook his head, "No apologizes, just go find the girl who is ready for a relationship." I just nodded my head as I curled into the side of his body while I snuggled tighter into him. "I love you, Brie. So much." He whispered into my hair. "What if I don't find myself?" I asked and Troy shook his head, "You don't have to find yourself. You just need to make sure you're happy with where you are in life. Right now, you aren't ready."

"I wish I was." I replied and Troy squeezed me tightly, "Good thing I am not going anywhere. I am going to be here waiting for you no matter how long it takes. You're my girl, Gabs. You have made such an impact on my life in just three months."

I was quiet for a few minutes as I thought about everything and I finally sat up, "I think you pulled me out of the funk that I was in." I said with a simple nod, "You couldn't pull me all the way out but you have showed me that there is more stuff in my life to look forward too. That's a step. Now, I need to let James take care of his kids. I need to let my parents grieve alone. I need to make sure I am okay." He smiled a sad smile and nodded his head, he then leaned forward to let his lips find mine.

Our kiss was soft and slow while he interlocked our fingers. "I'll be here," I hugged him tightly to my chest as I held back the tears. "I know," I echoed.


I dropped my bag on the ground as I inhaled sharply trying to come to terms with everything that had happened over the last twenty-four hours. I had shed more tears over the last twenty-fours since the day Zoey died. This morning, I thought Troy and I were going to have the perfect date but instead…we weren't in a relationship anymore. He wasn't wrong that I will never be able to fully give myself over to him until I grieve Zoey properly.

Today was a prime example that I was still really distraught over it all. Troy doesn't deserve that hot mess of a person in his life right now. I understood and I knew it was something I probably needed. I did want to marry Troy; I knew it a long time ago but I wouldn't be able to in this state. I knew Troy wanted to marry me too a long time ago. Those words didn't shock me or scare me away. It only made me realize something I already knew: I loved him. Fiercely. I didn't want to have regrets in five years when I am still caught up over the death of my sister and we aren't nearly as in love anymore.

Our foundation has mostly been built on my grief and that isn't fair to either of us. Dropping down onto the couch, I picked up my cell phone and first called Jenna. She answered on the very first ring as we had plans today and I knew she was excited. I was going to honor those plans and then tell her everything that happened that day. Tomorrow, I was going to find a therapist to talk to because I knew for damn sure I wasn't going to leave Troy out there for long without me attached to his side.

He pushed me to make a change that I needed to make a change in my life and I would forever be grateful for that. "Gabs! Hey how was your day yesterday with Troy?" I chewed on my lip and I sighed, "We're on a break," I announced to her and she didn't say anything for probably five minutes. "Huh?" was the first thing that echoed out of her mouth and I took a deep breath willing the tears to not show up. "I'm still grieving my sister, Jen, like it consumes half my life and that isn't fair to him."

"Gabi, sweetie, you didn't have to break-up with him to grieve."

"We didn't necessarily break-up. It was mostly he knew I just needed some time to figure everything out. I told him the entire story, from beginning to end, and it was a really hard day yesterday. The moment I told him was the moment I knew that I wasn't sure if I was ready for this big of a commitment yet."

"That was a really big step just telling him," Jenna honored, "It was a step in the right direction." I confirmed. "I am going to call a therapist tomorrow and find somebody to help me work through this. It's almost been seven months and I know that I will never get over her death but I have to find a way to move on and live my life again. Troy showed me that I wasn't living for myself anymore. I have been consumed taking care of everybody in my family."

Jenna was quiet for a few moments, "I love him too much to let our relationship not work out because I never did this part properly." I finally whispered into the phone and she smiled, "I am really happy for you, Gabi. You are doing the right thing because I know how much you love Troy and I know how much you love your family but it's time to love yourself." I battled back the tears and I took in a big breath, "I don't want to be away from him for very long. I love him, so much," I whispered as the tears bubbled. "I know you do and he knows that, too."

"You still on for a girl's day?" she asked after a few beats and I smiled, "I could really use it."

"Good, I'll be over soon."


Monday, March 18th, 2019

My phone buzzed with Macken's face on the front and I felt my insides twist with discomfort. I told her that we could get together next Sunday and I was supposed to help Silas, too. I could honor both of those things though. I have every single intention of going back to Troy in just a few weeks and I wanted to keep my relationships with these people. I finally picked up the phone as I hesitated, "Gabi?" Macken spoke and I brushed my fingers over my jeans.

"Hey, Macken," I spoke up as my throat tightened, "Troy told me that you guys are taking a break," I nodded, "Yea, I just need some time to make sure I can give everything to him. We aren't over. I'm just needing to make sure that I am okay and able to move forward from my sister. I should have done this a long time ago but it's time for me to do it now." I told her honestly and she sighed, "He is okay," she spoke up and I smiled. "Good. He's a good man, I am happy that he is letting me do this."

"He just wants you to be happy, the best Gabi, the best everything and he knows you just need some time." I nodded as I blinked away tears, "Will you still hang out with me this Sunday?" I asked her quietly, "You can tell Troy if you want or ask him but…I would still love to get to know you. I am not leaving, Troy, ever because I do love him. Too much to ever just throw this away. I just need to get my feet underneath of me and finding a good bond with his sister is probably a good start in another direction."

Macken giggled, "I would love, too. I was mostly bummed because I figured you would want nothing to do with us." I smiled softly, "Absolutely not. The other night at the game…it scared me when we were all banter and talking because it reminded me of my family. I made me miss my sisters and I wanted to pull away. To cancel our Sunday date because I didn't want to get close to anybody like that again but I know that I need too and that you are a special person, Macken. Your brother loves you and I'm a pretty big fan myself." I teased and she laughed, "Good. I'm glad. How about lunch and shopping?" she asked and I nodded.

"Sounds perfect."

I hung up the phone as I exhaled slowly and closed my eyes when a loud knock came on my office door. I stood up as I walked over to see Brad on the other side. I frowned because I wish he would just stop bothering me. Our relationship has been over for 6 months and he was still doing this. I swung open the door and he looked at me with fire behind his eyes, "Brad, if you keep bothering me at work, I am going to have to report you for sexual harassment. We broke up. We are done. Over."

"Why?" he questioned back and I just shook my head, "If you can't answer that question then I don't know what to tell you. I have told you several times that I have moved on,"

"With a school teacher!" he yelled, "How in the hell do you go from me to a school teacher?" I frowned deeply as my chest ached for Troy already but I wasn't going to let Brad in that we were on our own break. "Because, he's kind. He cares about me. He doesn't put himself first. He is constantly trying to improve himself and he coach's basketball his true passion. He is a damn good teacher and a damn good coach. He is constantly making sure I am okay and put's my feelings first." I paused as I glanced at him, "If I remember correctly you didn't do any of those damn things." Brad laughed, "I was there for you when your sister died."

"No, you weren't." I clarified for him as I shook my head, "Troy knows more about that day than you ever will. Troy has listened to me and has been patient with me. Troy has done so much more than you. If I recall, the third day after her death you told me to get a grip." Brad didn't say anything after that, "I am still so fucking sad over the death of my sister. You were never going to be supportive through that and Troy is nothing but supportive. He understands where you could never. I broke up with you for many reasons, Brad. So many. You will never be able to fix them all but there is a woman out there for you but it for damn sure isn't me."

He went to say something but I shook my head, "Stop bothering me, Brad. The next time you come to my office for something like this I will report you to HR." I opened my office door and I kindly ushered him out before shutting it and I released a loud breath of air. "I can do this." I whispered.


All I can say is that I warned all of you. Ha! But this is much needed for Gabi's journey! I can't wait to share with you what is next!

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Next Update: November (what in the actual what!) 1st