Disclaimer: see first chapter
A/N: Apparently my mojo decided that Cleveland weather sucks, and has been hiding in my bed for the past week or so, more content to rewatch "Gum Drops," than actually give me any inspiration for writing anything. Even the naked George Claire offered couldn't draw her out. I've tried on several occasions to work on this chapter, as well as a post ep for "Gum Drops" (which rocked my socks, btw), but I haven't really been happy with anything I've put down on paper lately. Hopefully nowshe's well rested, and ready to get back to work. Hope you enjoy!
Nick heard a noise infiltrate his barely wakeful consciousness, and he slowly opened his eyes, trying to acclimate himself. The last thing he remembered was watching Sara fitfully sleeping, grasping onto his hand for dear life. A million different emotions were warring within him; battling it out for top billing were probably anger for what had happened to her, confusion as to what had actually happened, and an overwhelming desire to protect her at all costs. He hadn't wanted to take his eyes off of her for even a second, but eventually he just couldn't keep them open any longer.
As he checked his watch, he realized that he'd been out for about two hours. His eyes turned towards Sara, and he realized with a heavy heart, the noise that had awoken him was Sara's quiet whimpering in her sleep. He brought their entwined hands up to his lips, kissing the knuckles gently before rubbing circles over them with his thumb. He hoped that whatever nightmare was plaguing her would be forgotten by the time she woke up.
Unfortunately, her whimpering became louder and more frequent, and the look on her face more terrified as time went on. Nick became increasingly worried as she began to tremble, mumbling, "Please, no." Her voice sounded so small and frightened that Nick could feel himself tearing up. It became her mantra as she tried to yank her hand out of Nick's.
He released her hand, a tear slipping down his cheek as he placed a hand on her shoulder and shook gently. "Sara," he called softly, trying to wake her from her nightmare. When he received no response, he shook a little more firmly. "Sara, it's just a dream."
The third time he called her name, Sara's eyes shot open, and a loud gasp poured from her lips. Her chest heaved as tears poured from her eyes, desperately gasping for air.
"Hey, hey, you're okay. I'm not gonna let anything happen to you. You're safe," Nick murmured, stroking her shoulder reassuringly, as sweat trickled from her hairline down the side of her face.
"Nick?" she whispered, finally becoming aware of her surroundings again.
"I'm right here sweetheart. You're safe," Nick repeated softly.
Sara visibly relaxed, closing her eyes until her breathing returned to normal. Nick continued rubbing her shoulder until he saw that she was calm again.
"I'm gonna go get you a glass of water, I'll be right back," Nick whispered, planting one leg carefully on the floor.
"No, Nick, don't leave me." Her voice was panicked as her hand slid back into his. Fear flashed in her eyes, already brimming with tears.
"Hey, it's okay. I won't go anywhere." Nick was surprised when she scooted closer to him on the bed. Instinctively, he wrapped his arm around her slight frame, and for the first time, she didn't recoil.
"I…I didn't mean for it to happen…"
"It's okay Sara." Nick wasn't sure how many times he would have to say that before someone started to believe it; so far, it wasn't working. "This isn't your fault." Nick could feel himself angering at the thought that Sara was going to spend a significant amount of time, if not the rest of her life, blaming herself for what had happened.
"I couldn't let it happen again. I just…" Sara whispered so softly that Nick almost didn't hear her. Almost. He felt a sinking feeling in his stomach. In the back of his mind, Nick had always suspected there was something in Sara's past that had caused her outrage for sexual assault or domestic violence cases, but he had never wanted to dwell on the thought for too long.
Sara's eyes widened as she realized she had said that out loud. Nick chose not to say anything, and let her decide whether or not she wanted to finish; as much as he wanted to understand, he wasn't going to be the person to push her to do something she didn't want to, or wasn't ready to do. Instead, he pulled her closer, relieved when she didn't flinch, but rather curled up against his side. Tears shone in her eyes as Nick reached over with his free hand to stroke her hair; it had seemed to calm her before, he only hoped it would work again.
"I was fourteen…he, he was captain of the baseball team. Asked me to Homecoming, first dance I'd ever gone to." She laughed bitterly, a chilling sound to Nick's ears. "He was supposed to drive me home, but he pulled over instead. I screamed, but no one heard me, or they didn't care I guess." It took a few moments for her to choke out the rest. "So I just closed my eyes, prayed for it to be over. He went to get drunk with his friends afterwards, left me to walk home, torn dress and all. It was a nice dress, too." There was a far away look in her eyes as she cast her eyes downward, sniffling a little as her free fingers toyed with the tie to her hooded sweatshirt.
It explained so much to Nick; her rage at certain cases, the way she empathized with victims, and especially her loathing for the athletic, frat boy types that they had encountered over the years.
"Oh Sara," Nick whispered roughly, not exactly sure how to respond. He understood, more than she knew, the long term effects of sexual abuse, but he couldn't imagine ever having to go through two separate experiences like Sara had.
"I just couldn't go through that again…I couldn't be that scared girl that just laid there in the backseat, trying to dissociate from her body. But I just wanted to get him off of me…I didn't mean to…"
"Sweetheart, it wasn't your fault." It wasn't much, but that and holding her close were all Nick had to offer. Besides, he knew that she needed to hear it, even if it wouldn't register right away.
Tears streamed down her face as she clung to his side, sniffling at random intervals. Nick figured anything he tried to say would either sound cliché, or make things worse, so he continued to stroke her hair as her tears soaked his shirt.
He was surprised to hear her voice a few minutes later. "He seemed like a nice guy, you know? We went out a couple times…I trusted him."
Nick understood the unspoken implications of Sara's revelation; her trust was not something won so easily, especially after Hank's betrayal, and Grissom's emotional tug of war with her feelings. He wondered if it would become a nonexistent commodity after this.
"I'd been to his house before, we went back there to watch a movie. Yeah, I know, the movie was the last thing on his mind." Sara sniffled again. "And I went along with it for awhile, and then we ended up in his bedroom…" Sara trailed off, pausing to regain control of her voice. "When I realized how fast we were going, I told him that we needed to stop. That's when things changed, he wouldn't stop…wouldn't let go. He wasn't even the same guy anymore…"
The faraway, almost glassy look, returned to Sara's eyes, and Nick was sure that his palm had indentations from Sara's short fingernails. Her breathing was ragged, and Nick felt another piece of his heart breaking.
"Nick?" she asked quietly.
"Yeah?" Nick hoped she didn't hear the slight crack in his voice.
"How much did they tell you?" Nick must have looked confused, because she clarified. "About what happened."
Nick let out a deep sigh. "Not much."
A fearful look crossed her face, and Sara took a deep breath. Nick knew what she was thinking, and stopped her quickly.
"Sweetheart, you don't have to tell me anything you're not ready for, okay? I'm not going anywhere, and if you want to talk about it, I'll listen. But only when you're ready." Nick punctuated his statement with a squeeze of her hand.
Sara let out a sigh and nodded, closing her eyes as a few tears leaked down her face. Her voice was a little shaky when she spoke. "You should know though, that he didn't…he didn't get a chance to."
This time it was Nick to let out a deep sigh, relieved to hear even the smallest shred of good news. Despite what he had told Catherine, he couldn't help but feel relieved that Trelling hadn't been able to obtain what he had gone after. From everything he had observed, everything that Catherine had discovered in the bedroom, it had become a forgone conclusion in Nick's mind. Nick had never been so happy to be wrong before. Still, he knew that things had gone pretty far, and there was more to the story than Sara could tell him then. How much more, he wasn't sure, but Nick was willing to wait patiently for her to be able to talk about it. Until then, he would make sure she knew that he wouldn't let anything else happen to her.
Nick reached over, brushing a few tears from her cheeks. "He can't hurt you again, Sara," he whispered, before he realized that the sedative had knocked her out again. This time, he hoped they'd make it through without anymore nightmares.
A/N: Yeah, it's angsty, that appears to be what I'm feeling right now. Hope it's not too much for one chapter, but with the tone of this story, there's not going to be too much, if any fluff that will be appropriate. I'm slowly getting back into the groove for this story, hopefully the next chapter will be up soon!
