That boy looked familiar. It's like I've known him forever. But I don't know that. I can't help it, but if feel as if I've been making a big mistake this whole time. It is as if he is part of me, as if he was me, as if he was my future. He's me. When I die. My future. No… I get it. He is him. And I am her.

People use to say that when people die they go to heaven, we go there. Everything there is everything we believed could be paradise. Is that the truth? Is that what we get when we die? Eternal happiness. Or do we just live the simple after life or are resurrected with a reincarnation? Nobody knows. Then where do the stories come from? Or are they just made up to satisfy and make people believe that theirs hope in their dream.

Why can't I just live life happily, and live whatever is in store for me happily too?

This is a sign, isn't it? I'm getting closer. Well… I'm starting to get it… Just starting. But I know that there is more to just what I know. What I know is just what I may need. Although I have started my ability to start thinking straight, I believe that my thinking straight has ended. Now it's over. I know everything.

Light. Struck. Bleed.

Where am I…? Where did I go?

I hear echoes throughout my mind. Have I gone overboard? I see images of the unknown. It's dark; I can't see much, except for those images. I hear laughter, but not laughter of happiness for a good thing, laughter of despair, hatred, envy, and desire. I smell… Blood. I twist my wrist, they seem to be tied with rope. My arms are tied around a chair. I'm sitting on a chair. Shoulders straight and back firm. I fear… Nothing. If this is what I must face, then so be it. I was born with a disgusting life, so I will die a disgusting death.

But where am I? Is my only concern.

I think, it's time to expire. I don't think I can take any of this. If want happiness, my only chance is death. Maybe then I'll be happy. Maybe if I think long enough, maybe if I try harder, my sol will be at peace. Maybe if I take this knife and point it at my neck, I'd have more confidence. Maybe if I approach it closer to my flesh I'll be at peace.

No.

Don't do it.

I won't allow you too.

I won't let you do this.

I love you.

I looked. It was the one I have literally been dying for. He talked to me. It's a miracle. He looked at me. I looked at him. He held out his arms. I didn't. A tear came rolling down my cheek. Not a tear of happiness. A tear of desire and lost. It's not what it seems. Once again, I'm living part of my dream. And here I thought I could finally… No, It won't work. This is a never ending fountain of hatred. Why is it like this. Why must I dream of him so much, and wake up with him not with me but with her.

Why?

I thought it worked, I thought I had it. This knife won't take me lower than Hell.