Chapter 35 – I've Got You

Wednesday, January 1st, 2020

Troy's POV

I laid on my side in our bed as I stared at Gabi sleeping. We stayed at the hospital until their midnight assessments. Gabi held Sutton for nearly the entire time and I just watched her with pure joy as she held her baby. He was so comfortable in her arms and he slept most of the time. She was able to change Sutton's diaper and take his temperature again. She pumped before we left and then we came home and both crashed in bed.

She woke up a few different times to pump and we made a deal that if we stayed late that we would go in a little later this morning so she could really rest. She was staying on top of her medications and taking in plenty of water. I was proud of her. I rubbed my eyes as I checked my phone as I called the hospital to get an update on the babies. I gave our patient code and their day nurse updated me that they both had an uneventful night and were both doing okay. They were starting to pair them together since Saylor was more stable.

I stood up as my body was sore from the hours of being awake and at a hospital. I went to get into the shower and I took my time before changing into a pair of jeans with a t-shirt. I jogged downstairs when there was a knock at the door. I walked over and all four of my best friends and their significant others stood on the other side. "We figured we would bring you two breakfast and coffee before you head to the hospital." Sage said as she walked in with her belly. Jesse said she was emotional of the fact for Gabi.

I just hugged each and every single one of them as they walked in the door. "Thank you, guys, for everything the past several days. Gabi is still sleeping. She'll probably be up soon to pump and will need to eat a good breakfast." Jesse held up two bags, "Well we're going to feed you so sit down, enjoy your coffee, and let her rest." I did as I was told as they went around the kitchen and made themselves at home in my kitchen. The girls took over on the laundry and cleaning up around the house as I heard Gabi's alarm upstairs.

"I'll be right back," I said as I walked upstairs to see Gabi rubbing her eyes but gingerly sitting up in bed. "Morning," I said as I sat down on the edge of the bed next to her. "Good morning," she said quietly. She was wearing my button up shirt as she unbuttoned it. I helped her set up her pump as she gave me a smile as it was all hooked up as she rubbed her eyes. "I called and got an update on the babes. They had an uneventful night and their first assessment this morning went really well. Saylor is stable still and likes her current settings. Sutton did a great job over night as well."

"Good, my babies kicking ass."

"Also, our friends are downstairs. They cooking us breakfast, brought us coffee, and are doing laundry and cleaning the house." Gabi looked up at me with shock on her face and I nodded with a smile, "Once you are done, take a shower, and get ready. We'll eat breakfast and then go to the hospital for the day. Okay?" she nodded as I leaned forward and I kissed her head. "I love you, baby,"

"Will you help me in and out of the shower? I don't want to fall."

"Of course, you just tell me what you need help with. I want to let you do what you feel comfortable doing but don't push it. I'm glad you are asking me for help." She leaned her head into my shoulder as she picked up her phone and went to the NICVIEW page to see our little babes. Both of their cameras were on and we both smiled looking at the screen. "I wonder if I could hold Saylor today," Gabi asked and I kissed her head, "We'll have to ask."

I ended up staying with her the entire time she pumped and I took the small amount of milk downstairs for her while she picked out an outfit for the hospital. Luckily, she had already ordered some nursing friendly shirts. "Hey, breakfast is almost done," Cameron called out and I nodded. "I am going to help Gabi in and out of the shower and then we will both be down. I really can't thank all of you enough for doing this for us."

"Troy man, don't worry about it. You guys need this." I couldn't agree more as I went back upstairs to help her with the shower. I ended up helping wash her hair and she rinsed it but got a little dizzy. I held onto her while she rinsed everything off and out. I helped her step out of the shower and sit on the bed. "Will you look at my incision? Make sure it looks, okay?" I nodded as I gave it a peek to see that it looked uncomfortable but okay. She slowly got dressed and I made sure she was okay.

Once she was dressed, we walked downstairs together and all of the girls engulfed her in hugs and love. I smiled as I walked into the kitchen and collapsed down on the bar stool. "You doing, okay?" Dylan sat next to me and I nodded, "I'm just tired. I slept really well for like six hours but then I was up thinking about the kids. I'm just glad Gabi slept most of the night." Dylan rubbed my shoulder, "Are you going to call Dr. William's tomorrow and talk to him about leave and what not?" I cursed, "Yea, I feel like I need to save my paternity leave until the kids come home but I can't not be there every day with Gabi."

"She will have plenty of support. You can spend the night up there with them and put basketball on the backburner. You are needed here. There are four more of us." I just nodded as I gulped thinking about my lack of time as a coach. "I need to ask Gabi what she wants me to do. I might take the first few days just off and then call paternity leave when they come home or when they both come home."

Gabi came into the kitchen as all of the boys hugged her tightly and she hugged each of them back. They served us both, topped off our coffees, and we all ate breakfast together. I gave an update to the group and everybody was encouraged by the progress. Gabi and I ate our breakfast and drank coffee but she also drank a lot of water with it. Our friends cleaned everything up and I rubbed my eyes. Gabi rested her hand on my shoulder and I smiled at her, "Are you about ready to head back up there?" she nodded her head, "I am. We need to pack up my milk." I nodded as I stood up and grabbed my normal lunch box for work as I put ice packs in it and put the bottles that the hospital provided into the cooler.

"Have a good day, I think your parents Troy are going to bring dinner to you guys at the hospital. Beth is going to check on you all in the middle of the day to see if you need anything." Gabi smiled but I could see the tears in her eyes. "Thank you, guys, for all of this. Please, don't do this every morning." The group laughed and they all hugged on her. Our friends finished cleaning up as I grabbed a backpack of some stuff and then nodded towards Gabi as we all headed towards the exit. "We'll lock up," Cameron said and I thanked him.

"Thank you, guys, truly, this was exactly what we needed."

"We know. Call if you need to vent." He said and I nodded knowing that I could call my best friends and they would be there. Gabi and I got into the car as she put a pillow on her lap and I released a sigh. I started the car and drove out of the garage as Gabi reached over and grabbed my hand. "I don't think I've even asked you…are you okay? I know this whole process has been a lot for you." My eyes glanced over at her. Those tiny fingers squeezed my free hand as I felt an overwhelming feeling sit on my chest.

"I wish I had an honest answer to that. I think being so worried about the babies and then worried about you and the whirlwind of everything that is happening in just 48 hours has been so much. I don't think I've processed all of it yet. I'm just…taking steps forward. I'm scared for you. I'm scared for our kids." Gabi picked up my hand and pressed her lips to it. "I love you; I feel the same way. I sometimes can't believe it's only been 48 hours because it feels like it's been a week since all of this started. I don't want to stop talking to each other through all of this. This is going to be so hard on our relationship."

I swallowed against the lump in my throat as I didn't say anything after that because I knew this was going to alter our relationship. We didn't have years of each other to fall back on and I was scared that she was going to pull away. My fingers just squeezed her hand until we pulled into the parking garage. I found a spot by the elevators and I parked as I turned to face Gabi. "I think that's what scares me the most is that this might change our relationship with each other. That it will get really hard. I love you and I just want to make all of this go away for you."

Gabi reached over and placed both of her hands on my face and I just leaned into her touch, "We can't stop it but we can talk to each other. I love you, Troy. I love you so much and I can't wait to watch you hold our little babies today. I can't wait to see you change a diaper and take a temperature and just be their daddy. That just makes me love you so much more." I kissed her softly and breathed in her scent. "C'mon, let's go see those tiny babies."


Gabi's POV

I was holding Saylor while Troy was holding Sutton. We were sitting side by side with our little babies in our arms. I sobbed again while holding Saylor for the first time as she just curled into my body and I was terrified to move because I didn't want to pull anything on her. She was doing so well right now and I didn't want to jinx it. Her settings were still really high but nobody was too concerned right now. They were just going to give her time.

We took our first family picture of four between the two of us and I couldn't stop smiling at it or at Troy. He was so relaxed with Sutton in his arms and Sutton looked so tiny against his big muscles. We went through NICU orientation this morning and learned because of the winter months they limited visitors. We could have our parents come up to see the babies for a limited about of time along with our siblings but only for an hour unless one of us wasn't here. Only two people at the bedside at a time though besides the parents.

We learned how to check in and check out and that we could be here at any time with our babies. "Gabs, I have to call my principal tomorrow and I need to know how we want this to work. I think I am going to take the rest of next week off because I am not ready to go back to work but I might go back to work after that. That way when we are finally able to take them home, I can take the other two weeks off like I wanted, too. It wouldn't be the three that I had planned but at least we could have two at home together. Your mom or my mom could come up here with you during the day for company. Or Beth unless you want me to use those three weeks here."

I swallowed as I looked over at him blinking away the emotions of having to even think about work when I had these two to worry about. "No, I think your plan is good. I would rather us have time at home together than here. You can still come up after work, unless, are you going back to basketball?" Troy shook his head. "Not right now anyways. I might eventually but not for this first month. The guys have it handled. I would come up after work and be here."

I nodded my head, "Then do that. It's not like we can do a lot here. I have way too much help." I cracked and Troy gave a soft smile, "What is your plan with work?" I swallowed on the heaviness and I shrugged looking at my little babes. "I don't know because I don't want to go home from here and then have to return to work. I want time with them at home. I don't know if I could work from here? I will have to call and talk to Marisa." Troy brushed my hair with his fingers as he reached over for me. "Okay," he whispered and he smiled.

Saylor wiggled around as I kissed on her little hands, I had to pump soon and I needed to use the restroom but I didn't want to put her back. It was so much work to get her out. "Troy," he looked over at me, "Do you want to hold her? I bet we could just do a switch with all of the help. You haven't gotten to hold your little girl yet." Troy smiled, "If they can make that happen, if not, I can wait until tomorrow."

I called our nurse, Brittney, over and we talked about it as we could just do a switch of people. They would hold her while we switched out of chairs. They checked her temperature and then worked on putting Sutton back to bed. I stroked her little face, "I love you sweet girl, your daddy is going to snuggle you. He is such an amazing man and will love you so much." I smiled kissing her again as the nurse and RT both gently took her from my lap as I stood up from my spot and Troy easily slid in as he adjusted the pillows before they gently put her back in his arms. I watched as he smiled at her settling into his arms.

The love in his eyes as he stared at her was so bright and I wanted to bottle up the look he was giving her. They got her situated and looked at her breathing tube before walking away and leaving us alone. I pumped as I ate a snack and drank some water before I helped with Sutton's assessment and then went to the bathroom and dropped off my milk. It was a slow walk and I was extra careful with sitting and standing in Troy's absence.

I slowly walked back and Troy gave me a smile, "You doing, okay?" I nodded my head as I sat down in the chair as I took a few pictures of Troy holding Saylor. "She's just so tiny," Troy whispered and I nodded, "I know. It was almost like night and day difference between the two of them." Troy agreed with a smile before I went over to Sutton. He was resting and I left him alone as he needed his rest. I rested in the chair as I let my hand rest on Troy's bicep.

"How about after shift change, we go grab some dinner together, call off your parents, and then go home and rest?" I proposed to Troy. I wanted to show him that I was going to make an effort to take care of myself but also be there for my kids. His eyes flickered over to me as he nodded, "That sounds like a good idea, do you want to pick up dinner or go out?" he asked. "Honestly?" I spoke. "I want to eat in bed."

Troy chuckled with a nod, "Same. How is your stomach feeling? Are you too sore? You've been walking a lot more." The worry was on his forehead and I rested my hand on his arm. "I'm staying up on my medications and icing my incision which seems to be helping but the walking also seems to help." Troy sighed heavily, "What's on your mind?" I asked him. His eyes flickered to me and then back to Saylor.

"All of this is just really heavy right now. I don't know what to be feeling." I just let my fingers rub his shoulder, "Typically, I know how to handle a situation and right now…I just don't know. I want to make sure you are taken care of. They are taken care of. I am in the middle of basketball season. School starts back on Monday. I don't know. I just have a lot on my mind and I wish I could make it all just stop for a moment."

"You know Dylan, Cam, Jax, and Jesse have your back on the basketball team. I don't think you need to worry about that right now. I would take that one off of your shoulders. I also think work should be put on the backburner until you are able to talk to your boss. Take the first week off like we were talking about and then go back. If you need some basketball in there just to reassure your mind – that's okay. This is a lot for all of us. You have to have self-care as well, Troy."

"But I also want to be here. I want to be for my kids and for you. It's such a hard dilemma in my brain and I feel guilty already for not being here or for wanting to be somewhere else. I want to be there for every single step of this for my kids but at the same time I have so many other responsibilities." I could see the stress on his shoulder and I just reached over to hold his hand. "Also, I am still trying to process everything that happened, like I said earlier, I just have so many thoughts."

I didn't say anything. I just held his hand until they needed to do some stuff with Saylor. It was quite the process to put her back into her bed and once it was all said and done Troy went to the bathroom and he settled back into the chair. I got up and I crawled into his lap as I rested my head on his shoulder. His arms circled around me and he buried his face into my hair "Are you uncomfortable?" he asked and I shook my head. "No. I just know my fiancé needs some extra love."

He just let out a heavy sigh and I wish I could take it all away for him. "How are you doing mentally?" he asked after a beat and I smiled, "I'm okay. I think I'm just trying to take this one day at a time. I can't change anything and I'm trying to listen to everybody and take care of myself for the first few weeks because everybody is right. If I'm not healthy, then I can't be there for them. If that means I need all the support for two weeks – I'll take it. I am thankful that they are both here and they are both okay right now. They are both stable. I have been able to hold both of them and I think all of those things keeps me going right now. I think being separated from them and then being with them – I just feel lucky to be by their bedside."

Troy was silent for a moment and his lips pressed to my shoulder, "You are so fucking strong," he whispered and I blinked away the tears as I kissed his cheek. "So are you, I think we both just need to take this day by day with each other. We don't know what the future holds besides that we will be here with each other." He pressed his lips into my hair as we watched our kids together. Our fingers intertwined together.


Saturday, January 4th, 2020

Troy's POV

I took in a breath of air as I sat on the back porch as it was late. We had gotten back from the NICU around 8 and Gabi pretty much went straight to bed which is what I should have done but I was too restless with everything going on. Sutton tried to switch to a nasal cannula but he kept having spells where his oxygen saturations were dipping down and when he had a bigger spell with his heart rate, they put him back on CPAP. Once they made that move, they went ahead and started feeds as well with the NG tube that they were talking about. Gabi's milk had fully come in and she was producing. The lactation consultant at the children's hospital helped her form a plan to help provide enough for the two of them which resulted in a lot of pumping.

It was working through and she was producing plenty of milk for the both of them. They went ahead and started Saylor as well but she was still intubated and had only slightly weaned her settings. They weren't going to rush her though. Gabi had been trying her hardest all week so far to remain upbeat since the initial birth of the babies but I just felt the melt down brewing underneath. She had been doing everything that was asked of her in recovery without me having to intervene.

She was being amazing and I just felt…lost.

I picked up my phone as I called Jax. "Can you come over?" I asked after he picked up the phone. "I'll be there in ten minutes. Beer?"

"I already started," I said as I wiggled my beer bottle around as the fire blazed in front of me. I just leaned back in the chair as I stared at the sky. My mind was just struggling to wrap around all of it. The panic of Gabi during all of it. Seeing our kids struggle. Having to sit in those chairs everyday helplessly while other people take care of them. My daughter was on a morphine and versed drip because she wouldn't stop freaking out and calm down. My son couldn't breathe without pressure helping him open his lungs.

Even with talking to Gabi, I haven't been able to shake this mood. I don't know how to fix it. I just wanted to know how to fix all of it. The backdoor slid open and Jax walked through, "Bolton, it's fucking freezing out here." Jax was in a pair of sweatpants with a South Carolina hoodie as I just nodded my head slowly. "It's about the only thing I can feel is the cold." Jax frowned at my statement as he handed me a fresh beer and sat down as he huddled closer to the fire.

"You don't look that great," Jax commented and I just let out a chuckle, "I feel so lost right now. Gabi is handling all of this with fucking stride and I just feel…overwhelmed? I don't know why. They are explaining everything to us, they are keeping us updated, Gabi is taking care of herself and I have nothing to do but be there for them. I just have to show up but I sit there and I feel like I've done something wrong. That I am being punished for something and I don't know. Gabi has kept asking me what is bothering me because I'm quiet and I don't know how to answer the question."

"Troy, man," he inhaled deeply as he looked at me "None of this was supposed to happen like this. We were supposed to be returning to work on Monday and Gabi was supposed to be pregnant still. None of this was supposed to happen and maybe you are having a little bit of whiplash." I took a long pull of my beer, "You weren't expected to be doing any of this and it's okay for this to be a lot for you."

"But I hate that I can't get out of this mood. Like I am just waiting for the whole world to collapse around me." I hesitated as I turned my head away for a moment and I took a long drink again. "I think I am terrified that something is going to happen to one of them and Gabi can't handle that right now. Gabi can't handle losing one of them. She just got over the loss of her sister and saying that I am saying that loosely. I wouldn't be the same if we lost one of them because fuck, I held each of them one time and I was so fucking in love with them."

"I also fucking love Gabi, I don't want to see her hurt. I know there is a meltdown coming eventually. I know there is going to be a moment where all of this just collapses around her where she realizes that her babies are at a hospital and we are here without them. This isn't how it was supposed to happen," Jax came over and sat next to me as I wiped away the tears that were starting to well and roll down my face. "Man, no promises can be made. I can't promise you anything that something isn't going to happen to those two precious babies but I do know that they are at a great facility and that just loving them is all you can do. I don't think you worry about the after until something happens – only because it will be hard for both of you."

"That is pretty much Gabi's mentality. She's just taking it one day at a time but I can't lose her. Like I've told people a thousand times, I just want to marry her on October 3rd. I just want our kids there. I just want my family to be under the same roof and I think my man complex is coming out because I can't bring them home. I can't protect them. I can't do anything and that pisses me off." My voice cracked on the other end of the sentence and Jax just pulled my body into his as I couldn't control the emotions of it all. We sat side by side on the little couch as I pulled myself together. I squeezed the bridge of my nose and Jax sighed.

"You've always been the protector in our group. This isn't shocking to me that this is why you are feeling this way and there are no correct words to fix it. It is naturally who you are as a person. You would do anything for all of us and dive in front of a bullet for all of us, for anybody you love, and I think this is more about you needing to let that go. You can protect them by being there for them. Showing up for Gabi, showing up for your kids, holding them, etc. That is protecting them."

I rubbed my eyes, "It doesn't stop all the what ifs about if something happens," I told him. He inhaled as he just nodded as if he was trying to find something to say. "I honestly think you need to let that go until something is more plausible. I 100% agree that the worry is in a correct place and that your fears are valid but right now – everything is okay right? They just need to gain weight? Grow?" I nodded, "So far but who knows. Who knows what will happen? They can't breathe on their own." The frustration was evident and Jax nodded, "Again, I understand. I just don't think all of the what if's are worth being in a mood for. Gabi needs you smiling and laughing. Those babies need their happy dad. You are the first to laugh and have fun as well. I think you need to truly talk to Gabi about everything you just told me tonight and maybe that will make you feel better."

I swallowed down on the lump in my throat, "I don't want to scare her,"

"Open communication, Troy. If you two are going to make it then you have to have open communication. This is going to be so hard for the both of you. Gabi already hates being in a hospital. You know she has to be terrified. She lost her sister and now her twins are in NICU – she is putting up a front for you. Just…just talk to her." I looked over at him and I honestly never thought about it like that. "Holy shit," I muttered as I brushed my fingers through my hair.

"Or she is truly doing okay. Maybe it hasn't all hit her yet." Jax offered and I just leaned back as I took another drink of my beer. "I also know you guys have basketball on lock down but I feel bad that I'm not there for the boys." Jax just chuckled, "That should 100% be the last thing on your mind." I smiled, "It is the one thing that I already miss. It is practically my stress relief." Jax raised an eyebrow and reached over into my pockets and he pulled out my keys before holding up the one that would get us into the basketball gym.

He raised an eyebrow, "Wanna go? I would say let's go out front but it's fucking cold." I just shot him a grin.


Sunday, January 5th, 2020

Gabi's POV

Troy had gotten into bed late last night, like, I think when I woke up for my midnight feeding, he wasn't in bed. I had slept in this morning and I rolled over to watch him rest as he appeared to be more peaceful this morning. He had been the one waking up early and doing shit around the house. I carefully got out of bed to not wake him as I took a shower and got dressed before going downstairs. I was doing a lot better and it had only been one-week post-op tomorrow.

I went downstairs as it was so quiet without Luna around here and my babies. I exhaled as I tried to push the thought far away. I picked up my phone as the first thing I did was call for an update on how they did last night. They patched me through to their nurse, as they had been paired more frequently, and I liked that. "Good morning, Gabi," it was Charlotte. She had them yesterday as well. "Hi, how did my little babes do last night?" I asked.

"Good, they both had a good night. They weaned Sutton's CPAP last night and he seems to be tolerating it. Saylor did not like her wean and they went back up. She was really agitated last night according to the nurse but is sleeping well this morning. She appears more comfortable." I exhaled, "Good, good. Troy and I should be up there at some point today. He's sleeping and I knew he needed that rest."

"So do you mama, you can take a break."

I shook my head, "No, no, I don't need a break. Not yet. I need my babies."

"I will see you this afternoon," I thanked her as I hung up the phone and I then dialed Beth. She told Colt that she was going to temporarily move back home for a little bit to be here but I told her it wasn't necessary. She disagreed and Colt also disagreed so she was staying with my parents. I called her to come over and she agreed as I decided to pump and it wasn't long before Beth was walking in. "Hi," she said plopping down next to me. "Hi, how are you?" she asked reaching for my hair and I sighed with a shrug. "I'm doing okay. It's quiet here. I miss Luna, I wish my babies were here."

I showed her the phone of the kids in their incubators. I smiled looking at them as watching them was really what made my milk production soar. I pumped while holding Sutton the other day and I got the most milk I had ever produced before. I planned on doing it again. "Where is that handsome fiancé of yours?" she asked. "Sleeping. He didn't come to bed late and I didn't plan on waking him up. It feels nice to be lazy for a moment."

Her smile nodded in agreement, "I want to see these two," she protested and I laughed, "I think Monday we are going to have both of the grandparents come up. We will do siblings on Tuesday." I told her as I took a drink of my coffee that Beth had brought me. "Are you sure about Troy going back to work next week?" she asked and I again nodded, "Yes. I would much rather all 4 of us get to be home together for a few weeks. Who knows how it will be? We might have medical equipment or we might have a surgery or I don't know. I don't know what is going to happen. I would rather him have PTO for those moments. I feel bad that this is all happening during basketball season though. He deserves to be a coach,"

"He is also a dad," Beth told me, "He loves those babies already. You can see it in the photos. He will be torn." Beth squeezed my knee and she smiled, "You seem to be doing okay. Are you taking it easy?" I nodded. "Yes. I am. I really only go there and come home to sleep. Troy's friends' girlfriends have been amazing about keeping us stocked on food and the house clean. Brady is taking care of Luna with Ada."

"I just am taking this day by day," I told her quietly as if I let all of the fears and all of the thoughts creep in, I don't think I would be standing anymore. "Have you talked to Regina?" I shook my head, "No. I planned on calling her tomorrow just to talk on the phone. I also have to call Marisa tomorrow. I would like to continue to work from their bedside. I can do most of my job from there and I can call people and present on certain days. Maybe go to the office one day a week or something." I suggested. "Because I want my 12 weeks with my babies snuggling, feeding, and showing them the world."

"I don't know why that wouldn't work. You deserve that time with your babies. I couldn't imagine taking them home and then having to go back to work." I breathed as I looked down at my lap, "I would probably quit. My dance studio dream would go out the window but I couldn't do that."

"I bet Marisa will work with you." I sighed heavily, "I hope so."

Beth and I talked quietly for a while longer after I finished pumping. She helped me wash the pump parts and store all of the milk. "Look at your go, those babies are going to love that." Beth said seeing what I had produced over night. "They aren't getting a lot right now. I am hoping to make sure they have a big enough stash for when they really start eating."

"Already such a good mama," I couldn't stop my smile as I felt the tears well in my eyes but I blinked a few times and turned away. "Good morning," I twisted around to see my handsome man stretching up and brushing his fingers through his hair. "Good morning," I said and he gave me a true smile as he walked over and dropped a kiss to my head. He was shirtless still with a pair of basketball shorts on. "What happened to you last night?" I asked. Troy lifted his eyes to linger on Beth who he smiled for but his eyes looked over towards me. "Jax came over for a bit, we just…talked. We then went and played a little basketball."

I didn't say anything in return as I knew Troy had follow-up but it wasn't something he wanted to do with Beth. "Gabs, I am going to head back to mom and dad's house. Do you need anything?" I shook my head as I walked over and gave her a big hug. "Thanks for coming over and hanging out with me." She nodded and squeezed. "Give my niece and nephew love," I nodded as she walked out and Troy was making himself a cup of coffee. I walked over and I wrapped my arms around his waist while I buried my face into his back.

"Are you okay?" I asked him and he exhaled, "Do you care if we just…talk this morning?" he asked and I shook my head, "No, Troy. We can talk every morning. What do you need?" I asked as I slid onto the counter as Troy sat at the bar stool. I rolled my lips together as I watched him stare at his coffee for a minute. "I just need you to know how much I love you," he whispered looking up at me and those blue eyes. "I called Jax to come over last night because I just needed to talk and I wasn't sure what was going to come out of my mouth." He swallowed and I reached over to let my fingers brush through his hair.

"I hate that I have been in such a bad mood lately. I hate that you know how off I've been and I just…I want to do the best for you. I want to be better for you and the babies. I know it's only been a week but I am just…so pissed off about how I can't fix them, I can't protect you from any bad endings, and I can't just make all of this better. I want to make all of this better." I swallowed on the lump in my throat as his hand ran over my thigh. "I don't expect you to be perfect, Troy. This is so hard. This is so hard on all of this. I just need you to do this. I just need you to talk to me when you need to talk to me. Or Jax or Cameron or your mom. I don't care who you talk to but I do miss your smile and I miss your light happy moods but I also know that this isn't easy."

Troy swallowed and looked up at me, "I also can't stop thinking about the what if's, the what happens if something happens and then you. I can't stop thinking about how it will affect you and that breaks my heart over and over again because you fucking don't deserve this, Gabi. You don't deserve to go through more shit, this is more shit that you just don't fucking deserve." Tears welled in my eyes as I looked at him with his own tears. "Troy," I whispered as I sank down into his lap and he wrapped his arms around me and buried his face into my shoulder.

I stroked his hair and I couldn't stop falling in love with him. "You deserve to bring your babies home and be home with them. Not this bullshit." I kissed his head as I clutched the back of his neck. "That's why I hate this, I hate this for you. I hate this because this wasn't our plans and I can't fix it." Troy tilted his head back and I stared at his eyes. I let my hand touch his cheek, "I hate this, too. I hate this because I hate how quiet our house is. I hate this because I can't protect them anymore either. I hate this because I don't know what could happen and those thoughts alone causes panic to swell inside of my chest. I hate this." My forehead hit his as our tears mixed together. His strong hands gripped my neck.

"I got you," he whispered, "I got you," I whispered back to him. "We're only one week into this. We have such a long way to go and I know how much this sucks but together – we can make this unsuck. Okay?" Troy nodded his head and I kissed him softly. "Jax and basketball helped last night." I clutched his body, "Good. I'm glad. If you need time like that do that. I needed my sister this morning. It doesn't always have to be each other. I do like when we can have these conversations though because we're both feeling the same exact things – we're just processing differently."

My lips pressed against his forehead and he secured me against his lap as we just sat there together. This is what we both needed this morning.


Monday, January 6th, 2020

Gabi's POV

Troy and I both laughed over watching Sutton's face as he was curled up on my chest as he was finally on just a high-flow nasal cannula and was tolerating it well. He was still having trouble maintaining his temperature outside of the box unless he was in lots of blankets and swaddled. They knew he just needed to gain more fat and weight. "Gabi, good, good news. We are going to take out Sutton's lines today and get him a PICC line for his TPN and lipids but after that you can do skin to skin with him."

I glanced up at Megan, the nurse of the day, "Really?" I asked her and she nodded her head. "Yes, Saylor is going to have the same thing happen. The lines are only good for about a week." I swallowed down as I nodded, "Once those are placed you can do skin to skin with both of them." I tried to stop it but the tears happened anyways, "Really?" she nodded as Troy smiled over at me. "We're going to do Sutton first and then Saylor, okay?" I nodded as I got up to put Sutton back as they wanted to make sure he was nice and warm still.

Troy gave me a smile as both of us worked out the entire work situation today. Troy was going to take this week off as well to get me through my first two weeks. They were more than happy to accommodate him with that. Marisa was also super sweet about all of it. She agreed that I could do most of my work from here at the hospital. That my employees could call me and I could take their calls but mostly emails from here as well. I could come into work 1-2x a week to check in but I could mostly do it from here.

Until the babies were officially home, or at least, one of them. Today had been a better day. We didn't spend a lot of time up here yesterday but enough for each of us to hold the babies and get caught up on the day. We both had dinner together and snuggled in bed together that night. We watched Sunday night football and I knew that we were missing out on all of our normal things but it was only for a matter of time.

Another nurse came over with a few pieces of equipment as they introduced themselves to us. They were going to put the line in via ultrasound. I nodded as Troy placed his hand over my leg. "I can't believe it's already been a week since they were born." I muttered and Troy laughed quietly, "It's been one hell of a fucking week," he whispered quietly as he looked around for other families. We both laughed because it truly had been.

Our fingers locked into each other's hands as I was glad, we had that conversation yesterday. He seemed to be doing a little better but I knew Troy was a natural protector. It wasn't something that shocked me and how helpless he was about all of it. I took a lap to the bathroom while Troy sent pictures of the day to all of our parents. We had the plans for my parents to come in the morning, Troy's parents in the afternoon, and then we would spread our siblings out over the week.

Nobody under the age of 18 was allowed and only family members. It bummed our friends out, especially Jenna, but it was all okay. Jenna had come up to the hospital room when I was still there but I was sleeping according to my mom. She kept me plenty of company with Facetime chats though. I eased back into the chair as they were still working on Sutton. I got back up and went to stare at Saylor. They said she was doing okay but she definitely wanted anywhere close to not needing her intubation anymore. "I see you pretty girl," I whispered as I opened the port hole and I stroked her skin.

She wiggled in her bed as Troy came over and looked at her as well. "She's beautiful," I whispered and Troy kissed my temple, "I would say she looks like her mom but I see a lot of myself in her," I laughed as I stared at her, "I would agree. I think she has a lot of her daddy inside of her." We stayed with her for a few more minutes before we both sat down. The next hour rolled by as they finished placing Sutton's PICC and pulled his lines out of his belly. They compressed them for several minutes and attached all of his lines to his new PICC.

"Alright, mama, you wanna do some skin to skin with him?" I just nodded my head as they drew the curtains around his bed space as I just opened the first few buttons on my shirt as they took his temperature and they got him out of his box. They gently laid him on my chest as he naturally just slid down a little with his hands tucked underneath of his body. I couldn't stop the tears in my eyes as I stroked his cheek. "Hi buddy," he almost instantly fell asleep against me as they piled the warm blankets on top of us.

"Smile," I looked over at Troy as I gave him a wide smile with my hands on his back. "That's perfect," he whispered and he turned to show me as I couldn't stop my tears as I kissed his little head that was covered with a hat. "Hi sweet boy," Troy reached over and stroked his skin as we sat in the chair while we just stared at our son. "Now, he looks like you." Troy said and I laughed, "Hopefully he has his dad's height if he is going to love basketball."

Troy laughed, "You have height in your family, they just can't get it directly from you." I just smiled as he nuzzled into my skin as I fixed his nasal cannulas. I just watched every move of his as he rested comfortably on my chest. "Megan, do they have any idea when he is going to be able to try and breast feed? I don't want to rush him but I want to try." I told her and she smiled, "I will make sure to bring it up tomorrow on rounds. We don't want to rush him, like you said, but by tomorrow he will have proven himself on his high flow nasal cannula and I don't know why we couldn't try tomorrow."

I couldn't stop my broad smile as I kissed his head again, "Tomorrow buddy, tomorrow," I whispered to him. Troy smiled over at me with his eyes just watching the both of us. "I'm just…in love with you." He whispered and I couldn't stop my smile. Sutton and I didn't move from the chair for the longest time as they did Saylor's PICC. She was mad for most of the time and Troy put on a little sterile hat and went and held her hand while they did it. She seemed to respond well to it and they pulled her line and got her settled back into bed. "Dad, do you want to do skin to skin with Saylor?" Troy hesitated for a moment, "If it's too much trouble I can wait," he said.

"No, the time is perfect." Troy then nodded as he got situated in the chair closer to her bed, farther from Sutton and I, as he ditched his shit. My eyes watched for other nurses paying too much attention to my hot ass fiancé but everybody was busy. They got her warm blankets as well and it took a team effort to move her but once she was on his chest and on her belly, she had settled right into her dad's chest. They layered her in warm blankets as they taped down all of her lines and wires. They made sure her tube was still in the right spot and left us alone for a little bit.

Troy was visibly more relaxed with Saylor in his arms and her own heart rate dropped after being worked up. "I love them," I whispered as I stared at Saylor while my fingers rubbed Sutton's back. "I think they are the cutest babies here," Troy whispered back. I smiled as Troy reached his hand over and I slipped my fingers into his.


Troy's POV

Gabi and I laid side by side in bed as I pressed my lips to her neck. After spending the day holding our kids we went and had dinner with our families. We updated all of them on the kids and they were all excited to come meet them tomorrow. "You need to rest," Gabi said as the whine of her breast pump could be heard with the sleepiness in her voice. "So do you," Gabi twisted onto her side to face me, "I know but I am trying to be mom."

We smiled at each other while Gabi was staring at the two screens with our kids on them. "Are you excited to try and breast feed him tomorrow?" she nodded her head, "I really am. I hope he does okay. I am not expecting any sort of a miracle and I am not getting my hopes up but if he could just…latch. I would love it." I brushed my fingers through her hair as I tugged on the ends gently. "You are already an amazing mom, no shocker there."

"I love them. It makes thinking about Zoey. I could only imagine how much she loved Blaine and Lucy after meeting them. The sheer looking at them and knowing how much I love them…it hurts a little bit more." My thumb traced her jaw and I went up to swipe away a tear. "I think we should write them both another note for their box. Now that they are here and that we can see their blue and brown eyes. That we can see that they have your nose, both of them do, and that Saylor is going to be the harder one of the two and that Sutton is going to be a complete mama's boy," a smile jerked onto her lips.

"Saylor is just going to hate both of us," she said and I laughed, "Probably. She's going to be our wild child and I cannot wait to see how she grows." I smiled as she wiped the tears off her face. "I want your favorite part so far," she asked me and I thought about it for a moment as I looked up at the ceiling trying to find my favorite moment. A lot of moments rolled through my mind already. It was more shocking to realize how many favorites I already had but I smiled.

"You getting to hold Sutton for the first time. I saw you just…I saw you fall in love with him even more." She smiled and nodded, "I was going to say the same thing. I wasn't here but, in the video, I could just see where you fell in love with him in an instant. Where you would do anything for him. I loved it."

"I think I was just more shocked that I had to pick from a handful because there are more than I realize. I know the start has been hard but…it's been worth it." We smiled at each other again as I planted my lips to her forehead. Her fingers touched my neck and she gave a gentle squeeze before letting her arms completely wrap around my neck. She buried her face into my neck. "Are you almost finished?" I asked her and she nodded her head as she went to move but I just hugged her.

She relaxed until the timer went off before she got up and undid it. I took the milk she poured into the bottle and I went downstairs to place it in fridge after putting labels on it. I went back upstairs as Gabi was brushing her teeth and I walked behind her as I kissed her neck softly. "I love you, Brie."

"I love you, too." She whispered once she was finished. Our eyes connected in the mirror and I smiled, "We're going to bring those babies home and we're going to get married," I amended my statement I made in Savannah which caused her to smile. "One day at a time," she whispered and I nodded as I stared at that those brown eyes and her hair that was dirty but sitting on the top of her head. "One day at a time,"


Happy Sunday! I hope you all loved this chapter! A few of you asked about how they were moved to a different hospital. I am a NICU nurse and our hospital only delivers high risk pregnancy with known problems that require a level four NICU. A lot of our surrounding hospitals are level 2 and 3 so if babies are born early or with unknown problems, they come to us and mom comes later. So that's why!

Can't wait to share more of the journey!

Let me know your thoughts!

Also – yes there will be a sequel to this! I believe this story is going to end after basketball season and pick up sometime before their wedding!

Please Review!

Next Update: October 10th