Chapter 37 – Two Steps Back, One Step Forward
Saturday, January 11th, 2020
Gabi's POV
Things had been…okay since Saylor's pneumonia diagnosis. She had progressively gotten better over the course of days and IV antibiotics. She was back on the regular ventilator at her old settings before her pneumonia diagnosis. Her x-rays were looking better and she was lively as she ditched a few of her drugs. I was feeling less stress on my shoulders with that and when I saw her, she didn't seem to be as uncomfortable.
Sutton was going up and down with his feedings. The next day he was really uncoordinated in his one feed that we were allotted and we stopped as he couldn't get the flow. The next day we tried a bottle with him and Troy got to offer it to him. He again, wasn't very coordinated and was struggling. They consulted OT for feeding concerns on Friday and they had come to set up a plan for him. They still wanted him to try and breastfeed once a day – nonnutritive. They were cutting off his actual feeding which bummed me out a little bit but we were still getting to practice. They also allotted one small feeding per shift by bottle.
It was only 10ml but they really just wanted him to get that suck and swallow coordination down. He was still gaining weight and we had bought him a few more pairs of clothes as the nurses loved dressing him up. Troy and I had found a routine with his bath schedule to be the ones to give him a bath and rock him in his jammies before we left for the night. It felt like a normal routine. Troy was going back to work Monday and I was going to start working from the hospital on Monday.
Divide and conquer.
Troy and I walked down the hallway together as we had dropped off my milk from last night and we found ourselves at the bedside where a bunch of people were leaving. My stomach somersaulted and I felt my throat dry. We had gained two primary nurses so far – Megan and Sarah for days. We even had two for nights as well. Megan appeared to be working today as she was standing at Sutton's bedside and I felt my heart plummet.
"Megan," I asked and Troy squeezed my hand. "Oh guys, hi," she looked at Sutton who wasn't a very pretty color and was back on CPAP. "What happened?" I felt my body start shaking and Troy gently wrapped his arm around my waist. "Sit, Gabi, I will be over to explain, okay?" I shook my head because I wanted to know now. Troy moved me though and had my butt in a chair as I tried to get up but he gently pushed my shoulders back down. I was too weak against his strong hands.
"Just wait, baby, let her get him settled." My eyes drifted to his board to see that his heart rate was okay, his oxygen saturation was a little low but it wasn't below ninety. His respirations were elevated though. I watched as Megan shut the doors to the incubator as she walked over and sat in the chair across from me. "I was doing his nine o'clock feed and he was doing his little game of acting like he doesn't know how to eat," I just gave a tiny smile because I knew what she was talking about.
"He finally got it but then he was choking," she was calm and very matter of fact as I felt my body tremble. "He turned blue, stopped breathing, and he tried to code but we put him back in bed, gave him some positive pressure, and did thirty seconds of compressions before he was back and okay," I shook my head as I tried to stand up but again, I was denied by those strong hands. "He's okay, we put him back on CPAP to give him some positive pressure for a while. We're getting a chest x-ray this afternoon to check on his lungs. He probably aspirated. We're going to stop his feeds for the weekend and breast-feeding attempts until OT can come back and evaluate,"
"Gabi, breathe," his words were hot on my ear and I gasped with a cry leaving my mouth. "Gabi, he's okay. I know it's scary but he's okay." I buried my face in my hands and Troy came around as he pulled me into his body. His knees hit the floor as he let me press my face into his neck and cry. I felt so helpless with this whole process. Sutton was doing so well and now…he's choking and needs resuscitated?
Troy stroked my hair and made no promises, he made no claims that everything was going to be okay, because I think he also felt that helpless feeling that nothing was going as planned. That we weren't able to do anything right at the moment. Our kids had been here for 11 days and nothing was going as planned. My tears were silent and he just held me close until I was able to compose myself enough. I went over to Sutton as he looked exhausted and I let my fingers hold onto his. He wasn't wearing any clothes and I think that broke my heart the most. We had made so many steps forward that this felt like one huge step backward. "Oh Sutton, baby, you can't scare momma like that. Okay? I don't like going backwards." He closed his eyes and I knew he needed to just rest.
I went over to the chair as I buried my face into my hands as I took five deep breaths trying to compose myself. Troy came over from Saylor's bed spot and he sat down right next to me. His hand rubbed my back. "Talk to me just spill whatever is on your mind." His words were quiet and I just shook my head. "Not here. I don't want to do it here." I whispered and he just nodded his head. The blue in his eyes were sad.
"Do you want to go sit in the lobby for a minute?" I just nodded my head as he folded our hands together as he walked us back out to the lobby. He chose a deep corner and he sat down as I sat next to him. I played with my hands as I tried to figure out what was going through my head. Troy picked up my body and pulled it onto his lap. "Just talk," he whispered, "Just talk and you can say what you need to say. This is a lot."
I just broke down in tears as I covered my face, "It's only been 11 days and I feel like it's been 11 years. I feel like I am never going to get my babies out of here. I am never going to be able to take them home. I am never going to be a normal mom. I'm so scared that one of these days I'll be walking in and they won't be here anymore. I'm scared I'll walk in and I will have that same feeling that somebody died and I wasn't there to for them. That I wasn't there to protect them."
My eyes closed as I couldn't stop the bubbling and the horrifying thoughts going through my brain. "What if he died?" I couldn't control the gasp that came through my mouth and I covered my face. Troy just pulled my head into his body. His large hand comforting as he let me sob. There was no comforting this. There was nothing he could say or anybody else say to make this better because we didn't know the future.
Troy's POV
I just held her close to my body as she sobbed. My own tears were running down my face because there was little, I could do to help her through these emotions. I wanted to protect her from everything and everyone. It was terrifying hearing that your son choked and needed resuscitation efforts. It was terrifying that it could have happened while we were here and I don't know if I want Gabi to see that. I don't think I want her to have to witness that and let it scar her brain.
This past week had been such a roller-coaster with each of the kids. Saylor was finally actually doing better and that was the good news we celebrated yesterday. Sutton was making such progress to only take one hundred steps back to being on CPAP and not being able to eat by mouth. I curled her hair around my finger as I took in deep breaths trying to relax my own body. Trying to figure out how we had gotten here.
"You have been handling all of this so well, every day, coming in here with a positive attitude and smiling for our babies. I know how much this has been killing you on the inside. I know how much you are struggling. I know how much you hate being in a hospital. You don't have to be positive for me, baby, you can be sad and angry. You can feel all the things. I know how hard you are trying to remain positive." I felt my own throat get choked, "But this isn't easy, Gabi. Walking in here every day. Getting good news. Bad news and everything in between."
She lifted her head and I cradled her face in my hand, "This isn't easy for either of us and I know how many memories this is drudging up for you. I know how hard this is for you. I'm sorry that we're taking steps backwards. I know how much you want to take them home and just be a mom to them at home." I continued to brush her tears away as she looked down in her lap. "I think the worst part was seeing him not wearing clothes again. I felt like that was such a hurdle to overcome and now…he isn't wearing them anymore."
"It was just a setback. It feels so much bigger than that but it's only a setback. He's going to do big things, Brie." She exhaled and closed her eyes. "I hate all the setbacks. Saylor's infection. Sutton's choking. When can they just be getting better? When can it all just…stop?" I pressed my lips into her hair as I breathed in her fresh scent. "We're parents now, it never stops. There will always be something to set us back or to propel us forward. It's a continuous circle."
"Last night, I had a dream that I was holding both of them. That was my dream and I was so happy. I was happy because I was holding both of them at the same exact time." She gave a small smile and a shake of her head. "I never thought that would be the reason I was so happy." Her words were a whisper and I didn't know what to say. That had been happening a lot more lately – trying to find the right words to tell her that everything was going to be okay. "One day, you will hold both of them and I can't wait to see your smile on that day."
She gave a half smile over towards me and she rubbed her eyes, took a few deep breaths, "I'm scared," she whispered looking at me. "I hate that I can't be here twenty-four seven. I hate that I can't make it all better but just holding them."
"I know," I whispered to her. "You are doing all the right things. You are showing up. Loving them. You are their mother and one day we will tell them how they put you through hell and back and hold it over them." She couldn't stop her laugh and I felt my body relax in the chair. "My high school coach back in the day always told me a setback was a step towards a major comeback. They are just making their legacy known early."
"Thank you for this," she said waving her hand between the two of us. "Thank you for talking and for telling me what was on your mind. I think Sutton will love some momma snuggles all day today." She smiled and I kissed her forehead as I wrapped my fingers around her neck. "I have a question and don't freak out – okay?" she nodded, "Tomorrow, I think we need a little bit of normal. I know none of this is normal but what if we went and hung out with our friends for the first set of games tomorrow? We will come here in the afternoon." She bit on her lip because I knew she wanted to be here all day but I also needed her to take a break.
"Will Brady bring Luna home for a little bit, too? I miss her." I couldn't stop my smile and I nodded, "Yea, I'm sure he would be happy, too." She wrapped her arms around my neck and she squeezed. "I love you, Troy Bolton. I can't wait to be your wife one day," I closed my eyes at her words and I just hugged her tightly back. "I love you, too Brie. Everyday. All day. I know it seems so far away but we will take our baby's home. We will." I felt her tears again but she only held on for a few more moments and kissed my neck before pulling back and wiped them away with the back of her hand.
Sunday, January 12th, 2020
Gabi's POV
Everybody had gathered at our house for the playoff games this morning. His parents. My parents. Our friends. They were all here today. Luna was running around and she barely would leave Troy's side after days of separation. She whined and cried when she ran into the house. We had brought home blankets of each of the babies for her to smell. She sniffed them and then rolled on them. We had called for two updates already today and they were both having good days.
Saylor went down on her ventilator settings again.
Sutton was doing better after his event yesterday morning. The team had already decided that he would have a swallow study done tomorrow with OT and we would go from there to see if it was just a fluke or if something was wrong. Troy and I had spent the morning making breakfast together and we ate it at the bar together while we snuggled up on the couch. We were both quiet but I think it was good for the both of us to take a morning off and spend time with each other.
I kept forgetting I had major surgery almost two weeks ago. I was just dealing with that as well. I had been taking it easy like everybody asked me to do. Tomorrow, I had a post-op appointment with Dr. Willis. My mom was taking me as Troy was returning to work tomorrow. I knew he was terrified to leave me alone but I knew that this was the best for all. I wanted him to be able to be home with us when they were both home – together.
My eyes casted down to the video of Saylor on my screen. She was sleeping and I wish I could be at two places. "Who are you watching?" Jenna sat next to me and I showed her the phone. "It's my little girl," I whispered. "I think I watch her more since her infection because I am so scared, she isn't going to be there again – y'know?" Jenna wrapped her arms around me and I leaned into her. "You are the bravest women," she whispered.
"This is the first time that I didn't think about Zoey on the 6th," I whispered to her as looked away for a moment. "Oh sweetie, because you have two beautiful kids that are requiring all of your attention. I think Zoey would be mad at you if you weren't focused on them." I smiled and nodded in understanding, "I miss her. I wish she was here, too." I whispered and Jenna just hugged me tightly. "She is right there with you and protecting those babies. She knows you can't handle any more heartbreak." I just gave her a sad smile and she squeezed my hands. "Just have faith, Gabi, it's all going to work out."
I just nodded my head as everybody started to gather in the living room. Luna was attached to Troy's hip as he walked into the living room carrying a water and a plate of food. Jenna moved from the spot next to me as Troy smiled at her as he sat down next to me. "Who are you watching?" he asked and I showed him Saylor as he smiled. "My little girl," I nodded as I rested my head on his shoulder. I needed to go pump before too long. "I know we can't stay long this evening but I want to hold her. I haven't held her really since her infection." She had been pretty unstable for the first couple of days but had slowly gotten better over time.
We just hadn't wanted to rock the boat.
"We can stay as long as we need too," he reminded me and I took a chip off his plate, "You have to get up and go to work tomorrow. I am not making you stay late. Plus, I have my appointment tomorrow morning." Troy gave me a slight look, "I don't have to go back to work,"
"You do," I encouraged. "I want you to be able to come home when the babies come home. I want time at home together." Troy just nodded. "But you'll give me updates all day, right?" I nodded with a laugh as Jesse and Jax yelled at the TV causing all of our attention to turn towards the TV. Sage was sitting next to Jesse as she laid her hand on her pregnant belly. I already strangely missed mine even though I was so uncomfortable during the end.
"Aunt Gabi," Lucy called my mom and I eased her into my lap, "Gabi," Troy said and I just gave him a smile as she nestled into my grip. "Are Sutton and Saylor coming home soon?" she asked and I smiled, "Hopefully soon, do you want to see pictures of Sutton?" she nodded and I showed her the pictures. She oohs and awed over him. "He's so cute, I can't wait to hold him!" I smiled, "I can't wait for you to hold him. Are you going to be a good big cousin?" she nodded her head up and down with a smile on her face.
"Uncle Troy, do you have pictures of Saylor?" Troy hesitated but nodded, "I do. She's pretty sick though. She doesn't look like Sutton," Troy said trying to protect her. She twisted her head though, "Hm, can I see?" Troy glanced at me and I just nodded. He dug out his phone as he showed a picture of Saylor to Lucy. "Wow, she's really pretty. I like her eyes, she has your eyes," she pointed at Troy and he laughed, "That she does."
"What's in her mouth?" she asked, "It's a tube to help her breath. She isn't big enough to breath on her own yet. So, the hospital is helping her."
"Wow, that's really cool." Troy slid the picture over and she giggled, "Is that Sutton?" he nodded, "He has Aunt Gabi's eyes!" I couldn't stop my smile at her pure joy. I kissed the back of her head and she giggled some more as she saw more pictures. "I can't wait to hold both of them," she sighed, "I wish momma had another baby after me." I squeezed her leg, "It would have been nice but you and Blaine are the most perfect."
She smiled, "Yea, I guess we are. I'll just love my cousins a lot."
"They will love it."
Lennon and Sara gave me those eyes of like how in the world is she that cute? I just smiled as she climbed down and went running to talk to my dad. "Wow, I want my little girl one day to be that cute." I nodded, "She's adorable. I will be lucky if Saylor is as cute as her,"
"Oh please, she has you two as parents. She will be the sassiest but cutest thing on the block," we all laughed. "I need to go pump. I'll be back in a little bit," I said reaching over to kiss Troy's cheek. He nodded as I went upstairs and it was only about five minutes later before Lennon, Sage, Sara, Jenna, and Josie all were joining. "Look, I think this will be more fun than being downstairs," Jenna said plopping on the bed.
I just laughed, "Thanks for coming to keep me company," I said as they each piled on the bed. "We're just glad we get to see you guys. It's been weird not having you two around as much." Lennon spoke, "I know. I am hoping we're heading for the upward trend of things. Tomorrow could be a big day." I was nervous about Sutton's swallow study and I prayed that we were working our way off the ventilator with Saylor. I wanted to hold my baby girl. I wanted to hear her cry.
What I wouldn't give to hear her cry.
"How is everybody doing? I am so sick of talking about us," I said. Sara filled us in on how her wedding planning was going. They were talking about getting married this June. They had most of everything planned out. I knew how much I still had left to do but I also knew there was an army of people that would love to help me. I just needed to figure out what I wanted. Lennon filled us in on how she was waiting for her engagement ring but was being patient but knew that Cameron was it for her.
Jenna filled us in on Willa and how big she was getting already – I knew this next year would be a blink of an eye but I was excited to watch her grow and get big. "Josie how is Dylan?" Sage asked, "Good, we're really good. He wants me to move in but I am dragging my feet a little bit. We haven't been together that long."
"Oh man, if you love him and see the future with him – don't wait. Dylan hasn't been this serious about anybody in well forever," Sage said, "If you want, too, don't let time stop you." We all agreed as I moved in with Troy fairly quickly but it was because I wanted, too. "Sage, how is pregnancy going?" Lennon asked, "Really good. No complications thus far and nothing I can complain about," I laughed, "No please do,"
She laughed, "I mean, the swollen ankles and the constant peeing,"
"Is the actual worst," I told her. "God, I mean, I wish I still had them inside of me and them growing – do not get me wrong but man not having them press on my bladder anymore is probably the best part." The group all laughed as we made small conversation and once, I was done pumping Jenna happily took it for me. "Sage, I hope you know, you can complain and bitch about pregnancy still. It's hard. You never know what will happen and it's your story,"
She smiled, "Thank you, Gabi. I am praying so hard every single night for those two little babies." I hugged her, "Me, too,"
"Oh my," I rounded the corner as I noticed first that Sutton was in a crib. The second thing I noticed was their matching name signs – just one in purple and one in blue. "He's in a crib," I breathed. I walked over as the bed was propped up slightly and he still had rolls around him but he was swaddled up with no hat on his head. "Wow, little man, you are making big moves." Troy leaned over the crib as Sutton wiggled and released a cry. He was back onto the high flow nasal cannula and his chest x-rays had remained good.
"Let momma wash her hands and I will snuggle you," Troy and I walked over to wash our hands together. "He's in a crib," I whispered. "He must be having good temperatures," Troy said and I blinked away the emotion. "I am so happy, wow, I didn't know I needed that." Troy laughed as I walked over as he was still crying. I picked him up and I snuggled him, "Hi sweet boy, how are you?" I rocked him in my arms as he wiggled around.
"I know,"
"Oh, hi guys!" Ellie walked around the corner as she grinned, "I'm happy to see the both of you! How was you doing today?"
"We're good, happy to see this little man in a crib," Ellie grinned, "We decided today that he had been gaining weight really well this week, we weaned him all the way down in his incubator and he maintained his temperature but he will be in clothes more often now if you want to bring more in."
"How has he been doing with it?" I asked as I stared at his little face, "Great! It's been about four hours and each of his hourly temperature checks have been so good!" I felt my heart flutter. "Good job, Sutton, I'm so proud of you." He blinked open his eyes and wiggled around. "How is Saylor?" Troy asked. Ellie grinned even bigger, "She is having such a good weekend. I know you guys have had a lot of setbacks but this morning her lungs looked fantastic, which I think I told you about on the phone. We weaned her settings again and she's down to 35% oxygen which is so good! There has been discussion of extubating her – maybe tomorrow if she has another good night."
"Really?" I breathed as I pinched the bridge of my nose, "Really. She's also been gaining good weight and she's back to her feisty self." Troy shared a big smile with me because this was the news, I liked walking into. We still had a lot of hurdles to overcome but this was a step in the right direction. Sutton wiggled and cried again as he opened and rooted around, "I know buddy, I know," I kissed the top of his little head. "I wish but you had to ruin it,"
Troy chuckled, "Hey, Ellie, when there is time is there a chance, I can hold Saylor? I haven't been able to hold her in a while." She nodded her head, "Let me grab the RT and then we will get everything ready to hold for a while. Do you need to go to the bathroom or anything?" I shook my head. "Nope. I'm good. I went before we walked in. We can't stay too long today because he's going back to work tomorrow but I know I need to hold her."
While she went off with the RT, I took off Sutton's clothes, he was back in clothes, which was a major improvement from just yesterday. I changed his diaper and I went ahead and check his temperature before I put his little outfit back on and swaddled him back up. "You want to go see daddy?" I murmured to him as I gave him another kiss before handing him to Troy. "Do you want to bathe him before we leave?" Troy asked and I nodded, "As long as it's his bath day,"
Troy agreed as he sat down with Sutton as I settled in to get ready for Saylor. It took an army to get Saylor moved over to me but once she was on my chest, I felt my entire body relax. "Hi baby girl," I murmured and she opened her eyes and looked up at me. She didn't appear to be in any distress. She looked at me and wiggled in my arms, "Somebody also is so close to hitting four pounds," Ellie mentioned. "Grow, grow, grow," I whispered to her and Troy smiled, "She looks so happy," Ellie said.
"They both do," I couldn't help but close my eyes and pressed my lips into her tiny head, "I just want her to be better."
"She's close, mama, she's so close." Troy reached over and squeezed my knee. I just held her and talked to her as she fell asleep against me. Her heart rate lowered and her entire body relaxed. She even had her saturations in the 100, which caused Ellie to turn her oxygen down a little more. "I love you, Saylor," she wiggled on my chest and I looked at Troy. "She looks so comfortable,"
Sutton cried out in Troy's arms and he adjusted him. "I know, everybody wants momma snuggles," Ellie hooked off his feed which seemed to calm him down. He fell asleep in Troy's arms not too long after. I reached over and I let my hands fold into his. "I know yesterday was hard, but today is better."
Monday, January 13th, 2020
Gabi's POV
"How are they?" Dr. Willis asked me and I smiled, "Okay. In the past two weeks they have both terrified me at least twice. Sutton is doing a lot better. He has a swallow study today because he aspirated and choked. He is on a high flow nasal cannula and likes to snuggle. He's already over four pounds." I smiled talking about them, "Saylor is still intubated but finally turning corners. They are talking about extubating but I'm not rushing it. She ended up with pneumonia and got really sick last week,"
"Oh, those poor babies, I am so glad they are doing better."
"It's been the longest two weeks and I am thankful that they are doing okay but I am just ready for them to be better. I want to hold both of them. I want to take them home." Dr. Willis nodded as she already looked at my incision and we had discussed how my recovery had been. Which, overall, had been fairly easy but I think it was because I had been so preoccupied with other things and taking it easy between the hospital and home that I didn't do anything extra.
"I want you to know that it's okay to be sad and upset about how your delivery went. None of that should have been the case and I'm sorry we couldn't keep them in longer. You did nothing wrong and I want to tell you that over and over again." I smiled as I played with my hands. "Thank you, I hate how it had to go but…"
"I hate that I had to move them but they are getting the best care where they are." I nodded, "I am thankful they are there. I like that it's a children's hospital and I like that it's specialized care." She nodded in agreement with me, "I'm sorry if I was rude or anything during all of it."
"No apologizing. That was one of the worst but best days of your life. It was ruined. The most special day of your life was ruined. That you do not apologize for." I gave her a small smile as I wiped a few tears away, "Thank you, so much, I know how much you cared that day." She nodded with a smile, "I'll see you in 4 weeks to follow up again, okay?" I nodded as we both walked out together and headed for the lobby. My mom was waiting and she smiled, "All good?" I nodded my head.
"Yes, it went well." We walked back to the car as our plan was to grab coffee and breakfast before hitting up the hospital for the day together. She was going to sit with me until Troy got off from work and was going to come up here to spend some time with the babies before we all went home together. "What would you like for breakfast?" my mom asked, "We can just swing through Starbucks drive through. I've been getting a coffee and a breakfast sandwich."
My mom agreed as my phone buzzed with a text from Troy.
Troy: How did the appointment go? Are you good?
I smiled. I shot back that it went well and that we were on our way to the hospital. I pre-ordered on the app and I ran inside to grab it before we made our way to the hospital. My mom checked in with me and we waved as we made our way to the pod. My eyes fell onto Sutton in his crib with just a little nasal cannula in his nose. "Oh buddy," I walked over as I stared at him. He made eye contact with me and he cooed at me. "Oh, what a handsome little man,"
I grinned up at my mom as I walked over to wash my hands and dried them as I tried to spy our nurse. I spotted Ellie and she waved towards me as I walked back over to Sutton. "I'll be right back buddy, let me check on your sister." He cried and my mom laughed as I walked over to Saylor as she was asleep. I popped open the side and I laid my hand on top of her. "Hi baby girl," I whispered to her. She opened her eyes and tried to move her arms but they were swaddled. "Soon, baby, soon." I told her.
"Soon indeed, I talked to the NNP this morning. We are going to do a steroid course. Two today and one tomorrow but the one tomorrow will be after she is extubated." I blinked as I looked at her, "Seriously?" I whispered. She nodded her head, "Seriously. Her x-ray this morning looked good; her settings weaned down to a good level – she's ready. She'll go to CPAP and we'll start working our way down."
I couldn't stop my smile as I stared at her, "Oh sweet girl, I cannot wait for that."
"Can I hold them both after that? I want to hold them both. Together." She nodded, "Absolutely." I waited and I stopped, "After Troy gets here though. I want him here." She smiled with a nod. "Of course," Ellie had also signed up to be one of our primary nurses and she was one of the best with our babes. I walked over as I picked up Sutton and I also grabbed my laptop as I was working from here today.
Super mom.
Troy's POV
I was antsy all day today. I struggled to make it through my first class and my second class. My plan period I was distracted and I called Gabi twice. I just wanted to be there. She gave me an update here and there but wanted to wait to give me all the news until I was in person. My class was currently working on a project as I didn't address my absence with any of the kids but most of them knew Gabi was pregnant.
The dance girls all came and asked how they were hearing from Brea and Dana that Gabi had the babies and wouldn't be back for a while – probably next year. I told them that they were all doing okay. It was trickling throughout the school. Luckily, the basketball players mostly steered clear of the area. I think Cameron told all of them to leave me alone today. There was a knock on my door and I peered up to see Jax. He grinned at the sight of me at my desk.
"A sight for sore eyes," I just cracked a smile as he walked over to me after saying hi to a few students. "Hi," I greeted. "Cameron and Dylan said you were staying for practice for a bit?" I nodded my head. "Just to talk to the team. I then need to get to the hospital. I miss her. I miss them." A laugh echoed through his mouth as he smiled, "I figured. You doing, okay?" I nodded my head. "Yea, just anxious. I hate that I might miss something. Sutton had a swallow study and I know there has been discussions about extubating Saylor and I just…I miss them."
Jax clapped my shoulders, "Do you have thirty minutes to spare?" he questioned and I gave him a raised eyebrow. "How about you talk to the guys and then you can play some pick up with them. I think you all need it." I smiled, "Yea, I can spare thirty minutes." He grinned, "Good. I'll see you in an hour." I agreed as we were in our last hour of the day. A few more kids approached my desk to ask questions. I addressed the students at the end of the hour.
The bell rang overhead and I bid all of them a good-bye and that I would see them tomorrow. I picked up my phone and I called her. "Troy, seriously," she was laughing and that made my heart happy. It had been a good day. A really good day if she was laughing. I felt my own tears fill my eyes just at her laugh. "Sorry, sorry, I just…I am checking in. The last bell just rang and I am going to run down and talk to the boys before I leave and head that way."
"We're good. Sutton worked really hard all day on an ad campaign with me for this social media event for a company." She told me. "Oh, already working? Maybe he can pay for his bill." Gabi laughed, "Yea, okay, whatever." We both just laughed together and I smiled, "Do you want me to bring anything?"
"No, we're good. I love you. Go take thirty minutes for yourself."
"Did Jax text you?" I couldn't stop my laugh and she laughed, "Yes but just to double check to make sure you didn't need to get here ASAP." I couldn't help but love my friends. "Let me know if you change your mind on bringing anything. I love you and I'll see you soon."
"I love you, too. Sutton and Saylor send their love." I hung up after another good-bye before I grabbed my change of clothes as I slipped into a pair of shorts and a James Island t-shirt. I planned on going back to coaching in the next two weeks regardless. That would give us a month and I needed to be around as we were getting ready for playoffs. I slipped on my tennis shoes and headed down to the gym with my backpack and my gym bag. The guys were already shooting around as this felt normal.
Jax, Cameron, Dylan, and Jesse were all standing in the center watching. The door collapsed behind me and all of their eyes turned towards it. I smiled watching the group work together and I nodded, "Keep shooting," I hollered. They all continued to shoot as I sat my stuff down. I looked at my group as I went over to greet each of them. "Are you all prepared for the game tomorrow? I can go over some film if I need, too?" I offered and they all laughed, "Please, no. You need to spend these nights with your kids. Relax. We have it all handled. Lucky for us there is five of us." Dylan spoke up and I smiled, "Just don't hesitate if you need me to step back in."
"You have two of the cutest babies in the world who need their father right now. Basketball takes a backseat." I smiled as Cameron whistled them all over. They circled around as I nodded at each of them. "Welcome back, Coach B." Brandon spoke first and I smiled, "I'm just here for a little bit today. I'm not going to get back into coaching for about another two weeks. I will be here for the coaches if they need any help but as you know – Gabi had the babies two weeks ago. They were pretty early and pretty small. Sutton Tate and Saylor Claire are both in the NICU at the Children's Hospital in Charleston. They need me right now and Gabi needs me right now."
I paused as I stared at each of the men on my team. Brandon, Charlie, Ethan, Will, and my eyes kept bouncing around to each of them. "I made a commitment to you guys, too. You are my team and you can email me, stop by my classroom, whatever if you need me. Text me. You know that I will respond but know that I am dealing with that, too."
"Coach B, you should be there with them." Charlie said and I smiled, "I know. I just…I wanted to tell you all that I am extremely thankful for each and every single one of you. The past two weeks of my life haven't been easy and when they called me and told me that you all funded a dinner for Gabi and I? I knew you all were a special team. We've only lost one game and I want you to keep working hard. I want you to keep pushing and I want to show the world that I have the best team." I glanced at each of them again. "I want to thank all of you. You make my job so much easier. I will be in the classroom every day and I will return to the gym in two weeks' time."
"Try to make sure you don't bother him too much," Cameron butted in and I rolled my eyes. "You can bug me. Text me. Email me. Stop in my room – I am still here." Dylan rolled his own eyes this time, "No. You really need to leave him alone about basketball. If you are taking his class then well you are on your own." I couldn't stop my laugh as the group laughed around me. "Coach B," Mike called out and I looked over at him. "Can we do anything else for you? You are one of the best coaches and we miss you but we also understand,"
I felt my chest squeeze and I smiled, "Win and work hard in the gym. I want you to do that for me. I also want to kick your asses in a quick pick-up game." The group laughed and I smiled over at my friends. I was blessed with them all.
Gabi's POV
"Daddy is coming and he is going to be so excited to see you both," I whispered as I was holding Saylor. I spent most of my day with Sutton in my lap as I worked from my computer and my phone so now, I was taking the time with Saylor. My mom had bid them both a good-bye when Troy sent a text that he was on his way. When Jax called me earlier and asked if Troy could stay for a pick-up game with the kids – I knew it was the best idea. He needed it.
I had taken a few phone calls and responded to a handful of emails. Marisa even told me I could still take my full 12 weeks when I went officially on maternity leave. I luckily went into labor on our week off and she was more than happy to overlook last week. I was so thankful for her and I couldn't wait for those 12 weeks. I was going go to the office every Wednesday morning and Friday afternoon to make sure that everything was going smoothly.
"A sight for sore eyes," I looked up when I heard his voice and I smiled tilting my head back. He was in a pair of sweats with a t-shirt as he dipped down to kiss my lips. "Wow, I missed you." He looked at Saylor on my chest and he grinned, "I missed you, too little mama," I laughed as he went to wash his hands before coming over. "Okay, I need all of the news please." He sat in the chair next to me when Sutton cried out. The smile that took over his face made my heart flutter. "Sorry buddy, I didn't forget about you." He stood up and walked over to pick up Sutton.
Troy paused as he stared at him before turning around to look at me. "He has no oxygen," I laughed with a nod, "He has no oxygen. They did a room air trial today and he has been doing fantastic." Troy picked him up and snuggled him close, "And he gained more weight. He's doing amazing," Troy kissed on his head before bringing him to the chair next to us. "How did his swallow study go?" I just smiled again. "Good. They didn't see anything of concern. They think it was just him being a little lazy with eating." Troy grinned, "Okay buddy, no more of that, okay?"
"That's just about the only thing holding him back though. Once he can safely figure out how to eat – we can get out of here with him." Troy pulled him back and talked to him as I smiled. "You are amazing little man! What did OT say?"
"They are going to feed him once a day for this entire week by bottle and see how he does with their feeding. Tomorrow, we might be able to try a breast feeding in the afternoon as long as he is awake. No sleepy feeding."
"The others by bottle?" I nodded and I knew what he was going to say, "His next is at five. He only gets 15mls but do you want to do it?" Troy just nodded with a smile on his face. I reached over to squeeze his hand. "Okay, okay, so much good news about Sutton. What about Saylor?" I couldn't contain my grin. "She's getting extubated tomorrow morning." Troy blinked once and then twice before a grin spread over his lips.
"Holy shit, no way?" I nodded my head, "She had such a good day today. As long as she has a good night, they will do it tomorrow morning."
"Saylor!" he reached over to stroke her head. "Wow, so much good today. I leave for one day," he deflated slightly, "Work," I nodded, "I know. I thought the same thing but I talked with Jax who said you have plan during third period. He would cover the start of your fourth if you are running late to come be here for it and to hold her after she is extubated." Troy looked at Saylor and he smiled with a shake of his head. "You're amazing."
"I want you to be here for this. This is the start of the beginning. This is the start of us moving forward." He cradled Sutton and I smiled at Saylor as Troy reached over for my hand. "You're right – this is the start of the beginning. Big things are coming for us."
They came around and Troy did the temperature on Sutton and changed his diaper. The nurse did the rest of the assessment and then handed Troy the bottle. "Okay, so, we are feeding Sutton a little different now. We have him side-lying," she helped position him and when he had it, she handed him the bottle. "Now, let him kind of get used to sucking and now tip the milk in…" Troy followed her directions as I watched him feed our son.
"Now, after about 3-4 sucks tilt the bottle back to give him a break and then go again. We call that pacing." Troy caught on quickly and they worked together. Ellie watched Sutton's saturations and monitored him. He took the whole 15mls within ten minutes. "Good job buddy," Troy laid him on his shoulder to burp him as he was also doing so well maintaining his temperature. He was in a little preemie zip-up blue sleeper while he snuggled with his daddy while Ellie connected the rest of his feed through his NG tube.
We had the team effort to put Saylor back in her bed as they did her assessment: I helped take her temperature and changed her diaper. I held her hand while they did the rest because she tried to each for her tube and pull it out. She tried to cry but the tube was in the way. "I know, baby, I know." I gave her a little hand hug as she was still under four pounds but not by much. Once they hand her swaddled up, I sat with her to make sure she stayed calm. They were trying to wean her drips but she would get really feisty and upset needing them still.
I shut the door to her isolette before I went over to sit next to Troy and Sutton. I reached over to stroke his cheek and I smiled. "I love you," I looked up at Troy and I smiled at him, "I love you, too." Troy sighed with happiness all over his face. Today was a good day.
Woof! So many emotions for Troy and Gabi! Things are REALLY looking up for the both of them! I hope you all enjoyed the chapter!
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Next Update: November 7th
