Foreword

I apologize muchly for this taking sooo long to post. I'm running so stretched right now. School's almost out for me and I'm trying to get my grades up to somewhere around decent in two classes. I am going to keep trying to update monthly, but if I cannot please stick with me. I love you all for your encouragement. Really, it makes me feel excessively happy when I read a good review. Your support is wonderful. Thank you.

One thing I'd like you all to be aware of is that in July I am going to be in Oregon for a week or so. I have not decided if a chapter will be posted or not, but I will try! - I'm so happy to almost be done with my Freshman year. Love much, Othello's Adonis.

P.S. This chapter is kinda fluffy in the beginning, but gets a bit more serious towards the end. Guess you cannot write, serious stuff all the time, ne?

Faceless Abuser

"Someday, we gonna rise up on that wind…Someday, we gonna break free from these chains and keep on flying"

-Flipsyde-

Ryou rose the next morning from Bakura's bed in a sort of stupor. The events of last night swirled in his head. Bakura knew. He knew that Ryou was cutting himself. It was not so much the thought of it as it was the wonder of what Bakura would do. Would he take away the knife? Would he yell and hurt Ryou? Or would he just ignore it? Moving from the yami's bed, the small boy trudged slowly into the bathroom and turned on the water to wash his face. After he declared to himself he looked decent enough, Ryou moved to Bakura's closet to pull out a uniform.

He dressed slowly, not wanting to face any of the truths from the past two days. Moving out of Bakura's room, the light tiptoed down to the kitchen only to find Bakura sitting at the table, seemingly glaring at him.

"Eat your breakfast and go get changed. You're staying home today," Bakura's rough voice floated around the room, but softly. It almost seemed to be an angel's feather, soft and gentle landing by and tickling Ryou's pale ears. The hikari merely blinked.

"I beg your pardon?" Ryou's voice was tight, almost sounding forced.

"I said that you're staying home today. I called you in sick," Bakura tried to sound annoyed, then sighted and ground out," Look, if you aren't going to eat, then go change into one of those big shirts of mine. I want to talk to you."

"There's nothing to talk about. And I need to go to school, we have an important test today," Ryou replied in a monotone.

"The hell there isn't! And the hell you are!" The yami slammed his fist onto the kitchen table, making Ryou jump up one stair in fear. Ryou quickly gathered up his wits and ran for the door. He had it open, he would make it. As he got to the first step two arms wrapped themselves around his neck and shoulders.

"Ryou," Bakura whispered into his light's ear," Please. Listen to me."

Ryou shut his eyes tightly before sighing and nodding his head in agreement. Bakura slid his arms down until his fingers brushed the light's own. Lacing his fingers between one of the smaller boy's fingers, he lead the brown eyed boy back into the house.

Ryou quietly walked back up to Bakura's room and grabbed a button up shirt out of the other's closet. The sleeves were long as to hide the cuts that adorned his right arm and the colour of the shirt was black. Not one of those faded colour blacks; it was still pure black, like the midnight sky. And the smell was unique. It was like walking in an old ruin filled with jasmine with the faint hint of vanilla. There was even the smell of soft, old dust. It felt ancient and safe.

"You know, that shirt looks pretty good on you," a voice came from behind, rousing Ryou from the daydream. Turning, he saw Bakura leaning on the frame of the door, arms crossed with one leg in front of the other. Pushing off the doorframe, Bakura walked over to Ryou, who was blushing and looking down, and pulled out the sides of the shirt.

"Hmmm, it is a bit big though," Bakura chuckled before smoothing the cloth along Ryou's thin frame, stopping his hands on his light's hips. Ryou took in a deep breath, trying to quell his trembling body, hoping Bakura would not notice. But, as with all things, Bakura noticed and backed away, removing his hands.

" Sorry. Look, come downstairs now okay?" Bakura turned away from the small boy and trudged down the stairs. Ryou followed shortly after, but not before grabbing the blanket off of Bakura's bed to wrap around himself.

"Bakura," Ryou called in a small voice," Bakura, I borrowed your blanket okay?" A sudden force swept Ryou's feet out from underneath him, scaring him into hysteria. He began to scream but soon found an obstacle, making it quite difficult. Lips had descended upon his, quieting him. The kiss was soft and gentle, not harsh like the kisses Bakura gave. The other's lips softly kneaded Ryou's lips and that's where Ryou snapped open his eyes and tried to push away from the body that was holding him prisoner.

"Ryou! Calm down dammit!" a hard voice commanded. The frightened boy recognized to voice and quieted immediately. He shivered in Bakura's arms, wishing desperately for his knife. Also just to be away from Bakura. The way he was being held was so like that night, by the same hands that felt their way all around his body. The same breath was blowing gently against him, sending unwanted tingles all throughout his body. The night of Ryou's fall from innocence kept playing over and over inside his head. Every moan, every gasp, every touch was committed to memory inside his mind.

"Get away from me!" he screamed and writhed within Bakura's grip until the yami dropped him. Ryou shot off like a bat out of hell towards his room. Upon reaching his destination, he grabbed his comforter and wrapped it around his person, like a shield from the world. Pushing up his sleeve, he began to scratch at the cuts, trying to draw blood.

"What are you doing, idiot!" two arms grabbed the smaller's, stopping the mutilation. Ryou screamed at his yami to go away and to let him go, but Bakura just held him there, wrapping his arms around the hysterical boy.

Ryou struggled and struggled until he was too tired to fight anymore. Soon, he began to sob. Turning in Bakura's grip he sobbed into the older one's chest, seeming to forget that this was the person that had done all those terrible things to him. Bakura did nothing, just sat there and let his hikari sob on him.

"Why?" Ryou whispered, "Why is it, after everything you've done to tear my life apart, you're the one that provides the most comfort?"

"I don't know," Bakura whispered back, wrapping a single arm around Ryou's back and up into the smaller's platinum hair.

"Your touch, no matter how much pain and fear it brings, seems to wash away the hurt of the rest of the world, just as rain washes away the signs of a bad yesterday."

"Ryou…" Bakura pulled his body back and peered into the brown orbs that were so much like his own. There he saw an explosion of emotions. There was fear, hurt, anger, a touch of kindness that was always there no matter what, a glimmer of hope and something else. Something that Bakura was almost afraid to identify. It meant something to those that regarded the emotion and embraced it.

Bakura then did something that could be considered extremely stupid. He leaned down and kissed Ryou, holding him in place with his arms. The hikari went into a sort of shock and just let it happen. Bakura pushed both of them backwards to lie down on the bed, still kissing Ryou.

Suddenly then, something happened Bakura did not expect. Ryou started kissing him back. It was timid and it leaked of fear, but in was still a return kiss. When the kiss ended, Bakura looked into the pinned boy's chocolate eyes and saw nothing but complete submission. His eyes were glazed over as if he were simply waiting for the entire moment to end. He had the look of a dead person. This reaction to the passion Bakura was embellishing upon him, made the yami angry and he slapped Ryou without even thinking.

"What's with you! Is this how you react to someone showing you passion? Gods, no wonder no one wants to be your lover!" Bakura screamed in frustration.

"But, you do," a quiet whisper left Ryou's bruised lips.

"What?"

"But, you do. You throw passion on me as if it were some cheap piece of clothing. Why else would you keep a this parade of kisses and embraces if you did not feel anything for me?" Ryou pushed himself up to bring his pale face up closer to his yami's. Bakura stumbled off the bed and away from his light, face totally flushed.

"What's the matter, Bakura? You're acting funny," Ryou made a twisted smile and cocked his head to the side. Bakura, finally beating down his blush, growled and pounced at Ryou, pinning him to the bed once again. This time though, instead of kisses, there were punches and slaps.

"I'm the one acting weird, Ryou? Not at all. I'm acting just like I always do."

"Ah, yes, you seem to be," Ryou mocked, making Bakura even angrier as he pounded to fragile body into the mattress.

"Dammit! You little whore! You mean nothing to me! You hear me! Nothing!" Bakura fumed and raged. When his anger was used up and gone, Bakura removed himself from the bed and stalked towards the door, leaving Ryou lying on the bed, bloody and crying.

"Yep," Ryou whispered to himself as he carved more marks into his arm with the knife that had been left on the floor, "that's the Bakura I know. He really hasn't been acting any different. Maybe it has just been me…"

Ryou's body shook with sobs before he actually managed to get up from his place on the bed and stumble towards the shower. Turning the knob for cold, he stepped in and let the water wash over him.

"This is who I am," he thought aloud, "I'm completely numb and alone within this foul body that keeps me trapped on this horrible planet we call Earth. Why does it have to be this way? Life never seems to want to give me a break. It always wants to see me cry. Well, now it can't, because I won't cry anymore. I won't let Life have that single satisfaction."

Ryou stepped out of the shower, dried off and got dressed again. Moving downstairs, he walked to the door, completely ignoring his yami.

"Where are you going?" Bakura demanded.

"None of your business," Ryou replied before shutting the door behind him. He walked to the closest electronics store and purchased a Walkman and several CDs. Next he went to a clothing department store and bought some new pairs of jeans, lots of tank tops, long sleeved shirts and three hoodies.

When he finally got home, Ryou had several bags hanging off his arms. Once again ignoring his yami, the boy marched up to his room and set down all the bags. Then, he found the hardware tools in he hall closet and set out to fix his bedroom door.

After taking two hours to get the door fixed and actually aligned straight with the doorframe, Ryou locked himself in his room to begin his transformation. Through it all though, the small boy knew it was just a shell to hide under because he couldn't admit that he was afraid to let reality in. It meant that the world would intrude on his last place of peace and solitude and with it powerful jaws, tear him apart.

No, Ryou wanted to be able to hide from the bare truth for as long as he possibly could if not forever. It meant though, that he would have to change his world into something different. He did not want to feel so scared, so alone, and that is what frightened him the most. The fact that he was alone.

Ryou fell to his knees in front of the bed and began to sob on the black comforter.

"It's raining again, how sad. The rain makes me sad," Ryou sobbed till he could not release any more tears. Forcing himself to stand, the small boy continued to bustle about the room and put everything he had purchased away. The CDs went into a drawer with the Walkman and the new clothes went into the closet. Looking at his clock, Ryou saw that it was still only two o' clock. Smiling to himself, he pulled out his Walkman and one of the new CDs. The volume was kept low but it did not really matter to the hikari anyway, it was not really for listening to. It was just an object to fill his mind with other thoughts.

When Ryou woke from the nap he had dozed into, he realized it was dark outside. Sighing and pushing himself off the bed, he put away the Walkman. Now what to do? He had finished all his homework and it was the weekend anyway, so, now what? Ryou moved over to the phone and dialed a number.

"Hello, Otogi speaking."

"Hello, Otogi, its Ryou."

"Oh, hey man! How are you? We were all pretty worried after you fainted yesterday."

"eh-heh heh heh. Sorry to make you guys worry. I just was not feeling too well that day."

"I kinda deduced that."

"Yeah. Hey, can I come over for a bit?"

"Huh? Sure, why?"

"Ah, just needed to get out of this house."

"I see. Well, should I come get you or will you just come over here?"

"I'll walk there, m'kay?"

"Kay. Bye."

"Bye bye."

Twenty minutes later, Ryou stood in front of his friend's house waiting for the door to be answered. Otogi smiled at his friend when the door opened. Ryou walked up and quickly hugged his friend before darting into the house. It felt so good to get away from that house full of memories.

"By the way Ryou, I adore your new wardrobe. Black really suits you," Otogi smirked at his friend playfully.

"Shove off, Otogi. I've gone for a change in style," Ryou responded, quickly catching on to the game.

"Now, now, why so feisty, eh?" The black haired man purred, " It's just that you look like some sort of villain from a Final Fantasy game."

"Ah, about that, would you straighten my hair for me?"

"Um, sure, but why? I like your hair the way it is."

" I told you I was changing my style. Have to include hair too, ne?"

" I suppose so."

"Wai! Thank you muchly, Otogi!" Ryou glomped his friend, sending them both to the floor laughing. Life seemed to be getting a little bit better behind the mask that was now set into place and would never, Ryou hoped, be cracked.

Wow…I didn't even manage to get this one up in April. Sorry about that! ;;; I tried, I really did! Anyways, I don't like this chapter. It is kinda undescriptive and boring. That's my opinion anyways. Gotta love the Final Fantasy reference though. Lots and lots 'o' dialogue in this chapter. Pretty dry for the most part and I hope to make the official May chapter much, much better. Sorry to have kept you waiting so long.

Much Love,

Othello's Adonis