Well, I'm finally writing another chapter of Faceless Abuser. I'm sure you all loved me for the incredibly long break I took. I'm sorry about that but I had a lot of crap piling from school. So, I needed a few months to rest up. Again, I'm sorry about such a long break. Oh, and since it seems has forbidden people to use lyrics from songs, I can no longer give you song lyrics to accompany my chapters, I'll have to find something else….I really don't wanna get in trouble, but I liked doing song lyrics….Sorry. This'll be the last time I put song lyrics up.
Faceless Abuser
"When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears/ When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears/ And I've held your hand through all of these
years/ But you still have all of me"
-My Immortal.Evanescence-
Ryou was the first one to wake up and instantly realized he wasn't in his own room. He sat up quickly, rather frightened. The platinum blond surveyed the room and only then did he realize that he wasn't alone on the bed. Looking down, Ryou saw Bakura's sleeping form lying next to him. He was about to panic and rush out of the bed, but didn't. He was still clothed and so was Bakura, meaning the other hadn't taken advantage of his weakness last night when he came home. This was either a reason for concern or a blessing sent from God. Ryou sincerely hoped it was the latter.
Eventually he became too restless and wiggled his way out of the bed, careful not to wake the still sleeping other. Once he managed to accomplish this task, he quickly went to his room to change. He needed to get into new clothes. This of course led to him barely holding back a scream of surprise when he saw that his room had been completely ransacked. Joy. He would have to put it back together again later. Ryou knew who took his room apart, but he wasn't about to go yell at Bakura for invading his privacy. That could turn into a death sentence.
Picking up a few things off the floor, the platinum blonde pulled a clean navy blue shirt out of the drawer and a clean pair of faded blue jeans out of the closet. He really didn't feel any need to be picky since he wasn't going to school today anyways. Walking back to the doorway, he turned around to survey the damage before heading downstairs to prepare some food. This was his usual routine, which meant that Ryou was pretty much on autopilot right now. Not that it mattered. It gave him time to think over everything that had happened in the last week.
He pulled on his black cooking apron that was given to him at Christmas and pulled a hair tie out of one of the two pockets on the apron. He couldn't very well have his hair getting in that way and catching fir or something odd like that. Ryou pulled his hair up into a comfortable ponytail and then set to work with his cooking. Hmmm…Bakura likes pancakes. I'll make those then. Once finished deciding, the teen pulled out everything he'd need to make pancakes. Now he could use these precious few moments to think over a few things. So…let's make a timeline. Bakura has been abusing me ever since he could make a physical form…he raped me three or four days ago…he shows up at my school and slaps me in front of everyone…he then says he won't go to my school dance when I ask him and shows up anyways when I'm dancing with Malik…we fight in front of everyone and scream about how he raped me…I run home and try to kill myself…Bakura saves me…I come home all confused and Bakura confesses that he loves me…We sleep together…Bakura does not take advantage on me…
Ryou set down the bowl he was mixing things in to sighed and hold his head. This was giving him a headache just thinking about it. It was like some sadistic trick of Bakura's to confuse the hell out of him. It was agitating. Shaking his head again, Ryou picked up where he left off in making the pancakes for his Yami. His mind was still trailing through all the events he'd just chronicled. It didn't take long to finish up the pancake batter and start making the actual pancakes. Not long after this, he heard movement upstairs, meaning that Bakura had finally woken up.
Even though Ryou had thought about how he would act around the spirit earlier, he now felt his heart jump into his throat. Talking wasn't the same thing as doing. He inhaled deeply to calm his nerves down and finish the pancakes without burning any of them. He was finished just before the soft thump of feet told Ryou that Bakura was coming down the stairs to eat…or at least find out where he went. Ryou put a plate full of pancakes on the table before continuing to bustle about and grab things like syrup and butter for Bakura.
"Oh, good morning, Bakura. Breakfast is ready if you'll just wait a moment for me to get a plate for you," Ryou smiled calmly at Bakura before doing exactly as he'd said he was doing. He reached up and grabbed a plate off one of the top shelves. He turned to put it on the table only to have Bakura right in front of him, startling the poor boy and making him almost drop the plate. "W…What is it? Bakura? Is something the matter?"
The yami didn't reply, simply looked down at the other and pulled the plate from his hands to set on the counter. This made Ryou feel uneasy. Bakura was watching him with such intense eyes, he was sure he was blushing by now. "Really, Bakura, what is it?"
Again he didn't reply but this time instead of watching him stoically, Bakura leaned down to bring his face closer to Ryou's. The teen made a meep-like sound and leaned as far back as he could without breaking his back. Bakura followed after him and caught his face with his hands. Ryou's eyes became quite wide when the older of the two kissed him gently on the lips. He was afraid of this, afraid of what he would have to admit, so he didn't do anything. He waited for Bakura to move away, which he did eventually, but it wasn't far enough away for Ryou to feel any better than before. Instead, one hand remained on his cheek and the other slid down to rest beside his hip on the counter. The hikari's breathing hitched as his yami leaned down again to kiss him again. This time though, after a few moments Ryou's eyes slid shut as well. He didn't kiss back, per say, but he did push back against the other's lips lightly.
Bakura pulled back after that to look Ryou in the eyes. Apparently what he saw there made him hang his head and then rest it on Ryou's shoulder. "I'm sorry….That…I shouldn't have done that. I just don't know how to make you understand that I meant it when I said, 'I love you.' 'Cause I do, Ryou. I really do. I may have hurt you for a long time, but you always took it. You were stronger than me. I always liked it when you smiled. I don't know why I beat you up so much. I really don't. When I see you with your friends, you're always smiling and look so happy. But when you see me, you look afraid and cry. I hated that there was a side of you I couldn't have. I wanted all of you for myself. No one else should be allowed to see your smile. It's my precious thing. The thing I love so much that it hurts when he leaves me alone. But it hurts even more when the one I love is around me and doesn't acknowledge my love for them. I want my precious person to smile that way only for me. I don't want anyone else to be allowed to see that smile…"
Something moist wet Ryou's shirt and he realized, with no uncertainty that Bakura was crying. Bakura never cried. It wasn't part of his nature to cry like that and it made Ryou worry. One of his pale hands came up to half hug Bakura and shortly after that the other joined in. The yami didn't move at all and simply settled for crying even harder. This really made Ryou worry. He didn't like it when people cried. "Don't cry, Bakura. Please don't cry. If you cry, so will I."
"But then that means you feel what I feel…"
Ryou didn't really know how to explain this. He felt like he was holding a child all of a sudden. "I can understand your feelings, Bakura. I really can. I felt that way about someone before as well. I didn't want to share them with the world. But if you try to force your love on a person it becomes a burden and they may not like you anymore. One-sided love really is very painful. But, Bakura…I can't. I just can't. I love that you love me and it makes me happy, but I can't return these feelings. At least not now. I don't understand everything that's going on in my life. You, my friends, my own mind, you again. I feel so confused right now and I haven't had any time to sort out my feelings. I don't understand anything anymore…Everything changed between us on that night. Everything."
Neither person moved at all. Bakura continued to cry on Ryou and slowly wrapped his arms around the smaller's waist. The boy fought off the urge to flinch and continued to hold onto Bakura. They just sort of stood there, both hugging each other awkwardly. Ryou shifted from one foot to another to readjust his weight distribution, but still held on. He would hold on as long as Bakura needed him to. He just couldn't explain it. He didn't hate the spirit even though he had every right to. He had been tortured by this man for years and now he had a chance to hurt him back, but he couldn't. Ryou wasn't that type of person. Yes, Bakura had hurt him, but Ryou couldn't hold onto pain and sorrow forever. It only made a person bitter and cruel. Instead, he let it go. This was the moment where atonement was made. Bakura was sorry and even said he was. He poured his heart out to the boy, risking everything and came out a winner in the oddest way. Ryou may not return his feelings but he did accept them and his apology. That was enough to make any person feel like everything had been washed away and given them something clean to work with. And he could do it, too. He could become a good person, a person Ryou would want to love.
"Don't change, Bakura. I love you just the way you are. You have your own personality. Don't change it so that I'll love you. 'Cause then it isn't love. It's a pretense relationship. If I fall in love with you, I want it to be because of who you really are deep inside your heart, not because of who you try to be in front of me," Ryou whispered softly, making Bakura jump a little bit. How had he known what he was thinking? That was freaky. The mind link was closed, so there was no way that was how he figured it out. Bakura was about to keep pondering when Ryou interrupted his thinking process yet again. " Don't worry so much about it Bakura. I just have a keen sense on insight and empathy. Just be who you are deep down in your heart and I'm sure I'll love you."
He smiled softly at Bakura who nodded silently. He couldn't explain what made him say that, but something deep within him hoped he would love the person Bakura was deep down inside. He knew there was compassion and goodness in there somewhere, but it was up to Bakura to find it. If he couldn't, then they wouldn't be together. However, Ryou had a feeling he'd wait for however long it took for Bakura to find all this within himself. He would wait to see what kind of person Bakura really was. If he could cry, he could do many other things.
"Will you wait for me?"
"What?"
"Will you wait for me to find that person deep inside myself?"
"…Yeah."
Bakura hugged Ryou tightly before letting go and the smaller boy did the same.
"Now you need to eat. I made all these pancakes for you after all," Ryou smiled at him and went about doing what he had been doing before Bakura had trapped him the first time. He picked the plate up off the counter, got some silverware and set the table for one.
"Aren't you going to eat?" Bakura watched the teen with slightly curious eyes. They were still a bit red from crying.
"Oh, no. I don't have much of an appetite right now. I'll eat later…after I've made some progress with my room. It seems to have been demolished last night," he spoke in an innocent voice but saw Bakura freeze for a moment and then go on eating his pancakes.
"I had to clear your room of anything you might use to hurt yourself when I can't get to you," Bakura replied simply. "I can't have you cutting your wrists again or just cutting in general. It isn't good for you, you know, It makes you skin weak."
"Ah, I see," Ryou smiled slightly and walked up the stairs. "Clear up for me when you're done, kay?"
He didn't wait to see Bakura nod. He knew the other would do that for him. Walking back up to his room, Ryou sighed. He had a lot of work to do. He had meant it when he said his room was basically completely demolished. Things were thrown all over the place, his bed overturned and several lamps knocked over. Oh, boy. The platinum blonde walked in and simply began picking things up and putting them back where they belonged. That was the easiest way to do this. Any other way would take too much effort. Before Ryou was even really aware of it, several hours had gone by and his room was back to being pretty much how it looked before Bakura came ripping through it. He smiled to himself and walked back downstairs. He hadn't heard from Bakura since the morning. Walking into the little family room, he found out why. Bakura was completely out on the couch. He looks much cuter when he sleeps. He looks younger and less burdened.
Ryou turned and headed to the kitchen, his stomach making light growling noises. The hikari smiled to himself again and began boiling some water for tea. He didn't want to make anything complex, so he'd settle for making tea and an egg sandwich. That was always yummy. It didn't take long to make either, nor did it take long to eat. Ryou finished up quickly and then cleaned off all the dishes that needed cleaning. Everything he did today was relatively simple. He made simple food and kept to doing only simple tasks. It was things like that that made Ryou really happy though, so it was a good thing. He liked taking his time doing simple things because then he could enjoy it more. Finishing off the rest of his tea, Ryou cleaned the glass and set it out to dry. "There…all done with-eep!"
Ryou felt to arms wrap around his waist and he looked up, his heart already freaking out. Bakura smiled at him sleepily and spoke with the sleepy slurred voice. "Hey, Ryou. Whatcha doing?"
"Oh god, Bakura. You scared me," Ryou looked up at him still, forcing his heart to calm down. This was…nice, for lack of a better word. He didn't feel afraid or overly happy, just content. Which made him unconsciously lean back to rest his back against Bakura's chest. I wonder if this is what it's supposed to feel like when you're married to someone…Not excited, not afraid. You're just there and nothing can ruin you. You're safe in your lover's arms and they'll protect you…The doorbell rang and Ryou looked over to it. He looked back up at Bakura who looked like he was half asleep. "Bakura…I should probably get the door. It's probably Yuugi and all them coming to yell at you…"
"I'm in no mood to go at it with the Pharaoh and his brat," Bakura mumbled, hot breath lightly running against Ryou's cheek and making him shiver. The doorbell rang again and this time a few knocks came after it.
"Maybe not, but they aren't going to go away. And if Malik or Marik is with them, they'll find some way in here," Ryou sighed. Bakura squeezed him around his waist gently and let go.
"Oh, alright, alright. I'm going to go hide up in my room," he mumbled and yawned before waving and heading up the stairs. Ryou smiled in a slightly fond manner before opening the door to several angry and upset faces.
"Uhm…Hello," Ryou blinked, feeling slightly awkward. It was like they expected Bakura to answer the door or something. Upon the pack realizing it was Ryou and not Bakura who was at the door, their gazes softened. Malik spoke up first.
"Hey, Ryou. Is Bakura in?" everyone standing on his steps nodded, wanting to know.
"Yes, but he's sleeping right now," Ryou replied softly.
"Then we're going to wake him up," Anzu stomped her foot on the ground and pushed past Ryou to get to Bakura's room.
"I wouldn't, Anzu-san. He really is tired and isn't in a good mood," Ryou sighed, hoping that would stop her. It made her pause for a moment and turn to look at him.
"And how would you know?"
"Uhm…" Ryou blinked again, clearly confused. "Because I've lived with him for at least six years? Look, I don't see where this game of 20 questions is going…"
"And it isn't because he beat you up to make his mood better/" Anzu almost yelled accusingly when a plush toy hit her in the head.
"Would you shut up already? Can't a guy get any sleep around here?" Bakura came down the stairs, looking slightly agitated.
"Why don't you all come in," Ryou spoke in a quieter voice than before, which made his friends wonder. Did Bakura's presence do that? "Would any of you like something to drink? Tea? Soda?"
They all shook their heads no, but Bakura shook his head yes. This made Anzu snort and say loudly, "You live here. Get it yourself."
"Now you listen here, Manzaki," the yami growled, turning to face her. Ryou came up and put a hand on Bakura's arm to calm him.
"Come on now, Bakura. Don't be like that. They're just worried about my well being," Ryou smiled awkwardly at them. With other people there, everything became awkward between them. "What would you lie to drink, Bakura?"
"Iced tea, please," he said calmly, making everyone stare at each other and shift around uncomfortably. What the hell was going on here?
"One iced tea coming right up," Ryou smiled at his double and walked off into the kitchen to prepare said drink. No one spoke for a moment and then everything erupted at once into nothing but tangled pieces of conversation. The boy could ignore it for the most part while they all seemed to bicker and brought Bakura his iced tea. That was when everyone quieted down again. This didn't help Ryou feel any better. Why were they all acting this way?
"Is it true, Ryou?" Yuugi blurted out the question suddenly, yet calmly. Ryou looked at him with calm eyes. Yuugi was always the one that managed to speak up when no one else could and for that he respected him. "What you yelled about at the dance, is it true?"
Ryou sat down in a bit squishy chair. He curled his legs up underneath him and looked at them each before fixing his eyes exclusively on Yuugi and replying, "Yes, it's true."
This apparently wasn't they answer they were hoping for as there were many gasps and horrified looks. Ryou shrugged and looked over at a painting on the wall. It would help him keep his calm. He knew there was a storm coming after all.
"But why didn't you report it to the police, Ryou? They can do something about it," Honda took his turn speaking. Ryou turned away from his calming painting to look at him.
"Because I didn't want to. Admitting that so soon after it happen would be like reliving the moment all over again. And I couldn't live with that," Ryou sighed, looking over at Bakura and seeing him tense.
"And why is he even here in this room? This isn't something he needs to listen in on," Jou growled, pointing to Bakura, which made the yami retaliate by glaring at him.
"We are dancing around a topic that concerns him and he does live here as well, Jou-kun. I can't very well kick him out of a house he lives in with me," Ryou replied calmly. He had to stay cam. He knew the storm was still waiting to hit and that it would hit hard.
"That doesn't mean he has to be in here listening to the conversation!" Anzu stood and shrieked. Oh, boy. There was no stopping it now.
"Goddammit, Manzaki! Sit the fuck down and stop screaming about how I shouldn't be here! I'll be here if I want to dammit!" Bakura stood and roared loudly, making her shy back into her seat. Once Anzu was subdued into her seat, Bakura took up his place in a reclining chair again. "That's better."
"Can we not use yelling, please? It's agitating," Ryou shifted around in his seat and everyone turned his or her attention back on him.
"Ryou-kun, why didn't you come to school today?" Yuugi spoke again for them all. "Are you hurt or sick or something?"
"No, Yuugi-kun, I'm not hurt or sick. I just decided to take a day off. I needed it. I've had a long week," Ryou explained, closing his eyes and shifting around again. He couldn't get comfortable. Something was missing. He felt fine earlier when Bakura had been holding him, but now…Ryou's eyes snapped open when he realized what he'd just thought of. Bakura made him comfortable. He liked being in his double's arms. He liked the gentle, warm arms protecting him. The teen looked over at Bakura when he finished with his realization and started to tear up. Next he felt tears running down his face. He tried to wipe them away, but more just took the place of the ones he'd removed. Ryou cursed softly under his breath and kept at it, but couldn't seem to stop.
Everyone watched in mild surprise as Ryou started to cry. Bakura especially was confused and surprised. What was wrong? He stood and growled to make the rest of the inhabitants of the room stay in their seats. They did as they were silently told. He kneeled in front of Ryou and shook him lightly, gently. "Ryou? Ryou, what's the matter?"
He jumped when someone touched him and looked at who it was. He felt like crying all over again. It was Bakura who got to him first. The teen sniffled and uncurled his body to grab onto Bakura. This surprised the other and he fell back a bit, taking Ryou with him to the floor. Not that this really mattered to the boy; he just sniffled again and held onto Bakura even tighter.
Bakura was really confused now, but felt something wash over him like it always did when he held Ryou. It was that feeling that everything he'd ever done wrong didn't matter anymore. All that mattered was this moment; here and now. He kept one arm on the ground to prop them up and wrapped the other around Ryou's lower back.
It came again. That feeling of complete and utter ease. He didn't have to move around anymore to be comfortable. He just had to hold onto Bakura and everything would disappear. Ryou clutched onto Bakura's shirt and began crying all over again. Oh, God, he was in such trouble. He really was falling deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole that made love so confusing and twisted. He could feel his heart cam down and his breathing became even again. Everything was back in its perfect balance and Ryou found the place were he belonged. In the arms of his captor, tormentor and probably closest friend. This was home.
DunDunDun! No, it's not the end, though this would make a very cute and fluffy ending. Ryou's waking up and realizing that he feels safest in Bakura's arms. Yay! I've finally gotten through another chapter. I hope you can all forgive me for taking so bloody long to get it done and up. I tried to make it a little bit longer than some of my other chapters and I promise to try to get chapter eight up hopefully before March is over, but id may not be until mid April. Once summer comes, my updates should became monthly again. Love to all, Othello.
