Chapter Six: Highland Days
Chris: [narrating] Last time on Total Drama Destiny, the fourteen remaining players were dropped off in Madagascar, emphasis on the dropped, and we tasked them to find pieces of their team medallion scattered throughout the island. They searched high and low, coming up close and personal with a bunch of the local wildlife. Everything from relentless lemurs, to being swept away by the current, to the ferocious feline fossa tribe!
Daria: [narrating] Actually, despite resembling a cat, the fossa is actually more closely related to the mongoose.
[scene shows the cockpit]
Chris: Gah! Daria, what are you doing in here?!
Daria: My spidey senses were tingling on the basis that someone didn't know the correct information about a species. Plus, I thought it would be funny to see the look on your face when I cut in on your oh so brilliant recap.
Chris: If you'd scurry right on outta here, that'd be great.
Daria: [shrugs] Whatever, continue on with explaining to the audience what happened in the previous episode in case they didn't watch it. [walks out of the cockpit]
Chris: Oooooookay...that was awkward.
Chef: She wasn't wrong though, it was pretty funny seein' the look on yo' face when you jumped. [chuckles until he sees Chris glaring at him and then clears his throat]
Chris: [narrating] As I was saying, the teams fought hard, but in the end, Team Cajun emerged victorious with being the first to complete their medallion. While it looked like Team Daredevil's efforts to get along may have all been for not, it was Team Siamese who was heading to elimination before they got lucky with Sly's mysterious disappearance during the challenge. [on-screen] Where that raccoon's gone is anyone's guess, did he go out searching for some mysterious treasure to steal, did he get caught by one of the tribes, or is he just playing plain old hide and seek? One can never know with someone like Sly Cooper, much like one can never know if Team Daredevil will hold out their current alliance until the merge if they can make it that far. Well, we'll just have to find out on the latest episode of Total...Drama...Destiny!
[cue theme song, the episode continues]
[scene shows economy class where Teams Daredevil and Siamese are sat on opposite sides of each other]
Thomas: So he just...disappeared?
Starlight: Last time we saw him, he was trying to lead the lemurs away from us. Where he went after that, we've no idea.
Scat: Hope the man's alright, that jungle's got all sorts a' things to look out for.
Thomas: Yeah, like getting swept away by the current.
Leshawna: Or gettin' pelted by a bunch a' hyper lemurs.
Si: What I don't understand is why he just abandoned us.
Am: Where was he even planning on going, anyway?
Dodger: Well, given that this is Sly Cooper we're talking about, I say he's off on another one of his quests, maybe tryna' uncover some kind a' treasure.
Roscoe: Treasure? In that jungle? The only thing he's gonna find is being kidnapped by some local tribe and made into a sacrifice.
Desoto: Why wait to be a sacrifice when that jerkass host's gonna do the deed beforehand? You all saw how he ejected us yesterday.
Thomas: One thing I don't understand is why he couldn't have just landed us normally, considering we were right above the island.
Scat: Must have been for "dramatic effect" or whateva' wack justification he can think of.
Roscoe: I tell you, if he tries somethin' like that again, I'll make sure he schedules an appointment with the dentist real soon.
Desoto: Please, knocking his teeth out is the bare minimum, given all he's been able to get away with, I could break several parts of his body if I wanted to.
Starlight: I know I probably shouldn't be encouraging you two, but to be honest, I wouldn't mind seeing McLean getting his ass handed to him.
Leshawna: Sure, we've gotten a few glimpses a' mind gettin' his due, but I want somethin' long term and not just some mere one-year jail sentence.
Si: Even I can see that's merely giving him a slap on the wrist like he's definitely not committed any major offenses.
Am: Whoever his lawyers are must be the particularly shady kind.
[the plane slightly jolts]
Dodger: ACK! Okay, now I'm really missing first-class right about now.
[scene cuts to the first-class section where Team Cajun is sat on opposite sides to one another on the chairs]
Cajun: [sighs contentedly] I don't think I'll eva' tire of being in this place.
Daria: For once, the nutcase makes a solid point, I could lay in this seat for the whole season and not do anything besides being waited on hand and foot.
Jane: By the way, I noticed you went up to the cockpit earlier, any in reason in particular other than to piss off you know who?
Daria: What can I say, I'm a sadistic bitch.
Jane: True that.
El Jefe: In light of recent news, it seems I no longer have to deal with that pesky Sly Cooper, what with him having gone to where the hell anyone knows.
Cajun: Tryna' relive the time he went AWOL in Egypt, ya' reckon?
El Jefe: Who knows, that raccoon is a sneaky son of a bitch with all kinds of crazy goals, I wouldn't lose any sleep over it.
[static buzzing]
El Jefe: Now that Cooper's out of the game, I can finally have a moment's peace around here without him trying to wind me up. Admittedly, I'm still curious about what he was trying to accomplish by going up and leaving like that, but so long as it doesn't interfere with my plans, it's none of my concern. Plus, I now have some actual privacy with these confessionals. [opens the door and suddenly Cajun falls into the confessional] ¡¿Que demonios?!
Cajun: Why hello there.
El Jefe: Were you seriously eavesdropping on me?
Cajun: I just wanted to hear more of that relaxed voice of yours, sug, given that a certain someone's outta the pictura', not that I had anythin' against Cooper and whatnot, but hearin' you talk like this and bein' at ease is just mrrrrrrrrrrrr…
El Jefe: You…you're a strange one, you know that?
Cajun: Yeah, I know.
[static buzzing]
Chris: Why hello, Team Cajun, hope you're all relaxed and ready for today's challenge, I was thinking for a special occasion, we'd go somewhere that feels like home, maybe bring back some old memories.
Jane: Shouldn't you be announcing this to the other teams as well?
Chris: Normally, that would be the case, but I decided for you guys to hear it first because of where we're going. I'm sure you'll have a great time reliving your past. [snickers as he walks away]
Daria: Is anyone else a little suspicious about the way he said that?
Jane: Knowing him, there's definitely a trick up his sleeve.
[scene cuts to the three teams gathered in the meeting area]
Chris: Greeting, ya'll. Today, I was thinking that we'd be going down to the southern part of the good old USA.
Daria: Well, isn't that convenient, returing to North America for the third time in a row, that's totally not running out of locations.
Chris: Funny you mention that, Daria, because where we're going might give you a trip down memory lane.
Daria: [raises a brow] What's that supposed to mean…[her expression suddenly turns pale]...no, you don't seriously mean…
Chris: Oh, yes, yes I do mean. [chuckles]
Jane: You alright there, you don't look too good.
Daria: I'm just gonna excuse myself for a little bit…
[static buzzing]
Daria: So the one place I swore never to return to has finally caught up with me...I hate this show.
[static buzzing]
[scene cuts to the plane landing on the outskirts of the city of Highland, Texas]
Si: Ugh, this place is disgusting.
Am: Did you seriously come from here?
Daria: Regrettably, yes.
Thomas: I don't mean to pry, but has this place always looked...you know?
Daria: Well, you can attribute a lot of those aspects to a certain pair of numbskulls. I would know, I was in high school with them before I moved to Lawndale. At least there's no sight of those two any…[notices Chris giving her a smirk]...no, no, don't you dare.
Chris: Oh, I would dare. [chuckles] It's safe to say that we'll be having a few guest stars joining us for today's challenge, two of which happened to create the idea for what you're all going to be doing.
Jane: And just how did you manage that?
Chris: Well, let's just say I made a few calls, told them that an old friend was coming by for a visit.
[static buzzing]
Daria: [bangs her head against the wall] This isn't happening, this isn't happening, this is not happening.
Jane: [enters the confessional] Caused that concussion yet?
Daria: I wish.
Jane: Listen, if anything happens, just wanted to let you know that I'll be there by your side.
Daria: [sighs] Yeah, thanks…
[static buzzing]
[the contestants are led through the city and most of them appear unimpressed with their surroundings]
Roscoe: Yuck, and I thought the backstreets of New York were a pigstain.
Desoto: What is this, the poor capital of the world?
Leshawna: Girl, you sure this was yo' birthplace? It looks a little too…
Daria: Dingy? Unorthodox? Barbaric?
Leshawna: Well...yeah, somethin' like that.
Starlight: I'm surprised anything can get done around here, would you look at the state of some of these buildings?
Dodger: Not to mention the people…[looks over to a group of people yelling at each other in the streets before it turns to punching one another]...yeeesh, no wonder you moved outta here.
Scat: I'm not sure if even a little music could spruce this place up.
Daria: Trust me, this place is damaged beyond repair.
Thomas: Never thought I'd see such a sight, but here I am.
[a teen on a skateboard rides past the contestants and bumps El Jefe on the shoulder, causing the tiger to growl in irritation]
El Jefe: Pedacito de mierda...how do you resist the urge to kill here?
Daria: Oh, it takes years of practice.
Jane: I'm assuming you'd know all about that.
Daria: Trust me, the pain's indescribable when you've got two idiot classmates who can't tell the difference between Coke and Pepsi.
Cajun: [looks toward a billboard of a rather slutty woman on it and shivers] Talk about indecency.
Jane: Isn't that ironic coming from you? You know, what with the whole thing of clinging onto the tiger and whatnot?
Cajun: What, can ya' blame me, just look at him.
Jane: Yeeeeeah, you can keep that to yourself.
Roscoe: [looks into an alley to see several teens making out with one another] Is this gonna be a recurring sight where you turn?
Daria: Let's see, given the fact that I lived here throughout most of my childhood, I'd say that assessment is correct.
Desoto: I'm gonna need some serious cleansing from having to look at all this.
Roscoe: Same here.
Dodger: You know, I believe I can assist with that, if ya' know what I mean.
Roscoe: Ah, yes, you down below worshipping me like the little pup you are.
Dodger: Ooooooooh, you are cold.
Desoto: Can't handle the chill, slick?
Dodger: Never said I couldn't.
[scene cuts to a stone bridge standing several feet above the ground as the contestants walk onto it]
Chris: Here we are at today's challenge sight, for assistance in showing us the ropes; they both share a brain cell and have quite possibly the lowest attention spans known to man; please welcome Beavis and Butthead!
[Daria cringes at the sight of two familiar teen boys approaching her and the group]
Beavis: Hehehe, hey look who it is, hehehe.
Butthead: Hehehe, it's Diarrhea, hehehe, decided to move back to Highland?
Daria: Oh yes, I just couldn't stay away from you two forever, unfortunately.
Beavis: Hehehe, couldn't resist comin' back for more, could you, hehehe.
Butthead: Hehehe, looks like she's got company if ya' know what I mean, hehehe.
Jane: Is it wrong that I suddenly have the urge to beat someone with a stick?
Si: Also, why do they talk like that, it's so obnoxious.
Am: I know, that laughter is just irritating to the ears.
Daria: Gee, now you know the story of my life.
Chris: Also, to assist us in the demonstration of what you'll be doing; here's our cheerleader twins; Amy and Samey!
Amy: Ugh, this place is so grody, how does one live in such a place?
Sammy: Honestly, you're not wrong there. Also, was the mispronunciation really necessary?
Chris: Meh, people seem to identify you better as Samey, so that's what I prefer to call you.
Sammy: Hey, that's not true.
Beavis: Hehehe, you're cute when you're mad, hehehe.
Butthead: Hehehe, same goes for you, hehehe.
Amy: Excuse me? Don't even think about it, geekwad. You and I are far from the same league, and if you even try to touch me, I will break you, understand?
Butthead: Ooooooh, hehehe, feisty, hehehe.
Beavis: Hehehe, I like that, hehehe.
Amy: [facepalms] Of all the places we had to be assigned to, why did it have to be Dork City?
Sammy: Um, is it normal to see police officers being corrupt in this place?
Beavis: We would know, we served as them, hehehe.
Butthead: Yeah, we apprehended a suspect, hehehe.
Roscoe: Knowing those two, we'd be able to evade them without so much as a gunshot,
Desoto: I mean, just look at them, scrawny little toothpicks they are.
Chris: Anyway, you two have ever so kindly given us the supplies we need to set the challenge in motion, and you two will be showing everyone else how to do it.
Amy: [sarcastically] Great, can't wait…
Sammy: I'm not so sure about this…
Chris: Well, there's no time for questions because the challenge is about to start, demos, take your places!
[Amy and Sammy walk up and stand on the bridge's guard wall as a rope is tied to their leg each]
Beavis: Hehehe, no need to shake.
Sammy: You sure, because I can see several reasons why I should.
Amy: Ew, quit touching my leg, creep!
Butthead: Hehehe, don't worry, this'll only take a second, hehehe.
Chris: Alright then, now that we got the decoys ready, BnB have kindly set the goal for this challenge down at the bottom of the bridge; each team has to collect an item of their team's color, pink for Siamese, blue for Daredevil, and gold for Cajun. The team that collects the most items before the timer is done wins themselves a ticket to first-class, while the team with the least items will be heading on to elimination.
Starlight: So we're essentially picking up garbage...great.
Chris: And to get down to the bottom, Amy and Samey will be demonstrating how it's done.
Amy: Don't you dare shove me.
Sammy: Please don't, I'm fragile.
Chris: Alright then, I won't…
[Chris casually whistles and turns around as the twins hesitantly look down to the bottom...before he shoves them both off the edge, the two screaming all the way down before the rope slings them back up with the THUD]
Amy and Sammy: OOF!
Amy: Ow, that hurt, you jerk!
Sammy: Ooooh, why me…?
Chris: Basically, that's gonna happen.
[static buzzing]
Roscoe: So we're reduced to picking up literal s**t from the ground as a challenge...could this show get anymore primitive?
Desoto: Not to mention, knowing the budget of this show, that rope's gonna snap and have us land on the hard concrete below.
Roscoe: Remind me to strap him to one of those loose ropes.
Desoto: Hmph, no need to tell me twice.
[static buzzing]
[scene cuts to black, the episode continues]
[scene shows Leshawna, Dodger, and Daria about to jump off for their respective teams]
Daria: The day I step back into this dumpster fire, I have to pick up it's trash...someone please send help.
Dodger: I suppose it could always be worse.
Daria: I don't think that's even possible.
[Ding! Ding!]
Daria: You've got to be kidding me.
Dodger: Yeeeep, there it is.
Chris: Ya'll know what that means, so…BEGIN!
[the music starts up]
Leshawna: Alright, ladies, I'm about to jump off
I keep on lookin' so don't you dare scoff
Starlight: Mind wanna work on a bit of improv
Oh, God, this is bad. Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!
Si and Am: Every day, I just pray, every move I make is right
Where I go, who I know, how I won't end up eliminated tonight
Thomas and Scat: And I worry, what if something goes horribly wrong?
I worry, what can I possibly do?
Everyone: Gotta get in, smack, right on track,
What comes close to that?
Until you get in, you ain't where it's at
'Cause, when you're out it's just the pits, you can never win
There's no doubt that the game doesn't begin until you're in
El Jefe: I'm not screaming to hear my own voice!
Don't try to fight me 'cause you ain't got a choice
Cajun: We ain't got time to be noice
So come on, ya'll! Go! Go! Go! Go!
Daria and Jane: Rip my clothes, break my nose
How I've followed every rule
Dodger: I'm on trial, all the while,
How I really do look like a fool
Roscoe and Desoto: I go crazy! Nobody cares what it does to me
It's crazy, crazy, I would go out of my mind
Everyone: To get in (in), smack (smack), right on track,
What comes close to that?
Until you've been in, you ain't where it's at (you gotta know where it's at)
'Cause, when you're out (out), it's (it's), just the pits, you can never win
There's no doubt (doubt), that (that), the game doesn't begin until you're in
[instrumental]
Scat: I don't know if I can pull it all, baby, leaving everything out
Thomas: It's so tight! It's so tight! It's so tight! Give that rope some slack!
Dodger: Shame on me, shame on me, why do I do this to myself
Roscoe: Get me on the line, on the line, get myself some help
Desoto: Get myself, get myself, get myself some help
Roscoe and Desoto: Get myself, get myself, get myself some help
Everyone: Someday
Thomas and Scat: Someday, someday!
Everyone: If I can just get through it all
Leshawna: I'm trying to show you the way
Everyone: Oh, someday
Si and Am: Someday, someday
Everyone: Maybe it will be worth it
Roscoe and Desoto: This is it!
Everyone: Gotta in (in), smack (smack), right on track
What comes close to that?
Until you've been (been), in (in), you ain't where it's at (you gotta know where it's at)
'Cause, when you're out (out), it's (it's), just the pits, you can never win
There's no doubt (doubt), that (that), the game doesn't begin...
Daria and Jane: No, the game doesn't begin. No, the game doesn't begin. No, the game doesn't begin
Everyone: Until you're in!
[a montage plays of the contestants taking turns to jump to the bottom of the bridge, Team Siamese's pile consisting of seven objects, Team Daredevil's pile consisting of six objects and Team Cajun's pile consisting of five objects]
El Jefe: Ugh, no puedes ser serio, we're got the least amount of items.
Jane: Okay, I don't mean to pry, but this rope is really starting to chafe my leg.
Cajun: Speak fo' ya'self, I think I'm gettin' a bit of red doen here.
Daria: What I know for certain, the two B's would never be able to make a rope this secure, not even if you paid them.
Desoto: Okay, so far, we're second in the running, but if I can grab two items, that should put us in the lead with the time we have left.
Roscoe: Well, considering what we have to work with, I say you take the shot, just don't break a leg.
Desoto: Ugh, you can say that again, I hate this stupid rope.
Roscoe: For real, my kicking leg's even feelin' off.
Si: Hmmm…
Am: Something on your mind?
Si: I believe I have a way to ensure we win the challenge by cutting out the middlemen, so to speak.
Am: Aaaaah, and how do you plan to do that?
Si: Simple; I'll just give the jumper of Daredevil a little "nudge" and make it look like an accident. Am: Oooooh, I like the sound of that.
Si: But of course, after all, no one's safe from our plans.
[Si, Desoto, and Cajun get ready to jump off the ledge for their respective teams when the Siamese puts her plan into motion by looking rather pale]
Desoto: The hell's up with you?
Si: Oh dear, I've just realized how terrified I am of heights.
[Si proceeds to "faint" as she lands on Desoto, causing him to fall on Cajun as their ropes become entangled with one another. The stretching on one another's ropes begins to loosen the support as the hole holding their legs weakens]
Desoto: Damn crazy bitch!
Cajun: Uh-oh, that don't look too good.
[the ropes' support loosens too much as it drops the two canines all the way down onto the concrete with a hard THUMP. The other contestants cringe at the sight of this]
Jane: Ouch.
Daria: That's not a good sign.
Cajun: Aaaaaaagh...ma' leg...I can't stand up…
Desoto: Neither can I, aaaaaah, damn…
Roscoe: [softly] Soto…
Thomas: You two alright down there?!
Desoto: Let's see, I'm stuck at the bottom of the bridge with my leg hurting like hell and I can't stand up...what does it look like, dumbass?
Thomas: I was just asking…
Chris: TIME! Let's see your progress.
Scat: Uh, excuse me, but-
Chris: Uh-huh...hmm...yup...well, it appears that it's no contest as to who won...Team Siamese!
[Leshawna and Starlight give each other an awkward smile at the victory while the twins wink at each other]
Si: Oh, you poor dears, I'm terribly sorry this happened to you.
Am: Terribly sorry indeed.
[static buzzing]
Si: Yeah, terribly sorry that you went up and lost it for your teams.
Am: That was excellent thinking on your part.
Si: Well, it wouldn't be a show without us causing a bit of trouble, wouldn't you say?
Am: Oh, I agree, if anything, we know how to bring the magic.
[scene cuts to Cajun and Desoto being carried out, the former by his twin and Dodger and the latter by El Jefe and Jane. As Daria follows on with the group, she notices Beavis and Butthead off to the side and scowls]
Daria: Oh, it's you two...again...wonderful…
Beavis: Ya' know, if you ever wanna come back for a visit, you're more than welcome, hehehe.
Butthead: Yeah, and bring your friend next time as well, hehehe.
Daria: Yeah, I'll be sure to make a mental note of that…[walks off, leaving the two boys on their own]
[static buzzing]
Daria: There's the thought...and out it goes,
[static buzzing]
[scene cuts to black, at the elimination ceremony]
Chris: Teams Daredevil and Cajun, you might be curious as to why I've both called you here. It's been decided that Cajun and Desoto are unfit for further competition due to their injuries, so they're both taking the Drop of Shame this evening. [tosses the two a parachute each]
Dodger: Heeeeey...sorry that this had to happen to you…
Roscoe: [puts a paw on his brother's shoulder] I know I'm not one for being sappy, but for you, I can make an exception…
Desoto: Just make sure to win this one for us...I'll be watching from the sidelines…[feels himself being pulled into a hug by Roscoe] Oh!
Roscoe: Like I said, don't care how sappy this looks, always gonna look out for you.
Desoto: [sighs] You really know how to give someone a farewell.
Cajun: [theatrically] Goodbye, my friends, I'm gonna miss ya'll SOOOO much, especially you, ya' big fuzzy boo!
El Jefe: Please, not with the nicknames…but I suppose I'll miss you too.
[Cajun jumps out the door first, followed by Desoto, the two of them yelling as they both fall down to the surface]
[static buzzing]
El Jefe: And just like that, my biggest ally in this game is gone…jodidamente brillante…
[static buzzing]
Chris: And just like that, we got out two in one episode, how will Roscoe cope with his twin out of the competition, will El Jefe finally get a break from people wanting to climb all over him and what kinds of other sneaky tricks do Si and Am have in store? Find out next time on Total…Drama…Destiny!
[scene cuts to black as the episode ends]
