Chapter Ten: Leaning Tower of Trouble

Chris: [narrating] Last time on Total Drama Destiny, our teams touched down in Ireland for a good old-fashioned gold hunt! Their goal was simple; race up to Blarney Castle to kiss the famous Blarney Stone and then scavenge around the area to search for the leprechauns and their pots of gold. While Team Siamese was settling in well with each other after their victory in Hollywood, seems their luck changed when they lost to Team Daredevil, courtesy of Dodger and Roscoe. As they were licking their wounds, Leshawna proposed to Thomas and Scat that they vote out Sly, what they didn't count on was a certain pair of twins doing a little eavesdropping and telling the raccoon all about the plan. Yikes, that totally won't come back to bite them, oh, wait, it did. In a stunning turn of events, Leshawna ended up being the one to take the fall, literally, I guess fourth time just wasn't the charm for her, aaaaaaaaaand that I totally didn't mess around with the tie vote to keep the drama flowing. [chuckles, on-screen in the cockpit with Chef] Oooooooooh, I'm just the best, aren't I?

Chef: That's debatable.

Chris: [casts an annoyed glance at Chef before looking straight back] As I was saying, to think the guys of Siamese were getting along so fine, and you all know me, I can't stand all that mush for long, kudos to Si and Am for potentially tanking the peace between them. But will this affect Team Siamese's performance? Will the guys be at each other's throats? And will Dodger and Roscoe finally make out? All that and more, right now on Total...Drama...Destiny!

[cue theme song, the episode continues]

[scene shows Team Siamese sitting on opposite sides to one another, Si and Am to the left while Thomas, Scat, and Sly are to the right. Oddly enough, the twins appear to be seated quite contentedly next to one another, which is the direct contrast to the males, Thomas and Scat sitting awkwardly one end while Sly is sitting at the other, looking away]

Scat: So, uh...nice weather we're havin'.

Thomas: Huh? Oh, yeah, yeah, real nice, lots of...clouds…

Scat: Yeah...clouds...whoooole lotta clouds…

Thomas: Yeeeeeeep, like a...bunch of pillows…

Sly: Ya' know you don't have to go the awkward conversation route, right?

Thomas: What? No, no, nothing like that, we just...look about yesterday, we-

Sly: -were talking about voting me out, as I recall.

Scat: Uh...well...ya' see, it wasn't meant to be...how'd you even hear about that?

Sly: Look straight ahead.

Scat: [looks over to Si and Am, the former waving at him with a grin] Okay, I'll admit, maybe we did get talked into voting fo' you, but it was nothin' personal, I can swear on it.

Thomas: Yeah, we still think you're a good guy, just that we were kinda...put off by the explanation of your agility.
Sly: But why me specifically? I thought we were gonna stick together like glue.

Si: Apparently not.

Thomas: [annoyed] Hmmmmm.

Si: What, don't look at us, we didn't do anything besides tell the truth.m

Am: Exactly, you can't blame this on us.

Scat: Even the part about ya'll eavesdroppin'?
Am: Given you were plotting behind someone's back, I say we did a good thing.

Thomas: There was no "plotting" involved, hell, I was unsure of myself during the whole thing.

Sly: Ya' still voted for me in spite of it, I'm sure.

Thomas: Look, I get it, we screwed up there, and we can't apologize enough for turning on a fellow guy.

Scat: Das true, I'm willin' ta' admit this was all on us, and if you wanna be upset with us, you've every right to.

Si: Hmm, where have I heard this before?
Thomas: Can you just butt out for once? You do know I was also considering booting out one of you two as well?

Si: Well, that's a given, even thinking we wouldn't be able to hold our own once the teams merge. Not so clever, are you?

Thomas: Oh, you just…[sighs]...I can't deal with this now…[walks off with his paw on his forehead]

[static buzzing]

Thomas: [groans] We screwed up big time here. Now Sly's gonna listen to those two because of what we did, and if we lose again, it's gonna be either me or Scat on the chopping block...damn, we gotta fix this.

[static buzzing]

Scat: Oooooookay, so things ain't lookin' too bright, I'm just hopin' that Sly doesn't take this too much ta' heart because I do wanna be chill with him, but for the time bein', we've got to win this next challenge before it's ma' or Thomas' butt gettin' kicked off this plane.

[static buzzing]

Sly: So maybe I'm being a bit dramatic about all of this, I won't deny that I'm a badass reflex, but you'd think we guys would stick together on this, instead of trying to boot me behind my back. Sure, I can see that they're at least trying to be apologetic, but it might take some time...we'll see.

[static buzzing]

Si: What is that delicious smell?

Am: I think I know what it is.

Si and Am: Tension!

Si: Best part; it's got nothing to do with us, especially since we were the ones telling the truth.

Am: Now that Sly's suspicious of the boy band buffoons, that's just ensured our safety for the game, all we need to do is win today's challenge and it's goodbye to either of those two.

Si: And then once we hit the merge, it'll be goodbye to them both. The game is so ours.

[static buzzing]

[scene cuts to first-class where Daria and Jane are sat on the opposite side to Dodger reciting a story while El Jefe and Roscoe are sat at the bar]

Dodger: And so, we took the kid in out of the kindness of my heart, and began teaching him the ropes of the Big Apple.

Daria: So you're gonna discard the part about tricking an orphan after he gave you something to eat, okay then.

Dodger: Well, that was just me testing him, he was a determined lil scamp let me tell you, following me all the way back to the boathouse.

Jane: You're not really the apologetic type, are you?

Dodger: Could say the same for you two. Besides, I did come to like the kid, you should have seen the way he snuggled up to me the first night.

Daria: Well, in NYC, they say, that the artful Dodger's heart grew three sizes that day.

Dodger: Ah, well, ya' know, I may be from the streets, but if there's one thing I'm not; it's heartless.

Jane: Shoot me for sounding like Sierra, but you and Rita aren't a thing by any chance, are you?
Dodger: Me and her? Naaaaaah, I mean, we're close, but not that close. Kinda surprised people think there's something going on between us.

Jane: Wouldn't be the modern internet world without people assuming the main girl in a group of guys has something for the leader.

Daria: Sounds familiar, doesn't it?

Dodger: Yeah, I mean, I've always seen Rita like the sister I never had, she's a feisty girl who knows her stuff, but we've never really shared "those feelings" before, especially since we've mostly been trying to get through living on the streets.

[scene cuts to the bar]

Roscoe: I knew it.

El Jefe: Knew what?

Roscoe: That Dodger and Rita weren't bunking together, I mean, you've seen the way he's been flirting with me.

El Jefe: Bit ironic given you've had your moments of being coy with that girl.

Roscoe: Not like I meant any of the shit with being suave, I've already dismissed girls being in my league, you gotta be all "delicate" with most of 'em, and I don't do delicate with anyone.

El Jefe: Guess you could say that's one thing we've got in common, at least I know a guy can take it from me.

Roscoe: Even those that happen to be dressed in drag?
El Jefe: That time was a fluke, and I'm not gonna be one to go easy on anyone associated with his crowd.

Roscoe: Damn, you're real obsessed with that coon bitch.

El Jefe: And you're not obsessed with your bitch? It's a wonder you two haven't been sucking face at this point.

[static buzzing]

El Jefe: In spite of his quirks, I can concede that Roscoe is a serviceable ally, for one thing, he and I speak the same language when it comes to how we deal with s**t, that being kicking the ass of anyone who gets in our way...you know, I wouldn't mind going against him in the final two, even if I would clearly win.

[static buzzing]

Roscoe: I know, El Jefe, it's the weirdest thing, but he's...dealable, we've even got a few things in common, something I thought I'd only share with DeSoto, but safe to say, I think I might have found someone not too bad...well, in case he does something that pisses me off.

[static buzzing]

[scene cuts to the contestants gathered in the dining hall, the plates for Team Siamese being spaghetti and meatballs with breadsticks on the side]

Sly: Not that I'm complaining, but who serves spaghetti for breakfast?

[the answer comes in the form of Chef brandishing an accordion and playing a shockingly well-played rendition of Funiculi Funicula. Chris then arrives on scene dressed with a stereotypical white chef's outfit, complete with a thick black curly mustache. In one hand he holds a rolling pin while he makes the standard Italian hand gesture with the other]

Dodger: Uh...what the hell…?

Chris: [butchered Italian accent] Bongiorno, it's a me, Chrisio! Today we got a spicy meat-a-ball of a challenge!

Dodger: Okay, that's either racist or REALLY racist-[jolts slightly when Roscoe puts his foot down, looking ready to throw hands]

Roscoe: Yo, if you wanna make us out to be a joke, I'll show you how Italians react to disrespect REAL quick, fottuta puttana razzista! [approaches the host with his claws out]

Chris: [backing off slightly, ushering for Chef to cut the music and rips off his mustache] Now now, we're just having a bit of fun.

Roscoe: Yeah, sure, I catch you doing that again, and I will throw hands, you got that?

Dodger: Gee...you got really sensitive there…

Roscoe: I don't take s**t from anyone who disrespects my 'taly, if there's one thing ya' don't do, it's hit below the belt like that.

Dodger: Well...you're not wrong there, need a bit of help cooling down?

Roscoe: I'm...fine…

[static buzzing]

Dodger: Ya' know, I never knew Roscoe as the personal type, but I gotta admit, if someone was makin' a joke outta my origin, I'd prolly pop them in the snout.

[static buzzing]

Chris: Anyway, now that we've got that settled, as you may have gathered by now, we're heading off to Italy! Specifically, we're going to the beautiful town of Rome.

[a few content mumbles are murmurs are heard from this]

Jane: Call me stereotyping, but ain't Italy the home of heavenly dishes?

Daria: I'll kick myself later for this, but I concur, it's a place where the mouth waters like anything.

Jane: Also, a little romantic might I add, not that we've got anyone to take us out to a restaurant.

Daria: We could take each other.

Jane: That would give strong implications.

Daria: You say it like we care about that sort of thing.

Jane: True that, let the viewers rave for themselves.

Scat: Ya' hear that, Thomas, we goin' ta' the land of amore.

Thomas: Ah, Peppo would have loved this, him and Hit Cat ought to plan their next trip there.

Dodger: Sooooooo, you hear that, doesn't that make you feel excited?

Roscoe: If you're tryin' to get into my pants, then it's not working...yet, just a heads-up that you follow my lead during this thing, we did good in Ireland, so we'll keep up the pace here.

Dodger: Sounds good to me.

[scene cuts to the plane descending over the Colosseum. It then cuts to the contestants at the starting line in a section of the city, all of them adorning bikes]

Chris: As you might have guessed, we're doing a traditional cross-country bike race, you'll all start here in Rome up the coast all the way to Pisa.

Daria: Hold on, Pisa, isn't that miles away?

Chris: Up, about more than 200 or so, why'd you ask?

Jane: Wait, won't that take ages going by bike, why not give us go-karts at least?

Chris: Because that wouldn't be as fun to watch, okay, maybe it would be, but this'll really test your endurance, not to worry, you should all arrive in Pisa in about, oh, give or take 17 hours.

Thomas: I'm sorry, wait?! It'll be dark by the time we get there!

Dodger: Yeah, I'm assumin' these bikes have working headlights, but ya' can't seriously be expectin' us to travel 200 miles across the Italian countryside, cross-country races aren't even that long!

Chris: I dunno, bro, million dollars is on the line, might not be a feasible option to quit in case your team loses.

El Jefe: Why are you doing this to us, do you just get pleasure watching us suffer or something...actually, why am I even asking this, oh dios mio esto es tan estupido…[facepalms]

Scat: [sighs] Legs, prepare yo'selves for the achin' of yo' lives.

Si: Normally, I'd say something snarky, but I have to agree, this is going to be pure torture.

Am: I agree, so not fair.

Chris: Oh, you players, when will you realize this will never be a simple cakewalk? That being said, you won't be alone in the misery, I've gotten several assistants to help kickstart the race and you'll meet them at different flag points along the way; courtesy of Rarity, Stella, Dawn, and Jasper!

[the aforementioned ladies appear with each having bikes of their own]

Rarity: I would have preferred coming under the circumstances that there was a challenge regarding fashion, but I suppose that's what you get from a random selection.

Stella: Is this going to take long, I've got at least five manicures I could be doing right about now.

Rarity: So could I.

Stella: Oh my gosh, is that dress homemade, it looks beautiful.

Rarity: What, this old thing? Why, yes, I made it myself, but your dress, darling, it's so radiant.

Stella: Haha, well, being the princess of Solaria does have its perks, namely in the finest clothing.

Jasper: [sarcastically] Wow, let's open up an official fashion convention and end this conversation.

Dawn: You know, your aura is a strong shade of red, projecting anger and hostility, but also a hidden depth of insecurity.

Jasper: Excuse me, I know I'm not being told who I am by some weird little elf thing.

Dawn: I meant no offense, I was just sensing something hidden underneath that rough exterior of yours, I would suggest you have it checked out.

Jasper: Ugh, whatever, can we just start this stupid challenge already?
Chris: I dunno, this is kinda entertaining.

Jasper: You wanna know what's entertaining; your face in the pavement.

Dawn: Actually, that would be entertaining after the constant degradation of nature you've committed throughout the show.

Chris: [blinks and gulps] Okay, never mind, time to start the challenge! The demos will have a headstart for you to get a feel of what's the come.

Stella: Wait a minute, we're not seriously biking all the way to Pisa, are we?

Chris: You're not because each of you will be picked up by helicopter and dropped off at certain points along the way.

Rarity: So we're just going to be sitting around for several hours while they're racing...well, that's a creative way to kill time.

Chris: I'm sure you'd take sitting around over biking for three-quarters of the day, you gals don't exactly look like the athletic type anyway.

Rarity: Well, I can see you succeeded in the art of flattery.

Stella: That is if it was at the level of kindergarten.

Chris: Anywho, while they go off, time for you all to get organized at the starting line, remember, the team who has their last member cross the line will be sending someone home, while the team who gets all their members across first wins immunity and first-class. You've all got two minutes before we start.

Thomas: [to Sly] Sooooo, you feeling limber?

Sly: Mmmmmyeah, I suppose.

Thomas: Yeah, given that, ya' know, we're gonna need to put in our all to win this thing.

Sly: You could say that.

Thomas: Yeeeeeeah...um...that's right…

[static buzzing]

Thomas: [groans] Why does awkwardness have to be this painful?

[static buzzing]

Thomas: We're still cool, right? Like, not trying to pressure you or anything, I was just wondering, we're...not enemies now, right? I just wanted to clear the air, cuz you know, it's just that-

Sly: Hey, I'm not exactly the bitter type, I'm just a little...put off by what happened.

Thomas: Yeeeeeeah...I can't apologize enough for that, I'm just hoping that there's no bad blood between us and if there's a way me and Scat can make it up to you.

Sly: Well, I've a few ideas, but we'll see.

Thomas: Alright then. [goes up to Scat]

Scat: So, we makin' any progress?

Thomas: It's...debatable at best.

Scat: [sighs] I suppose I'll have to work with that.

[static buzzing]

Scat: Hey, debatable is at least betta' than bein' assured that we've got no shot whatsova'.

[static buzzing]

Chris: Right then, the starters are off and soon you will be too! Get ready for a long journey because once we get going, we won't be stopping for a long time.

Dodger: You're a real pain in the ass, ya' know that? Hoooooooogod, this is gonna suck.

Roscoe: Never pegged you as a whiner.

Dodger: Don't tell me you're excited to bike more than 200 miles cuz I can tell.

Roscoe: Let me guess, you want me to carry you to the finish in case your legs give out.

Dodger: Well, it'd be much appreciated.

Roscoe: You never change, do you?
Dodger: Hey, that's why ya' love me.

Chris: On your marks, get set...GO! [blows the air horn]

[the contestants race off from the starting line and down the road]

Chris: The race is on, and it won't be long until everyone is plum tired by the end of it! Find out what happens next after the break on Total...Drama...Destiny!

[scene cuts to black, the episode continues]

[scene shows the contestants biking through the Italian countryside]

Daria: It's official; I'm in hell.

Jane: Running I can do, and biking, sure, but this long a trip, and with no souvenirs? Waste of money that I didn't pay.

Daria: If we don't stop for Italian cuisine at some point, I'm just hoping there's leftover pasta from earlier, I'm gonna chuck it in Chris' face.

Si: Seems our little "white lie" is working perfectly.

Am: A shame they're not at each other's throats, but I'll take any drama I can get.

Si: [sighs] Men are so easy to play.

El Jefe: [snarls from behind the twins and then looks back at Roscoe and Dodger] Interesante…

[Ding! Ding!]

Daria: Aaaaaand as if things couldn't get any worse…

[music starts up]

Thomas: Tell everybody I'm on my way

New friends and new places to see

Scat: With blue skies ahead, yes

I'm on my way

And there's nowhere else

That I'd rather be

Thomas and Scat: Tell everybody I'm on my way

And I'm loving every step I take

With the sun beating down, yes

I'm on my way

And I can't keep this smile off my face

Dodger: 'Cause there's nothing like seeing

Each other again

No matter what the distance between

Sly: And the stories that we tell

Will make you smile

Oh it really lifts my heart

Daria and Jane: So tell 'em all I'm on my way

New friends and new places to see

Thomas and Scat: And to sleep under the stars

Who could ask for more

With the moon keeping watch over me

Roscoe and El Jefe: Not the snow, not the rain

Can change my mind

Si and Am: The sun will come out, wait and see

Dodger: And the feeling of the wind in your face

Can lift your heart

Sly: Oh there's nowhere I would rather be

Daria: 'Cause I'm on my way now

Jane: Well and truly

Si and Am: I'm on my way now

Thomas and Scat: I'm on my way now

Dodger and Sly: I'm on my way now
Roscoe and El Jefe: I'm on my way now

All: Tell everybody I'm on my way

And I just can't wait to be there

With blue skies ahead, yes

I'm on my way

And nothing but good times to share

So tell everybody I'm on my way

And I just can't wait to be home

With the sun beating down, yes

I'm on my way

And nothing but good times to show

I'm on my way

Yes, I'm on my way

[scene cuts to the exhausted contestants approaching the city of Pisa]

Thomas: Is that what I think it is?
Scat: Could it be...relief at last?

Roscoe: Oh grazie a Dio.

Dodger: Finally, almost finished with this torture.

[scene cuts to Chris and Chef waiting at the finish line]

Chris: After a long and strenuous journey, our contestants are finally pulling into Pisa, which team will make it all first across the finish line, however?

[scene cuts to the contestants heaving their way across the streets of the city with the end in sight]

Sly: Hoooooooooookay, first for the end, first for the end.

[Sly is the first one to cross the finish line, followed by Si and Am, the twins collectively exhausted and plopping onto the ground]

Si: [panting] Never...again…

Am: [panting] I...hate...that...host…

[next to cross the line is El Jefe, once off his bike, throwing it to the ground. Following him is Roscoe with Jane trailing behind, both looking exhausted]

El Jefe: C'mon, c'mon...

[at the back of the group, Thomas and Scat have been keeping pace with Daria and Dodger, both groups looking ready to collapse. But the group that gets across first is...]

Chris: Team Siamese wins the challenge!

[the members of Siamese give attempts at sounding enthusiastic while the members of Daredevil all give a collective groan, Daria and Dodger plopping onto the ground]

Chris: Which means that Team Daredevil's sending someone home, I'll be seeing your sorry butts at elimination.

Roscoe: Words cannot describe how much I wanna strangle you.

[scene cuts to the plane where Daria and Jane are sitting in the dining hall]

Daria: So...what's gonna happen now?

Jane: Well, based on the circumstances, the guys outnumber us three to two, which doesn't look too good for either of us.

Daria: Oh...yeah, that's not good, Dodger and Roscoe are probably gonna vote with each other, and unless El Jefe's sticking with his old team, one of us is screwed.

El Jefe: [off-screen] Someone mention my name?
Daria: Oh, it's just you...so, you thinking about the vote?

El Jefe: Of course I have, and it seems you two aren't in the best position.

Jane: As if it wasn't obvious, but that's...kinda why we need your help. After all, we've been on the same team since the beginning of the run.

Daria: At least...give it some thought?

El Jefe: You've got a valid point, teammates don't backstab one another, now do they? [walks away, leaving Daria and Jane in suspense]

[scene cuts to Dodger and Roscoe sitting in economy with the former resting his head in the latter's lap]

Dodger: Even if it ain't first-class, this is cozy.

Roscoe: Just wanted to let you know I'm too tired to kick you off.

Dodger: Awwww, you're such a sweetheart. [notices El Jefe sat down next to them] What's up, big guy?

Roscoe: So, we're in agreement that one of the girls have gotta go, we're already stronger in numbers and they ain't exactly the most physical players.

El Jefe: I can agree with that, it's only logical that we cut ties between them, only which one were you thinking?

Roscoe: Well, Daria's all talk and no walk, but Jane's at least got some physical in here, might as well give 'em the slip simple as that.

Dodger: Makes sense to me, that way all of us can coast to the merge with ease.

El Jefe: Right you are there…

[static buzzing]

El Jefe: So, I've got two options to choose from, I can either clip one of my old teammates off, or I can get rid of one of our former adversaries...regardless of the outcome, I intend to make this ceremony interesting.

[static buzzing]

[scene cuts to the Elimination Ceremony]

Chris: Team Daredevil, what a journey it's been for you, to which the time has come for you to vote one of your members off, but who shall it be? To the passports you go.

[static buzzing]

Dodger: [stamps a passport]

[static buzzing]

Daria: [stamps a passport]

[static buzzing]

Roscoe: [stamps a passport]

[static buzzing]

Jane: [stamps a passport]

[static buzzing]

El Jefe: [stamps a passport]

[static buzzing]

Chris: Wow. I did NOT see these results coming. But hey, the unpredictability is why I love hosting this show so much!

Daria: Besides your fetishizing pleasure of torturing us?

Chris: Fine, it's one of many reasons why I love hosting the show, but enough about that, time for the bags. First one goes to...El Jefe [catches the bag]...Roscoe [catches the bag]...and...Daria [catches the bag]. Jane, Dodger, one barf bag left, and that's a wrap for whoever doesn't get it...to spice things up a bit, I'll read the votes myself.

[Jane and Dodger glance at each other]

Chris: One vote for Jane...one vote for Dodger...another vote for Jane...and another vote for Dodger…

Jane: [crosses her fingers] Damn tension…

Dodger: C'mon, c'mon…

Chris: And with one vote left, the final bag goes to…

Jane!

Jane: [gasps...and breathes a sigh of relief as she catches the bag]

Dodger: Wait, what?!

Roscoe: What the hell?!

Chris: That's right, Dodger, you've been voted off, time for you to take the Drop of Shame. [tosses a parachute to the Russell Terrier]

Dodger: I just...how did this come about?
Roscoe: That's exactly what I wanna know…[glares at El Jefe]

Jane: Okay, I genuinely didn't expect you to stick it out for us.

Daria: That's...surprisingly noble of you.

Roscoe: Oh, noble, my ass.

El Jefe: You should know that my intent was never to target you, regardless of how you're interpreting it.

Dodger: [sighs] Can't believe I didn't see that coming...ah, well, might as well get this over with.

Roscoe: Not so fast you don't.

Dodger: And why's th-[gets cut off as Roscoe forcibly meshes his lips against his own, shunning him]

Roscoe: You were asking it this whole season, might as well humor you.

Dodger: [as he walks toward the exit] Hubba hubba, I think I'm in looooooooooooooovvveeeeeeeeeeeee…[jumps out the plane with a grin on his face]

[static buzzing]

El Jefe: Did I taint my partnership with Roscoe? Probably, but I had the feeling that Dodger would have been a mistake to keep around given what he's capable of, street smart and savvy at that, wouldn't have fit well with my plans. In time, Roscoe will either learn that this was for the better, or he'll fall in line like the rest of them will.

[static buzzing]

Chris: A nice juicy drama-filled elimination ceremony. Just what the doctor ordered! Gonna be hard for the next episode to top it. All I know is that things are about to heat up! Will Thomas and Scat patch up their thing with Sly? Will Roscoe enact some form of revenge on El Jefe? What kinds of despicable acts does El Jefe have planned next? You'll have to tune in next time to find out. Next time on Total...Drama...Destiny!

[scene cuts to black as the episode ends]