Lincoln sat on the swing in the park, slowly swinging back and forth while in deep thought. His head was buzzing with all the yelling and bickering that had occurred earlier between him and Jordan when she had finally made it to his house. Now, Lincoln was here waiting for his best friend, Clyde. It felt like he hadn't spoken to Clyde in years... Lincoln looked to his feet as thoughts of Chandler, Carl, his Grandfather, and his sisters all clouded his mind. If he could turn back the clock, back to before he had gotten himself in this shit so deep... Would he do it again?
2 YEARS EARLIER
"Wow, Jordan! I can't believe we just met the WWE superstars for the 50,000th time!" Lincoln said in excitement as an eagle stood on his shoulder. and a Pikachu ran in between his feet. "I know! and what about the day before when we met the President of the United States, Joe Biden?! I loved it when he muttered incoherently and wandered off talking to people who weren't even there! such a cool guy! This has been the best 500-day-long vacation yet! I can't wait for the next one where the exact same thing will happen!" Jordan jumped up and down with joy. Lincoln nodded and grinned at her. Of course, on the inside, he was dying and he expected that Jordan was as well. The same things happened every single day, it was madness. He looked down at the Pikachu that was zipping around the place and thought "What the fuck's a Pikachu doing here anyways? when did Pokemon become real? and why do we have this stupid family of eagles?"
Lincoln and Jordan walked back to their hotel room where their families were. Lincoln looked at each member of his family, disdain for all of them growing by the second. Those same false smiles, that same fake happiness. How did their lives end up like this? Why did they have to pretend to be happy nearly all the time? and WHY was it that the only times they weren't happy was when he was being attacked, shot, beaten, bullied, and whatever else? Was this all just some cruel prank on him? He felt like he was in an awful fanfiction or something written by a fat, pedophilic creep with anger issues, a victim complex, and a fetish for rape. He wished with all his heart that when he gets home, his life will start to change and no longer be so... random.
Lincoln and Jordan sat next to each other on the plane holding hands. Lincoln wanted to yank his hand away from this girl he felt nothing but hate toward and yet he didn't. Lincoln looked out of the plane window, spacing out as he thought about home. Unfortunately for Lincoln, his thoughts would be interrupted by a stupid Pikachu jumping onto his head and then down into his lap. "Aww, how cute!" Jordan squealed in that ear grating voice. Please just shut the fuck up, Lincoln pleaded as Jordan began gushing over Pikachu.
The plane finally landed after a plane ride from hell ha ha WWE reference get it and the Loud family and the 50 other random characters stepped out into the airport. They made their way to the separate taxis, Lincoln being stuck with who else but his girlfriend, Jordan. "I'm sooo sad it's over!" she squeals as Lincoln responds with a simple "Mhm." Jordan raised her eyebrow at him. "Linc? Are you okay? I didn't want to say anything but you've been kinda out of it the entire vacation. You did enjoy yourself, didn't you?" Lincoln couldn't suppress it anymore and let out a small chuckle before giving a sarcastic response. "Oh, yeah I loved it. I loved meeting those wrestlers again for the umpteenth time! and I loved meeting that senile old man who is somehow our President! AND how could I forget the great time when I got beaten up by some idiot who's been arrested 500 times and yet always makes it out just to beat me up again? I had a REAL. GOOD. TIME." Lincoln tried to calm himself but he only felt the frustration and anger rising. "Linc, calm down! You've never complained before!" Jordan put a hand on his shoulder but it was quickly slapped away.
"Oh but trust me, I've been complaining inside my own mind for years now! What have our lives come to, Jordan?! I feel like I'm in fucking Groundhog's day! it's the same exact thing every single day! some stupid shit happens to me and then everyone just moves on and it's just rinse and repeat!" Lincoln huffed in frustration. Jordan moved her hand away from his and the pair sat in silence for a few minutes.
"You're not the only one, Lincoln! You're not the only one who hates the way things are but there's no denying we have it better than a lot of people! And besides... even if we wanted to change things, we couldn't." Jordan replied, sadness in her eyes. Lincoln looked down at his feet, feeling nothing but defeated.
Finally. Back home and back in his room where there were no Pokemon, no eagles, and nothing random and stupid. "Hey, Lincoln!" Ugh. Luna. Lincoln knew that out of everyone that put on a false smile and pretended to like this hellish life, Luna was the only one not faking it. She seemed to be completely content and happy with the way things were and it infuriated Lincoln. "What is it, Luna?" Lincoln asked, his voice filled with annoyance. Luna raised an eyebrow at him and sat down on the edge of his bed. "What's the matter, bro? you've been seeming kind of... standoffish lately." Luna smiled, falling back into that "guardian" and "protector" bullshit that Lincoln hated so much. Still, he pushed down his anger and with a sigh began to ask "Luna? Haven't you ever wondered why our lives are so... weird? I mean, first, it started with us winning a bunch of money out of nowhere, then meeting a bunch of celebrities every week, and then video game creatures literally coming to life! I just... I don't think all of this is a coincidence, Luna." Lincoln studied his sister's facial expressions, trying to see what her reaction would be but before he could decipher anything, Luna grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and pulled him close. "Don't pursue this any further. Listen, Lincoln, we have a great life here. We have money, friends, fame, and happiness. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth, Lincoln. This life... it's good for us. So please, just drop it." Luna released his shirt and quickly left his room. Lincoln sat there in shock for a moment as he tried to piece what just happened together in his mind. Did Luna know something? her reaction was completely out of the blue and she had seemed.. worried? afraid? He didn't know. But what he did know is that if Luna was hiding something, he was going to figure it out. He got up from his bed and pulled out his walkie-talkie. "Hey, Clyde? can you come over tonight? I think something's going on..."
Later that night
Lincoln was squatting in the bathtub, the shower curtain pulled too to hide from anyone who might walk in. "Clyde, can you see her?" He waited a moment before his friend responded. "Yeah, I got eyes on her! She's just... sitting on her bed. Luan fell asleep a while ago but she's not moved since." Clyde shifted his weight slowly, doing his best not to make noise. He had been cramped inside these vents for the past hour waiting for Luna to do anything of interest. After waiting for another few minutes, Clyde whispered down the walkie-talkie. "Lincoln, she's on the move! she just walked out of her bedroom!" Lincoln turned off the device and took a deep breath as he slowly creaked open the bathroom door, spotting Luna heading down to the living room. "I see her. I'm going on ahead, you catch up when you can." Lincoln kept his distance as he tip-toed out of the bathroom and began descending the stairs. As he turns the corner, he sees his sister let out the front door. Quickly, Lincoln made his way down into the living room and chose to leave the house through the back door, hoping it would help him not get caught. Lincoln peered around his house, making sure he could still see Luna from where he was. "Clyde... I think she's going to the house across the road." The walkie-talkie crackled to life again, "Hasn't that house been for sale for years now? it'd be abandoned, right?" Lincoln replied with a simple "Yeah." before making his way closer as Luna went around to the backyard of the abandoned house.
Lincoln was as silent as he could possibly be as he now leaned against the house, listening as grass rustled under Luna's feet in the backyard. A click, and the sound of a door closing. Lincoln waited another moment before checking to see that his sister had gone inside. "She... had a key?" he asked himself, pondering on what was happening. "Linc, I can see you. I'm crossing the road!" Clyde said down the walkie. Soon enough, Clyde and Lincoln had reunited and after spending a moment hoping to themselves that the door would still be open, tried to the handle. It was still unlocked. "Remember, buddy. Nice and slow." Lincoln was the first to step inside, cringing as a floorboard creaked. "Alright, I'll handle upstairs you check down here, okay?" Lincoln said to Clyde who gave a nod.
After searching upstairs, Lincoln returned to Clyde. "You find her?" he shook his head. "No. But, I did find another door leading down into I think the basement." Clyde said, leading Lincoln to it. The pair nodded at each other before the door was opened. Immediately, Clyde vomited onto the floor while Lincoln nearly fell back as a horrendous, dreadful smell came from the door "What the fuck?!" Clyde gasped out as he wiped the sick off his chin. Lincoln was taking deep breaths to calm his stomach. "That.. is foul." Lincoln breathed out before climbing back to his feet. "Clyde... you can stay here if you want, but I'm going down." Clyde shook his head while remaining on his hands and knees. "No... No, I'll come just.. give me a moment." Lincoln remained crouched by his friend for a few minutes until he was ready. "Alright.. let's go."
The further Lincoln and Clyde went down, the worst the smell got. Whatever was at the end of this staircase had to be dead, it surely couldn't be alive. "Linc... there's another door at the bottom." Clyde pointed out, gagging again as he steadied himself. The pair reached the door, stopping as they could hear voices coming from the other side.
"Master, I'm sure he doesn't know anything. All he has are his suspicions, nothing concrete." Luna? Lincoln thought to himself. Who was she talking to in there? Suddenly, another voice was heard, a much deeper one than Luna's. "I am sure you're correct. Still, I believe I should play this safe and move houses again to prevent him from discovering my existence." A large creaking sound came from the room as the mysterious thing finished speaking. "Master.. are you sure you can move?! I know it's been a few years since you've moved any part of your body-" The voice interrupts, "Rest assured, Luna, I will manage. Your job is to make sure your family learns nothing." Lincoln moved his ear away from the door, staring into Clyde's eyes who mouthed to him "What do we do now?" Lincoln looked up toward the door handle, slowly reaching out a hand. "..Let's find out what this is about. You ready, buddy?" Lincoln asked his closest friend who fist-bumped Lincoln before he opened the door.
More than anything, Lincoln wished he could go back in time. Back in time to stop himself from opening this fucking door... A smell twice as worse as the one from earlier made the pair throw up instantly and collapse to the floor. "Lincoln?! Clyde?!" the concerned voice of Luna shrieked as her eyes darted between them and the mysterious figure sitting a few feet away. Lincoln forced himself to raise his head, to see who this thing was. "Luna. You have failed your mission." Luna began to hyperventilate as she begged. "Wait, wait! He'll keep quiet about you! just- just let me convince him!" Lincoln's eyes were as wide as could be. In front of him was a freak so fat, so disgusting, so vile that he could immediately tell that the horrendous smell... was coming from it. "O-Oh-" Lincoln tried to speak but only ended up vomiting again. "Luna Loud. You'll be punished for your failure but your first order of duty is to remove these two from my lair." Lincoln frantically shook his head as he leaned against the wall to keep himself standing. "W-Who... the fuck are you?!"
The immensely obese figure locked eyes with Lincoln, a look of curiosity and annoyance. "Well, since your sister has failed to keep my existence a secret I suppose there is no longer a need in hiding it. I, boy, am the one who controls your life. The life you are so ungrateful for. I brought the Pokemon into this world, who gave you so many friends and celebrity meetings." The massive monster shifted its colossal weight, its stomach three times the size of his own mother's jiggling. The giant smiled, the chair beneath it creaking again yet somehow not breaking under this 1200-pound tub of lard. "I am the ruler of your world. I am... Heavy5Commando." Clyde choked out. "What a shitty fucking twist-" before throwing up some more. The old author turned to its window's 98 PC, the machine and the desk it rested upon were both covered in dust, cobwebs, and various fluids most likely from this thing. "Everything I write on this machine becomes reality in your life. I have held control over it all for years and now... You dare try to disobey me? complain to me? Do you fucking know who I fucking am you fucking retard?!" The Big Show shouted, his face going red from anger and being so incredibly obese. "It seems I need to teach you all your place." The ground itself began to crack as... no. It was attempting to stand up out of its chair?! the smell coming from this pedophile's fat rolls was beyond death. Luna again began to try and beg for her master to spare Lincoln and Clyde. "I PROMISE! THEY'LL COME AROUND, PLEASE MASTER!" her pleas fell on deaf, fat ears as the goliath raised out of its seat and began to move towards the two boys. Lincoln and Clyde lay next to each other, the horrid smell having incapacitated them. However, before the beast could make its move, the sound of a gun firing rang out.
Heavy5Commando stumbled backward, crashing down on top of the windows 98 PC and causing a 20.0 earthquake in multiple countries across the world. A bullet had been put into its head as Albert Loud stood in the doorway, tucking his gun into his back pocket. Luna looked down at her former master who now lay motionless. "WHAT... HAVE... YOU FUCKING DONE?!" She screamed, turning and charging at her grandfather. "YOU'VE COST US EVERYTHING! THE MONEY, THE FAME, EVERYTHING! YOU SELFISH-" A slap from Albert was enough to knock Luna unconscious. Albert crouched down near the three children, slinging Luna over his shoulder and holding Clyde and Lincoln in his arms. Only Albert and Lincoln were conscious, though Lincoln was barely hanging on. "Pop...Pop..." Albert smiled down at his grandson and replied. "Rest now, my boy. Things are finally going to be different from now on." Those were the last words he heard before passing out.
The next morning, Luna was inconsolable. Through her ranting and raving the rest of the family quickly caught on to what she was saying, learning how their lives had been in the hands of something else for so long. Lincoln sat down on the stairs outside the front door, looking over at what used to be the abandoned house. The firefighters were still putting out the flames of the burning house. Lincoln knew it was arson done by his grandfather but he hadn't said anything. With a sigh, Lincoln leaned back, watching the house burn as a single spark from an exposed wire flickered out.
To Be Continued
