Down the Corridor, Up the Stairs, and Into the Face of Death
Alternatively, If You Want To Be Particular: Down Five Floors in the Lift, Take a Left, and Into the Face of I'm Going to Die
A/N: I'm still looking for a beta reader if there is anyone interested, or any opinions on any of the OCs would be gratefully appreciated. I'm still debating how big of parts to give each of them. I was planning on getting some Minerva into this chapter, but every time I wrote a scene with her it just seemed too jarring a switch between Percy's POV and Minerva's, but maybe I'll give her a whole chapter of her own soon. Part of me wants to have a bit of fun with Percy before bringing her in, because as I rethink the timeline, it seems to be getting longer and longer. Also, a bit of an apology for Finny's language. I might need to consider what words can be used before I have to bump the rating up.
NaughtyKittyKat: Thanks so much for reviewing. I've always been a bit of an old movie addict, so when I think of Maggie Smith I generally picture her in Love and Pain and the Whole Damn Thing, which I think she made when she was in her late 30's. Maybe if I can find a picture of her when she made Quartet or from around that year, people won't look at me as though I'm quite as insane. They're doing it over messenger or something, but I know they're still doing it.
Mandy of the Amoeba: Thanks for reviewing. I do try.
Disclaimer: I don't own Don Birnam, who seems to appear somehow in a good chunk of my stories. Told you I liked old movies.
Chapter 3: In which, Percy is now someone's best friend
Percy's POV
I rushed out of the flat I was in and onto the street. As I considered apparating home, I contemplated my lack of a future. As soon as Bill finds out, and I'm sure she will tell him, I'll be killed in a horrifically bloody way. For some reason, I have a feeling that it will involve being stabbed repeatedly with my own quill as I am bashed repeatedly over the head with my in tray which will be made possible by another one of my siblings tagging along for my murder. We Weasleys do everything together. Just look at Fred and George.
I mean that exactly like it sounds.
I know that Fred would be first in line to bash me over the head with my in tray. Or, now that I think of it, he would give the idea to George, so that he would be free to gauge my eyes out with my Head Boy badge. I wonder whatever happened to it. If you were to tell me that I would not have a clue where my badge was a few years ago, I would have laughed in your face. Now, I know that I make a habit of leaving things behind that I care about, and it seems very likely. If I were to live, I would bet Hermes would be next.
It took me several hours to get home, and it was near noon. I suppose it would have been quicker if I would have just apparated, but apparently walking extremely long distances is a wonderful way to work towards my long term goal of completely ruining my life before I die.
"Oh, hello, I've been meaning to run into you for ages. The name's Finny. We've been living next door to one another for months."
I have a problem. He's smiling brightly and at a distance of about ten centimeters from my face. My head hurts, and I still feel nauseous, and I'm going to need to write a will. I do not have time to socialize with my neighbors, especially annoying ones, who keep me up late at night throwing parties.
I truly meant to say some sort of greeting, but the best I could manage was some kind of a grunt.
"Ah, right. Well, you really never seemed like one to go out on the piss, but I guess I was wrong about you," he said cheerily. I suppose he supposed that I cared much about what he was saying about me; however, I found myself staring hopefully at a spot slightly above his left ear, when the number of my flat hung on the door.
"I feel even worse about keeping you up all those nights. I used to think that you'd refuse if I invited you. I'll be sure to invite you now, of course," he added, in what appeared to be an offer of friendship.
Somehow I hadn't realized that the easiest way to get him to stop speaking would be to say something myself, so I just stared at him with an annoyed expression on my face as he continued to ramble on. Losing patience, I said, as abruptly as possible, "fine." Waiting for him to look shocked at my utter rudeness, I watched him open the door and stand there expectantly. He seemed to be waiting for me to go in, as opposed to just having a small delay in his offended facial expression muscles.
So, now that I find myself in his home, I admit it isn't what I expected. I thought the debauchery would have been more apparent at first glance than it was.
He has matching curtains hanging at all the windows, which are rather unlike the ones in my flat, and they not only match but they are also similar to something my mother would have been fond of covered in pale rosettes.
"I find that the best way to fight a hangover is just to get pissed all over again. Want anything," Finny shouted from the kitchen watching me curiously.
Ignoring Finny's possible involvement in the conspiracy, I murmured my agreement.
After finding myself inexplicably coaxed into retelling, Finny claiming that he only did so because I looked like I was going to use his curtains as a hanky, I was awaiting the part of the conversation that I should have anticipated when it began. Anticipated and dreaded.
"Do you realize that in one story you managed to insult your social life, self-sufficiency, work performance, and, heck, you even insulted your fucking ability?"
"Ability to do what," I asked drowsily.
"Your ability to fuck. Are you even listening to me?"
"No," I said. Even through the fog that was clouding my brain I noticed that I was speaking insanely slowly and obnoxiously.
"You also made a joke about incest."
"Do I look like someone who makes jokes?"
"Fine, then, would you rather have accused your brothers of incest," he asked sounding a bit more amused than annoyed.
"Yes," I said in the same way as I had been speaking before.
"Alright, you also insulted me. I think you might have said your brother, Will, was shit in bed, too," Finny said trying to hide a smile.
"I doubt Will'll mind."
"You're a neurotic nutter, you know that?"
"Are you just trying to insult me back or do you have a point?"
"Besides that you're my new best friend, even if you're a barmy git, who is turning into quite the piss-artist in one night, no, I don't really have a point."
I am probably the first person to ever look so offended at being called someone's best friend, and I think my record will be safe for some time.
"Eh, maybe you should be heading back to your flat. Sleep it off. Not kill me," Finny said, correctly reading my facial expressions for the first time.
Chapter 4: In which, Percy proves that he really is a neurotic nutter
I returned to my flat almost reluctantly. I half expected Bill to be there ready to kill me.
However, I just returned home to an angry Hermes, who had been left outside all night. And morning. And rather far into the afternoon.
After a quick check of the flat, just in case anyone was hiding somewhere, and finishing the work I had brought home to do today, I took my neighbor's advice and attempted to get a bit of sleep.
After two hours, I gave up on the idea.
The reassurance that my flat was perfectly safe, ironically, was enough to bring all kinds of new worries.
Firstly, if I was drunk enough to leave with someone, there's a chance I might have embarrassed myself or the Ministry. Which means it might be time to line the intray with tissues again.
Second, if Bill isn't preparing to kill me now, when is he? And, why is he not here yet?
This leads to the third problem, the biggest worry of all, why did she sleep with me? I'm not handsome. If I knew her, I would probably remember what she looks like, and my personality is not that attractive, either.
The most likely assumption is that she knew that I was Bill's estranged brother, and she decided to use me to get back at him, for whatever it is that he had done. Though, does she even plan on telling him? If their relationship is over then she wouldn't really have a reason to tell him. Though, why would she even have done it, if she planned to keep it to herself?
Lastly, what in the world could Bill have done to deserve this?
After watching the ceiling fan spin for six hours. It spins 219 times a minute. 13,140 times an hour. Which means I watched my ceiling fan spin 78,840 times.
At some point I ended up asleep at the couch, and I woke up with enough time, for a functioning human, to eat, shower, gather things for work, make my own clothes, get dressed in them, and achieve world peace; however, I managed to only sort of shower. I also somehow thought that weighing my head would be an effective way of proving if it was as heavy as it felt, without considering that I did not know what a normal head weighs.
Chapter 6: In which, Percy disagrees with the Minister
Or Chapter 6: The author wants to end on a more interesting note
All the major symptoms of hangovers and sleep deprivation are present: irritability, thirst, sensitivity to sunlight and noise, nausea, slurred speech, headache, fatigue, and death.
Maybe not the death. At least not yet.
It'll come soon, though. I think the secretary noticed something was wrong.
I think everyone noticed something was wrong. Umbridge took a break from her usual skittishness to give me annoyed looks. However, Rufus Fudge gave me a sly smile, and Eric Munch looked almost pityingly at me from the other side of the security desk.
Nothing exciting happened for the majority of the morning, which was fortunate, because I am sure it would have been more than noticeable to the Minister. I sat, reading through press clippings about the new Ministry regime, as I obsessed over my current situation, and, somewhere in the background, contemplated over whether anyone needed to be informed to the suspicions that the Minister might be a vampire.
However, a memo came zooming in that almost erased my mind of self-pitying thoughts.
Father had lost his promotion. He's now working in the Office for House-Elf Relocation, because they had no where else to put him at the time, and, it seems, the oldest Ministry workers are the ones that are being fired first, and Father is not really among the youngest at the Ministry.
Apparently, one of the aurors were injured in a fight with Death Eaters and Inferi. This alone would have been enough to secure him a nice job in a different department, but he also lost his son in the same fight. Father didn't stand much of a chance.
When he first received his promotion, I remember thinking how my father hadn't moved in the Ministry in as far as I could remember. His love of Muggles, which was too strong to be under swept, had kept him from a promotion before.
My father was always miserable at hiding his emotions. No one is ever surprised at the number of my siblings as soon as they meet my parents. They're always so openly affectionate. He would let Fred and George get away with anything. Ginny, in theory, would be the most excepting of Father's open shows of affection, being the only girl. Or at least in theory.
So, anyway, Father couldn't hide his love of Muggles, which could only be described as blind. He has as many Muggle friends as I've seen Crumple Horned Snorkbacks, and he had finally found himself a promotion. Part of me wondered how he was handling leaving Perkins and his old office. Another wondered how he felt about still being beneath his son at work. Both of them agreed that they did not really want to find out.
Father is not the only one who lost their job today. Apparently, the Ministry had been hoping that more people would have quit their jobs, and today thirty employees lost their positions mostly in the Department for Magical Games and Sports, which means it isn't long until Quidditch is gone, and parts of the Department of International Magical Cooperation, which seems even further than what should be done. Why fire the people whose jobs is to encourage cooperation among magical people?
A/N: I'm not too happy with this chapter, but I think I might just submit it and give it a rewrite if I feel like I have to. It isn't quite the exciting ending the last chapter got, but maybe a quicker update will make up for it. Eh, at least you got a bit of a build up towards what is going on in Percy and his dad's relationship.
