Chapter 23
A/N: WE ARE BACK IN BUSINESS GUYS AND GALS AND NON BINARY PALS
"What kind of takeaway do you want?" Tiger asked, landline in hand.
"I told you we'd end up getting takeaway," I commented as Lion rolled his eyes.
"Well, if anyone knew how to do proper shopping, I'd cook," Lion complained, side-eyeing Tiger.
Tiger scowled. "Your vote is revoked."
Tom yawned, looking better, but still quite tired. I supposed he still needed a proper night of sleep. "Um...any good Italian places?"
"Tom, you live in Italy," I chided. I was still stretched out on the sofa, and Tom had taken the other available cushion. Bear had collapsed in the open armchair soon after getting back, claiming that a dozen demons had run him ragged. Tiger returned not long after that with bleakly empty shopping bags and a deeper scowl than usual.
"Italian cuisine and Italian takeaway are two very different things, my friend," Tom defended, shaking his head as I raised an eyebrow. "Their pizza is really awful. When you visit, I'll show you the difference."
Something warm buzzed in my chest. At least he wanted me to visit. That was something to look forward to, if I ever got the rest of my life sorted. "I've been to Italy."
"Irrelevant."
"Just order something before I eat one of you," Bear scowled, the usually eccentric medic relegated to the armchair in a slump of exhaustion. "I'm starving."
"Italian it is," Tiger conceded, dialing the number.
"Well, K-Unit should be here soon," Lion commented, getting up and moving towards the kitchen. "I suppose I should put some tea on."
My chest thrummed in anxiety at the reminder, but I swallowed it down, turning instead to Tom. His eyes were still heavy with obvious fatigue, but he looked alert enough to stir up trouble. Granted, it wasn't a high bar, but it made me worry all the same. "You're not really going to yell at them, are you?"
Tom rolled his eyes. "Well, I haven't decided yet. I could do that. Or I could passive aggressively guilt-trip them until one of them owns up, and then yell at them."
I sighed. "Or you could...not say anything," I pointed out hopefully. "Seriously, don't stir the pot. We're supposed to be getting along with them so we can work with them. In the field. On dangerous missions. Rifts won't do us any good."
"Well, it's not you they'll be mad at," Tom argued. "I'm defending your honor."
I dragged my unbroken hand down my face. My nose hurt. "You're ridiculous."
"I'm incorrigible, aren't I?"
I squinted at him, the word unfamiliar. "You're what?"
"Incorr-oh, you probably didn't get to that vocabulary word. It means beyond help."
Tom tried to say it casually, waving a hand carelessly for emphasis, but I still felt heat flame in my cheeks, and I hoped I hid it well enough. Luckily, Tiger was still on the phone, and Lion was in the kitchen. I wasn't sure if Bear heard it or not.
I wondered what he thought it meant. I hadn't had proper schooling since the first few months of Year 10, and the rest of that and what little I'd had of Year 11 had been absolutely pointless, what with my other duties. My few months of schooling in California had been nothing but confusing, because the curriculum was so different from Brooklands'. I'd told K-Unit I'd joined up so young because I wasn't cut out for uni—hopefully they took it to mean my GCSEs had been less than stellar.
It was embarrassing, but better than the truth.
"Oh," I responded belatedly, shifting a little. Tom's lack of an immediate answer confirmed what I'd thought—he knew he'd slipped up a little.
I was distinctly aware of my lack of a complete education. I was smart, I knew that, and I was sure given the opportunity I could catch up, but...opportunity was lacking, and I'd be at least two years behind my peers. Knowing that I knew much less than my friend, who I'd always had to help with homework and projects and exam prep...well, it put my situation in perspective, and I didn't like how it looked.
I cleared my throat, glancing at Bear. He was looking at something on his phone but from his posture, I could tell he was keeping half an ear towards our conversation. "Right, well...that's certainly a good word for you."
Tom smirked, his eyes distantly worried, but tried to keep the new direction going. "It is. Jerry actually called me deplorable the other day. I had to look it up. Joke's on him; I'm getting him a thesaurus for Christmas."
I laughed genuinely at that, glad that we could move past the topic. That sounded just like Jerry. I was also saved from having to answer by the ringing of the doorbell.
Familiar panic wriggled in my stomach, but I forced myself to take a deep breath, reminding myself that I'd already been through the worst part. Fox and Wolf would keep things under wraps. L-Unit wouldn't let anything slip about...about what happened. I knew that. I trusted them with that.
It was a violent collision of two worlds...of what felt like two different people's lives...and it was difficult to swallow. But, I didn't have a choice, and...things definitely could've been worse.
I could get through dinner. Every interaction would be easier. I'd been through a lot worse things than this.
"Showtime," Tom mumbled. I kicked him with my good leg, ignoring the twinge of pain, but he just sent me a grin.
I sighed.
I heard the indistinct chittering of blurred voices grow clearer, and then K-Unit was once again in the foyer. It didn't take long for all their eyes to settle on me.
I waved a little, going for a smile. "Hi."
"Hi," Fox said, eyes sliding to Tom, unfamiliarity quickly creeping in. "Um—"
"Oh, wow, the famous K-Unit!" Tom said with stale excitement, leaping from his position on the couch with all the energy of a preschooler. "Wow, you guys are awesome. SAS, really? Can I see your guns?"
Snake had actually taken a step back at Tom's abrupt approach, eyes pinched in confusion, and Eagle didn't seem too far behind him. Fox's eyes were settled questioningly on me, and Wolf's gaze was pinned right on Tom, seeming too confused to react much. I gave Fox a helpless shrug, desperately hoping Tom wouldn't do anything too rash.
Tiger watched from the doorway with an amused smirk, having surreptitiously thrown K-Unit to the wolves. Well, this was going to be a disaster. Seemed Tom had gotten the others on his side when I wasn't looking.
"Uh-who are you?" Wolf asked, eyebrow raised in confused suspicion.
"I'm Alex's best mate, Tom," he explained quickly. "Don't worry, I know everything, right from the beginning. Which was with you guys! It's good to know if I ever get dropped in the SAS, some awesome and supportive unit like you will be there to watch my back. Very comforting. I feel safer already."
I didn't miss the uncomfortable wince in Wolf's posture, or the way the other three shifted their eyes to me and just as quickly looked away. I hid a smile behind my hand, watching Tom with something between terror and amusement.
He was really going to milk this.
"Tom, stand down," I said, trying to dispel any further conflict. "It's really fine."
"What? I'm just introducing myself, Al," he argued. "That's common courtesy. The British are nothing if not polite."
I sighed, my ribs aching. He was going to be the death of me.
"You can come in and sit down," Bear offered after a beat of silence, and I shot the medic a grateful look. "We don't have enough chairs, but the carpet's comfortable enough."
Oh. Maybe Bear was on edge, too. I scowled.
Tom quickly took the available seat next to me, and I huffed a reluctant laugh.
"How're you feeling?" Snake asked, clinical eyes scanning my form.
"A lot better," I admitted, absently rubbing my wound on my thigh. "Bear's been keeping all the bandages fresh and everything." And I was sure the fact that I was in a much better headspace had a lot to do with it. "It's only been a couple days, but I seriously feel better."
Snake hesitated, then nodded. "Well, you look better."
"That's an understatement," Eagle commented, taking a seat by the TV stand, as all the chairs were occupied. "You looked like death warmed over when we showed up."
"I felt like it," I admitted. In more ways than one.
"Well, I'm glad you're doing better," Wolf said, voice gruff in reluctant relief, which put half a smile on my face.
"Oh, careful," Tom said as Wolf made to sit down. Wolf sent him a questioning glance, pausing and looking at his feet, where Tom's eyes had been intently trained just a second before. "Sorry, just making sure there were nothing to trip over, or anything. Trip wires are easy to miss. Carry on. My mistake."
My eyes went wide, and I was torn between smacking him and laughing nervously. Wolf blinked, then turned quite red quite quickly, muttering something unflattering about Tom's mother before he sat.
I settled for giving Tom a withering look. "Tom."
"What?"
"What'd I miss about a trip wire?" Bear asked, suddenly looking much more alert. Carefully blank eyes focused on Wolf, and Wolf stared right back.
"Nothing, God," I responded quickly, making a mental note to murder Tom later. "It was during training over a year ago, and everything's fine now, right?" I looked at Wolf, hoping he'd back me up.
Wolf cleared his throat, rolling his eyes. "Yeah, we're fine. I made up for it later. Bloody hell, you're a sentimental lot."
"What happens in Selection stays in Selection," Eagle added. "That was such a bloody awful experience. I love tormenting the newbies every year."
"Oh? I thought you settled for the people inside your unit for tha-ow," Tom said, sending me a betrayed glance. My wounds ached with renewed vigor, but the kick I'd gotten into Tom's side had been more than worth it.
"Something you wanna say, kid?" Wolf asked, a hard glint in his eyes as he looked at Tom.
From what I knew of the slightly more mature Wolf, he would never use his training or skills to physically attack someone quite obviously weaker and smaller than himself, as Tom undeniably was. Despite the fact that logically I knew that, something in his eyes still stirred a fierce protectiveness that I hadn't been able to shake since the assassin's appearance.
"No, he has nothing to say, so drop it," I said quickly, leveling Wolf with my own hard look. "He's just being stupid. Right, Tom?"
Tom sighed, obviously recognizing the approaching end of his tirade. "I'm not being stupid. I'm defending my friend's honor."
"I've been defended. You're very noble. You can stop now."
"Well, I suppose you did get Wolf back. Hey, how did it feel to get kicked out of a pl—"
"Okay. Nice and settled. Glad that's over," I said quickly.
"What?" Eagle asked, eyes bright in curiosity. "No, you can't leave that hanging." Snake, despite his neutral personality, looked equally interested. Fox was smiling behind his hand. I think I'd mentioned the incident on the plane to him during one of our brief moments of downtime on our mission. He knew exactly where this was going.
"Takeaway should be ready in fifteen," Tiger said, coming into the living room. He seemed to notice the atmosphere, sending us a questioning look. "What?"
Wolf was looking more than a little put out, fingers thrumming rhythmically on the arm of the chair, and I was torn from laughing in bubbling nervousness and burying my head in the sand in fake ignorance. I honestly didn't know what the best option was.
"We were just reminiscing," Tom supplied, innocent look firmly in place.
I sighed again.
This was going to be a long night.
…
"Dammit, Eagle, this is why we never let you tell stories," Fox complained, interrupting Eagle's endless tirade about one of their particularly humorous missions. "Your tangents take longer than the actual incidents."
I smiled as quiet laughter permeated the space, watching Fox animatedly continue the story about Wolf and a hostage negotiator going at it in Russian while the rest of them actually tried to find a way into the base. Luckily, Snake pointed out, this was in Wolf's early years, and Wolf had grown considerably.
Wolf rolled his eyes.
They'd been telling stories while we ate for the better part of an hour—K and L units alike. Most of L-Unit's had involved Elliot, which led to an abbreviated conversation about who he was, quickly rushed and aborted. I glanced covertly at Tiger, whose eyes had found their way to the carpet for a moment.
Despite that, the rest of the night had gone well. The stories had to be censored somewhat, both for security reasons and for Tom's sake, who'd arguably never been in such a situation (and I bloody well didn't want to change that) but we mostly stuck to humorous or especially exciting stories.
"That bloody negotiator was an incompetent fool," Wolf commented. "He was gonna get the hostages killed sooner than the bloody insurgents."
I smiled as the others laughed at that, blinking thickly and leaning my head back as casually as I could. I was full from the meal, which had been quite good, and I supposed my latest dose of pain meds was finally kicking in. Despite that, I didn't want to go to bed yet. I definitely didn't want to leave Tom to his own devices.
"Oi," Tom whispered beneath the others' conversation. I glanced at him. "You wanna go to bed?"
Damn. Of course, he noticed.
"No, I'm alright," I assured, trying to reposition myself to seem more casual than tired. "Just trying to get comfortable."
He raised a dubiously eyebrow, and I shrugged.
"No, but then Snake started yelling at Wolf just because he couldn't take any more, and that was a sight," Fox continued, having steamrolled Eagle's take on the story after the fourth tangent. "Meanwhile I'm scanning the wall trying to find a chink in their coverage, and Eagle's trying to snipe one of the insurgents on top of their defenses, and the bloody Americans are literally just watching us fight. Eagle and I ended up getting detained in the base for a few hours, but the bloody idiots couldn't tell their shoe from their arse. We were out in no time."
I smiled along with the others, but an uncomfortable pang of irrational fear hummed in my bones at the mention of being captured. Bear's and my experience was probably far different, but still…I knew the feeling, far too well, and being taken for any length of experience was chilling.
"I certainly hope you're a little more cohesive now," Lion broached carefully, still smiling diplomatically.
Snake laughed good-naturedly. "Yeah, we are. That was one of our early days. In fact, I think it was our first mission after Selection. It was just a couple weeks after you left, Cub."
I glanced over at the name, having to remind myself that yes, he was talking to me. "Yeah. You guys were pieces of work back then. I'm surprised it didn't turn out worse."
Wolf snorted. "Speak for yourself. You just get dropped in one day, middle of training, no explanation, and you disappear just as quickly."
Uncomfortable energy started to buzz around my heart, and I searched for any opportunity to steer the conversation away as naturally as I could. I didn't let myself glance at the others. "I wasn't nearly as bad as you. At least I could build a fire in the middle of the bloody Welsh spring. God, it was freezing."
"Pickpocketing a box of matches doesn't count," Eagle commented.
"Wait, what?" That was Bear, whose eyes had slid up into his hairline.
The topic was less than comfortable, but it wasn't dangerous, so it could continue. "During training, we had this awful nature hike, and when I finally got to the end, the Sergeant and I had something to talk about. I stumbled into him before I made my way up to the others and pickpocketed a box of matches. Good thing, too, because the boy scouts weren't doing well. I'm almost positive he let me take them, though."
"Oh, shit, I remember that," Fox said, eyes wide in remembrance. "I forgot about that. Mate, you jumped twenty points on my scale that day. I was freezing my arse off while this one tried to rub rocks together like a caveman," he said, jerking a thumb at Wolf.
Wolf scowled, but there was a surprising amount of humor in his eyes. "Well, you didn't have any better ideas, did you?"
I laughed quietly, the ache worth the feeling of warmth in my chest. This was going quite well, despite my fears. Tom had been listening quietly for the most part, his eyes wide in excitement and awe as the soldiers rattled off impossible stories. I supposed they were a little more exciting than the ones I told him, based solely on the fact that for the most part, they weren't nearly as nail-biting.
The conversation turned to a bit more graphic, more somber topic—everyone's oddest kills. While there was still some humor, there was noticeably less laughter, and I felt Tom tense next to me.
I sent him a glance, whispering, "Do you want to leave? Are you okay?"
Tom glanced back, shaking his head. "No, it's alright. Just…weird. You never take about…this."
I narrowed my eyes in thought, leaning back and keeping half an ear to the conversation. I didn't like talking about the people I'd killed, though there were…well, several. That thought alone was enough to make me physically uncomfortable. While I knew, logically, that it wasn't murder in the line of duty…well, I'd never technically been in the line of duty, had I? It was hard to justify dozens of deaths with my predicaments.
"No, you don't get it," Wolf was saying as I tuned back in, staring sightlessly at the blank tellie. "It was actually pretty awesome, even for a shrimp. Cub, tell them about the sleigh mobile at Point Blanc."
The words "Point Blanc" triggered an undeniably terrifying reaction, because those were words L-Unit didn't know yet, words I hadn't wanted them to know yet. Those were from someone else's world—not Jaguar's. They weren't supposed to—supposed to know about that yet.
I blinked a couple time in surprise and panic, trying to rectify the situation with what had just been said, and looked at Wolf. I supposed he knew from the look in my eye that he'd well and truly fucked up, and now I had to get myself out of it.
"Not really something I'm comfortable talking about," I said once my brain stopped lagging, glancing at the tellie. "I sort of thought we agreed on that."
"Right, yeah," Wolf said quickly, trying to hide how flustered he was. "Got excited."
There was no apology, but I didn't expect one. Besides, he earned his place back in my good books when he quickly and expertly navigated the conversation in a different direction, telling one of his own stories to fill the heavy silence.
Still. That had been too close.
"I think I'm gonna go to sleep," Tom said quietly to me, but loudly enough for the others to overhear. "You probably should, too. You look exhausted."
After a few seconds of genuine debate, I took the out, nodding. "Alright."
Conversation screeched to a halt as soon as I started trying to lever myself up onto the crutches, trying and failing to keep my face blank. Tom knew better than to offer his help, though I could tell it was on the tip of his tongue.
"I'll help you to your room," Fox said decisively.
I rolled my eyes as I finally got standing. "I'm not a maiden, Ben."
Fox raised an eyebrow. "Never said you were." The unspoken I still have questions, and I'm not going to let you stall any longer hung heavy, and I sighed in acquiescence.
"Alex?" Lion's voice was a blend of concern and distrust. His eyes slid to Fox as he stood, then back to me.
"It's fine," I assured, Tom hovering at my elbow as I made my way back to the spare bedroom. "Good to see you again," I threw over my shoulder to the remainder of K-Unit.
"Yeah, you too," Wolf said, raising a hand. I got a smile from Snake and a wave from Eagle, and then Fox was trekking behind me on my way to the bedroom.
When I finally staggered through the threshold, I all but collapsed onto the bed, all but dumping the crutches on the floor. That was exhausting.
"Want me to grab your meds?" Tom asked from the doorway, eyeing the bathroom.
"Yeah, thanks, mate," I said with an arm over my eyes, feeling the subtle tug of sleep.
"You're not going to fall asleep on me again, are you?" Fox asked, coming cautiously into the room to lean against the doorframe. I think he was finally starting to gather that yes, I was also skittish around him, despite the fact that I trusted him more than the others.
"Jury's still out," I said, scowling when I realized that was an American expression. "I mean…maybe. I dunno."
I heard him reposition himself. "You're still tired."
"It's only been a few days," I said, feeling the fresh ache of my leg and side flare at the realization. "Of course, I'm still tired."
He may have nodded. A second or two later, Tom returned with a cup of lukewarm water and some pills.
I scowled, glancing up at him. "I just wanted the antibiotic and the immune booster."
Tom raised an unimpressed eyebrow. "Well, lucky for you, I don't care what you want."
Damn. I downed the pills without a second thought, knowing that Tom could in fact match Bear on the level of neurotic worry on one of his particularly bad days. I felt uncomfortable taking the antidepressant and the anxiety meds, but I refused the sleep aid. I knew from the energy in my veins that tonight would be a bad night, and the last thing I wanted was to become trapped in the nightmares.
"You've got a good nursemaid," Fox commented.
Tom laughed. "Someone has to keep an eye on him."
I smirked reluctantly. "Please. Between the two of us, you'd need the supervision a lot more than me."
I scooted back up against the headboard, hissing as the stitches on my side pulled. "Fox, what did you want to talk about?" Fox glanced at Tom. "He can stay. He knows everything, anyways."
I didn't miss Tom's look of satisfaction.
Fox sighed, pulling the door closed behind him. "You haven't told them."
"About what?"
"Any of it, Alex."
I shifted, glancing at Tom, then at the comforter. "No. I've been thinking about trying to, but…no, I haven't yet."
Fox narrowed his eyes. I could tell he was really trying to keep his frustration in check, but some of it was seeping into his words, anyways. "Why?"
I shifted, shrugging, feeling like a scolded schoolboy for trying to stay alive. "Because it's dangerous."
"They seem like they'd support you, though, kid. I don't…I don't see the problem."
"Well, I do, Fox!" I all but shouted, frustration bubbling in my lungs. I took as deep a breath as I was able, trying to calm down. "I just—it's not that simple."
Fox looked at the ceiling, obviously formulating a response. Tom was tense on the edge of the bed, looking between the two of use like a tennis match. "Okay, fine. Tell me why it's not that simple."
I let my head thunk against the headboard, closing my eyes. I was tired. "Because…because I want to stay here with them. I've never wanted anything more," I admitted reluctantly, feeling the truth of the words nearly overwhelm me. "I like it here, and I like it with them."
And I did. I did, more than anything. Unfortunately, I had yet to properly deal with the fact that SCORPIA did, in fact, know my location. That the assassin knew where to find me and had fully taken advantage of that. That they would undoubtedly send more, and that ne day, someone besides me would get hurt. I hadn't dealt with that yet, because the possibility of leaving was so overwhelming.
But I wanted to stay. And as soon as they learned the rest…well, it would be impossible.
"MI6 is one thing," I said quietly. "I've been thinking…I might tell them…pieces. Small things, you know? We'll build up to it." And I had. I really had been thinking about it. They'd taken everything else so well, and somehow, they still wanted me here. After everything…MI6 didn't seem like too much of a leap.
I swallowed, blinking. "But…my family? My age? I can't, Ben. Bear works with kids all the time, and Lion has a nephew and a younger sister, and Tiger's so overprotective it's not even funny. They'd—they'd never let me stay in the SAS. And if I can't stay in the SAS, I can't stay with them. I'll just be—be right back where I started. On my way to some God-awful orphanage, or alone, or—or worse." On a mission or in the Bank.
"Or with me, you twit," Tom grumbled. "Bloody ignorant bastard."
I smiled at the immediate correction, even though I knew I couldn't do that. SCORPIA's headquarters were in Italy. It would be so, so easy for them to find me there, and then…I couldn't stand the thought of something happening to Tom or Jerry because of me.
I ignored the comment after an affirming look in his direction, continuing, "I just…can't. I can't leave, and I they know, I can't stay. They'd never let me stay. And…and I need this, Ben," I admitted, the uncomfortable ache of reluctant vulnerability twitching through me.
Ben looked at me with hard, blank eyes, as characteristic of a spy, even retired. He glanced at Tom, then at me, and shook his head, sighing. "They're going to find out."
I swallowed subtly. "I know."
"What're you going to do then?"
I shrugged, looking away. "I don't know. I'm hoping they'll find out when I…you know. When I'm actually legal to join up. Then…well, they'll be mad as hell, but we can move through it, you know?"
Fox looked less than pleased at the thought of my illegally participating in the SAS for over a year and a half, but he didn't say as much. I could see the reluctant acquiescence in his eyes even before he said as much, and something eased in my writhing mess of a stomach. "Alright. I won't say anything. But…I think you're not giving them enough credit."
I glanced at him, a question hovering in my eyes.
"Looks like they're not going to get rid of you anytime soon, kid," Fox said with a glance in the direction of the living room. "I really think if you told them…sure, they wouldn't let you stay in the SAS anymore, but I highly doubt they'd just drop you. I'm sure you could work something out."
I pinched my eyes in caution, even though I knew he was right. The problem was the "something." There were too many unknown variables—too much room for error. Too much room for good-intentioned actions that would lead to even worse situations.
"I can't," I said decidedly, not giving him the opportunity to contradict me again. "I'm sorry. I'm tired."
"Alrighty, then you're going to sleep," Tom finished for me, popping up like a springboard to herd a startled Fox out of the room. "Lovely to meet you, glad you're not as much of a dick as I thought. Have a lovely day."
Fox shot me one last look as I laughed from behind Tom, barely catching Fox's muttered expletive.
"You're ridiculous," I commented, my eyes heavy.
"Preaching to the choir," he said, toeing the sleeping bag on the ground next to my bed, plopping o=down on the edge once more. "Bloody hell, mate. I was just a spectator and I'm tired. No wonder you have thirty-six thousand pills. I'd be stressed too."
I smiled a little at the comment, knowing without a doubt that Tom didn't have it in him to create it from a place of malice or judgment. "I'm well and truly screwed, my friend."
Tom rolled his eyes. "Dramatic."
I smiled again, letting my eyes close. I was exhausted.
"I've been putting it off, but…I think I've got to get back to Italy soon," he said tentatively.
Though I'd been expecting it at some point, the immediate sense of wrongness felt at the thought of him being gone again was too palpable to possibly ignore. "When?"
He shifted, and I opened my eyes to see him staring at the carpet. "Day after tomorrow. I was waiting to book the flight until I could tell you."
I looked away, nodding slowly. "…alright."
"It's not the end of the world," he said quickly. "I mean, you can come visit when you're better, and I'll come visit before then. I think I've got break coming up, actually, in about a month. If you haven't come out by then, I'll come back for a few days over the holidays, okay?"
He was talking quickly, desperate to assure both me and himself that this wouldn't be like last time. That we wouldn't go almost two years without speaking or seeing each other. I wasn't sure my mental health could survive that again, anyways.
"Relax, mate," I said quietly. "I'm not going to cut you off again. I promise."
Something collapsed in Tom's shoulders, and I realized he'd been worrying about that all this time. The way his face crumpled filled me with absolute guilt, and something twisted in my chest. "Oh, thank God. Because I really figured you wouldn't, after everything, you know, but it still makes me nervous because you're so bloody predictable, and it seemed like just the kind of thing you'd do—"
"Breathe, Tom," I instructed, torn between collapsing in grief and guilt and laughing, because—because it was Tom. "I promise, okay? No matter what happens, as long as I'm able, I'll find a way to call you. Alright?"
Tom looked at me, and I had to remind myself that he really only showed this expression to me and Jerry and his parents, because his usually mirthful eyes were a mess of vulnerable uncertainty. "Al. You can't do that to me again, okay? I didn't—I had to take a month off of school because I was such a mess worrying about you, wondering what the hell happened to you. I—I can't do that again."
I felt my throat bob, but I swallowed, glancing away. "I can't, either. I promise, Tom. Really."
His face relaxed, finally, and I felt the moment his shoulders eased into belief instead of just acceptance. "Good. You're bloody lucky."
Neither of us mentioned the fact that we both swiped at our eyes.
The thought of having a permanent connection to the world again was frightening. After Jack had died, after Sabina had died…well, in order to go into hiding, off the grid…I had to erase everything. That included Tom. Right now, L-Unit…Lion and Tiger and Bear, no matter how much they meant to me or how badly I wanted to stay with them…they were originally Matthew's connections. Jaguar's. Perhaps they were mine now, as well, but they were still tenuous, no matter how badly I wanted to believe they weren't.
I would only be fooling myself if I believed that. I'd been prepared to leave them just a few days ago. It had been a horrible and hard decision, but I'd been prepared to make it. I was very much a transient individual, being dragged through life, determined not to leave a lasting impression anywhere.
But now that Tom was back, now that he was here and I couldn't avoid him anymore, I'd accepted him back as a permanent part of my life, and…and I didn't have nothing anymore. Even though this, this flat and these people were incredible and so much more than I could've asked for, Tom was Tom. And he was back and—and I finally had a permanent connection to the world again.
I had no excuse to disappear without a trace again, because if nothing else, Tom was my trace. If nothing else, I couldn't do that to him.
It was terrifying. It was dangerous.
It was so, so relieving.
A/N: Well, we finally got this one out! This was like pulling teeth, but I finally had a spurt of creativity this morning (even though I was totally supposed to be studying for my exam lol). Hope you enjoyed it :)
ALSO: Okay so I've gotten a lot of people say they'd love to read / write fanfiction about this story, and I say…dude, go for it! That would be AWESOME! My only requests are that you give credit to this story, and notify me in a review or PM so I can read it!
Also also: Okay so I just thought of this freaking awesome idea for an Avengers / Alex Rider crossover…so what if, Alex being the obstinate boy he is, continually refuses to work for MI6, so they take matters into their own hands and procure the Winter Solider brainwashing tech and the Avengers…you know…find out? Can you IMAGINE how unstoppable an Alex Rider Bucky Barnes bromance would be? Let me know if you're interested!
Finally, I just want to say thank you from the absolute bottom of my heart for all your love and support through that whole hard drive ordeal. It was really scary and emotional, and I just wanted to say thanks so much for being so patient and encouraging. This one's for you guys, because you're amazing.
Reviews: Holy crap. Um, this is gonna take a minute. You guys sent an influx of positive support and prayers, and I appreciate each and every one of them!
Thanks to: (23) Guest, scarlettmeadows, ClarenzaK, OnlyABookworm, otterpineapple06, Night Riders, Padfoot's Marauder, Guest, Asilrettor, Ichigo1217, aSkyFullOfStarz, Eriethwen, Gwennwyfar, Melloonnnn, Em0Wolf, reginamare, Bumbee, Charlie, SlothChann, Beebotwriter, It-sallgeektome14, (24) Cortanacordeliac, nala, Riderkitty, Gerdiena, Faith2203, Cortanacordeliac, Guest, Asilrettor, Dobby and Padfoot, ClarenzaK, fa6imah.20000, Guest, Guest, Riderkitty, Melloonnnn, Favorite Books, Simitria, Guest, (25.1) otterpineapple06, hunterjk123, Charlie, AlexRiderFan, ClarenzaK, OnlyABookworm, Guest, Bumbee, Padfoot's Marauder, Guest, Asilrettor, ovkx, DaisyLynn21, scarlettmeadows, reginamare, The needle-sword expert, Buddels, namisnakama, World-Explorer, Guest, scarlettmeadows, (25.2) Dobby and Padfoot, scarlettmeadows, Guest, CartsRTheBest, otterpineapple06, BethWils04, Verdantia Akalixi, 627-Organized-Chaos, Em0Wolf, DaisyLynn21, Guest, Guest, CoacoFireGoddess, Charlie, Fangirl all da way, Aism de Plume, reginamare, Tae, Guest, Amazonhunter, Shae, Asilrettor, Callie, Riderkitty, agent potter, Guest, Guest, ovkx, Guest, Razeli, Cakemania225, Guest, Guest, AlexRiderFan, and Guest!
HOLY. CRAP. THANK YOU.
Guest (Thanks for the amazing chapter…): Um…obviously not often :'D sorry love
Guest (Just for the record, where I come from (In India))…: Ohhh good to know! Thanks!
Em0Wolf: SAME. Lol love that. Thanks so much!
Reginamare: THEY DID OMG. Hahaha thanks me too! Yeah I'm a very angsty writer oops XD You know, I don't know yet, because a lot of those snippets are for later chapters…so we'll see! Also, I definitely plan to have some alternate perspectives later on :) thanks so much!
Charlie: HE IS! Same! Thanks so much :)
Cortanacoredliac: RIGHT I KNOW
Nala: Hey! It's just kind of heard because he's dead, but I'll try!
Cortanacordeliac (24): Hahaha I feel that! Thanks so much! Hope you're doing well! :D
Guest (This is so cute! I had a question though…): Hey! Sorry, it's just music from America, since they're in the UK XD sorry for the confusion!
Guest (This was really fun to update soon): Thanks!
Favorite Books: Haha I'm so glad!
Guest (Plz update): Sorry for the wait!
Charlie: Thanks so much! I did!
AlexRiderFan: hank you so much hon! Your prayers worked! :D Thank you!
Guest [:'(]: Thanks so much! I Did!
Em0Wolf: Thanks! Somehow it's okay! God's awesome XD
Guest (Oh no! Hoping for the best!): Thanks so much!
Ovkx: Thanks! I really appreciate it :) I'm so glad you're enjoying them! Somehow they recovered everything!
Reginamare: Thank you so much! Oh noooooo dude that sucks! Thanks! I hope your intense weeks are over!
World-Explorer: Thanks so much! Haha yeah…somehow it got saved! Thanks!
Guest (Hi! How did things turn out with your compuer): AWESOME! Everything was saved! Thanks so much!
Guest (Well, you're back in business now!...): Thanks so much!
CatsRTheBest: Thanks so much!
Em0Wolf: Thanks so so much!
Guest (So good you got everything back but PLEASE…): Bro don't you worry I have every single one of my files in six different places now
Guest (This is so scary. I cannot expresss…): Thank you so much! Haha don't worry I did XD
Charlie: Thanks so so much! I will!
Reginamare: Thank you so much! Hahahaha yeahhhh I had multiple breakdowns. But we're fine now! Thhank you!
Tae: Thank you so much love
Guest (I am soooooo happy for you!): Hahaha yeah it sucked XD Thanks so much! That's so sweet!
Amazonhunter: Thank you so so much! It was XD
Shae: Thank you so much! Hahahaha sorry bout that XD
Callie: Thanks so much! Amen! He does!
Guest (Holy cricket!): Thanks so much!
Guest (I'm so glad you were able…): Thanks so so much!
Ovkx: Thank you!
Guest (Hey, do you plan on doing a chaoter from L-Unit's…): Yep! Later on in the story, I definitely do :D Thanks!
Guest (Plz update.): Thanks so much!
Guest (Yes! Congratulations.): Thank you so so much!
AlexRiderFan: Thank you! God's literally awesome! Thank you :D
Guest (Can't wait for the next chapter): Thank you!
Omg I have carpal tunnel now, that took forever. Thank you so much for your wonderful reviews and words of encouragement. :D Hope you liked the chapter!
