Disclaimer: I own nothing outside my own creativity
AN:Sorry it's so long between updates. College is kicking my ass and I'm just so tired. Thanks for all the reviews. You guys rock. And I'm still not telling if they'll end up together or not. You're all just going to have to wait and see. We have many more obstacles to get through before this ends, so we'll just see what happens! I think y'all will like what happens in this chapter though. Reviews are golden!
Siete
Jess sat on the roof of his apartment building, smoking a cigarette. He finished it and dropped the butt onto the top of what was becoming an increasingly large pile of extinguished cigarettes.
The door to the roof opened, and Jess slowly looked up. He uneasily shifted his eyes back to the ground and lit another cigarette. "Hey."
Rory stepped towards where Jess was sitting cross-legged on the ground. "Hi." She said. "What are you doing out here?"
Jess shrugged and took a long drag of his cigarette.
Rory looked down at her feet and said, "I didn't plan this."
Jess didn't respond. He just inhaled deeply and silently exhaled a long stream of smoke.
"I wanted to get pregnant for the first time when I was thirty."
Jess shook his head. "You don't have to explain anything to me." He said calmly.
Rory continued as though he hadn't spoken. "I was supposed to be a full editor by that time. I'd be the youngest in Rand Florin's history. I could do it too. I was made an assistant editor after only a year. I was going to be established, maybe even at a bigger company by that time. Logan…well, he was going to have taken over the business by then. It was planned out."
Jess shrugged. "I guess some things you can't plan."
"But I plan everything!" Rory exclaimed, collapsing down onto her butt with a soft plop. "Is this my punishment for being so organized?"
Jess didn't respond for a long while. When he finally he did, all he said was, "Do you really think you're being punished?"
Rory sighed and dropped her head into her hands. "I don't know. I don't know anything." She raised her head and there were tears in her eyes. "No, that's not true. I'm a 26-year-old jilted bride who got herself pregnant by her fiancée who hasn't even tried to contact her since he ran off." She finished fiercely.
Jess was surprised at her anger. It was the first emotion other than sadness that she'd expressed over her failed wedding since she came to him. He took the final drag of his cigarette and put it out.
"How many of those have you had?" Rory asked.
Jess shrugged. "Pack and a half." He estimated, looking down at the crushed, empty box and the half-full one sitting next to it. He picked up the pack of Camels and selected another one from it. He twirled it around in his fingers and looked up at Rory. He put it in his mouth and lit it.
"You've only been out here for an hour." Rory said. She took the cigarette from his mouth and broke it in half. "That's one cigarette every two minutes. It'd be nice if you didn't die of lung cancer before your book was published. Besides," She continued, her voice getting quiet. "It's bad for the baby."
Jess looked down at Rory's hands as she laid them on her flat stomach. "I guess it is." He responded unsurely. He picked up the pack of cigarettes, stared blankly at the cartoon camel on the packaging for a moment, and finally tossed the pack over the side of the roof.
Rory bit her lip thoughtfully. "I didn't ask you to do that."
Jess shrugged. "You didn't have to."
"I don't even know if I'm keeping it."
Jess snorted. "Liar."
"I'm not ready to be a mother." Rory said defensively.
Jess shook his head. "You're also not ready to kill an unborn baby, especially his."
"Well, why should I care that it's Logan's baby?" Rory asked furiously, standing back up. "He doesn't care about me. Why should I care about him or his kid? What should stop me from just going to a fucking abortion clinic and getting rid of the damn thing?"
Jess stared up at Rory. His shocked, wide eyes betrayed his otherwise unchanged demeanor. He'd never seen Rory this angry before, and it was more than a little scary.
Jess stood and took Rory by the shoulders, looking visibly upset. "Listen to me. You're angry right now, and I'm damn glad to see it. It's about time you moved on from grief to anger, and you have every right to be pissed as all Hell. But you cannot take this anger out on your baby. Whatever you decide to do, it can't be out of anger. Because if it is, you'll regret it. You can't kill a baby because you're pissed off."
Rory looked at Jess, amazed at his insightfulness and at his anger over the subject. "Jess…"
Jess dropped his hands and turned away from her. "It's none of my business. Do what you want." He snapped as he walked over to the door. He swung it open and slammed it shut behind him, leaving Rory alone on the roof.
Rory frowned. She'd obviously hit some sort of sore spot with her ranting. Now that her moment of anger had passed, Rory knew that she hadn't meant any of what she said. She didn't know what she was going do, but she knew that she'd never get rid of the baby out of spite.
Rory went back over to the door and down three flights of steps to the ninth floor. She walked into the apartment and saw that Jess was sitting at his computer, typing quickly.
"Jess…" Rory started.
"No." Jess interrupted. "I'm not mad, but we aren't talking about me. Not about this. Leave it alone."
Rory nodded. "OK. But, I didn't mean what I said up there."
Jess didn't stop typing. "You don't need to explain yourself to me."
"Yes I do." Rory said firmly. "Jess, you're the only one in my life that I can trust not to hate me or hurt me right now. And I hurt you. I don't know how I did, but I didn't mean to. I'm sorry for that."
Jess stopped typing and stood. He turned and faced Rory. If she didn't know better, she'd think that he'd been crying a little. But Jess wouldn't cry. What could make Jess cry?
"Whatever you do, I'm not going to hate you, and I'm never going to hurt you." Jess said. "So drop this."
Rory nodded. "OK."
Jess managed a weak smile. "It's late, and it's been a Hell of a day. I'm going to bed."
Rory nodded again. "OK. Goodnight."
"Goodnight." Jess mumbled before walking into his room and closing the door behind him.
Rory started to make up the couch with her blankets and pillow as she got herself ready to go to bed. She still couldn't understand what had upset Jess so much. She tried to think back, and she couldn't remember a time when Jess had allowed his emotions to show so clearly. She couldn't remember a time when he seemed so…hurt.
Rory lay down on the couch and pulled the blankets over her. She nuzzled deeply into her pillow. She was drifting off to sleep, making an attempt to push Logan completely for her mind. Suddenly, her eyes snapped open and she shot straight up on the couch.
She swung her legs over and stood up. She wrapped the blanket around her shoulders and shuffled down the hallway to Jess's room. She opened the door tentatively and saw Jess sitting up in his bed, reading a book. He looked up at the sound of his door opening and looked at Rory questioningly.
Rory took a step into the room and clutched the blanket tighter around herself. "I'm going to have a baby." She whispered, the weight of the statement hitting both her and Jess at the same time.
Jess put his book on the end table and slid over to one side of the bed, making room for Rory. Rory crossed the small space over to the bed and got in. She curled up into a ball, resting her head on Jess's chest.
"I'm going to have a baby." She repeated, sniffling a little as a few tears fell.
Jess wrapped an arm around her shoulders as her tears began to soak through his T-shirt. He'd learned early on in this arrangement to wear a T-shirt to bed. It felt so awkward and strange to have Rory's tears falling on his bare chest.
"Shh." Jess said, gently stroking her hair. "It'll be OK."
They stayed that way until they both fell asleep.
A slight shaking woke Rory. She grumbled, annoyed, and slapped at the hand that was rocking her.
Jess rolled his eyes. "Rory. Wake up. You've gotta get ready for work."
Rory mumbled incoherently and rolled over on her stomach. Jess yanked the covers off her, causing her to moan in annoyance.
"Oh, don't moan at me." Jess said. "Get out of my bed."
Rory slid one leg out of the bed, but then stopped and continued to lie motionless for long enough to frustrate Jess.
"Lorelai Leigh Gilmore, get your ass out of bed right now!" He said as he grabbed her arm and physically pulled her out of the bed.
Rory stumbled, but regained her balance before she could fall. She glared at Jess through a veil of messy hair and sleep-glazed eyes. "I hate you." She snapped.
Jess shrugged and turned around. "I can live with that. Go shower." He walked out of the room, and Rory immediately looked back at the bed, debating crawling back into it.
"Don't even think about it!" Jess called from the kitchen. "Shower. Now."
Rory grabbed her robe and shuffled into the hallway. She had her hand on the bathroom doorknob when Jess's voice stopped her.
"Paige will be here in a few minutes." He informed her.
"Oh." Rory said stiffly. "Are you going to…?"
"Not if you tell me not to. We can wait to do that." Jess said, not looking up from eggs he was making for himself.
"Not yet." Rory said. "I can't tell anyone quite yet."
Jess nodded. "That's fine."
Jess listened to the bathroom door open and close. He sighed thoughtfully. Paige was going to want a reason, and a damn good one at that, as to why Rory wasn't moving out. Jess wasn't sure if a simple "she's not doing as well as you thought" was going to take care of this. He didn't want an argument, and he knew it was unavoidable at this point. As he looked at the bathroom door, however, he knew that it didn't matter. Right now, it was about taking care of Rory. That was his main concern right now. If Paige didn't understand that…well, he just had to hope that she would understand.
Rory continued to dress and get ready for work. She came into the small kitchen, tugging at her fitted suit jacket. She looked up at Jess with a pout, "I'm going to get fat." She said.
Jess nodded. "Yep."
"You could at least lie to me." Rory said, rolling her eyes.
"Sometimes I dream about Socrates dancing naked around a May Pole." Jess said stoically, without missing a beat.
"What?" Rory asked, turning up her nose in confused disgust.
Jess shrugged. "You told me to lie to you."
Rory's mouth eased into a small smile and she moved past Jess to pour a cup of coffee.
"You should make a doctor's appointment." Jess said suddenly.
Rory took a sip of her coffee. "Why?" She asked.
Jess smirked. "To make sure the test was right, for one thing. To make sure everything's going OK for another. Third, to see when you're due, fourth…"
"OK!" Rory said, rolling her eyes in fake exasperation. "I'll do it today." After a moment, she added, "Will you come with me?"
Jess looked up at her with surprised eyes. "I…um…well…yeah, of course."
If Rory noticed his sputtering response, she didn't comment on it. She just smiled and glanced at her watch. "I've gotta run. I'll see you later. Thanks Jess."
Rory opened the door just as Paige raised her hand to knock. "Hi Paige." Rory said, smiling at her. "Bye Paige."
Paige looked at Rory as she walked down the hall. Then she stepped into the apartment.
Jess went over to greet her. He put his hands on her waist and leaned in to kiss her. Paige returned the kiss briefly, and then pulled away. "She's still here." Paige snapped.
Jess nodded. "Yeah. Eggs?" He asked, retreating casually into the kitchen.
"Two. Scrambled. Why is she still here?" Paige demanded, following Jess.
Jess shrugged and walked over to the refrigerator. He slowly and deliberately pulled two eggs out of the carton and ambled back over to where the bowl was set out. He delicately cracked first one, and then the second into the bowl, and began mixing them carefully.
"Jess." Paige said with a severe warning in her tone.
Jess continued to scramble the eggs before dumping them into the pan. Finally, he looked back up at Paige. He put his hands on the edge of the counter, as if bracing himself. "Rory won't be moving out."
Paige's eyes turned hot, and Jess seriously thought she was going to attack him. She said nothing, but her knuckles began to turn white as she dug her fingernails into her palms.
"She's not ready. She won't be for a long time." Jess continued, keeping his calm tone.
"So why can't she be somebody else's problem?" Paige asked, annoyed. "You've helped that girl more than enough."
"It's not about 'doing my fair share' or something, Paige. It's about helping out a friend who needs me." Jess responded coolly.
"That's bullshit." Paige bit out angrily. "Stop giving me that 'being a friend' bit, Mariano. You aren't that nice. If it wasn't her, you wouldn't be doing any of this."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Jess demanded. Paige knew only that Rory was a friend from high school. She knew nothing about their history together.
"It means that this girl has some kind of affect on you that I don't have, that no one else has." Paige said, still seething.
Jess shook his head. "You're wrong."
"Am I?" Paige asked in a screech. "Would you have let anyone else move in here with you under the same circumstances?"
Jess didn't have to lie about his answer. "If they needed me as much as Rory does, then yes. I would've."
"Fucking liar." Paige muttered angrily.
"What the Hell do you want from me?" Jess asked, getting angry himself. "She got left at the altar! The people that should be there for her can't be because they knew she was making a mistake or they hated the guy or whatever. Yeah, it's fucking weird that out of all the people in the universe, I'm the one emotionally equipped to take care of her, but there it is. She needs me. I need you to understand that."
"And if I can't?" Paige asked, a frightening calm overpowering her. She relaxed her hands, which had crescent-shaped wounds on them from her nails.
"What?" Jess asked.
"If I can't understand. If I make you choose. Me or her, what would you do?" Paige demanded.
Jess shook his head. "That isn't fair."
"Well, there it is." Paige responded harshly, mirroring Jess's words from a moment ago.
The smell of burning eggs filled Jess's nose, and he moved the ruined eggs off the burner without thinking twice. "She needs me. Please understand."
Paige shook her head, fury giving way to sadness for a moment before fury took over again. She walked over to the door and paused as she placed her hand on the knob. "Call me if you change your mind." She said quietly, adding afterwards, "Please change your mind."
"I love you, Paige." Jess said in a final attempt to make her stay. "You know that."
"I do know, but it isn't enough." Paige said, opening the door and leaving.
Jess stood in his kitchen, dumbfounded by what just happened. He let Paige's words sink in as the smell of burned eggs entered his nostrils.
"It never is." He said quietly.
Rory walked into the apartment and saw Jess typing on his laptop. "Hey." She said, closing the door behind her.
"Hey." He said tersely. How he could put so much hostility behind that one word, Rory had no idea.
"Everything OK?" Rory asked, walking over to the couch. She sank down onto it and kicked her shoes off.
"Fine." Jess grumbled.
He was lying, and Rory knew that. He was obviously upset about something. She also knew that the best thing she could do at this point in time would be leave him alone. She curled up in a ball on the sofa and opened up her briefcase, pulling a manuscript out of it. She picked up a pen off the table and began to make notes to herself as she read.
The sound of Rory's pen scratching against the paper made Jess cringe, and after the fifth time she began to write, he turned around and snapped, "Is that really necessary?"
"What?" Rory asked, willing herself not to look up at him.
"That scratching noise. When I write, it doesn't make that noise." Jess said impatiently.
Rory slowly raised her eyes to him and stared incredulously. "Are you seriously yelling at me for the noise my pen makes when I write?"
Jess didn't answer. He just continued to stare angrily. Rory put the pen and manuscript on the table and said, "What's wrong?"
"Who are you, my mother?" Jess retorted hotly.
"Jess…" Rory started, confused and hurt by his anger.
"Jess." He mimicked in a high, annoying voice. "Jeez Rory, could you sound anymore whiny?"
Rory frowned, tears in her eyes. This felt all too familiar to her. "I don't know what I did." She whispered hoarsely. She stood on shaky legs and walked out of the apartment, still in her stocking feet.
Jess closed his eyes and sighed. A complete sense of déjà vu filled him as he remembered a situation similar to this. Hesitantly, Jess saved his file and stood up. He walked out into the hallway, but there was no sign of Rory. Jess walked to the end of the hall and took the stairs up to the roof entrance. He pushed open the door and saw Rory, sitting on a hard wooden chair and staring at the city's skyline. Jess walked over to her and sat down on the edge of the roof.
"Don't fall." Rory whispered, arms crossed in front of her chest.
You didn't do anything. He wanted so badly to tell her that this wasn't about her, but he'd be lying. This was about her. If she hadn't come to him, if he hadn't felt bad for her, this wouldn't have happened.
"Paige and I broke up." Jess said honestly, his eyes staring straight ahead.
Rory's eyes widened. "I'm so sorry! I didn't know anything was wrong between the two of you."
Jess shrugged. "I did, or at least I should've."
The two sat quietly for a moment before Rory asked the question they were both dreading, "It was because of me, wasn't it?"
Jess considered lying, and then decided against it. He nodded. "Yeah."
Silence consumed them again. "Sorry." She whispered after a moment.
Jess just shrugged. He couldn't say it was okay, because it wasn't.
"You love her, don't you?" Rory asked, studying Jess's face with amazement.
Jess nodded. "Yep." He said with a sigh.
Rory's mouth formed a small 'o' as she contemplated this new information. She nodded and stood up. She offered Jess her hand. "OK, let's go."
"Where?" Jess asked, his eyes finally moving from the sky to Rory.
Rory offered him a small smile and said, "Catharsis."
Jess smirked at her, trying to hide his emotions as much as possible. "Alright." He said, taking her hand. "Let me change into my painting clothes."
