Disclaimer: Nope, not mine.
A/N: This chapter really just flowed out. I just couldn't stop writing it. Not sure how much y'all will like it, so you'll have to let me know via reviews. Pretty short author's note. You all rock, and that says it all. Enjoy!
Trece
"You're doing it again." Jess said, not looking up from his laptop.
"Doing what?" Rory demanded, knowing exactly what he was referring to.
"Having a staring contest with the phone. The phone's always going to win." Jess said. "You have to tell Logan."
Rory sighed. "I know. But not yet."
"No." Jess agreed. "Take a couple days. He'll never know the difference."
Rory nodded, accepting Jess's advice because it was exactly what she wanted to hear.
"Can I ask you a question?" Rory asked.
Jess smirked. "I think we've established that you can." He closed his laptop and swiveled in his chair. "What's the story, morning glory?"
Rory wrinkled her nose. "Oasis? Really?"
Jess pointed an accusatory finger at Rory. "Be careful. Wonderwall is an overplayed song, but it's a classic album."
Rory had to lower her face as she hid her smile. The lyrics played through her head, and she was embarrassed to admit that she was at that moment thinking of Jess as her wonderwall. She mentally slapped herself for being so sappy.
"Do you want Chinese or pizza for dinner?" Rory asked.
"I'll cook." Jess responded, not breaking eye contact. "Is that really what you wanted to ask me?"
"I spoke to my grandparents today." Rory said.
Jess sighed. "Uh-oh. First time since the wedding that never was?"
Rory nodded. "There was some yelling, but it wasn't terrible. Mostly they seem to just feel bad for me."
"Ride that pity train as long as you can." Jess responded. "Maybe they'll buy you a pony!"
Rory smiled tightly, hoping he'd keep that good nature as the conversation continued. "They asked me to come to dinner on Friday night."
Jess could feel his spine stiffening and he clenched his teeth. "I haven't heard a question in there yet." He said tensely.
"Come with me?" Rory requested, knowing that Jess knew the question before it was asked.
"No" came Jess's quick, simple reply.
Rory looked up at him, surprised. She hadn't expected him to answer that quickly, nor did she expect that to be his answer. "I could really use some support while I'm there."
"Your mom will go with you." Jess offered as a solution. There was no way this was falling on his shoulders.
"She would, but she and Luke are babysitting for Liz and TJ this weekend." Rory responded. "Jess…"
"Rory, no." Jess said. "Reschedule until your mom can go with you."
"I can't." Rory replied, baffled that he was refusing her request. "I already promised my grandmother, and I can't go back on that now. You know how my grandmother is."
"Fortunately, no I don't." Jess responded. "I met her once for, what, a half hour? And I'd prefer not to relive the experience."
"Things are different now, though." Rory coaxed. "You-."
"You're right." Jess cut her off. "Things are different now. We're not dating. I have no desire and no reason to subject myself to your grandmother again, and I'm not going to."
"But Jess…" Rory's voice took on a whiny quality.
"No." Jess responded. He turned around and opened his laptop again.
"I need you." Rory said, her voice turning quiet and desperate.
"I know." Jess said, becoming a little frustrated. He closed his laptop again, a little harder this time. He stood up and walked towards the door. "Maybe a little too much."
Jess grabbed his jacket and threw it on. "I'll be on the roof. Order a pizza or something." He knew that with her crutches, Rory would be unable to follow him there to continue this. He walked out of the apartment and slammed the door behind him.
Rory sat with her mouth agape as she stared at the closed door. Did that just happen?
Well, she'd finally done it. She had finally pushed Jess to his breaking point in her reliance on him.
It had been a silly request; without a doubt her most ridiculous to date. He hadn't changed so much that he'd want to put himself back in that position for her, especially because he was just her friend.
Rory knew that too. She wasn't stupid, and wasn't completely oblivious to the position she was imposing upon Jess. She knew that this wasn't something she could convince him to do. So why had she tried? More importantly, why was she so upset that he said no?
His words replayed in her head. We're not dating. Out of everything that had been said, that was where her mind remained. He was right, of course. They weren't dating. They were just friends. She wasn't supposed to get mad when he denied her a favor, especially when he willingly granted every other thing she asked of him.
Yet here she sat, pissed beyond all reason- both at Jess and at herself for wishing that they were dating. She was mad, and she needed to channel that somehow.
Rory picked up the phone and dialed Logan's number before the anger could drain from her system and be replaced with cowardice.
"Logan Huntzberger" came Logan's greeting on the other end.
"Logan, it's Rory."
"Oh." Logan said, quietly. "Hey, Rory. How are you?"
"Fine." Rory snapped harshly.
"What's wrong?" Logan demanded. "You sound upset."
"If you were talking to the man who ruined your life, you'd be a little upset too." Rory responded bitterly. In the back of her mind, she knew her hostility had nothing--well very little-- to do with Logan, but she couldn't seem to stop herself from taking it out on him.
Logan was silent for a long, tense moment. "If this is why you called, I'm hanging up."
"If I wanted to call to berate you, don't you think I would've done it many times over by now?" Rory responded.
"No." Logan answered her rhetorical question. "You'd have to wait until something made you angry enough that you wouldn't lose your nerve."
Rory set her jaw at his knowledge of how her mind worked. She liked to pretend that he had never known her, that they'd never shared the past that she knew they did. She liked to think that she was a mystery to him, even though it was a lie.
"It's not why I called." Rory said, her tone losing its volume but not its anger.
"You need money." Logan said. It was a statement. "For the baby."
"No." Rory snapped, her anger now completely redirected at Logan and his presumptuousness. "I don't need your money, Logan. There is no baby."
"What?" Logan demanded, immediately following the question with another. "You made it up?"
"Yes, Logan." Rory responded with equal parts sarcasm and hatred. "I concocted a scheme to get you back by pretending I was pregnant. Since it obviously didn't work, I'm giving up the game and letting you know that it was all a hoax."
Logan's silence on the other end proved to Rory that he was thinking something very close to that scenario.
"Logan, I believe the only appropriate phrase is 'fuck you.'" Rory said harshly. "I miscarried. You're in the clear. Have a spectacular life." She clicked the phone off and threw it down on the couch.
She overestimated all the men in her life. She assumed Logan would care about her and their baby. Hell, she assumed that he'd show some sympathy and not accuse her of making up her pregnancy. She assumed Jess would do anything for her, which was ridiculous on all counts. After all, he hadn't changed that much and they weren't dating.
Rory's lower lip began to quiver involuntarily and tears began to spill from her eyes. She covered her face with her hands, wincing at the scratchy feeling of her cast against her skin.
The sobs came quickly, wracking Rory's small frame until she was convulsing. Here she was, crying again. Typical Rory Gilmore. This time was different though. For the first time since she'd fallen apart, she was all alone. Her crying grew louder and she really wasn't sure for whom the tears were spilling.
"Rory!" Emily exclaimed as she threw open the door, which she had elected to open herself.
"Hi, Grandma." Rory said uneasily, stepping into her grandmother's hug.
"Oh, we've been so worried." Emily said as she led Rory into the foyer. The maid was standing there, ready to take Rory's coat. Rory dutifully handed the coat to the maid and allowed her grandmother to take her by the elbow and lead her to the sitting room.
"I'm glad to see you aren't on crutches anymore." Emily said, noticing that Rory was limping a bit.
Rory nodded. "My ankle is pretty much healed. I got the OK to go without crutches yesterday."
"And this?" Emily asked gravely, motioning to Rory's wrist.
"Fine." Rory said dismissively, sitting down on the couch. "The cast will be off soon. No worse than the last time I fractured my wrist."
"Yes…" Emily said, narrowing her eyes at the memory. "I don't know where your grandfather disappeared to. He was just here. Richard!" She bellowed. "Rory's here!"
"Rory?" Richard's voice came echoing out from an unknown part of the house. He walked in, holding a closed book. "Rory!"
Rory stood again and embraced him lightly. "Hi, Grandpa."
"It's good to see you, Rory. We've been so worried." Richard said, looking at Rory affectionately. "We were going to hire a detective."
"But your mother insisted we didn't." Emily said. "Something about not rushing you."
Rory nodded. "I just needed time to get my life back on track, Grandma. I didn't mean to worry anybody. And I sent you that letter."
"Oh yes." Emily said sarcastically. "'I'm going to be OK. I just need to be away from everyone for a while Don't worry.'" She rolled her eyes. "That was very comforting."
"Emily…" Richard said in a warning tone. He turned to Rory with a small smile. "She's here now. I'm surprised your mother didn't come."
"She and Luke are watching his sister's kids this weekend." Rory responded. "She wanted to come."
"Rory, we have so many questions." Emily said, returning to the point she desperately wanted to discuss.
"But we have all night for that." Richard said, smiling. He stood. "Shall we go to the dining room?" He offered Rory his hand, which she gratefully accepted.
"So, Rory. We've talked about your job incessantly, your mother and Luke more than necessary, and while that awkward turn the conversation took to the subject of minor league baseball was certainly charming…" Emily began, putting down her coffee cup and looking intently at Rory from her position at the table.
"Yes, Rory. I think certain things do need to be discussed." Richard agreed.
Rory nodded and picked lightly at her cast. "What do you want to know?"
"Have you spoken to Logan about all of this?" Emily asked quickly, before Richard could even open his mouth to form a question.
Rory nodded again. "He knows I was pregnant, and that I lost the baby. The lines of communication aren't good for much else between the two of us."
"So there's no chance of reconciliation between the two of you? The wedding is off indefinitely?" Emily demanded, becoming visibly disappointed.
Rory sighed. "I don't know. I don't see things getting better between us anytime soon."
Emily shook her head, upset. "Have you tried to get him to take you back?"
"Emily…" Richard said, watching Rory's eyes fill up with tears. "Stop."
"What? Is it so terrible to want what's best for Rory?" Emily demanded.
"We don't even know what happened." Richard said.
"No, Grandpa. It's OK." Rory said, sniffling. She looked her grandmother in the eye and said, "Logan cheated on me, Grandma. After he ran out on the wedding. He never bothered to look for me, to clarify what happened. I had to seek him out. He doesn't want to marry me. I don't want to marry him either." She said the last line with more conviction than she actually felt. She deliberately lowered her left hand so that no one could see that she was still wearing her engagement ring.
"Well…" Emily said after a long silence. "I think our lawyer could sue him for something he's done, don't you Richard?"
"Oh, I'm sure there's a pain and suffering claim in there somewhere." Richard said, good-humoredly.
Rory smiled gratefully at both her grandparents for making light of the situation. This was why she'd waited so long to tell them anything. Learning everything after the fact was making this that much easier for them and for her.
"Now Rory, what I want to know is where you've been living since everything happened?" Richard asked her.
"With my friend Jess." Rory said honestly.
"Jess…" Richard said, tilting his head to the side. "Have we met her?"
Rory looked over at Emily, who seemed to be trying to recall where she knew that name from. Perhaps eight years had dulled her memory of the appalling boy who had insulted her with his very existence. She didn't say anything, leaving Rory with a choice. She could lie about this, or be honest about who Jess was and his role in her life. Maybe if they hadn't been fighting, she would have lied to avoid conflict. But she had nothing to worry about. After all, they weren't dating.
"You haven't." Rory said, speaking directly to her grandfather. "Grandma has though. You remember Jess, don't you grandma? He came to dinner once."
Emily's head snapped up. "Not that dreadful boy with the black eye?"
"It's long since healed, but yes." Rory nodded. "Jess was my boyfriend in high school. He's an author now. I'm his editor."
"Well, that's just unacceptable! To think that you've gone from almost being a Huntzberger to living with that hoodlum!" Emily exclaimed. Before she could continue though, Richard interjected.
"He's helped you, Rory? Been a good friend to you?" Richard questioned seriously.
Rory nodded. "I couldn't have survived without him."
"Well, then who are we to judge?" Richard asked of his wife.
Emily sighed and sat back, not saying another word about the subject.
Rory smiled at both her grandparents. This had been more pleasant than she'd thought it would be. Maybe she didn't need Jess after all.
Rory walked into her mother's house that evening to Luke and Lorelai sitting on the couch watching a movie.
"Where are the kids?" Rory asked, kicking off her shoes and stretching out her aching ankle.
Lorelai looked up at her daughter with a smile. They'd already decided she was going to spend the night in Stars Hollow before going back to New York. "Liz missed the kids too much. How disgustingly adorable is that? So William is upstairs asleep. How was the firing squad?"
"I told them about Jess." Rory said.
Luke looked up at her and sat up on the sofa. "You didn't tell them where he lived, did you? Funerals are expensive."
Rory laughed lightly and sat down next to her mom. "Grandma is mad. She didn't really say anything to me after I told her, but Grandpa was really nice about it."
"Sticking to precedent, as always." Lorelai said, slinging an arm around her daughter's shoulders. "You OK?"
Rory nodded. "Just tired. I feel better now though. I guess I missed everyone more than I realized."
"Well, I guess anybody's good company after spending two months alone with Mr. Monosyllable." Lorelai commented.
"Hey." Luke and Rory said at the same time.
"Uh-oh. Looks like I'm the meat in a 'Pro-Jess' sandwich." Lorelai quipped.
Rory smiled sadly. She and Jess hadn't spoken since that fight they'd had, and Rory was very upset about that. They hadn't spoken in almost a week, and she hadn't even said goodbye before she left for Connecticut. It was hard, going this long on bad terms with him. How she had managed so many years was beyond her, because now she couldn't imagine being mad at him for another second. It was very strange for her, realizing that she didn't need Jess to be strong. What was even stranger was that she had realized that maybe she didn't need him, but she certainly wanted him there.
Rory leaned her head on her mom's shoulder and said, "It's going to get easier, right?"
"Yup." Lorelai said immediately.
"You're going to be fine." Luke agreed awkwardly, standing up. He kissed Lorelai's cheek, and gave Rory a quick pat on the shoulder. "I'm going to bed."
"He's finally learning." Lorelai said amusedly as her husband ascended the stairs to their bedroom. "What's bothering you tonight, kiddo?"
"Jess and I got into a fight." Rory said honestly. "We haven't spoken in a week. Do you think I've been relying on him too much?"
Lorelai was silent, giving all the answer that Rory needed. "I do rely on him too much."
Lorelai sighed. "Maybe I'm not the best judge, because I think relying on Jess at all is relying on him too much. But I think there's a more important question here. Why are you relying on him so much?"
Rory nodded. It was something she'd been thinking about herself for a while now. "I think I might want to be more than just his friend."
Lorelai swallowed down the bile that rose in her throat, and tried not to be nauseous at the thought of Rory and Jess redux. She'd seen this coming, but that didn't mean it terrified her any less. At least, though, she was able to resist the urge to say I told you so.
Jess looked at his computer clock. Rory wouldn't be back from Connecticut until the next day. He was using the time to work on his writing. He'd been extremely distracted since his fight with Rory, so he hadn't been writing as much as he'd like. He hadn't meant to be so harsh about her reliance on him, but the more he thought about it, the more frustrated he became. It was extremely difficult for him to constantly break his back for her and see nothing in return.
Being taken advantage of didn't suit him, and neither did Rory's affect on him.
It was difficult for him to admit affection for another person. It had taken him over a year to tell Paige that he loved her. Rory had made it easy though. She came back into his life and she needed him and it was easy to show he cared about her because that was exactly what she needed.
But now, it was getting more and more frustrating because with each day, it seemed like she was just using him as someone to do whatever she wanted, to give her affection without question.
And she was his friend. He had no doubt about that. But she didn't want anything more than that. He could tell that with certainty now. She just wanted a supportive friend, not someone to date or to…whatever. Jess kept stopping himself before his mind could bat around the word 'love.' It wasn't accurate. It wasn't even possible. It was ridiculous. Jess had only been in love with one woman, and it had been Paige. He couldn't pretend that he felt about Rory the way he felt about Paige.
Rory's voice didn't send shivers down his spine…except when she used that soft, sweet voice. Her laugh didn't echo in his mind at all the right moments…but it did at some of the wrong ones. Her eyes didn't haunt him at every waking moment…now that was just a complete and outright lie.
"No." He said to himself. He was displacing emotion or some psychobabble like that. He'd seen it on TV. He missed Paige and her effect on him, so his subconscious was trying to trick him into thinking he felt that way about Rory. It was Paige. He still loved Paige. It had always been Paige. It had never been Rory, not really. It was Paige, and he could prove it.
Jess picked up the phone and pressed number one on his speed dial. There. Didn't that in itself say it all? He hadn't taken her number off speed dial. Because he still loved her.
Jess held the phone to his ear, anticipating how he'd feel when Paige answered, and what he'd say when he realized he did still love her. Her. Paige. Not Rory.
"Hello?" Came Paige's voice across the line.
Jess sat in stunned silence at the sound.
"Hello?" Paige repeated. "Who is this?"
Jess clicked the phone off and placed it next to his laptop.
Not a damn thing. "Fuck."
Jess had no sooner dropped his head in his hands to ponder the gravity of this discovery when the phone sprang to life with a shrill ring. Jess stared at it for a moment before picking it up and answering it.
"Hello?"
"The next time you want to call someone and hang up, don't have The Clash playing in the background." Paige said quietly. "Though it made things easier. I didn't even have to hit star sixty-nine. You saved me a quarter."
Jess listened for a moment and heard the sounds of 'Clampdown' playing behind him. He'd completely forgotten that he had the stereo playing. He never had been good at playing the hang-up game.
"Hi, Paige." Jess said, not sure what else to say. Maybe if he talked to her a little longer, he'd find that spark he was so desperately seeking.
"Hi. Why did you call?" She asked.
Jess smirked. She never had cared for beating around the bush. "I don't know. Just to…hear your voice."
"Oh." Paige said, sounding halfway between disappointed and intrigued. "How are you?"
"I'm OK." Jess said. "Got a bit of writer's block."
"Working on something new?" Paige asked.
"Short stories." Jess responded. "All with the same characters though, so maybe if the publisher wants a novel, I can adapt them. If they still want me after this one."
"They will." Paige said surely. "It's an amazing book. You have so much to say, and, I don't know, it just seems like you were meant to do this."
Jess smiled. "Thanks, Paige. How's the concert scene?"
"Good." After a moment, she added, "I'm going on assignment a lot more. I'm going to California for a few weeks."
"You'll like California." Jess said, feeling uncomfortable.
"Yeah." Paige agreed. "I'm sure I will. So, how's Rory?"
There it was. The spark he was looking for, but it only came from hearing Rory's name.
"She's OK. Paige, I'm sorry. I don't know why I called."
Paige laughed. "I do. Didn't get the answer you were looking for, huh?"
Jess's silence provided the answer Paige expected, and she sighed. "It's OK. People fall out of love. It happens."
"Yeah." Jess responded absentmindedly.
"And they fall in love with other people. That happens too. Not just to you." Paige said pointedly.
Jess smirked. Paige's radar was a little off on that final point. "You're one hell of a woman, Paige."
Paige laughed. "A lot of good it does me, huh? Send me a copy of the book when it's done, OK?"
"I will." Jess promised. "Bye Paige."
"Bye." Paige parroted, knowing that this time it was final.
