Kunsel liked Zack a lot. Really, he did. Zack was kind, and friendly, and —dare he say it —downright honorable. He was one of the few who really took Commander Hewley's speeches to heart. Zack was that rare kind of SOLDIER Kunsel could see becoming a real, true hero one day. So yeah, it was fair to say Kunsel liked Zack a lot, and considered him to be his closest friend.
That didn't stop Zack from being one of the most headache-inducing people Kunsel had ever met.
"KUNS!" Zack hollered, bursting into his room without so much as a warning knock. Kunsel, who'd already been running around fielding multiple requests from Zack throughout the day (it wasn't like he was going to say no when the guy's friend had miraculously returned from being KIA) barely twitched.
"What is it?" he asked, watching the CCTV feed on his laptop. Hewley was chasing Rhapsodos through the Tower with obvious homicidal intent. It was almost enough to make up for how stressful the day had been.
Zack slammed himself onto the bed with all the force of an enhanced teenager high on adrenaline. Lucky they made SOLDIER furniture sturdy, or he definitely would have snapped the frame. "I need your help to steal Cloudy," Zack said urgently, blowing his bangs out of his face.
"No," he said without looking up.
"But we have to! And fast!" He reached over and yanked Kunsel's helmet off, ignoring the irritated scowl Kunsel shot him. "Genesis forced Lazard to make Cloud his apprentice! We've gotta get him out!"
Kunsel blinked in surprise. He was the one with the extensive network of contacts, but even he hadn't heard that particular bit of news. "What? Who told you that?"
Zack's pleading, puppy-dog expression eased a little. "Miranda."
"Miranda?"
"You know, Lazard's secretary. We're friends."
"You're friends with a seventy-year-old woman?"
"Yeah."
That did seem like something Zack would do. Kunsel sighed. "Okay, well —don't we want this? Isn't that a good thing? Won't Cloud be, I don't know, a stabilizing force for Genesis?"
Zack looked outraged at the mere suggestion. "No way am I leaving Cloudy in Genesis's grubby little overdramatic crimson mitts! He'd —he'd corrupt him!"
Kunsel sighed again and —oh look, the headache was back! Wonderful. "Zack. How are we supposed to sneak him out from under the Commanders' noses, anyway?"
"No, that's the easy part!" he said, perking up. "I saw Angeal chasing Genesis around the Tower on my way here, and Angeal was really mad, Like, three-hour-long-lecture type mad. We've got plenty of time to sneak up, get Cloud, and stash him here until he wakes up! Then we can get him out of the Tower and safely to...you know."
"Zack…"
"Please. Please, Kuns, he's a good kid. He doesn't deserve this. He's already been science'd."
Ah fuck, he really meant it. Kunsel, like most people, was helpless in the face of Zack's full-intensity puppy eyes. In a last ditch effort to save his own ass, he looked back at the CCTV feed. Rhapsodos went down hard as Hewley tackled him, and their chase devolved into a grapple. Zack was right —they did have plenty of time.
"...fine. Fine!" he said, giving in to the inevitable.
Zack whooped in victory, pumping his fist. Kunsel pushed him off the bed with one foot.
He hit the tile with a very satisfying thud.
Shockingly (or maybe not so shockingly, considering the past few months), Zack was right. They literally just waltzed up to Angeal's apartment and Zack opened the door using his spare keycard. Kunsel followed him in, shutting the front door noiselessly as Zack made a beeline for the guest room. Cloud was dead asleep, curled up so that only the wild golden spikes of his hair poked out from under the blankets.
Kunsel suppressed a reflexive grin at the sight. No wonder Zack talked so much about how adorable his friend was, the kid really did look like a fluffy chocobo chick.
"Cloudy, Cloudy, Cloudy," Zack chanted in a whisper, pulling the covers back. "I gotcha, we're gonna get you out of here."
Cloud grumbled at the sudden cold and curled up tighter. Without the covers, Kunsel was able to see a scrawny but alarmingly enhanced fourteen-year-old physique. The numerous, silvery lines of scars weren't lost on him either.
"What's your plan to get him out unseen, Zack?" Kunsel whispered, and waited for the fallout of his pointed question.
Zack froze, arms already beneath Cloud to pick him up. His eyes went comically wide. "Oh. Uh...shit."
"Yeah," Kunsel agreed dryly, relaxing. Maybe now Zack would give up on his harebrained scheme and —
Zack stood, picking Cloud up like he weighed nothing, and hefted him a little in assessment. His expression was alarmingly thoughtful and Kunsel felt his spine go rigid on instinct. Oh no.
"Kuns," said Zack, "empty out that duffle bag."
The same large black duffle bag Kunsel had filled with Cloud's reclaimed possessions earlier was sitting on the floor by the foot of the bag. Kunsel looked at it. Kunsel looked back at Zack.
"You are not serious."
Zack looked back at him without blinking. Cloud snored softly into Zack's neck, which really completed the surreal ambiance.
"Zack."
Blink. Blink. Blink.
Kunsel threw his hands up. "Gods, fine! But it isn't going to work!"
"Sure it is," said Zack, insufferably smug. "Not the first time I've done it."
"You —what?"
"Look, it was a weird time, you know that. Now c'mon, hurry up before 'Geal finishes strangling Genesis."
Grumbling to himself, Kunsel emptied the duffle and shoved all the extra clothes into a pile. Together, the two of them managed to get Cloud inside the bag (real travel-sized, that kid). Most of the clothes in the pile were stuffed around the bag's edges so that it wouldn't be immediately evident they were smuggling person.
What the actual fuck had Kunsel's life become.
"Lets go!" Zack whispered, pulling the bag's strap over his head and standing. The bag definitely looked heavy where it hung by his hip, but it at least wasn't immediately apparent what was inside. That would have to be good enough.
They left the apartment together, Kunsel as cool as a cucumber and Zack twitchy as an anxious squirrel. Kunsel didn't bother telling him to calm down and look relaxed . He didn't think the guy had it in him. If luck was on their side, they would make it back to his apartment without anyone —
Sephiroth came striding down the hall and did an honest-to-god double-take when he saw them.
Fuck, fucking godsdamned shit son of a bitch —!
Zack stiffened like he'd been electrocuted. Kunsel slipped into position so that his body was blocking the General's view of the duffle bag. He snapped off a salute. "Sir!" he said, and Zack had the good sense to quickly echo him.
Sephiroth was not in the least bit fooled. Kunsel could see it in the puzzled set of his brow and the suspicious slant of his mouth. The part of him that wasn't screaming internally noted that the general looked way more frazzled than normal. He filed that fact away for later.
"At ease," Sephiroth said, looking at them hard. "Where are you coming from?"
"N —" started Zack, and cut off when Kunsel stomped on the side of his boot.
"Dropping off some things in Commander Hewley's apartment, sir," he said evenly.
Sephiroth was silent for a moment, the bulk of his weighty attention resting on Zack. "Dropping things off," he echoed, voice sliding into a lower, almost predatory register. It was a subtle shift, but it made Kunsel sweat nervously. Oh, they were so busted.
"Yessir."
"I see. Then, tell me: what is in that bag on your shoulder, Zack?"
Lie, Zack, lie! Kunsel thought frantically. For the love of all that is holy, play dumb and we might still get out of this unskewered!
"Who's Zack?" Zack blurt out.
NOT THAT DUMB!
But then —then, the gods smiled upon them. Because Zack's statement was so bewildering, so nonsensical, so unexpected and inexplicable, that the General completely blanked. Like a temporary death in the face of such overwhelming stupidity, Kunsel watched as his eyes went blank and unfocused.
And that was their chance.
"Run!" Kunsel hissed, shoving Zack in the opposite direction. There was an emergency stairwell nearby with odd acoustics. If they got into it, ran down a floor, jumped three or so, and then ran one more, even Sephiroth wouldn't be able to tell with surety which floor they were on. Then they could exit the stairwell, swap to another stairwell, and run a circuitous route out of the Tower. They were already busted, but they could at least get Cloud out.
Zack gave up on all pretenses and hefted the duffle up into his arms before bolting. Despite not carrying anything, Kunsel struggled to keep up, which was...worrying. He knew Zack had been effected, but he'd promised to be careful not to make it obvious. Until now, at least.
On the bright side, even Sephiroth would have trouble keeping up like this, which was more than Kunsel had been anticipating.
They burst into the emergency stairwell at full speed, Sephiroth following behind after a short but crucial delay. Kunsel pushed himself hard enough to grab a handful of Zack's shirt, conveying his directions through silent yanking.
"FAIR!" Sephiroth yelled, voice echoing ominously.
We're gonna die, Kunsel thought morosely, flashing Zack a quick hand signal before leaping over the railing and into the void between the stairs. They moved in near synchrony, bouncing back and forth between railings down three flights before jumping back onto solid ground. Even with his arms full, Zack didn't falter.
"FAIR, STOP!" Sephiroth thundered. To no one's surprise, Zack did the exact opposite of that, picking up the pace again as he abruptly abandoned the stairs to shoulder the door open hard enough to crumple the push-bar. Kunsel stopped long enough to pull the door completely shut before he took off again.
Even that brief pause was long enough that Zack had already disappeared around a corner, startled ShinRa staff scattered in his wake. Luckily they'd already discussed this —that is, their plans on how to get out of the Tower at speed if the worst happened. Kunsel knew where he was going. He took a shortcut through one of the lounges and managed to catch up with Zack just before he hit the second stairwell.
"What took you!" Zack said.
"Covering your ass, that's what!" Kunsel fired back, and Zack laughed.
It was lucky no one liked using the stairs even on the best of days. They flew down three at a time, nary a pursuing footstep to be heard.
"We're getting you outta here, buddy!" Zack promised Cloud-in-the-duffle, who somehow still hadn't woken up despite all the yelling and jumping. "Just a little —"
His statement cut off with a startled gasp. Kunsel barely avoided slamming into him and sending them both ass-over-teakettle as Zack came to a hard stop, boots rasping over the metal grating of the floor.
Commander Hewley was standing at the bottom of the flight they were on, arms crossed and an unimpressed look on his face. "Zack," he sighed, and Kunsel had to give it to him —he really had the dad-voice down pat.
Zack and Kunsel, still in sync, looked over the railing to judge the odds of jumping for it. Commander Rhapsodos waved jauntily from his perch one floor below, legs crossed as if he wasn't sitting on a narrow railing. "Trying to steal my new apprentice, are we?" he asked.
Zack's expression tightened with defensive anger.
"Genesis, you're not helping," Angeal said, voice thick with annoyance. He turned his attention back to the younger SOLDIERs. "Zack. Did you seriously put your friend in a duffle bag."
"...no," said Zack, hugging the bag closer to himself.
Angeal gave him a flat look. "Oh? Then what's in it?"
"My uh, new chocobo plushie."
Below them, Genesis burst out in startled laughter. "He does look like a chocobo with all that wild golden plumage, doesn't he?" the Commander said gleefully.
"Genesis," snapped Angeal, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Zack, please, be serious. I can hear him snoring."
Zack edged away from Angeal a little, chin tucked down. Kunsel felt a frisson of alarm at the hunted look that was slowly intensifying in his eyes. "It's a very, uh, realistic plushie. That you definitely don't need to see."
Angeal paused, a kind of confusion growing on his face. When he spoke again, his voice had softened. "It's...Zack, no one is going to hurt Cloud."
Zack narrowed his eyes. "You don't know that," he said, also soft, but deadly serious.
Now Angeal was starting to look as alarmed as Kunsel felt. He opened his mouth. Shut it. Seemed to search for words that wouldn't come as the tension built. Zack's shoulders drew up higher and higher with each moment that passed in silence. Kunsel got ready to do...something. How the tension would break, he didn't know . But he did know it would be ug —
"Buh. S'at?" said the duffle bag groggily.
Instantly, Zack's demeanor flipped. "Oh shit, sorry, buddy," he said, shifting his hold to one arm in a feat of SOLDIER dexterity and strength. With his free hand, he unzipped the bag. Out popped Cloud, bleary-eyed and confused, shedding laundry like loose feathers. He looked around, blinking heavily, until his eyes settled on Zack and lit up with recognition and...awe?
Something intense, at least. Kunsel wasn't entirely sure what he was looking at.
"...Zack?" Cloud said. "What're you doing here?" Then he seemed to realize what position he was in. "Why'm I in a bag?"
And Zack simply burst out laughing, though there was a watery edge to it, and half dropped Cloud into a proper hug (if proper hugs included having his feet dangling a foot off the floor). "Sorry, buddy, it's uh —it's a long story," he said, face buried in Cloud's shoulder. "I'm really happy to hear your voice again." His voice was shaking. Kunsel quashed the impulse to politely look away.
"We're —we're friends?" Cloud asked, eyes wide and startled.
Zack groaned. "Is this about the SOLDIER/trooper thing again?" he asked, raising his head. He let Cloud drop to the floor, socked feet on rough metal grating, in favor of setting his hands on the blond's shoulders. "I told you before and I'll say it a million times: you don't have to be a SOLDIER to be friends with me! Okay?"
Cloud looked at him with huge eyes for several long seconds. "O-oh. Okay. I guess I forgot? I'm glad to hear you again too, Zack." He blinked hard, then ducked forward and thumped his forehead against the SOLDIER's chest. Zack folded him up in his arms and ducked his head, folding around the blond like a living shield. They both sniffled suspiciously.
"How touching," Genesis said dryly, leaping up to join the party. "Well, Angeal, I suppose that resolved itself, hmm?"
"Genesis," said Angeal with an eerie kind of calm, "I can and will suplex you again."
