Because I Promised

It had been three days since it had happened. Three days in which he had raged, drunk a lot, fought, drunk some more, cried a lot and slowly despaired.

And during all that time there was always just this nagging question that never left him, no matter how drunk he was, no matter what nasty demon tried to rip him to shreds, no matter how emotionally exhausted he was. It was always there, his entire being whispering it to the emptiness that surrounded him. "Why…?"

Now Spike was sitting at the window of Angel's bedroom, watching the rain fall from the night-sky, his head resting against the cool glass.

He'd never thought he could feel so much pain, even with a soul. He also never thought he'd cry so much. Him of all people. Spike, William the Bloody, Master Vampire and former Big Bad.

Now all that seemed to be left of him was a big heap of sorrow.

Sighing and taking another swig from he bottle of alcohol that was firmly attached to his hand, Spike picked himself up and stumbled to Angel's bed, throwing himself onto the pillows. They still carried the other vampire's scent.

Spike had moved to Angel's bedroom after having effectively managed to break the large window in his office by throwing a few large objects at it, making him shatter like Angel's death had shattered his heart.

Now, inhaling the unique scent Spike could almost make himself believe that Angel was still right there, lying next to him. But he wasn't. There was only cold surrounding him now. And the constant question that kept the exhaustion from taking over his body.

"Why…?"

"Why….?" Spike murmured, staring at the ceiling through tear-filled eyes. "Why the bloody hell did you do it?" his sobbed out.

Angel had died to save him and there was never a chance that he could find out why. Now all that was left was suffocating loneliness and pain.

Spike now fully closed his eyes, and all he could see was his Angel's face staring back at him. Deep brown soulful eyes.

It might have been the alcohol, or something entirely mystical, but the vision suddenly began to speak. It wasn't much. It was hardly enough, only one sentence.

"Because I promised I'd never let anything happen to you."

Then the vision swam and disappeared.

Spike smiled unconsciously. It was a rueful smile.

"But I never got the chance to tell you that I couldn't live without you." He murmured and the flow of tears increased once more. But at least now he had his answer.