Title: Ashamed
Part: II
Author: Elizabeth Goode
Disclaimer: Don't sue me. I have no money.
Description: Post-Pariah fic, Clark angst, Kent family support


Clark sat still in the loft, unable to meet his parents' eyes. Jonathan had just finished reassuring his son that Alicia's death was in no way his fault, but it had had no effect on the boy. Something about the way Clark had said that he could never forgive himself made Jonathan feel uneasy. He just couldn't muster much sorrow that Alicia was permanently out of his son's life, and as ugly as that truth was, he still longed to have been able to shield his son from finding someone he cared about the way he had found Alicia. Martha reached out to Clark, rubbing his back gently. Startled, he jumped back, away from her touch.

"Don't - don't comfort me! I don't deserve it! If I hadn't been a coward, she wouldn't be dead."

The hurt expression in Martha's eyes as she withdrew her hand brought out the protectiveness in Jonathan, and he spoke before he thought, "Clark! That is enough out of you. Your mother was trying to help you, but you don't seem to want help, you'd rather sit up here and sulk! Well, fine. We'll leave you to it."

He got up and took Martha by the hand. "When you feel like talking and listening instead of hiding and sulking, come back to the house."

No sooner were the words out of his mouth, than he regretted them. One look at Martha told him that she was going to have some choice words of her own for him as soon as they were inside the house.

Once they had climbed down from the loft and walked back to the house, he discovered that he had been right, and he knew that her anger was deserved.

"Jonathan, our son found her dead. Not just dead, but hanging! He's blaming himself, and we need to help him, not yell at him!" She shook her head, crossing her arms in front of her. "I just don't know what gets into you sometimes!"

"It's that girl, that's what! She tried to kill him, tried to kill Lana, dosed him with red Kryptonite, seduced him, and expected everyone to just accept that she'd changed! She hurt our son, practically violated him, and he's sitting up there all torn up over her death! That bothers me, Martha. The girl wasn't worth what he's doing to himself!"

Martha steered her husband to the kitchen table and into a seat, then dropped into the chair across from him. "I agree with you that she wasn't good for Clark, but that's not the point! He's seventeen years old, and he's a tender-hearted young man. He takes things to heart. If he had found a complete stranger or even an enemy dead like - like Alicia was, it would have affected him. Let alone, a young lady he felt a common bond with."

Leaning forward on his elbows, Jonathan sighed. "She was nothing like Clark. Just because she had powers doesn't mean that she was anything like him at all."

"We know that, but that wasn't how Clark perceived things. He's grieving for more than just Alicia up there. He's grieving for the loss of a person who knew his secret. Someone he didn't have to lie to."

"What should we do? He can't live up there forever. He's going to have to go back to school sometime."

Martha shrugged helplessly. "I really don't know. We need to get him to talk to us, really talk to us ... but I'm worried that he might feel that he can't trust us because of how we felt about Alicia."

"What about his friends? Has Pete called? Chloe must have told him what happened by now."

Martha shook her head. "No."

"How about Lana and Jason?"

"No, not a word."

"Lex?"

"Not yet, but I'm sure he will."

"What about Lois? Have you heard from her since she dropped Clark off after he found Alicia?"

"She called last night to check on him. She said she was worried about him. I told her he was still out in the barn, and she said not to bother him, that she'd find out when he was feeling social again from Chloe." Martha smiled. "I'm glad he has Chloe and Lois looking out for him, at least."

Jonathan reached out and took his wife's hands in his own. "And us. He's always got us."

"Let's give him a little more time. I'll cook some dinner, and you can go out there, talk to him, and get him to come into the house. He hasn't had anything to eat except some water and a turkey sandwich since yesterday morning. He needs to eat something substantial."

"I'll tell him that Lois called, and that Chloe stopped by this morning. Maybe that will help, at least a little bit." Jonathan found himself wondering, though, why Chloe and Lois seemed to be the only ones expressing any concern for Clark.