Title: Ashamed
Part: III
Author: Elizabeth Goode
Disclaimer: Don't sue me. I have no money.


Jonathan entered the barn slowly, thinking about what he was going to say to his son to convince him to come back to the house. The moment he entered the barn, he heard a sound that nearly broke his heart. Clark was crying up in the loft. He knew that his son's super hearing would have detected his footsteps before he
ever entered the barn, but in his grief, Clark had underestimated normal human hearing. As he neared the loft, Jonathan heard the sniffling muffled, the erratic breaths forced into a pattern of normalcy. When he poked his head up into the loft, he saw Clark sitting exactly as he had been before.

"Clark, I'm sorry I snapped at you earlier this evening." Jonathan sat down next to his son.

Clark shrugged. "It's okay."

"No, it isn't. You're upset, and you have every right to feel that way."

Dazedly, Clark shook his head. "All I had to do was go with her to the Sheriff and tell her about my abilities. I wanted her to be honest, to tell the Sheriff the truth about everything, but when she asked the same of me, I - I couldn't. I wasn't fair to her, Dad! I expected her to do something I wasn't willing to do myself, and it got her killed!"

Jonathan Kent wanted nothing more than to pull his son to him and hug him tightly. He wanted to tell him that everything would be all right, but he wasn't sure that was the truth, at least not for Clark. For the time being, he just listened.

"Protecting my own secret wasn't worth her dying for. I don't want anyone to be in danger from my secret ever again. If it comes down to revealing what I am or endangering someone's life, I can't choose again. I know you and Mom want me to keep the secret, but right now I'd rather be dissected in some LuthorCorp lab than let another innocent person die because of me!"

Horror at the idea of his son at the mercy of a LuthorCorp laboratory filled him. "Clark, no! Your mother and I love you and it would kill us if you were lost to us. Alicia did not die because of you, Clark. She died because a crazed young man framed her, attacked her, and took her life. It wasn't fair, and it's always tragic when someone young dies, but it was not your fault."

Tears hung in Clark's long, dark eyelashes. "I loved her." He sniffed miserably. "I loved her, and I might have been the only one who ever did. Her parents were afraid of her. When she was little and they first found out about her abilities, they kept her locked up. It's no wonder whe was unstable before. That would be like if you and Mom kept me in a room with kryptonite to keep me from using my abilities ..."

Unable to resist providing comfort to his son for one more moment, Jonathan turned, gripping Clark's shoulders firmly. "We would never do that. Do you hear me, Clark? We would never hurt you like that. Alicia's parents were wrong to do that to her." When Clark looked down, away from his father's eyes, Jonathan gently tipped his head back up, looking him in the eye. "If we had to choose between telling the world your secrets or keeping you locked away, we would gladly take our chances with telling the world."

Allowing his head to rest against his father's shoulder, Clark mumbled, "You mean you're not ashamed?"

Aghast, Jonathan shook his head vehemently. "Of course we're not ashamed of you! I'm proud of you every day, Clark. With or without powers. You have a strong conscience, you make good grades, you're a respectful, loving son to your mother and me. As if those things weren't enough - because believe me, Clark, they are - you have these abilities that you could use in a thousand different ways to get things that you want or even need, and you choose to use them to help people. Even when you hold up the tractor for me, you're using your abilities to help, and that makes me proud."

Something he had said had to have been the right thing, because the next thing Jonathan knew, Clark let out a sob, buried his face in his knees, and leaned into his father's chest. He let his son cry himself out, and then listened as he began to talk, attempting to explain what had happened that night in his own words. Suddenly, whether or not he had liked and approved of Alicia was completely beside the point. A chill rippled through his body as he heard his son's voice say, "She was still warm, Dad. She - she was still warm."