Title: Ashamed
Part: X
Author: Elizabeth Goode
Disclaimer: Don't sue me. I have no money.


On Friday evening, Clark sat on his sofa in the loft, books spread out all around him. He was returning to school on Monday, and he was putting the finishing touches on his homework. Chloe had stopped by after school on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday to pick up his assignments and drop off new ones. Sometimes she stayed for a little while to talk or explain some of the work. Clark was more grateful for her friendship than he could ever hope to explain to her. He had yet to hear from Lois, but Chloe assured him that she had called several times to ask how he had been doing.

He heard a car pull into the driveway and a door slam shut. Moments later Lex stuck his head inside the barn and called out, "Clark?"

"Up here, Lex." He waved for his friend to join him up in the loft.

Lex smiled, but he seemed slightly uneasy, which was highly unusual for the self-assured young billionaire.

"I see you're playing catch-up with your schoolwork. Does that mean you're going back on Monday?"

"Yes. Chloe's been keeping me caught up with assignments, but I'll still have two make-up quizzes to take when I get back."

Lex sat down. "Listen, Clark. I'm sorry I haven't stopped by lately. Things have been crazy, and - well, I honestly wasn't sure if you would want visitors."

Clark nodded. "I didn't - or, at least I didn't think I did - at first." He paused, looking down at his hands. "It just feels like no one understands. I know she did terrible things, but she changed, she got better!"

"You knew what she'd done, but you couldn't stop the way you felt. You wanted to save her, help her. You felt that despite her flaws, she loved you for who you are instead of how other people see you."

Clark stared. How could Lex have known those things?

"After I lost Helen, I didn't think I'd ever enjoy anything again. It fades with time, Clark. Trust me, I've been there. There was no trust in our relationship, but that didn't make what I felt for her any less real." He grinned, leaning back on the sofa. "Of course, I was of legal age at the time of my marriage."

Blushing furiously, Clark looked away. "We didn't ... I mean, we never - "

With a wave of his hand, Lex stopped him short. "Clark, a gentleman does not kiss and tell. What I'm saying is that I understand, at least a little bit. If you need to talk, come on over. If you'd rather blow off some steam with a fencing lesson or something active, that's okay too."

"Thanks, Lex. I might take you up on that fencing lesson. I always kind of thought it looked like fun. And thanks for understanding. I feel like I want to hide up here forever. Everyone's going to look at me like I'm some kind of freak when I go back to school. I'm sure there isn't anyone in Smallville who hasn't heard about her past and our relationship."

"Look them in the eye, Clark. Don't be ashamed of who you are or how you feel."

Clark appreciated Lex's intent, but those words reminded him of the secret he kept, and in turn, of Alicia. With Alicia, he hadn't had any secrets to feel ashamed of. He offered Lex a weak smile. "Thanks."