Ch.8 confusion

I cannot leave here, I cannot stay,
Forever haunted, more than afraid.
Asphyxiate on words I would say,
I'm drawn to a blackened sky as I turn blue.

There are no flowers, no not this time,
There'll be no angels gracing the lines,
Just these stark words, I find.
I'd show a smile, but I'm too weak,
I'd share with you could I only speak,
Just how much this, hurts me.

I cannot stay here, I cannot leave,
Just like all I loved, I make believe.
Imagine heart, I disappear, seems,
No one will appear, here and make me real.

There are no flowers, no not this time,
There'll be no angels gracing the lines,
Just these stark words, I find.
I'd show a smile, but i'm too weak,
I'd share with you could I only speak,
Just how much this, hurts me.

I'd tell you how it haunts me,
I'd tell you how it haunts me,
(cuts through my day, and sinks into my dreams.)
I'd tell you how it haunts me,
(cuts through my day, and sinks into my dreams.)
You don't care that it haunts me.

Oh,
There are no flowers, no not this time,
There'll be no angels gracing the lines,
Just these stark words, I find.
I'd show a smile, but i'm too weak,
I'd share with you could I only speak,
Just how much this, hurts me.

Just how much this, hurts me.

Just how much you... (A.F.I.)

George couldn't make out what had happened the night before. Was he falling for hr? no he couldn't possibly. He wouldn't, he had promised that to himself a long time ago. Why was he breaking like this? It was all his fault. His mother, Yvonne, everything. He had contemplated everything that he could. Suicide, running away, doing something, maybe kill someone so he could get sent to Azkaban. He felt that he was there already. He was caught, trapped in his own cell of depression and confusion.

The night before seemed so perfect yet so wrong. He had gotten out of his shell. He crystal shell. That is so easily broken, he was gone from it, which seemed like forever, just because he was in this girls arms. And now, now he had returned worse than ever. Punishing himself for his carelessness and immaturity. He should have never kissed her. He knew it was wrong in the first place. She was crying a few minutes before hand. He couldn't even bare to think of her at the moment.

But what was it that made him cringe when he thought about her. He had left early that morning. It was only four in the morning now. It didn't want to see her. He didn't want to see anyone. He just wanted to think.To think of how he betrayed his family, his friends, his life, his everything. And now, when he thought he had found a refuge, he had lost it all in the same instant. But that didn't matter any longer. No that didn't matter. All that mattered was him trying to not kill himself at that very moment in time.

He thought in the recesses of his mind that he had lost everything in one moment. He didn't matter to anyone. And it didn't matter to him that he didn't matter. He just wanted the memories erased from his mind. That night…oh that night…

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The dark sky had large green clouds hovering above it. George knew what that meant. He tried to towards the body on the ground. Forgetting that his leg was broken, falling to the ground with a yelp. His forehead was bleeding, he couldn't feel his leg. All he cared about was getting to the body. He had to know if it was dead or not. He just had to. Tears started to flow down his face. The salty horrific ness fell to his lips.

He reached the body. He turned it over to see if they were alive. Then in a mix of emotion he collapsed on it. Crying, heaving tears into the clothes of the dead. He screamed and cried, yelling and sobbing, he grew weak yet stronger. He couldn't help himself. He cried and cried. Looking into the face of the dead next to him. He stuttered trying to speak, more and more, but he couldn't no matter how he tried.He threw his fist to the round screaming to the faded person. "Why?" he screamed "Why her? Why her, What did she do? Why didn't you take me? NOT HERE NO NOT HERE PLEASE!" he grabbed the body tears still protruding from his eyes and wetining the vest of the woman.

"NO, NO, no." he screamed but turned to a sobbing whisper. "no"

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George awoke from the memory, his own face tear stained and blood shot eyes. He couldn't think of it any more. Why did it happen? What did he do? It was all his fault he knew it was. He had to kill himself. It was the only way to get rid of the pain and the memories.

"It is your fault boy." the figure said. "If it wasn't for you she would still be alive, not for much longer mind you, but she would have been."

"How is it my fault?" George sobbed. The figure chuckled maniackly.

"How is it your fault, of child you tell me. If it wasn't for you and your stupid mouth, blabbing off to one of my spies, Yes, see, I knew you of all couldn't keep your mouth shut so one of my spies, you know her as Penelope, got it out of you. You couldn't take the pressure of having to live with people who were so intertwined in the Order, you couldn't stand that they spent all their time trying to kill me, keeping you out of every important meeting to plot against me. You couldn't help not keeping the temptation of telling someone where their hide out was. Where the Order was.

'So of course you confided in one person, the person I knew you would confide in, the one I needed you to. So because of you and your selfishness I found out where they all here, you led them to me, its your fault."

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"All my fault, all my fault." the memory kept spinning in his mind. The faces, the screaming, the torture of that night. No one knew, no one. They all blamed him all of them. Even Fred turned his back from him. They all knew it was him. He was the one who killed his mother. It was his fault. And now he was going to pay for his actions. He was going to kill himself.

He stood over the ledge. The ledge that stood above a three hundred foot drop into the sharp rocks in the lake. Surely the squid would kill him if the impact didn't. He hesitated a moment but the scream of a woman that amitted his mind shook him and he edged closer to his death. Then something he didn't expect happened.

"Stop!"