Rating: T for occasional language. Also see other warnings.
Disclaimer: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and all related characters belong to Nickelodeon.
Summary: Bradford has always blamed Michelangelo for his misfortunes and especially for his mutation so when he manages to capture the young ninja, he's going to make sure he knows exactly what it's like. 2k12 AU.
Warning: Warnings for physical and mental torture in this story abound, as well as for implied and highly disturbing situations. Trigger warnings may apply for some chapters. There will not however, be gruesome details. Some things are best left up to the imagination.
A/N: Possible trigger warning applies for this chapter.
ViolaHarmony: Yeah, long enough to feel like forever, without it being forever. Yes, ever-observant Donnie has certainly noticed things but can you imagine the furore from Leo and Raph if he were to voice them? Especially just based on supposition? Thanks, I'm glad the flashbacks worked as I hoped :-)
Minnie1015: They'll have to be enough but that doesn't mean it'll be easy. Thank you and you're welcome :-)
Ashley C: Okay, here's more XD He's going to need a lot of help but hopefully one day, he'll be able to.
Wolfangel33: Thank you :-)
Concrit, thoughts and comments always welcomed.
ch 13
Exhausted, Mikey stood shivering violently in the field as the icy cold wind whipped viciously past him. He'd been dragged out of his warm kennel – warm compared to outside, that was - into the cold, late Autumn air before the sun had even cleared the horizon that morning, all before being given breakfast or being allowed to drink. Luckily, it wasn't hot, he thought sourly as his intense thirst pressed down on him, making him feel far wearier than he normally would.
His trainer had forced him through his paces eight times before he was satisfied enough to tell him to stand in his corner and watch as he worked the other animals. Despite the chilled mud he stood in, all Mikey wanted was to lie down and curl in on himself for warmth but that was denied him as Dogpound stood ever vigilant and looking for any excuse to electrocute him with that damn collar yet again.
Mikey tossed a small, quick glare Bradford's way before immediately turning his attention back to Hakuba who'd commanded him to pay attention and learn by watching before forcing the awful white noise helmet on his head, this time fastening it with the simple strap instead of a solid piece of plastic that kept his jaw closed when it was used in the surgery or lab. He shook his head violently, wishing he could dislodge the nasty thing so he could hear but it was strapped on securely and it wouldn't come off until someone took pity on him and removed it.
The day dragged on for hours and his arms and legs began to wobble from standing so still, along with the cold and lack of food and water. He felt dizzy and sick, overwhelmed by the constant white noise and his thoughts began to turn fuzzy as it became harder to think against the constant sound droning them out.
Finally, a random ninja ran towards Hakuba and took the leash from him, leading the large vicious dog away and Hakuba turned back towards him. Mikey blinked watery eyes, irritated from the wind and small bits of grit that had blown into them as the dog trainer came close. Suddenly, the man made a sign with his hands and Mikey shrank back, staring in confusion and not a little fear.
He was supposed to know this from having watched Hakuba working with the other dogs the last few hours but his mind and body were weary, exhausted from cold, hunger, thirst and tiredness.
The man repeated his command and Mikey canted his head, still not understanding and ready to just fall over where he stood. He'd barely even slept the night before, having had to put up with the company of his tormentors for hours on end on top of a day spent with Mai which resulted in him puking up his dinner the night before.
Suddenly, Hakuba locked eyes with someone behind him and before a fearful Mikey could turn to look, a painful jolt of electricity surged into his neck and he cried out soundlessly, collapsing to the cold mud beneath him.
-:-
Mikey jolted upright with a terrified, silent cry, his breathing harsh and panting as he stared wildly about, taking in surroundings he wasn't entirely sure he could believe in.
The van! He was in a van on the run across Japan! After so long, his brothers and father actually really, truly came for him!
Suddenly, his panicked gaze caught Donnie's and he watched as his worried brother hesitantly reached out to him as if scared of his reaction.
"Are you alright now, Mikey?" Donnie asked gently, concern and unbelievable warmth filling his voice.
His face crumpled and it was all he could do not to sob as he remembered that first day of visual commands training. He'd been forced to stand again, watching as yet another dog was brought out and trained. Mikey had tried harder to pay attention but it hadn't done any good. He'd been punished, again and again until he finally wearily put one paw forward and went to Hakuba, hoping that 'come' was what was meant. No electricity seared his neck so he figured he'd been right but why couldn't the man have just used a simple 'come here' beckoning of fingers like any other normal person would have?
He knew the answer of course. Because he was no longer a person, normal or otherwise. At least... not in their eyes.
Then the Foot trainer tested him on other commands and Mikey ended up punished again and again, this time with the studded strap Hakuba always carried and it wasn't until the sun went down before Mikey was returned to his kennel at last, where he collapsed just inside the door. His leash removed but the white noise helmet left in place as the door locked behind him.
It felt like hours later when Bradford returned with his meal, kicking him away from the doorway and Mikey could barely even open his eyes to watch the former human. The bowl was placed down on the ground farthest from him and the door locked behind him again.
The smell of the food called to Mikey's twisting stomach and eventually, he pulled himself along the floor to eat, grimacing in disgust as he realised it was the canned dog food again. Bradford made it a point of sticking to Mai's commands about his care to the letter. She'd told him early on he must stick to the recommended diet at least five days a week and Bradford took that upon himself to mean he could give Mikey whatever the hell else he wanted the other two days a week, be it actual dogfood or leftover table scraps from the mess hall. Once, he'd even just supplied Mikey with a bone to chew on with small bits of meat and gristle left on it and if he didn't eat what he was given, he wasn't given anything else until he did. Mikey had learnt on the ship that if he left it too long and was eventually force-fed the so-called food, he'd wind up sick afterwards.
Sighing miserably and still stuck with the white noise helmet on, Mikey ate, unaware of the door opening behind him and a solitary ninja making their way towards him.
Moments later, he was dragged away from his meal, such as it was, to outside where Three-Five-Eight washed the mud off him using freezing cold water before visually commanding him back inside.
Donnie gently placed a thick finger under his jaw, tilting his head gently up to look him in the eye. "Mikey..."
Mikey blinked away the tears before throwing himself at his brother, desperate for reassurance and Donnie wrapped his arms around the distraught turtle tenderly, rubbing soothing circles against his shell.
"It's alright, you're safe now, buddy. It's okay, I've got you and I'm never letting them take you again."
Mikey stayed wrapped in Donnie's embrace until long after his shaking died down before eventually pulling away and blinking six times in embarrassment. Donnie gazed at him for a moment. Then realisation dawned.
"Oh right! You need to go! Um, okay, just give me a moment," Donnie let him go and stood up, moving across the van to open the sliding door.
Still trembling slightly from the recent assault of memories, Mikey carefully stepped off the seat onto the floor and made his way across the van.
"Is he alright?" he heard Leo ask softly as he approached the door.
Donnie glanced back at him with a reassuring smile, before turning back to Leo. "Not entirely but he's doing better than earlier," Donnie answered quietly.
Mikey stiffened slightly in embarrassment before jumping down from the van to the ground.
"Hey!" Raph barked in surprise but Mikey ignored him, dashing directly for the bushes and darting behind them.
"Where's he going?" Leo asked, even as Raph made to go after Mikey.
"Call of nature," Donnie answered succinctly. "Give him some privacy, Raph."
"But what if he tries to take off again? You know, if someone comes along and commands him to heel or something?"
"There's no Foot around for miles," Donnie replied dismissively as he gazed worriedly after Mikey, "and even if there are, they don't know where we are. He'll be fine. Just give him some space for a couple of minutes."
Mikey stared miserably back in the direction of his brothers' voices as he took care of his needs, at once glad they were looking out for him and upset that they didn't trust him when he noticed the faint music of running water from nearby. He turned his head and gazed longingly towards it, unable to see any sign of it. For a moment, he considered going back to his brothers to let them know about it but he was so thirsty, hot and emotionally wrung out, not to mention being unable to speak, that against his better judgement, he quietly took a step away from them, making his way towards the melodious tinkle gently ringing out from across the rocks and through leaves and low hanging branches.
Without realising he'd even arrived, Mikey found himself standing in water up to his elbows. The water rushed past invitingly and he ducked his head happily, taking the chance to drink directly from it when a voice exploded from nearby.
"So this is where you went! Mikey! How could you just wander off like that? We were worried sick!"
Mikey looked guiltily up at Raph who stood on the bank of the stream and he shrank back in shame.
"What if you couldn't find your way back, huh? What if we couldn't find you!" Raphael continued berating angrily, not seeming to notice how Mikey shuddered, terror written all over him.
"The ground's too hard around here! We couldn't even find your tracks..."
"That's enough Raph, you aren't helping," Leonardo interjected mildly as he stepped into view from the foliage. His sharp gaze fixed on Mikey even as he placed a calming hand on Raphael's arm.
"What the hell do you mean?" Raph retorted furiously, whirling on Leo. "Master Splinter told him to stay with us no matter what before he left! He's helpless on his own! Can't help but obey commands like a..."
"Raphael!' Leonardo snapped, struggling to contain his own temper.
"Look at him, Raph," Donnie spoke up quietly as he too arrived. "Just stop talking and really look at him. You're scaring him. Again."
Open-mouthed, Raph stopped and turned to see the way Mikey quivered, to see the fear etched deeply into his face, eyes and in fact entire body.
"Do you want a repeat of what happened earlier, where you were forced to knock him out with pressure points?" Donnie continued softly, his forced calmness not quite able to hide how exasperated he'd become. "Because I sure don't."
Raphael slumped in defeat, "I still don't know what happened then, you never explained."
Donnie took a ragged breath, "Well, I'm not too sure myself. I haven't exactly had a chance to examine the facts as I was far too busy trying to look after our distraught and abused brother."
Leo glanced at the pair before turning back to Mikey and walking closer to the water's edge. "No one's going to hurt you, Mikey," he promised softly. "Can you please come out of the water?"
Mikey managed to tear his gaze away from Raph but he couldn't meet Leo's eyes. Shakily, he began to make his way out, whimpering silently to himself until he stood trembling on the shore, his head hanging from fear and shame. Leo crouched down beside him.
"It's alright, you're not in trouble, just... please don't wander off like that again," Leo pleaded desperately. "Raph's right, you really scared us when you disappeared again. We can't take that kind of fright anymore."
He tentatively lifted his head, trying to look his brother in the eyes to communicate how sorry he was but it was impossible to hold the gaze for more than a second.
Crushed by the situation, Leo sighed despondently, "Come on, let's head back to the van before we forget the way. We might not be in the Aokigahara anymore but the forest around here is still thick and far too easy to get lost in."
His curiosity momentarily overtaking his fear, Mikey canted his head in recognition. Aokigahara? He knew the name but couldn't remember where he'd heard it before.
Leo rested a hand on the top of his head for a moment. "That's the famous forest where so many people go to commit suicide because of how dense and easy to get lost in it it is and as it happens, it's also where the Foot hid their base," he explained sombrely. "Honestly, we might not have been able to navigate it safely without Master Splinter's tracking abilities earlier."
Master Splinter... Mikey felt a terrible ache rip through him at the new reminder and he glanced warily over at Raph who stood nearby, obviously trying to control his impatience and agitation. Raph had been right, Master Splinter had expected him to stay with his brothers no matter what.
[Michelangelo, allow your brothers to help you,] he'd commanded. [You must stay strong and remain by their sides, no matter what happens. Do not give in to your fear or conditioning at the hands of the Foot if they should come close again. Can you do that, my son?]
Mikey shuddered. He hadn't given in to his fear in this case; his attention was just caught by the water he'd so desperately wanted, by his thirst and intense need to feel clean again but in doing so, he'd gone against his former owner's... no, he shook his head wildly to shake that way of thinking from his mind, his father's expectations and scared his brothers yet again.
Leo sighed and stood, turning around to look for where they'd come from. He was great at tracking in the city or the sewers but none of them had ever left the city before. They knew the theory of tracking in more natural environments but in practice was another story.
Mikey blinked at the intense concentration in his brother's body, then, despite the shame, decided to help him out.
Ignoring the fact the Foot knew he wasn't really a dog, they'd treated him like one in every aspect. From his housing conditions with its oversized kennel (to accommodate for his Alpha's handling of him) to his run and outdoor defecation site to his training, which had also included learning to track by scent like any other dog. He wasn't as good as the real dogs by any means but he'd learnt his sense of smell was far superior to a human's; surprising really since he'd grown up in the sewers with his olfactory senses continually assaulted every single day of his life. While more difficult for him, not to mention embarrassing, he'd learnt soon enough that scent tracking was one thing he didn't get punished for. Of course, they were never going to use him in the field since he was actually a prisoner but Master Hakuba had made sure of teaching him everything regardless, in his efforts of helping Dogpound to break him.
Mikey put his nose to the ground and sniffed around, looking for his own tracks. He quickly found them, then began leading his flabbergasted brothers back towards the van.
Donnie was the first to speak. "So you wouldn't have been lost, Mikey?" he asked, awestruck.
Mikey paused, turning to blink twice in answer.
"Great, that's just great," Raph bit out, his jaw clenched in anger. "Now, never do this again, Mikey! You aren't a damn dog, you're a turtle!"
Leo shot Raph a rebuking look as Mikey wilted in shame.
"What? He's not and he should stop behaving like one!"
"Actually, Raph, turtles do have an acute sense of smell, far better than humans," Donnie piped up, scratching nervously at the back of his neck. "It helps them to find food in the wild."
Raph glared at Donnie unappreciatively. "Now who's not helping?"
"If we were still natural turtles, following the scent of food or even water would be entirely normal. In our case, our sense of smell has been somewhat muted by our mutations but it's still very strong compared with humans."
Mikey turned wide, grateful eyes on Donnie for helping him feel a little better about himself.
"We only never really thought about it due to living in the sewers all our lives and not having anything to compare to other than Master Splinter. Even so, there has certainly been times topside or in the lair where our sense of smell has come in handy and surprised or embarrassed April," Donnie smiled tightly, skin darkening in shame.
Feeling like the answer why was on the tip of his tongue, Mikey frowned, struggling and failing to recall who April was and just why Donnie would have been embarrassed by that.
Leo nodded sagely as if he'd realised all along but Raph still looked miffed. Thankfully, he declined to comment further and instead just silently followed them as Mikey led the way.
Soon after, they were back at the van and Leo and Raph made to sit down. Mikey looked around, eyes wide to see how they'd camouflaged their borrowed vehicle.
"After you... uh... got upset earlier, I decided to find a place to pull over out of sight of the road," Leo explained, noticing Mikey's curiosity. "We were also getting a little low on gas but we can't afford to ditch the van and take another in broad daylight. Anyway, I figured we could all use a rest since we've been on the go almost non-stop other than a couple of brief breaks here and there."
Mikey blinked once in acknowledgement as Donatello disappeared inside the van.
"We'll stay until dark, then we'll leave and find another tourist site to leave the van safely at. If we can, we'll borrow another vehicle, otherwise, we'll continue on foot until we can find something else suitable for us."
Mikey blinked again, relieved at the idea of real rest at last but he didn't sit down. Instead, he turned his head to stare back towards the stream. It was still hot and he felt dirty and disgusting, having not had time to try to wash off.
Just then, Donnie came out again, looking far more cheerful than Mikey could remember seeing him since before he'd been... well, in a long time. "I looked through the back of the van while we were waiting for Mikey to wake up earlier and found snacks!" he exclaimed happily. "We have Mochi, Calbee Shrimp, Ponzu and Wasabeef potato chips and two packets of pocky, Almond Crush and Matcha."
"It's bad enough we took their van, I don't think we should be eating their snacks too," Leo spoke up, looking extremely uncomfortable at the idea.
Raph snorted derisively as he held a hand out to Donnie, "I'll take the Wasabeef!"
"Or we could all share," Donnie put in drily.
"Pft! Leo doesn't even want anything anyway, the rest of us can each have a bag of chips and then split the mochi and pocky."
"Or we could all share and save some for later," Donnie repeated obstinately. He looked to Mikey with a smile. "Which should we open first?"
Mikey blinked in confusion as he stared at the unfamiliar packets.
"Oh, right! Shrimp is self-explanatory but Wasabeef is wasabi and beef, and Ponzu is citrus seasoned soy sauce."
His eyes widened in delight. To think his brothers always ridiculed his sense of taste and flavour adventurism. If circumstances were different, he could have fit right in over here in Japan. His gaze lingered longingly on the Ponzu but knowing Raph wanted the other, he carefully lifted a paw and motioned to the Wasabeef before letting it drop heavily to the ground again with a thunk.
Donnie opened the pack, took out a handful to feed Mikey with and passed the packet around. Mikey cringed at the idea of being handfed and tried to get Donnie to just place it on the ground for him. After all, it wasn't as if he wasn't used to that already. Not all his food had been in a bowl and he'd often been forced to eat directly off the floor. Better that than being handfed at least.
"I am not putting it on the dirt for you," Donnie protested stiffly. "You don't know what germs you could pick up from that! For all we know, there could have been faeces there at some point, whether exhausted there or walked there by a bird or animal."
Mikey pulled a face. No worse than when they were in the sewers. That place was full of it and long before they'd learned to cultivate their own food they'd often scavenged food from there so what was the difference? Then he reeled, disturbed by the sudden memory.
Donnie sighed and jumped to his feet, going back into the van. A half a minute later, he came back with a sheet of paper which he placed on the ground to put chips for Mikey on, making him far happier for not being forced to eat out of his brother's hand again.
After the packet was finished, Donnie broke open the packet of Matcha Pocky and gave everyone one piece. Leo's eyes lit up in delight at the flavour. Mikey wasn't a fan but he was still hungry and since he'd had far worse since being captured, he ate it without complaint anyway.
Once they were done eating, Leo and Raph laid back to rest after Donnie offered to keep first watch. Mikey soon stood and walked to the edge of the small clearing, looking longingly in the direction of the stream once more.
"Mikey, what are you doing?" Donnie called softly, not wanting to disturb their resting brothers.
Mikey gave Donnie a pleading look and motioned toward the stream with one paw. Now the distraction of food was over, all he wanted was to get clean. He just wished he was capable of washing himself but without hands, it was next to impossible. All he could do would be to sit in the water and let it flow over him, hopefully washing some of the filth away.
"You want to go back to the stream?"
Mikey blinked desperately. 'Please!'
Donnie sighed. "I'm sorry, Mikey but you can't. We need to stay together."
'Please!' he begged again, wanting to cry since that was a surefire method to get his way but other than his earlier breakdowns, he hadn't done so in months and his pride wouldn't allow him to now, even if it was in the name of manipulation of his easiest to sway brother.
To his credit, Donnie looked pained but he stood his ground. "Maybe later just before we leave but right now, you can't."
Sighing miserably, there was just no way he could communicate his pure need to Donnie, he reluctantly sank to the ground, still facing the direction of the stream. If only he could talk, he would have the ability to make his brother understand and yet... he wasn't sure he would ever be able to bring himself to. Some things were just far better left unsaid. He laid his head down on one paw, ignoring the sound of someone, Donnie, getting to his feet and coming over to him.
"Is it really that important to you?" Donnie asked softly as he knelt beside Mikey.
Mikey turned his head to face Donnie and blinked quickly. 'Yes!'
Donnie regarded him for a moment, then turned and called, "Leo? Raph? Are you still awake?"
Leo sat up instantly alert and Raph grumbled unintelligibly.
"Wishing I wasn't."
Donnie smiled tightly. "Do you mind if we all go back to the stream? You can both sleep there."
Leo nodded thoughtfully, "Sure. It would probably be a good idea anyway. It's a hot day and it'll be much cooler by the water, not to mention we'll be by a water source we can drink from."
Donnie pulled a face. "Just because it looks clean and clear doesn't mean it's safe. No drinking from it until we can purify it."
Mikey gave Donnie a disbelieving look. He'd already drunk from it and the water was sweet and clean. Much nicer than anything he'd drunk from bowls or shared troughs filled with dog and horse saliva since he was captured.
"Do we have enough crystals?" Leo asked seriously.
Donnie nodded, "Enough for maybe two more refills each."
"That's not a lot," Leo pointed out dubiously. "We don't know how long it's going to take us to get to the harbour since we don't have reliable transport and have to constantly hide."
A chill raced down Mikey's shell. Harbour? Why were they heading for a harbour? He didn't want to go anywhere near one ever again. Not after last time!
"Well, unfortunately, it's going to have to do. We can't risk getting sick from the micro-organisms that live and breed in water. If we were at the mouth of the stream, that might be another story," Donnie retorted irritably. "We can't even build a fire to boil the water since it might be seen and investigated, not that we even have anything to boil it in anyway."
"Blah, blah, blah," Raph rolled his eyes. "Let's just get to the stream to make Mikey happy so I can finally get some sleep. And by the way, when we got there the first time, Mikey had been drinking from it and he's fine now. Just like he was fine the previous couple of times we stopped to refill our bottles from streams."
Donnie twitched at the reminder. "Well, I somehow doubt the water he's been given all this time was the most sanitary," Mikey blinked in agreement, "therefore, his stomach is already used to it, provided it isn't too contaminated."
"You're overthinking this, Nerd-a-tello," Raph snorted, lumbering tiredly to his feet. "We've never had the most sanitary conditions in the first place. I mean, look at where we live! And we certainly haven't always had pure water. At least not until you tapped into the city's pipes!"
Mikey smiled slightly at the play on words. Almost worthy of himself once. Though he would have emphasised the pun to make sure everyone else noticed and had a good laugh or groan in the process.
His face fell again, tears threatening but he forcibly held them back. It was bad enough that he had worried his brothers for so long and continued to do so now but how was he ever supposed to play his part to keep them happy and amused now when he couldn't even talk anymore, let alone communicate beyond a few very simple blinks?
"Which was years ago!" Donnie snapped in exasperation. "Plenty of time to lose whatever resistance we had to the less harmful of bacteria. Even then, Master Splinter still always boiled everything before letting us drink it!"
"Could you two please calm down?" Leo asked, sounding as though he was barely preventing himself from snapping also. "You're upsetting Mikey," he said, motioning towards him.
Mikey's eyes shot wide and he rapidly blinked 'no.' It wasn't their fault, not this time at least, but he couldn't explain what actually upset him and if he could, then he wouldn't have had a reason to be upset in the first place. Well, he glanced down at his paws in frustration, scratch that, yes, he would but it wouldn't have been as bad.
Donnie and Raph both turned to face him, startled at the realisation, Donnie's gaze softening and Raph's becoming unreadable as he tried to swallow back his more volatile nature.
"I'm sorry, buddy, we didn't mean to upset you," Donnie said sorrowfully, coming closer and crouching down beside Mikey. "And don't worry, as for those, I'll get them off you the first chance I get, okay?"
Mikey stared up at Donnie, hope filling him for the first time in forever. If he could be free of the infernal paws, then at least he could write to them or type. Yeah, probably type. That might be easier on him considering there was a good chance he'd never be able to hold a pencil again.
Or a paintbrush...
Mikey swallowed and gave Donnie a tentative smile.
"As I said before though, it'll... uh... probably have to wait until we can get home, I'm afraid," Donnie continued softly. Mikey canted his head curiously – he vaguely remembered Donnie saying something to that effect before but it'd been much harder to understand back then; with exposure, his English had come back in leaps and bounds in the last day or two but prior to that, it had been almost non-existent thanks to Mai and her treatments. "If we find an opportunity to do it before we leave Japan, I'll do everything I can to take it then. Okay?"
'Okay,' Mikey blinked hopefully.
"Come on," Raph grunted gruffly as he began to stomp towards the stream, "Let's just get there already. You know how I get when I don't get enough sleep."
"What's the difference between then and any other time," Leo cracked with a small smile, glancing at Mikey as if to say, "Am I right?"
Mikey huffed a silent laugh that he didn't really feel, knowing he needed to give Leo something for his effort. He started trotting after Raph, intending to take the lead to show him the right way, since his brother was already veering off in the wrong direction again.
"Sh-shut up!" Raph retorted, thrown by his effort not to start another argument in front of Mikey.
A couple of minutes later they reached the water again and this time, Mikey didn't even hesitate, he walked straight into the middle of it, ignoring Leo's strangled cry of protest and sat down. The cool water came halfway up his plastron and he relished the feel of it running across his skin, the way it tickled his scales ever so slightly.
"Mikey, you need to come out. Those shackles could rust if you get them wet!"
"That's unlikely, Leo," Donnie observed calmly and Mikey turned his head to blink his agreement.
It was something he'd been terrified of early on, especially with freshly broken hands and burns. While he didn't understand how rust could make him sick, he knew it could, because Donnie had said so and he didn't want to get lockjaw and die. By the time he was brought to Japan, it was early Autumn, the weather was stinking hot and there had been a lot of rain. He'd been forced to train whether it was wet or dry and trudged through sticky mud on many occasions. The metal paws on his hands never once even tarnished and between the constant pain from the burns, broken bones and punishments and the never-ending exhaustion, he'd soon forgotten he'd ever even worried about rust, tetanus and lockjaw in the first place. Then he'd begun to forget about a lot of other things too but he didn't want to think about that...
"If they haven't rusted by now, I doubt they will simply because Mikey decided to take a dip in a stream now," Donnie continued, watching Mikey as he spoke. He gave a small, encouraging smile which Mikey tried to return before lifting a paw and clumsily trying to run it over his body as best he could to wash.
"If you say so, Donnie," Leo replied, not a trace of doubt in his voice.
"I do," Donnie replied firmly. "Now, get some sleep because I want some myself before we leave."
Leo chuckled and followed Raph's example by laying down under the dappled shade of a tree and resting his head on his arm like a pillow.
Donnie continued to watch Mikey for a while, his expression unreadable, before taking off his gear, except for his mask and wading out to join him.
"Would you like some help?" Donnie offered quietly.
The suggestion filled him with terror and Mikey's breathing quickened. Stumbling as he backed away, he couldn't blink fast enough, 'No!'
"Just your shell, I mean?" Donnie added quickly. "Even if you could use your hands, you wouldn't be able to reach that without a long-handled brush and you still have mud in the grooves from when we were trying to disguise our scents earlier. I'm sure the same can be said of the rest of us," he chuckled, trying to put Mikey at ease.
Still, Mikey hesitated. He didn't want help now or ever again, not after the forced weekly baths from Three-Five-Eight of all people but... he needed this and his brother was right. He had no chance of reaching without help.
"I'll be careful," Donnie promised softly, "and if you get too uncomfortable, you can always tell me to stop and I promise I will."
'Alright,' he blinked reluctantly after several minutes of thinking and trying to calm his racing heart and thoughts. Then, trying to suppress his shuddering, he turned to give his brother easier access to his shell.
Removing his mask, Donnie dipped it in the stream. Then he reached out and carefully touched Mikey's carapace, watching him for the slightest sign he should stop and though Mikey remained stiff and shaking slightly, he gave no sign, so Donnie began gently rubbing his mask along the edges of the scutes and along the grooves in the patterns, washing the remnants of mud and other things out. He frowned slightly as he worked. "It's obvious someone's been taking care of you, your scutes aren't as dirty as I would have thought after all this time," he observed quietly after a while. He grimaced as Mikey stiffened more. "Still, it's obvious they haven't been cleaned as thoroughly as they should have been. The good news, though, is that I can't see any sign of shell rot."
Of course not. Mai had treated that and anything else at the first signs. Then had gone on to berate Dogpound or Three-Five-Eight for not taking care of him properly. Mikey hadn't always heard those conversations, thanks to the white noise or even the drugs she often gave him but he could see her displeasure easily enough. Not to mention that Dogpound always took it out on him afterwards. Three-Five-Eight also made comment once or twice as he bathed him, taking extra care as he did, even forcing him to consume small amounts of Viagra a couple of times so he could clean down there when Mikey refused to expose himself during bathtime. Bradford, of course, thought such circumstances were a riot and encouraged it, convincing Mai to release the drug to Three-Five-Eight. Mikey soon learnt to just release his manhood from its confines so as to not be subjected to the torture of having the Viagra forced on him. That was, at least, when the choice was still his to make.
Trying to dislodge the disturbing memories, Mikey shook his head wildly. Donnie paused in his ministrations to softly ask if he was alright and all Mikey could do was turn his head and blink, 'yes' at him. His brother looked doubtful but Mikey turned away immediately, wishing that Donnie would just hurry up and get this over and done with. He clenched his hands inside their metal prisons, unable to help the wince as he felt the grating of badly healed bones. A shudder ran through him at the feeling and Donnie stopped what he was doing once more.
"Mikey..." Donnie ventured softly. Mikey turned his head back, not quite enough to actually look at his brother but enough to show he was paying attention. Donnie swallowed. "Did they... did they hurt you?"
Seriously? Now Mikey did meet Donnie's focused gaze in disbelief. And he was supposed to be a genius...?
Of course, they hurt him! As his Alpha kept saying to him, he wasn't there on vacation! He was hurt every day from day one when he was first chained, collared and branded and later repeatedly electrocuted by that stupid shock collar he was so glad to be finally rid of, beaten and humiliated almost daily and don't get him started on the day the paws were... secured to him.
Or when she took his voice from him...
Of course, they hurt him and the rage at the unfairness of it all that he used to feel began to rise afresh. An anger he'd long forgotten about as he began to forget about everything else, choosing instead to just exist, to simply survive because it was so much easier on his sanity!
"I-I'm sorry, that was a stupidly phrased question, of course, they hurt you. I meant, did they... did someone..." Donnie swallowed again, unsure how to phrase his question and his gaze flickered over to the shore where their brothers lay, seemingly asleep. "I'm sorry, this … this probably isn't the best time to be asking these kinds of questions... especially since you can't... exactly answer me."
Suddenly horror filled Mikey, threatening to overwhelm him as he realised exactly what Donnie was trying to ask. Yes... 'No!' he insisted, even as he tried to stop himself from shaking all over again. He couldn't... he wouldn't! Even if he could talk, he was never talking about that! His eyes squeezed tightly closed as he forced himself to turn away, not wanting Donnie to see his face, his reaction.
The best part of forgetting was not having to remember what happened after his weekly baths and the best part of having been merely existing was the fact that they lost interest when he stopped reacting...
Usually, at least.
Then his brothers, his family had to turn up, rescue him and make him start remembering everything all over again.
Everything!
He never wanted to forget them or his life but it was so much easier. So much less painful to just forget!
He truly was happy they'd found a way to come after him despite everything and beyond grateful for the rescue but why did they have to keep reminding him like this?
Why did Donnie have to get it into his head to try to ask him that?
Some things were better off forgotten and he desperately wished he could just forget all over again!
"I think... it might be best if I stop for now. The mud is all out anyway," Donnie said softly, trying to hide the pain in his voice and not quite succeeding. "There's a couple of places that still need a really good scrub but... i-it can wait for another day." Donnie took a step to the side and dipped his bandanna into the water, agitating it vigorously before wringing it out.
"You... w-we should get out of the water now. I need to keep watch and you need to dry off and get some rest. We-we've got a long journey ahead of us still and at this point we don't know how long we will be in borrowed vehicles and how much we will need to travel on foot."
Mikey blinked once numbly, his thoughts and memories still reeling but Donnie didn't notice, already wading out of the stream, shell to him as he stared hollowly in another direction.
Biting his bottom lip, Mikey finally followed his brother out but upon reaching the shore, walked to the left, heading instead for the mostly smooth rocky ground near the water's edge. After testing the heat with the skin on his leg, he curled up on the rock under dappled sunlight, using his arm as a pillow and closed his eyes, aware of Donnie's gaze on him the entire time.
"Just... hang on, Mikey, I'll find a way to help you talk again soon. I just... need to work out what's wrong first..."
-:-
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