Rating: T for occasional language. Also see other warnings.

Disclaimer: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and all related characters belong to Nickelodeon.

Summary: Bradford has always blamed Michelangelo for his misfortunes and especially for his mutation so when he manages to capture the young ninja, he's going to make sure he knows exactly what it's like. 2k12 AU.

Warning: Warnings for physical and mental torture in this story abound, as well as for implied and highly disturbing situations. Trigger warnings may apply for some chapters. There will not however, be gruesome details. Some things are best left up to the imagination.

A/N: Possible trigger warning applies for this chapter.

Gomen – sorry.

Minnie1015: Yep! No magic wand waving for this story XD I'm not but thank you for the kind thought. I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving.

ViolaHarmony: All good! Thank you. Yeah, he does. In some ways, it's probably making it worse that he's forced to keep everything bottled inside but you can bet that certain brothers of his are not going to let him get away with holding everything in once he's capable of telling them. Of course, how much he'll tell them when the times comes is another thing. Yeah! B-team is Best team! Mikey and Donnie have always been my favourites, through every version of every series. Leo and Raph tend to be a little interchangeable depending on the version XD

Concrit, thoughts and comments always welcomed.


How Much is that Turtle in the Window

ch 14

Suddenly, the sound of quiet murmurs and furtive movements came out of nowhere and Mikey's eyes shot open frantically, his heart beating a staccato in his chest as he realised they were trying to take him unawares again. He worked desperately to control his ragged breathing in the vain hope they wouldn't notice he was awake and slowly, carefully, tried to shift to make out where the threat was. What caught his eye had him gaping in shock and then abject relief as he realised it was actually just his brothers trying to be quiet as they changed shifts

Leo cast him an apologetic look, "Oh, sorry, Mikey, we didn't mean to wake you," he said softly.

"Yeah," Raph muttered, "really not used to you being such a light sleeper. It's weird! I mean, you used to sleep straight through me playing the drums."

Mikey pulled a face. So not true! No one, not even the dead could sleep through all that banging and crashing but it was pointless to ever tell Raphael that unless you wanted to be punched in the face or something.

"So, uh... since you're awake anyway, I wanted to try something with you," Leo offered hesitantly.

Raph groaned and Leo tossed him a look.

"What? I didn't say anything!" Raph retorted defensively, glaring at Leo and making Mikey smile ever-so-slightly. The threat of violence from their fighting and arguing did make his heartrate pick up speed but on the other hand, the familiarity of it was almost welcome, especially considering what he'd woken up thinking.

"And yet you still think it's a stupid idea."

Raph shook his head adamantly, "I never said that! I said that doing it right now is stupid when you both clearly need to sleep. You've only had about three hours, Leo and Mikey's probably had less, even if you count when I had to knock him out earlier!"

Leo sighed despondently. "That's true but we're both wide awake now, right, Mikey?" Mikey blinked uncertainly, not quite sure what was going on and Leo continued, "And who knows when we'll get another opportunity like this one where it's peaceful and there's no one around to disturb us for miles."

"Uh... hello? Busy country road is only a couple hundred yards or so that-a-way," Raph retorted, motioning viciously in the general direction of.

"And our borrowed van is concealed from view. There's no reason for anyone to stop here," Leo calmly pointed out. "Look, just give us half an hour, then we'll try to go back to sleep and rest up for tonight. You can even time us if you like since you're awake."

Raph threw up his hands in defeat and stomped away to take his turn at watch as Leo smiled reassuringly at Mikey and came to sit down opposite him.

So he pushed himself upright, shifting into seiza but with his paws on the ground in front and canted his head curiously at Leo.

Leo sized him up for a moment, then, "When we first found you, it seemed like you didn't recognise us and had perhaps forgotten who you are." Mikey looked away in shame but Leo continued. "Since then, the longer we've back together, the more it has felt as though you've been remembering, the more you've been seeming like you again, albeit very hurt and scared. Would my impressions be somewhat right, Mikey?"

Still unable to meet his brother's gaze, Mikey none-the-less blinked once.

"That's good to know," Leo sighed in relief.

It was? Mikey looked up in surprise and blinked his confusion.

"I know it's going to take a while for you to get over this but I'm glad to know you're still with us and making the effort to come back," Leo explained with a gentle smile.

Mikey looked away again.

"So, the question is, how much do you remember?" Leo mused thoughtfully. "Don't worry, I know you can't answer that. It was rhetorical. Hmm... Do you remember everything yet, Mikey?"

More than he wanted to... he didn't answer.

"So some things are still a blank?"

Once again, Mikey didn't answer, even though it was true.

"Okay... well, do you remember a couple of days after you were captured how you met Master Splinter in the Astral Plane to tell us where you were?"

Mikey hesitated, thinking about it. To be honest, he vaguely remembered doing that but it had been so long since then and he was so desperate at the time that he was no longer sure if he had managed to do it after all or if he'd simply imagined succeeding at the time. He carefully lifted a single heavy paw and rocked it back and forth, 'Sort of.'

Leo looked disappointed for a moment but very quickly covered it up and uncomfortable, Mikey looked away again.

"Well, that's okay. What I'm trying to say is, you managed to do it back then. What I want now is for you to do it again. Only this time, meet me in the Astral Plane."

Was he nuts? Mikey's jaw fell agape as he stared towards at his brother in disbelief. He'd always sucked at meditation and he hadn't tried it for so long because every time he did he was punished for not acting like the dog he was supposed to be. Even when he thought he was safely alone inside his kennel in the dead of night, he'd soon discovered otherwise, thanks to a camera in the upper corner of the room where he had no chance of reaching.

"I realise you're obviously out of practice and that you always had trouble focusing on meditation, among other things, but you were always a natural with the actual Astral Plane when you managed to get there," Leo continued gently, reaching out a finger and lifting Mikey's chin to try to meet his eyes, "so don't worry too much. I'll give you all the help I can, okay?"

'No,' Mikey blinked. He wasn't going to be able to do it, not in less than half an hour as Leo had promised Raph so what was the point in even trying?

"Mikey, why can't you speak?" Leo suddenly asked, making him sit up straighter in panic. "Is it psychological, because of your conditioning?" He waited for a moment, then, "Or is it something they physically did to you?"

Unable to help himself, Mikey blanched, telling Leo what he needed to know even without directly answering.

"Physical then. Well, in that case, if we meet in the Astral Plane you'll be able to talk. You'll be able to tell us what's wrong so Donnie can have a chance to try to fix it if it's possible and if it's not possible, then, well at least we'll know and you'll still be able to talk to us in there, tell us what you need to and what we need to know. Otherwise, unless we get lucky and are able to find the equipment Donnie needs to remove those shackles from your hands, you'll have to wait until we get home and that'll take at least a month."

Mikey pulled back, looking away miserably again and wishing Leo couldn't see his vulnerability.

"For the record, Mikey, making it into the Astral Plane right now is unlikely, I know that, but the sooner we start working on it, even just a short session whenever we can get it, the sooner we'll succeed." Then Leo hesitated as if afraid, "Or... don't you want to talk to us again, little brother?"

More than anything... but even if he succeeded, what was to say he even remembered how to talk after so long of being unable?

Or that they'd see him the same way again?

Or worse, that he did succeed and was able to talk in the Astral Plane but that wasn't enough. He wasn't sure he could go from there back to his enforced silence in the real world. It would be like tasting a single lick of ice-cream and then having the bowl taken away, only far, far worse. After all, they couldn't all live their entire lives in the Astral Plane.

Then... then there was the problem that Mikey understood perhaps better than his brothers did. The Astral Plane reflected the mind and souls of those within it. Yes, the stronger the mind, the stronger the influence but everyone still helped shape it in some way or another. What if... in doing so, Mikey accidentally let slip something he really didn't want to, whether he was aware of doing so or not?

Mikey may have been a natural in the Astral Plane as Leo said but that didn't mean he was the most skilled. He simply didn't have enough experience for that, unlike Leo, who Master Splinter always favoured. Leo would see right through him. Would see his nightmares. Would see the reality of his life over the last ten months or so. He shuddered miserably at the thought. He couldn't... he wouldn't do it.

He blinked 'no' again, his heart filled with self-hatred at the terribly hurt expression he put on Leo's face, then turned around and curled up again to go back to sleep.

"Alright, little brother, I won't force you," Leo said with deep disappointment, "but I will bring this up again when you've had a bit more time to think about it."

Then Mikey heard Leo shift as he too laid down. He cracked his eyelids open a smidge to see his brother only a couple of yards from him, watching him and the guilt rose within like bile.

'Gomen, Leo,' he thought sorrowfully, deliberately putting actual words to his thoughts for the first time in a long time with some difficulty. Leo, of all turtles, didn't deserve it when he was only trying to help.

But Mikey didn't have a choice.

It was for his own sanity.

-:-

Mikey stood trembling with exertion and a growing trepidation as he stared at the docks below. As usual, he was propped upright by his two eldest brothers, his arms slung around their shoulders. Over ten months of being forced to remain on all fours meant the last few days of being on the run had taken their toll on him, leaving his legs shaky and aching badly. Though he'd become really fast on all fours in that time, it wasn't fast enough for them so they'd insisted on continuing to help him every time they were on foot.

Since leaving the stream, they'd spent the last three days borrowing unattended vehicles or walking and running with Leo setting a gruelling pace, only slowing when Donnie insisted on it, for Mikey's sake. Smaller cars were no good, leaving them with little room to move given their shells and making it far more likely to be seen by other travellers through the windows, as were vehicles with little to no window tinting. Vans were better since the only risk to being seen came from whoever was driving, usually Leo, but they couldn't always find a van so they were often left with little choice but to travel on foot. They always tried to abandon their borrowed transports in tourist area parking lots where possible, using the cover of darkness to escape the vehicle when there were still people around.

Now, they'd abandoned their latest vehicle in a parking lot a couple of blocks away and hoofed it to the docks from there, Donnie working worriedly at his T-phone as they moved.

"How long before the ship leaves, Don?" Leo asked softly as the brothers stared towards the massive cargo freighter before them.

"Almost six hours," Donnie replied distantly. "High tide is just after dawn and it's scheduled to leave an hour prior, giving them time to play with should anything go amiss."

Raph grunted, shifting Mikey's arm to a better position, Mikey just wished they'd put him down for a few minutes; he hurt. "There's a hell of a lot of light down there."

Leo nodded. "While we can probably take one light out without seeming suspicious, we won't be able to take out more. We'll have to be careful. Do you know where we're heading yet, Donnie?"

"Still working on it, Leo. We need a container we'll be able to get out of again if we want to survive the journey."

Mikey whipped his head towards Donnie in raw terror. 'No!' he blinked hysterically. Nonononono! Not again, he couldn't travel in one of those again! He tried desperately to pull away from his brothers, hoping they'd look at him and just understand because obviously, he couldn't tell them just how much he didn't want to do this, how much he couldn't.

Leo frowned slightly as he turned his head to face him, "I'm sorry, Mikey, I understand how you feel after last time..."

No, he didn't and couldn't!

"... but it's the only way to get home."

Mikey lifted both arms out as best he could, trying to mimic flying like a child pretending to be an aeroplane but though he'd become somewhat used to the weight of his paws and could walk on all fours easily enough, lifting them out and holding them up was another story; another thing that he'd be sent to Mai for trying to do when caught on camera when he'd thought he was alone back in his kennel. He gasped as the strain was too much and his arms flopped uselessly, the metal weights slamming into Leo and Raph's upper plastrons with dull thunks.

Raph glared but didn't say anything, Leo on the other hand, "Oh, a plane?" he questioned after a moment of trying to work out what Mikey meant.

'Yes!' Mikey blinked frantically. At least it would be faster!

Reaching up, Raph flicked Mikey softly between the eyes, his way of saying, 'think, for once'. "We can't catch a plane, doofus."

Why not? Mikey keened silently, staring at Leo pleadingly. He couldn't go on a ship again, not if it meant travelling trapped in a metal sweatbox for weeks! He wouldn't even last a day!

"It's far too dangerous, Mikey," Leo explained softly. "We'd be lucky if we could even breathe since they don't always pressurise the baggage compartments unless they have good reason and besides that, it would be dangerously cold for us. Even if we managed to survive the journey, we'd end up caught at the other end and that's assuming we could make it past the security and sniffer dogs in the first place. No, our only option is by cargo ship."

Then he'd rather stay here in Japan! Mikey was about to try to pull his arms away from his brothers to sit down in a huff to show his feelings on the matter when a familiar scent hit his nostrils. His heart began to pound wildly and he looked up in panic in the direction the breeze blew from. Mikey couldn't see anything but he knew, he knew they were there!

Leo sighed helplessly and continued speaking, "I know you're scared, Mikey but I'm sorry, we really don't have any other choice!"

'No! Not that!' Mikey blinked rapidly, still staring where the scent wafted from. It was gone now but still strong in his memory and he knew he hadn't imagined it. No matter how much they haunted his nightmares, both sleeping and waking. He shuddered, his breath becoming ragged as his terror built.

Donnie looked up from his T-phone in concerned curiosity.

"Please don't try to argue, if you..." Shocked, Leo found himself cut off as Mikey bared his teeth, blowing air through his mouth in his best impression of a growl. Then Mikey turned his gaze toward Donnie, meeting his eyes momentarily before lowering them to stare pointedly at his feet.

"Why are you staring at Donnie's feet?" Raph asked in confusion.

Perplexed, Leo and Donnie also followed Mikey's gaze and frustrated, Mikey sighed and then, despite the jelly feeling of his legs, lifted one, waving his foot wildly in the air.

"Oh, Foot!" Donnie finally exclaimed.

'Yes!' Mikey blinked, allowing his foot to fall back to the ground and slumping, pulling at Leo and Raph with his sudden dead weight.

"He means the Foot," Donnie explained, turning to look at their brothers. "They must be in the vicinity."

"Thank you, genius, we never would have known without your further explanation," Raph said sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

Donnie frowned but otherwise ignored Raph before wordlessly taking Leo's place in propping Mikey up.

"Get under cover," Leo commanded softly. "I'm going to go check it out."

Wait, what? Didn't they believe him? Hurt, Mikey stared after Leo as he ran off away from them. They should all be leaving together, not splitting up so someone could check out his story! Yes, he was scared and didn't want to go aboard the ship but he wouldn't make something like this up and they should know that by now!

"Come on Mikey," Donnie murmured as he and Raph began leading Mikey to a nearby shadowy building. Mikey tried to keep up but twisted his head anxiously to watch Leo disappear into the shadows.

Why couldn't they ever listen to him? Even when he still had the ability to speak, they never listened! Never just trusted him and because of that Leo was now heading into danger and threatening to expose them all.

"Mikey, we're trying to help you, not carry you. Stop trying to watch Leo," Raph admonished sharply. Then more gently he added, "He'll be fine. Okay?"

Would he? Mikey desperately wanted to have faith in his brother, knew he would have in the past but now he couldn't shake the fear, especially after scenting him nearby. Why couldn't they just trust him and all leave together like they should have? Hell, they shouldn't have even come here in the first place!

Reluctantly, he faced forward, it wasn't like he could see Leo anymore anyway, and saw a large, dark building looming ahead. His brothers suddenly veered to the left away from the main gate and led him to a trio of large dumpsters which they hunkered behind.

Raph and Donnie removed his arms from around their necks and Mikey breathed in relief, letting them flop with a metallic thunk to the bitumen and earning him a glare and the shh gesture from Raph.

"Sore?" Donnie murmured softly and Mikey turned to him and blinked once. Donnie reached up and gently began massaging Mikey's nearest arm, causing him to almost melt into his brother at the relief. "I'm sorry, buddy, I know this has to be hard on you but it's important to be able to move fast."

Mikey blinked once again, understanding, even as he tried to peer past the dumpster, looking anxiously for any sign of Leo.

"Keep down, Mikey," Raph breathed, also keeping watch.

Mikey glowered for a moment, then slumped back miserably and Donnie silently shifted around to his other side to massage his other arm.

"So how did you know the Foot are around?" Donnie asked quietly. Mikey looked up questioningly. "Did you see them?"

'No.'

"Hear them?"

'No.'

Donnie looked perplexed so Mikey mimed sniffing.

"You smelt them?" Raph asked too loudly in disbelief, prompting Donnie to frown at him.

"Keep it down!" Donnie breathed even as Mikey blinked.

'Yes.'

"Seriously?" Raph groaned in disbelief, "Leo's out there wasting time we could be using to find a way onto that damn ship all because you claim you smelt the Foot?"

Mikey huffed indignantly. 'Yes,' he blinked again, frustrated once again that he couldn't give more than yes or no answers.

"It makes sense, Raph," Donnie spoke up in a low voice, coming to Mikey's defence. "Think about it. We already know Mikey was trained to follow a trail by sense of smell, we saw evidence of that back at the stream a few days ago and he's been out of the sewers for a long time now. Meaning he's had a chance to adjust and get used to his full olfactory senses."

'Yes,' Mikey agreed, clenching his fingers inside the paws as he pushed himself up to try to look for Leo once more. Raph simply pushed him down again.

"I get that but you're asking us to believe there are Foot around because he scented them on the air. That's different to following a trail."

'No,' Mikey blinked miserably. It really wasn't. He'd long since had a chance to become intimate with certain scents, especially those of the ones who 'took care' of him for so long, spending time inside his kennel whether just for feeding or fetching him for training or punishment or for... He closed his eyes tightly at the thought, trying desperately to shunt the dreadful memory from his mind. Suddenly, he felt an arm snake around his shoulders, drawing him close and Mikey freaked, ripping himself away. He scooted back frantically, staring at Donnie with terrified eyes.

"Hey, hey, it's okay, buddy, it's only me. I didn't mean to scare you," Donnie apologised profusely, thankfully keeping his distance to give Mikey a chance to breathe. "You just looked like... like you needed reassur... a-a hug. I'm sorry, Mikey."

He did. He really did but not like that! Not out of nowhere with him fresh in his mind. Trembling, Mikey hunched in on himself, eyes flickering around nervously and wishing Leo would hurry the hell back and they could just leave already. Being here was bad. Really, really bad.

Raph stared at Donnie, silently asking, 'What the hell?' and Donnie shrugged slightly but not slightly enough that Mikey missed it. Mikey immediately pushed himself up again in the hopes of stopping his brothers from worrying so much and went back to watching for Leo, bouncing lightly on the spot in an attempt to cover up his uncontrollable trembling.

"You know how Leo is, we won't see him until he's ready to be seen," Raph finally muttered once over his shock, "so stay out of sight, Mikey."

Mikey bit his lip. Raph was right. Leo was like that, he remembered, but it wasn't just Leo he was watching for. Where there was one of them, there were sure to be several more and he felt sick at the thought of being discovered and dragged back to the Foot now. They were in the shadows but he still felt completely exposed and the fact he couldn't run, not properly at least, really didn't help. He hunkered back down out of sight and stared pleadingly to Raph and then Donnie; he just wanted to go, to get away from here before it was too late. Before they were discovered. Please!

"Relax, we're out of sight here. No one will see us," Raph promised quietly.

But they didn't have to see them! Didn't Raph get that? If the Foot brought dogs they'd be noticed in no time. If Mikey could smell one of them then it would be even easier for them to smell him! They had his scent!

Donnie moved closer and reached out again but not yet touching, "Mikey?" he called softly and when Mikey looked up to him, finally rested his hand on his shoulder. "Calm down, okay? We're not going to let them take you again."

Mikey stared at him helplessly. He wanted desperately to believe his brother but he couldn't, yet he blinked once to acknowledge him.

Donnie smiled tentatively and shifted closer. "Can I?" he asked softly and Mikey blinked again, this time leaning into his brother of his own accord. Slowly, his racing heartbeat began to subside, his breathing becoming quieter and more controlled as he began to feel a little calmer in his brother's comforting embrace. None of his family had ever been too touchy-feely but Donnie had always been the first to notice whenever he really needed it. At least, he had been until they first went topside and met... Mikey blinked, trying to remember... April. That's right, April. He still couldn't picture her face yet but he remembered her name now. She was their first and only human friend. They'd met a few others since, her father, Karai and... he scrunched up his face as he pushed himself to remember... The Pulveriser... but April was the only one who had become a true friend. Her father was too scared of everything to come visit after what he'd been through - something Mikey could totally understand now - they'd betrayed Karai's tentative trust and ruined any possibility of actual friendship by attacking her psychotic father – Mikey clenched his eyes shut, trying desperately not to think of the terrifying Foot leader who'd sentenced him to life as a Foot dog - and earning her ire and as for The Pulveriser, well... despite the human's well-meaning intentions, they'd used him and he'd been badly mutated to the point he wasn't even functional anymore and had to be held together in a giant jar in a corner of Donnie's lab; Mikey often used to wonder how his family felt with him missing.

Suddenly, he felt the tiniest of breezes from behind and Mikey pulled away, whipping around to see Leo looking startled at being so easily noticed.

"Oh, you're back," Donnie exclaimed quietly when he turned to see what had disturbed Mikey when he'd only just managed to calm him down again. "So... did you find anything?"

Leo nodded curtly. "Mikey was right. I spotted at least four Foot, one of who was searching and working their way inwards in a circular pattern, suggesting there may be more of them around. There was also someone talking to the harbour master who wore no uniform but had the bearing of a trained ninja." He glanced around, taking in their surroundings. "I'm not certain it's safe to move. We should hole up somewhere until it's safe."

Raph frowned, displeased at the idea. "Not like you to want to hide."

"I don't think we have much choice. We can hardly be stealthy while trying to protect Mikey when he can't even walk on his own and I don't know if you've noticed but the Foot in Japan are far more skilled than the ones back in New York. That means it's extremely likely there are far more of them around than I noticed."

They wanted him back badly, Mikey realised with a thrill of terror. Badly enough to go out of their way to stake out wherever they might try to flee the country from. They couldn't escape through this port and he'd bet all the other ports and maybe airports would similarly be staked out too. Trembling, he leaned closer into Donnie again, trying not to let his fear overwhelm him.

"Come on, while there's no one close by," Leo commanded softly. Wordlessly, Leo and Raph took Mikey's arms, slinging them around their shoulders and pulling him to his feet again. "Sorry, we'll find somewhere to rest soon, I know you're tired."

'No,' Mikey blinked. He didn't want to rest anymore, he just wanted to get as far away as possible. Unfortunately, none of his brothers noticed his protest and instead began hauling him towards the shadowy building, hugging it as they skirted through the shadows, all the while keeping an eye out for danger.

It came just a few minutes later and Mikey noticed it half a second before Leo stiffened, turning his head to stare towards a hulking figure in the distance who vanished a moment later.

"Find us a way in, Don," Leo muttered as he began leading Mikey and Raph deeper into the shadows. "We have to get out of the open, asap."

Donnie nodded and peeled off from the group, silently running ahead with Mikey staring anxiously after him. Several long minutes later, he returned, "This way," he breathed softly, leading them towards a side entrance he'd already unlocked in anticipation.

Leo cast Donnie a questioning look and Donnie flashed a quick gap-toothed grin back. "Already hacked the alarms and cameras for this entrance. I'll reactivate them once we're safely inside."

"Good job," Leo praised. He and Raph turned side-on, leading Mikey inside and Donnie quickly sealed the door behind them.

-:-


* If you ever see my stories posted anywhere other than under the name Zelgadis55 at Deviant Art, FFNet, AO3 or Live Journal, then they have been stolen. Please report them.