Just To See You

Chapter 7: Scars

By Darkmeadow777

"I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut

My weakness is that I care too much

And my scars remind me that the past is real

I tear my heart open just to feel"

-From "Scars" by Papa Roach


Harry slowly led Draco out of the hospital, across a busy road and into the park. Draco was tightly holding Harry's arm as though the Gryffindor would let go and run away. Harry walked slowly, making sure to point out any bumps or obstacles on the pathway. It was a gorgeous day, the sun was shining and there were no rain clouds in sight. The grass was a brilliant green, the birds were chirping and there were children playing games. They had only been walking a short time when Draco asked to sit down. Harry steered Draco to a bench and they both sat down. Draco's leg was touching Harry's and he seemed reluctant to move. He would not know if Harry just decided to get up and leave quietly.

After an awkward silence, Harry asked, "Draco, can I ask you a question?"

"You just did," Draco said

"What exactly can you see?" Harry asked, gently.

Draco sighed. He did not want to play these games with Harry Potter, but the nagging thought that Harry was his only friend was suddenly brought to the surface. Draco paused to gather his thoughts. Harry watched as Draco's eyes flickered around the scene in front of him. "I can see absolutely nothing -- it's all black."

"Even if the sun is shining on your face, like now?"

"Well, I feel the sun on my face, but it's just . . . black."

"Alright, Draco lets do a little exercise. I want you to describe to me what you 'see' with your other senses."

Draco was smart enough to know doing this pointless exercise would help him in the long run, so he played along. "I can feel the sun on my face. It's really warm. God help you if I get sunburn, by the way. I can feel the slight wind. The leaves are rustling. There are some stupid kids playing not far from us -- I can hear them laughing. The birds are chirping. There's lots of traffic noises. I assume the grass is green, the trees and flowers are in bloom and as stupid as this is, I am beginning to get a picture in my mind. How did I do?" Draco asked.

"You did very well," Harry replied. Harry hesitated for a while before asking, "Draco, before I continue to help you I need you to truthfully answer a question for me."

" . . . Alright," Draco replied, uncertainly.

"Did you spy for the light?" said Harry, clearly.

With no hesitation, Draco said, "Yes. And I would do it again. I know that I saved a lot of people, P-Harry. I wanted to follow the path that my father set for me, but over time, I knew it was wrong. I see the faces of the people I murdered every time I go to sleep." Before Draco knew it, his shell broke down around him and he was telling his whole story.

"One day I woke up and I knew something was going to happen. I knew it was suspicious when Severus invited me for tea. I did a spell; there was nothing in the tea! I don't know how he managed that," Draco whispered, looking in Harry's direction. He didn't really know why he was telling Harry all this, but something in him told him to trust Harry.

Harry felt his anger spike at the mention of Snape, but managed to quash it. He kept quiet, so Draco would continue to let go of his pain and anger. He was obviously looking for release. Harry's heart went out to him; he knew what it was like to keep things bottled up. He knew that Draco was telling the truth. He didn't know why, but he did.

"When I woke up, I couldn't see anything. All I knew was that my entire body felt like it was on fire and I was lying in dirt. I've never experienced so much pain. I guess I passed out again and then I woke up in the hospital. Then I threw a fit," Draco said, as though in a trance. "But I don't understand how they found out I was the spy. The Dark Lord is a very difficult person to hide things from. I thought I found a way around that. I never once consciously admitted to myself that I was a spy. I knew what I was doing, of course. I risked my life for these innocent families and most of them won't even know of my sacrifice. Now, I have a mutilated body, a father who hates me and a mother who . . . will probably already be dead! I keep asking myself if what I did was right . . ."

Harry felt a sudden urge to gather Draco in his arms and kiss away the hurt. Instead, he put his hand on Draco's knee and squeezed. "You did the right thing. You can finally start to live your life the way you want to, Draco. Your father won't take you back as long as Voldemort is alive, I know you know that." Harry saw Draco flinch at this. It hurt him but he knew it to be true. "I'm working on finishing him right now, but no one knows where he went. He disappeared the same night you would've been blinded. Do you know anything? Where he could've gone?"

"I did start to notice that he was telling me less and less, so I started to be careful. I honestly have no idea why he would've disappeared, or where he would've gone to. You have to believe me, Harry, I don't know!" Draco said, desperately, his silver eyes danced around Harry's face.

"I kind of figured that you wouldn't know. I guessed that the Dark Lord was the one who did this to you and that you were a spy," Harry said, gently. They sat in silence for a while, before Harry asked, "Draco, I made you an appointment for a massage therapist, next week. It's going to help your senses to come along quicker."

"Sure," said Draco. "That's good. Can we continue to walk?"

Harry took Draco's arm again and they walked for a while longer.

"Harry?" Draco said, quietly.

"Yes, Draco?"

"Why are you doing this? We're enemies. Are you going to try to send me to Azkaban?"

"'The best way to destroy your enemy is to make him your friend'. You're no longer my enemy, Draco and I will be your friend if you let me," Harry said. "No, Draco, I'm not going to send you to Azkaban. I don't think I could, even if I wanted to. There is no case against you. The senior members of the Order know that you're the spy, right?"

"Yes, I would send them Patronuses. You didn't say why you were doing this," Draco said.

"Do I really need a reason to help you, Draco? Not everyone needs to gain something when you help another. Besides, maybe I could gain a friend?" Harry said, with a smile.

The tension was washed away as Draco started to laugh. It was the first time in a long time that he laughed. "Whoa! I think you're moving too fast, P-Harry. Right now, we are only on a first name basis, got it? We are still a Gryffindor and a Slytherin, after all."

"I don't care that you're a Slytherin, Draco."

"Yeah, well, you weren't raised to think that everyone who is not a Slytherin should be drawn and quartered," Draco smirked.

Harry snorted. There would be no telling Draco otherwise -- at least for now.

Harry continued to lead Draco through the park. They had walked for quite a while before Draco suddenly stopped and swayed on the spot. Harry used both hands to steady the taller man, while urgently asking, "What's wrong!"

"I'm really dizzy . . .," Draco said as he slumped to the ground. "I just need a minute."

Harry sat with Draco on the ground until Draco felt steady enough to stand. "Ready to continue? We'll head back to the hospital."

A/N: Reviews are greatly appreciated! Thank you for the following for reviewing: Helloitsme-again, KimAlexandra, BlackMystick, Yamimoukin, Baka alchemist, Kuramalovergirl, and K-cat. And a little late from chapter 6: Golden+girl736, Kougagurl666, Meyshi, Lilyseyes27, Potterluvva and Drake Cullen,