Rating: T for occasional language. Also see other warnings.
Disclaimer: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and all related characters belong to Nickelodeon.
Summary: Bradford has always blamed Michelangelo for his misfortunes and especially for his mutation so when he manages to capture the young ninja, he's going to make sure he knows exactly what it's like. 2k12 AU.
Warning: Warnings for physical and mental torture in this story abound, as well as for implied and highly disturbing situations. Trigger warnings may apply for some chapters. There will not however, be gruesome details. Some things are best left up to the imagination.
NaluCelestiaDragneel – Thank you! I hope yours has been better than last year so far!
Minnie1015 – He is! I like when Donnie gets excited and its kinda funny when he does about something that he really shouldn't get so excited about but that is one of the things I like about 2k12 Donnie XD Morse code will definitely help but it's still not a perfect solution. Still, it's all he has right now and that's at least enough to give him, and his brothers (when they find out), hope.
ViolaHarmony – That they are. Well, in some ways it wasn't so sudden but from the reader's perspective, it was. The main reason I didn't show it happening (along with other things like his brothers coming for him – both times) is that Mikey himself was unaware of it happening and this story is, for the vast majority, from his POV and will remain to be so. There is a point in a later chapter where it does shift to his brothers but that is only because it becomes impossible to remain in his. This is actually something I agonised over and even talked about with my friend (Sampsonknight) but in the end, I decided it was best to stick with Mikey until I absolutely couldn't.
Yeah, that 'harmless teasing' of theirs really does go way too far at times and unfortunately, that may be partially Mikey's fault for not standing up to them to the point that when he actually does say something, they just don't notice or realise he's serious (like in the Kraang facility when they went to get April's father and no one wanted him...) and sadly, that does not do their relationships any good. These things have consequences and it builds up over time.
Donnie will definitely give him all the help he can :-)
Concrit, thoughts and comments always welcomed.
How Much is that Turtle in the Window
ch 18
Donnie started by teaching Mikey the vowels, starting with E, the easiest in the alphabet to remember and then sent him to bed, pointing out how he needed to rest to give his concussion and other injuries a chance to heal.
When Mikey next woke up, it was to find himself back on the mattress with Donnie and Raph asleep to one side of him and Leo awake and on watch.
"Morning, Mikey," Leo greeted in a slightly hoarse voice.
Mikey gave him a small smile in return, lifting his right paw in an attempt to wave.
"Are you feeling any better today?" Leo asked, reaching for the water and offering it.
'Yes,' Mikey blinked, tapping once at the same time before accepting the drink.
"When Raph and I returned last night, the three of us got to talking," Leo began hesitantly. "Unfortunately, we had to throw out the curtain..."
Mikey blinked and tapped once. Made sense to him. After his Alpha had been wrapped in it so long, they never would have got the stench of dead dog out, especially considering the continual heat...
"... so we decided to redecorate in here."
That made Mikey take notice. He pulled back away from Leo and looked around past him. The boxes and crates had all been moved, creating a wall mostly blocking off the other end which had been his area and leaving a wide-open space at the end the mattress was in. There was a gap in the middle leaving enough room for them to move past.
"Since you don't want help, we figured it would be best to arrange privacy around the sandpit. We also moved the chemical toilet there too, to give some extra open area in this already cramped shipping container."
Mikey's eyes widened in surprise.
"Donnie also noted how you gravitated to one corner when you were upset last night and while I can't say I'm too thrilled about the idea of that, everyone needs some space to be alone now and then – something Raph was very quick to point out," Leo gave a small smile at that, "so we also made sure to keep that corner clear and placed a blanket on the ground to make it a little more comfortable. Along with a water bowl we'll try to keep full, just in case."
A small smile lit Mikey's face.
"However," Leo continued sternly, "one, that area is for anyone to use if they need time alone and can't get outside - you know how Raph can get sometimes…"
Mikey tapped once with an amused shake of his shoulders and a silent chuckle. Not to mention Leo and his crazy meditation obsession.
"Wait... are you making fun of me?"
'Yes,' Mikey admitted with a broad grin up at his brother.
Leo sighed in mock exasperation but a relieved smile sneaked past his guard. He shook his head and continued talking as if he hadn't been interrupted.
"And two, you can't use it as a crutch to hide away in simply because you don't want to face things."
But why else would he want to go to such a place if he wasn't upset and didn't want to face it?
"Do we have a deal?"
'... Yes,' Mikey reluctantly blinked.
"Good," Leo relaxed in relief. "So, are you hungry?"
Oh boy, was he ever! The last time he ate was before Dogpound recaptured him and they hadn't been able to get much. He canted his head slightly. Taking into account he didn't really know how long he'd been in here, that was more than two days ago now! 'Yes!' he blinked eagerly.
"Oh good! Now there's the Mikey I remember," Leo teased. He stood and went over to one of the boxes in the crate wall. "Um... when was the last time you ate? Did Dogpound feed you at all in the day he had you?"
'No,' Mikey replied, pulling a face at the reminder.
"So over two days then," Leo winced. "Okay, in that case, you'll just have to go easy at first. Don't eat too much too fast. Although, that being said we'll have to be careful with the food anyway. Despite Dogpound being so large and needing so much, there isn't really enough for four of us for three weeks, assuming that's all we're aboard for, so we're going to have to ration the food."
Mikey stood and padded over to Leo, looking up at him curiously. Was that including his food? He somehow doubted it, not that he blamed them. Whether Dogpound had actually brought his usual food along with them or just gone for the cheap cans of supermarket pet food, it wasn't very appetising. The food Mai had insisted on for him wasn't bad per se, it was more how it was prepared. Blended together into a mousse or stew style mush to emulate dog food while still giving him what he needed to stay healthy. Either way, if it came down to it, Mikey was used to it enough that he could put up with it for a bit longer but... how to communicate that to his brothers? He stared down at his paws uncertainly. He couldn't. At least not until Donnie taught him more Morse Code. Speaking of, could he even remember what he'd been taught last night? As Leo prepared a small meal on a disposable plastic plate - throwing away was apparently better than wasting limited water on washing - Mikey thought about the letters he'd been shown and hesitantly began tapping them out, bobbing his head in time in concentration.
E was easy. It was the same as tapping for yes instead of blinking - one single dit, as Donnie called it. O he already knew, along with S from when they were younger and playing around and Donnie had insisted on teaching them SOS to use in a game. A and I were likewise easy once he thought about it. Only U gave him pause but after some effort, he thought he had it.
"What are you doing?" Leo asked in concern, standing over him with the plate in hand.
'Practising,' Mikey replied mentally, even though there was no way Leo could read his mind, no matter how scary his brother could be at times.
Leo simply stared down at him uncomprehendingly as Mikey smiled guilelessly up at him. Then he schooled his face. "Where would you like to eat?"
Mikey shrugged. Anywhere was fine. Wasn't like there were tables or chairs in here anyway, even if he could use them.
"Okay, well... lets at least go near the mattress," Leo suggested quietly, walking over and putting the plate on the ground before sitting nearby. "Take it easy so you don't make yourself sick, okay?"
'Yes,' Mikey agreed, eyeing the food hungrily. He walked over slowly as a reminder to himself to take it slow and leaned over to take a bite. Cold baked beans. Gross! Yet he was so hungry that nothing had ever tasted so good in his life and it was at least better than canned pet food. He closed his eyes and thought of better food; pancakes, waffles, bacon and eggs. His imagination kicked in big time and he swore he could taste them, dripping in thick syrup.
"Slow down," he was dimly aware of Leo chiding sternly and he tried, he really did but he was so hungry and it tasted so good!
"What the hell?" Raph mumbled, choosing that moment to wake up. He sat up to see Mikey hungrily wolfing the food down. "Mikey!" he cried in disgust at the sight.
Mikey glanced up at Raph blushing guiltily as Leo pulled the plate away. "I told him to eat slowly."
'I was eating that!' Mikey protested silently. He tried desperately to reach up for the plate but was held down by the weights on his hands. He scowled in frustration.
"Slow down and you can have it back," Leo admonished sternly.
'Was slow!' Mikey pouted desperately. And he had been, especially compared to other times when he'd been fed with the dogs instead of in his own cage. He turned on the puppy eyes and Leo began to melt when he suddenly froze as he realised what he was doing and shuddered. That's right, he couldn't do that any more. He swore months ago he'd never do it again if he got away from the Foot. His breath hitched painfully in his throat and Leo and Raph exchanged worried looks.
"Uh... you okay, little brother?" Raph ventured carefully. "look, I'm sorry I made a fuss when you probably haven't eaten in days. It was just shocking to... "
Mikey shot Raph a terrified look before racing off for the now hidden corner, shaking uncontrollably.
-:-
They left him alone for a while which suited Mikey just fine but before too long, Leo came after him, plate in hand and put it down in front of where he lay curled up and shaking.
"You should finish your breakfast, Mikey," Leo suggested softly, placing his hand on Mikey's shell and gently rubbing, ignoring the way he flinched violently at the unexpected touch. "I'm not quite sure what happened back there but there's no need to be upset. I was only trying to slow you down so you wouldn't be sick and... you really should clean your face or if you like, I could do it for you. Baked beans are really messy," he added with a small, half-laugh.
He could just die from embarrassment. The last thing he wanted was to be treated like a helpless animal by his big brother. Mikey turned his head away and surreptitiously wiped his face on his arm before licking up the half-dried sauce. Leo, being the ever-observant turtle he was, had to have noticed but thankfully chose to act as if he didn't. Then, eyes flicking up at Leo worriedly, he shifted to the plate, still hungry but he hesitated, looking up again.
Leo's face filled with hurt before becoming emotionless once more, the way he so often did when Mikey accidentally hurt or scared him. "Would you like me to leave so you can eat in peace?"
'Please,' Mikey begged silently, blinking once.
"Alright, I'll go but as I said earlier, I don't want you hiding away here all the time. Come back out soon after you finish eating, okay?"
'Okay,' Mikey replied, looking down again once he answered.
"Okay, we'll see you soon, then."
Mikey watched Leo reluctantly walk away before returning to the plate of cold beans in disgust. To be honest, he actually preferred his food to this. He sighed miserably and began to eat once more, this time without imagining something nicer.
-:-
Sometime after he finished, Mikey steeled himself and stood, picking up the plastic plate in his teeth and tentatively walked back out to the main area where he saw Donnie too, was now awake. Thinking back, he vaguely recalled hearing his voice murmuring softly but he'd been too upset at himself to really notice at the time. Blinking an embarrassed greeting at Donnie, he dropped the plate at Leo's feet and glanced around, seeing Raph leaning into a corner by the door, then he turned and walked the path to the sandpit, seeing the chemical toilet close by.
Hurriedly, he relieved himself before going back and blinking he was thirsty. Donnie fetched him some water, helping him to drink it from a cup and then he settled down beside the mattress and tapped out the vowels, looking up at Donnie expectantly.
A delighted grin spread across his brother's face, proudly showing off his diastema.
"That's great, Mikey! You're slightly off with the U though. Here, I'll demonstrate," Donnie offered excitedly. A moment later, Mikey repeated it perfectly.
"Feel up to learning a few more?"
'Yes!' Mikey blinked desperately, sitting up to attention.
"What are you bozos doing?" Raph grunted incredulously, staring accusingly at them from across the room.
"I'm teaching Mikey Morse Code so he can talk to us again."
"So that's what he was doing earlier!" Leo stated in surprise.
"Earlier?" Donnie asked, turning to look at Leo in shock.
"Yeah, while I was getting some food for him, he just started tapping away like that. I wondered what he was up to but well, he couldn't tell me."
'Not true,' Mikey thought flippantly. He had told him, kinda but it wasn't his fault Leo couldn't read his mind. Then he frowned as he remembered that Leo could, if he was willing to go into the Astral Plane and let him, which he was not.
Donnie's smile returned, brighter than before. "See, I told you you'd be fine learning this," he stated proudly, turning back to Mikey.
Mikey smiled tentatively up at him, then tapped out the vowels again as a hint to continue.
"That's great," Raph grunted, "but be careful, huh? The sound of that shit travels. You might attract attention we really don't need."
"Hmm... Raph has a point," Donnie murmured, "especially in a metal container on a metal ship..."
Despondent, Mikey's face fell. So... he shouldn't learn this after all?
"Hey, that's not a reason to stop, it's just a reason to be careful," Donnie quickly blurted. "Here," he pulled the blanket from the mattress, spreading it partly on the ground. "Try tapping on that. Hopefully, it will be muffled enough to deaden the sound from travelling too far, yet still allow you to learn by sound."
Mikey canted his head, blinking his confusion.
"As I said last night, it's easier to learn if you don't try to memorise how the dits and dahs look but rather how they sound."
'Yes,' that made sense, especially since he couldn't see it.
"When you become more fluent, you'll be able to read it easily if there was ever any need or you could even feel it. There'd be no reason you wouldn't be able to tap directly onto my arm or leg for example but I'd rather not try that yet since you've just started learning."
'Okay,' Mikey blinked. He tapped out the vowels on the blanket, testing it out and then tapping them again a little more softly.
"Yes, that's good," Donnie encouraged with a wide grin.
Mikey smiled up at his brother and then waited patiently for the next letter, ignoring Leo - he didn't want to be distracted - as he came over and sat beside them to learn as well.
-:-
"So why'd you go back to Dogpound at the factory anyway?" Raph suddenly asked quietly as Donnie and Leo slept later that day. Mikey had slept for a while too but even hurt and exhausted as he was, there was only so much rest he could take, especially since that had never been an excuse to miss out on training with his Master. It was painfully obvious to Mikey that the question had been plaguing his brother for some time by the hurt in his voice. Probably since the night he was recaptured, he figured.
"I thought you trusted us," he whispered stiffly, refusing to look Mikey's way as he spoke.
Mikey sat up on the mattress and stared at Raph in betrayal. 'Yes', he tapped desperately, he did trust them, more than anyone. How and why would his brother ever think otherwise? The lack of faith in him hurt but how could he convince him when he couldn't talk and Raph wouldn't look at him. He pushed himself up on all fours and despite his growing fear, shakily began walking to Raph, determined to make him look at him and understand.
"So then why do it?" Raph repeated, his voice strained as he fought unsuccessfully to swallow the emotion in his voice. He turned eyes filled with hurt on Mikey and Mikey froze. "Why would you just go back to Dogpound like that?"
"I didn't!" Mikey thought desperately as he blinked no. At least... he didn't by choice. He knew now that Dogpound had clicked the command to pee at a moment he'd been sleepy and unaware. All three of his brothers were there and on alert at the time and Mikey had trusted them to keep him safe like they continually promised so he hadn't even consciously noticed the command, just instinctively obeyed it like he'd been trained to do. That was it... He hung his head in shame. No wonder Master Hakuba had reported to Shredder that his training was going so well if he was instinctively responding without even realising he was doing it anymore. A chill ran down his shell and Mikey felt sick at the realisation.
Oh god... How... how had he got to that point? He'd only meant to co-operate enough so he didn't get hurt so often and could survive with his sanity intact. But... but... what if... what if it happened again? What if after they returned to New York and he was freed from the last of his shackles and was allowed to leave the lair and he responded to some random dog walker or... or... the Foot there knew all about his training and used him against his brothers by making him go to them. Tears filled Mikey's eyes at the terrifying thought. When he could 'talk' again, he totally had to get Donnie to help him.
If it was even possible by now...
... and if his brothers weren't so sickened by the thought of what he'd done that Donnie refused to help him or... or... worse... they abandoned him and threw him out.
"You went right to him, Mikey!" Raph exploded while Mikey drowned in his fear. "You gave yourself over to that fucking arsehole instead of letting us know he was there! Why didn't you tell us? We could have protected you!"
He whipped his head up again to look at Raph in betrayal. 'I didn't know!' Mikey screamed helplessly in his head, frustrated, desperate and wishing like hell that he could make Raph understand but he couldn't. It was impossible. He began panting, struggling for air as panic began to rise. This wasn't fair! Why did Raph have to confront him with crap he couldn't physically answer when he knew he couldn't! Why did Raph have to yell at him when he knew, they all knew it terrified him?
"You should have told us!" Raph shouted, forgetting in the heat of the moment how they had to keep quiet lest they attract unwanted attention. "You should have warned us Dogpound was there! We all know how good you are at noticing shit now! You see, hear and smell things before the rest of us even have a chance to notice! For fuck's sake, Mikey! You pick things up before Leo!"
That did it. That was the straw that broke the turtle's shell. Raph reminding him of what a 'good dog' he'd become at the hands of the Foot. He wasn't a dog! He shook; he wasn't! He was a mutant turtle. A sentient, thinking, breathing person! Human in nearly all ways but appearance and a few leftover turtle traits and instincts. Just like Raph! Just like Leo and Donnie! Mikey felt sick and he screamed wordlessly, soundlessly, at Raph. It wasn't his fault he'd been turned into this... this abomination. He fought them at every turn but he'd had no chance! No choice! His hands were taken away and replaced with useless, heavy paws, his legs all but crippled by braces designed to keep him down in conjunction with the metal weights encasing his hands and he was constantly kept in chains or a cage the entire time and occasionally drugged to suit their fancy. He was almost never even allowed off his leash when out of the kennel for fear he'd try to fight or run away, even though he was surrounded by enemies and the compound by a thick, deadly forest. The few times they did let him off the leash was when his training demanded it and the few times he did foolishly try to run, he was either remotely shocked or had the other dogs set on him to bring him down. Hell, even in his cage, his kennel as they called it, he was still often kept chained or muzzled. At least... he was when he had unwanted company... all in an effort to keep him from fighting back or even biting to fend them off. It had been impossible, yet a small voice deep down kept telling him the entire time that his brothers would have found a way...
Unlike him...
None of it was his fault and here was Raph all but calling him 'Good dog!' or... rather 'Bad dog' since Raph believed he betrayed them...
How could he?
Who would ever actually want to go back to any of that? Mikey wheezed frantically, what little breath he could get rasping and painful in his abused throat.
Suddenly he realised Leo and Donnie were up and in between them, Leo confronting Raph and Donnie crouching down to comfort Mikey and block Raph from view.
"What the hell do you think you're doing, Raphael?" Donnie asked coldly, glancing up and behind even as he wrapped his arms around a still panting, hysterical Mikey who still couldn't get enough air and couldn't breathe!
"Trying to get some damn answers from him!" Raph retorted furiously as he fruitlessly attempted to step around Leonardo.
"You know he can't answer you," Leo stated, just as coldly as Donnie as he blocked Raph's path. "We all want to know the answers to those questions and more but right now isn't a good time to ask them! At least wait until he can talk to us again and then ask calmly! Without the accusations!" he added sharply.
"He could talk to us just fine right now if he actually bothered to try! In fact, he just did a damn minute ago!" Raph spat, gesturing angrily at Mikey and making him quail behind Donnie in terror. "Or did you forget we've been able to lip-read since we were ten!"
"He's traumatised, Raphael! Ten months of constant torture and punishment for daring to act like the person he is? Ten months of being treated as an unthinking, uncomprehending animal!" Leo snapped furiously, getting in Raphael's face in an effort to distract him from Mikey. "You can't simply expect him to just mouth what he needs to say to us as if he could still talk! God, Raph! You saw how he reacted when he realised he simply nodded the other day! He freaked out! Obviously terrified of being punished again! Thinking we'd punish him for it! And that's not even taking into consideration the possibility that if they've done something to stop him from making noise that just trying itself would only add to the problem!"
"But..."
"We're talking about Mikey, Raph! The one among us who's never been able to keep silent, no matter the circumstances! How do you think he'd cope with even trying to mime speech right now, Raph? Huh? Did you think of that? God! I can only wonder what they did to him for trying and what that has to have done to him!"
"Mikey," Donnie said urgently as he tried desperately to hold onto Mikey, rubbing at his shell and pressing his forehead against his, "I need you to focus on me, not them."
But he couldn't!
Raph believed he betrayed them! Believed he deliberately handed himself over to that monster! His Alpha! His nemesis!
The thick metal collar around his neck felt as though it was constricting, clamping tighter into his throat and stopping him from getting the air he so desperately needed. He wobbled suddenly, only still on all fours because of Donnie's firm grip on him.
"Come on, Mikey, focus on me," Donnie insisted again, shifting to keep Mikey's face directly in front of his so he couldn't see their other brothers. "Breathe with me, Mikey. In... hold... and out. Come on, you can do it! In... hold... and out."
But he couldn't! His thoughts were whirling, his lungs burning!
"Master Splinter died trying to protect him, Leo!" Raph cried out, his words breaking past Donnie and making Mikey blanch in pain.
That's right, his fault! They'd lost their father, the one constant in their lives and it was all his fault!
He'd known it was true the moment Donnie picked up the photo his Alpha tossed at their feet but to actually hear it spoken aloud! From one of his brothers, from Raph! He gasped painfully for air that still wouldn't come and black spots began to dance merrily before his eyes.
They blamed him and they were right to do so. So why did they bother to come rescue him again? He never asked them to. Not this time! Not the last. Well, he did ask them to while he was still in New York but after the ship left, he'd given up all hope on rescue knowing how dangerous and impossible it was. They should have just left him at that point. It was what he expected, what all logic and reason dictated given their circumstances. Not that he was at all logical or reasonable but the rest of his family was. Except for Raph anyway, but even Raph knew a lost cause when he saw it.
They shouldn't have come, he gasped uselessly. Their father wouldn't be dead if they hadn't and he would have been fine, having blissfully forgotten his old life by then as he had.
Raph wouldn't blame him or think he betrayed them if they'd just stayed home instead of stupidly risking their lives for someone as worthless and pathetic as him, a failed ninja who'd been taken by the enemy. In more ways than one!
Donnie's jaw was agape, his head turned in disbelief as he stared at Raph in shock and Leo was stunned to silence. Mikey used the chance to finally yank free of Donatello's octopus grip.
He had to get out of here! He couldn't stay with them but where could he go? He couldn't even open the door of this damn shipping container! The handle was simple enough to operate even with paws but with his vision dancing before him and his pounding head and other injuries, the weight of the metal was too much to reach up with. That and it was still daylight out there and he couldn't put his brothers in any more danger than he already had.
Gasping painfully, futilely, Mikey whipped his head around, looking for an escape. There was no escape but he needed to get away. He needed to... needed...
He couldn't escape but at least he could get out of their sight! Out of Raph's sight.
He tore his way around past Donnie and wobbling alarmingly as if drunk, raced for the walled-off section of crates they'd built, leading to the one private area they had in this damn prison transport.
Leo gasped in disbelief, finally finding his voice again. "Master Splinter would have done the same for any of us, Raph..."
"M... Mikey?" Donnie called in panic.
Barely even hearing him over the blood rushing in his hearing, Mikey ignored his brother, focused on getting out of sight as fast as he could, his head pounding with a sick feeling pressure as the dizziness built exponentially.
"...and you know it!" Leo cried.
"Yeah, I know it," Raph spat furiously, "but that doesn't change the fact that Mikey threw Splinter's sacrifice away by turning himself in to that monster!"
Mikey stumbled and fell, gasping in vain for air. The collar! It was too tight. He couldn't swallow past it! He couldn't breathe! Weakly, he reached up with useless thick paws and scrabbled desperately at it, trying to pull it away enough to get a breath through. Just one. Please...
"L-Leo! LEO!" Donnie interrupted their brothers, his voice sharp with fear. "Get over here! Now!"
"What's wrong, Donnie?"
"I need help getting Mikey out of here! He's not brea…"
-:-
A/N: Honestly, I'm not totally happy with the beginning of the last scene. When I originally wrote it, it flowed a lot better but something went wrong and I lost the work I'd written. Then I had to write it all over again and even over the course of a year, I haven't been able to fix it to how it was originally. Well, to keep with my self-imposed posting schedule, I've run out of time and honestly, I'm sick of trying to fix that part so I'm sorry it's not quite up to my usual standard. I don't like posting things unless I'm happy with it but unless I want to put this on hold for I don't know how long, it's time to just post. If I ever work it out again, I'll fix it then but otherwise, what's done is done and it's not like I can just cut the scene altogether as what happened influences a lot of what's to come, including Mikey's own realisations.
