Just To See You
By Darkmeadow777
Chapter 11: Realizations

"I love you...
I hate you...
I can't get around you...
I breathe you...
I taste you...
I can't live without you...
I just can't take any more...
This life of solitude... "
"Always" by Saliva

Harry was lying awake in bed waiting for his alarm to go off. He had been thinking about
his talk with Hermione. He had honestly thought that she would have taken it better. But
to be fair, the man that he was in love with had called her down all through school,
insulted her best friends and never said anything remotely kind or even polite to her.
Draco had done the same to him, but that was the past. Harry had already excepted that
moved on.

It was an awful lot to just dump on her. But she accepts it now and that's all that matters. Are Draco and I so different? So destined to hate each other, that the thought of us in love is so totally unthinkable? Why do I feel this way? Has Draco changed this much? How much have I changed? Harry had seen some awful things on his journey to destroy the horcruxes. Things that changed that way that he looked at the world. He was no longer the sheltered adolescent that left Hogwarts two years prior. But if I was fighting for the light, for peace and for good, what had Draco seen? Harry's alarm answered loudly.


When Harry knocked on Hermione's door an hour later, it was opened by a flustered looking Hermione.

"Are you ready to go?" asked Harry.

"I want to talk to you about how I reacted last night. I was wrong and I'm sorry I hurt you. I regret pretty much everything I said. It was just so big and it came from out of no where. I mean, considering your past Draco Malfoy was the last person I thought you would fall in love with. In fact, he wouldn't even be on the list, but I thought about it all last night. I mean, maybe I thought that you're too good for him or something stupid like that but that's just me being over protective. But it doesn't matter what I think as long you two love each other. I want you to know that despite this rough start, I will be with you in whatever you choose to do and will support you fully," said Hermione in a rush. "And I've yet to tell Ron."

Harry was slightly taken aback by her spiel. "Oh, uh, all right. I thought about it, too and I'm sorry that I just kind of threw it out into the open. I understand why you reacted the way you did, so don't worry about it."

Hermione looked relieved at this and asked, "are you ready to go? The only thing that I'll be able to do is look at him, seeing as I can't use any magic or potions on him. Tell him that I'm just a random nurse doing a check up."

"So, about Ron," said Harry changing the subject. "What are we going to tell him?"

"The truth," said Hermione leading Harry out the door, so he couldn't see her worried expression.

Harry and Hermione walked to the hospital at a leisurely pace, each lost in thought. Harry broke the silence.

"Hermione, I should warn you before you see Draco. I told you he was the spy. Voldemort found out and he was tortured. There are scars on 90 percent of his body. Except on his face."

Hermione slowly absorbed the news. "Well, Lucius Malfoy wouldn't want a disfigured son. Even if he was a 'traitor'. Malfoys are known for their beauty after all."

"Beauty?" repeated Harry dumfounded.

"Yes, obviously you think that Malfoy is gorgeous."

"Well, yeah, but I never thought use that word to describe him."

"What would you use?" asked Hermione.

" . . . I don't know. Sandra had told me that I would like him and that he was very dragon like. Beautiful, yet dangerous . . .," Harry trailed off, lost in thought.

"Well, that's fitting. But you did just call him 'beautiful'."


Harry and Hermione arrived at the hospital. Harry greeted Sandra at the front desk and introduced Hermione. They continued up to Draco's room in silence.

Harry didn't bother to knock anymore because if he did, then Draco would assume that he was a nurse and start swearing.

"Hello, Harry." said Draco cheerfully, then paused. Draco's bright expression quickly morphed into an indifferent mask. "And friend," he added with a touch of malice.

Hermione noted the first name basis. Hermione took a moment to study the man before her. He had become very thin and sickly looking. His cheek bones had sunk in and his eyes were framed with large, dark bags. Hermione remember him to be pale, but now he resembled the color of fresh cream. His eyes had lost the glittering hatred that she always associated with him. She had noticed when Draco greeted Harry there was emotion shining brightly. It had left abruptly when he sensed her, leaving them dull and lifeless.

"Draco, this is a specialist from upstairs. She's just going to take a look at you." After a thought, Harry added, "be nice."

Draco sighed dramatically. "Very well. I'm not prodded and poked as much as I would like, after all."

Harry rolled his eyes with a small smile. Hermione gave him a look and started toward Draco.

"M-Draco. I'm just going to have a look at your eyes, so just look straight ahead." Hermione shone a small flash light with a magnifying glass at Draco's eye. "Can you tell me what you see?"

"I see turquois water slowly lapping up to a white sand beach, where a couple of small bamboo huts are spread out on." Draco faked a dreamy look. "Harry's been teaching me how to describe things," he clarified.

"Draco," Harry scolded. "He can't see anything - just black"

Hermione continued to look in Draco's eye. "That's interesting. Your pupils are reactive and your eyes aren't clouded. It's almost as light isn't reaching or reflecting on the back of your eye. If it doesn't then the retina can't change the light into electrical impulses. Those impulses are sent to the brain where you interpret them as images."

"Well, that's fabulous and everything, but what can you do to fix it?" asked Draco monotonously.

"I . . . don't know . . ." said Hermione sounding very awkward. She acted like she had never said those words before.

Draco turned in Hermione's direction and said, "that's very interesting." Harry noticed that he had an odd expression.

"You look like you've lost a lot of weight, Draco," said Hermione, changing the subject.

"I can't tell."

"He has," answered Harry.

"Are you eating?" asked Hermione.

"Yes," Harry answered for him.

"How are you sleeping lately?"

Draco glared in Harry's direction and waited to see if he was going to answer for him, when he didn't he said, "badly."

"Were you very active before this happened? Like did you run or lift weights?"

"All the time. The walks with Harry help a bit. I can sleep a little better if I'm really tired."

"Alright. So your exercise rate when down, you're eating properly and you're still dropping weight? So it's the lack of sleep and most likely stress. Do you suffer from nightmares or flash-backs?"

"Sometimes," Draco answered quitely to his knees.

"Harry, there's a gym in the hospital, right? Take him there and tire him out." A vivid mental image flashed across Harry's brain. "Build up his muscle mass again. I'm going to go and check up on a few things and I'll see you both later." Hermione winked at Harry, turned around and left the room.

Harry stood for a moment in silence and was just about to break it, when Linde came bustling in. "Oh, you're here! Good. I just dropped by to see when you were going to do your massage, Harry." Linde stood smiling at a rapidly blushing Harry. "No time like the present!"

"I, uh, forgot a - about . . . that," Harry stammered.

"His hospital bed will do fine," said Linde, as she closed the curtains around Draco's bed. "You have your oil and everything? Do you remember the steps?" she asked Harry. She didn't wait for an answer. "Off with the gown, Draco. We can start with the back massage this time to get the blood flowing."

Draco heaved a fake sigh and pulled the gown over his head and lied face down on the bed.

Linde pulled the covers over Draco's lower half and waited expectantly for Harry to start. After a moment, she jerked her head in Draco's direction, indicating that Harry should start. Harry gave a start then walked over to the side of Draco's bed, feeling as though his legs were made of rubber. With shaking hands, he got the top off the oil and poured a small amount in his hands and rubbed them together.

Harry stood with his hands hovering Draco's tense back. He was nudged by Linde and his hands touched down.

"Draco, if you get too 'excited' just wait until Harry's done . . . or until you can't wait any longer. All right, have fun gentlemen. Well, not too much fun. See you around," said Linde, and she walked out the door.

Harry stood looking at the door with his mouth gaping and his entire face bright red.

"Jesus! She's worse than Hermione," Draco said to dispel the awkwardness. His face easily matched Harry's red complexion.

The sentence took a moment to register in Harry's brain. "Hermione?" he asked confused.

"Yes, Hermione," repeated Draco. "You know the previous busy body? Just in here, like 5 seconds before Linde?"

"How did you know it was her?" Harry asked dumfounded.

"She was nothing like any of the other specialists. Her voice was a big give-a-way. Can you get on with it? I'm getting cold." Draco had his face pressed into the mattress, effectively hiding his bright red face and quivering words. Harry could barely make him out.

"Oh, sorry," said Harry starting to rub the oil on to Draco's tensed back. Ten minutes had not even passed when Draco gasped out.

"You need to stop, Harry."

"Linde told us to keep going," said Harry. "You don't have to be embarrassed; it happens all the time to Linde."

"Please stop," Draco gasped out, and pushed Harry's hands away. He wrapped the sheet around his waist and struggled in the direction of the bathroom. Harry ran over and helped guide him.

"Just leave," floated from the closed door. Harry listened for a moment then left the room.

Draco heard Harry's foot steps lead away from the door before he sank down on the cool floor of the bathroom and wrapped his arms around his knees. His face was screwed up in effort to keep the tears from falling, but they fought their way out and down his pale face. What's wrong with me? I hate him . . . don't I?

A/N: Oh, looks like someone's resolve is changing . . . Will Harry EVER complete his massage? Are you all ready for Ron's reaction? Do you want a detailed massage? A Cherry on top? Let me know! Review are a godsend . . . but not as much as you lovely reviewers! I love you all!