Just To See You
By Darkmeadow777
Chapter 12: Fallen
Truth be told I've tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear
Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
"Fallen" By Sarah McLauchlan
A/N: So what did you think of Hermione in the last chapter? I hope I made her less hateable for you! . . .Is that a word? Anyway, I hope you like this nice long chapter! Review when you're done please!
After Harry had made his rounds with his other patients, he left for his apartment building to tell Hermione what had happened during the attempted massage.
"That is interesting," said Hermione, stroking her chin and smiling. "You're asking me to pick apart Draco Malfoy's mind, for god's sake!"
"But it wasn't even 10 minutes!" cried Harry.
"Harry, a guy can cum in like 10 seconds," said Hermione. "I'm not a mind reader. I can't tell you what he was thinking. But what I do think is this: he's finally caught up to the fact that he likes you and now he doesn't know how to react. We don't even know if he has actually loved a person. His family is cruel and calculating; he wouldn't have a role model for this kind of thing. I mean, he knows something is going on in his head, but he's scared. But so are you and that's normal. Just give him a bit of space to figure it out. Get another nurse to take over the massages for you because if you try to do it, then that will only set his progress back. And he'll just push you away more."
Harry sighed and gave Hermione an incredulous look. "How do you make that sound so easy?"
"It's a gift," said Hermione looking at her watch. "A gift I will really need to bring out in 5 minutes when Ron gets home." Hermione smiled at how quickly Harry's face fell. "It will be fine, Harry! Ron already knows that you like guys. The fact that it's Draco Malfoy . . ." She trailed off. "Just let me do the talking. More tea?"
Harry sat slowly sipping his tea and nearly spilt it all over himself when he heard Ron enter the apartment. Ron stopped abruptly when he saw Harry and Hermione sitting on the couch and looking at him in a nervous way. "Uh . . . Did someone die?" he asked uncertainly.
"Ron, Harry and I need to talk to you," Hermione said in a calm voice. Ron knew this to be a bad sign. "Come sit with us."
Ron walked cautiously over and perched on the edge of the couch nearest Hermione. He looked between the two of them, waiting for one of them to start.
Hermione put her hand on his knee and looked into his eyes. Another bad sign. "Ron, you know that Harry has fallen in love with a man, right?" Hermione watched carefully as Ron's ears slowly began to turn a bright red. Hermione knew this to be a bad sign.
Finally Ron could take it no longer. "It's not me is it!" he blurted. There was a stunned silence. Ron took this to a bad sign. A bad sign, that in his over-stressed mind, came out as a 'yes'. He took Harry and Hermione's mouths popping open asa sign he had guessed it in one go.
"Oh, god! My best mate is in love with me!" Ron groaned and put his head in his hands. A shocked silence followed this statement.
"HELL, no!" Harry cried, finally coming to his senses and making a nausous face.
"Oh, thank god! Nothing could be worse than that!" said Ron relieved. He took a moment to look at Harry and Hermione's faces. There was no relieved grin on either face. His face fell quickly.Ron took this to be a bad sign. "There is . . . something worse?" he asked uncertainly.
"I'm in love with Draco Malfoy!" Harry blurted, then realizing what he just said, he clamped a hand over his mouth.
Harry and Hermione studied Ron's face. The redness from his ears was slowly and surely spreading across his entire face and neck. He slowly sucked in a huge breath and his eyes narrowed. Harry and Hermione flinched and closed their eyes. Ron exploded. All they could hear was non-coherent words of . . . laughter? Harry and Hermione's eyes flew open and saw Ron laughing hysterically, tears of mirth pouring down his red cheeks. "T-That's a g-good one, Har- Harry!" He continued to laugh until he noticed that Harry and Hermione were not laughing with him. In fact, they were both looking rather horrified. Ron stopped laughing abruptly. "Oh, but this is a joke, right?" he asked with a wide grin.
Hermione cleared her throat. Another bad sign. "No, Ron. This is not a joke." Ron's grin slid quickly off his red face.Hermione continued on to tell Ron about Harry and Draco and his condition.
After she finished, Ron just kept looking at her like she was going to shout "April Fools!" When she did not, he said, "So, Harry found Malfoy in the hospital and he's blind and . . . Harry - that Harry." He pointed at Harry for clarification. "Fell in love with . . . Ma - Dr-" Ron ended in stuttering noises. By this time Ron's entire body appeared to be a bright fushia. Hermione let this sink into Ron's mind for a moment and stole a glance at Harry, who was looking worried.
Ron stood up suddenly and said, "So, Harry is in love with Draco Malfoy . . . Is there a way I can just pretend that it didn't happen?" He looked eagerly at both faces. Harry was avoiding eye contact and Hermione was giving him the 'look'. "No? Okay. I'm, uh, going to go for a walk," he said in an unusually high voice.
Hermione and Harry watched Ron slowly walk out of the room as if he had just been hit over the head with a heavy club.
"Well, that went pretty well," said Hermione.
Draco Malfoy was dreaming; it was a good dream and he did not want to wake. He was standing up and could feel a familiar presence slowly circling him, drinking him in. He felt the figure lean in near his neck and slowly take a deep breath as if the trying to memorize what Draco smelt like. He felt hands cup his face and then they began to slowly trace their way over the lines and ridges of Draco's face. A thumb passed painfully slowly over his lips and Draco found that he could not respond. Then with touches so gentle he barely felt it, finger tips gently traced Draco's closed eye lids. He was burning for more. His entire body felt like it was being licked with flames of desire, but when Draco reached out he felt nothing. He slowly put his hands back to his sides to try and wait patiently. Just when he thought the presence had left, warm, strong hands slowlyslid onhis naked hips causing Draco's breath to hitch. The hands slowly pulled Draco forward, until warm lips touched to his cheek. Feather light kisses slowly found their way around every part of Draco's face, except his lips. They continued to tease all the way down his shoulder, arm and wrist, until they ever so gently began to kiss and suck Draco's finger tips. Draco was burning to open his eyes to see who was doing this to him. Who was makinghis heart beat in a way he thought it would burst. Who stole his breath away with a mere touch. Who made his flesh burn in a way he had never experienced. In a flash, his eyes opened and he could see. All he could make out were shadows slowly dancing around him, teasing him like a siren. He strained his eyes directly in front of him where the gentle kisses were slowly coming to the last finger. He felt the lips leave for a fleeting moment, and almost cried out for more when a kiss was slowly placed on the back on his hand. At the moment the lips touched down, Draco could see. Almost blinding him with the clarity, a pair of emerald eyes, dark with desire, looked deep in to his own stormy eyes. Then a change happened suddenly, the eyes started to glow a bright green, too green. Draco heard an echo of his own voice cry out a deadly spell and jets of green light came speeding toward him. Draco jolted into consiousness and into blinding blackness, once again.
At once the noise and atmosphere of the hospital came back in a rush, causing Draco to sit bolt up right trying to catch the breath that had been stolen. Draco tried to remember what the dream was about, but it slipped through his mind like water. He wiped his sweaty forehead with a hand, wiped his eyes then slowly made his way to the bathroom.
When Draco came out of the bathroom, he noticed an a unfamiliar presence sitting on his bed. "Hello?" asked Draco.
"Hello."
It was the voice of a small boy. Draco wondered what he was doing on his bed and was about to ask the boy to leave when he heard him speak again.
"Why do you cry?"
Draco didn't respond; he was taken aback by the question. The boy went on. "It's alright, I cry sometimes, too. I have to have lots of needles. But I'm getting used to them now," said the small voice, bravely.
"You do?" asked Draco, not knowing what to say. He did not have any experience with talking to children.
"Sometimes, when I'm having nightmares, I try to imagine someone fighting my fears away. Then poof! The bad dreams are gone. Just like my hair that time! I was really scared, but my Dad held me tight and whispered good things in my ear and I felt better! No bad things could get at me when he was with me! Do you have someone like that?" asked the boy.
Draco thought about it. "I did have someone like that, but I pushed them away," he said quietly.
"If they love you, then they will come back and hold you close. Then you won't have to cry any more. I have to go now, I'm not supposed to be here. I have to get a needle, but I won't cry. We have to be strong, right? My Dad tells me that I can overcome anything if I try," said the boy and Draco heard him leave.
Draco had woken up from vivid dreams for almost a month. He had several dreams a night and after each one, he would wake. Then after many hours he would slip off again into shadows, only to wake after a short time. His dreams haunted him with visions of his horrific past or the samebright emerald eyes. He knew not sleeping had taken a heavy toll on his body. And try as he might he could not stand the putrid smell of the hospital food, so he had stopped eating. He could feel his muscles fading away with each passing day and his ribs becoming more pronounce.
During the past month, he had hardly saw Harry. Harry made him feel safe and secure and this confused Draco. No one had ever made him feel safe nor secure. No one had ever made him feel the way Harry did. He didn't know how to react to that and so he pushed him out of his life. The boy's wrong; Harry is not coming back. He has no reason, thought Draco, bitterly.
Harry had taught a nurse the massage, but it didn't feel close to what Harry's talented hands could do. Despite his skin slowly becoming more receptive, he was not making any progress on how to live again. Maybe he didn't want to in the deepest corners of his mind.
He could only make it to his own bathroom and if the nurse tried to make him find the kitchen down the hall, he would get dizzy and disoriented. This frustrated Draco to no end and these sessions would usually end with him screaming at the nurse to lead him back to his room.
Often Draco would wander around the hospital floor, with no one guiding him and no pressure. He would get himself totally lost and disoriented and then wait until someone noticed he was missing and go find him. He had found a quiet part of the wing and slid down to the floor to sit and wait until someone came and got him. He would get the normal lecture about not wandering around the hospital, while being lead back to his room. He rather liked this corridor, as it was very quiet and almost no one used it. Draco would come here to think.
The thing that frustrated Draco the most was that he was failing at something. Try as hard as he might, he could not do it. Failure was not an option nor a word in his vocabulary. He had failed before. Not in his own eyes, but his father's eyes. The night he could not murder Dumbledore. If he had killed Dumbledore, then that would be the failure. Failure to himself. He had remained true to his heart. He knew that he had 'failed' at remaining faithful to the Dark Lord, but he was never really faithful in the first place. That night plagued his thoughts, as though it were the start of his misery. Draco knew that the start of his misery started when he was born a M-
Draco's thoughts abruptly stopped. M-
"M-" He could not say nor think his name. And that only meant one thing. He had been officially disowned.
It was early afternoon and Harry was just about to leave for the hospital when a knock sounded on his door. He opened it to see Hermione.
"Hey," said Harry quitely.
"I'm worried about you, Harry," she said bluntly. "Ever since that massage with Draco, you've kinda sunk back to the sulky Harry we knew in fifth year, only more quiet. Have you seen him at all?"
"Just in passing," said Harry looking away. "I've tried to get him to respond to me but it stopped working like a month ago. I had to get another nurse to do the massages.I haven't even gotten a good look at him, but I think he lost more weight."
"Well, I think you should go and talk to him. Every time I usually ask you about him, you shrug me off. I think he might need you now, Harry. Give him another chance. You've never given up on anyone, Harry and Draco has more than enough reasons for you to give him another."
Harry nodded, but didn't say anything. He walked past her and towards the hospital. It still hurt, knowing that the one you were in love with was pushing you away.
Draco's anger, frustration and confusion had been powerfully stewing in his mind, threatning to break loose, when the sound of familar footsteps broke into his thoughts. The footsteps had almost passed Draco when they stopped abruptly.
A/N: Oh, poor Draco! He's having a really bad day! Don't worry some good is definately going to happen from this! Is that a Knight in shining armour? Oh, who could it be? -taps chin- I'll get that detailed massage in soon . . . along with the cherry on top . . . Tell me what you think! I love you all! Review, review, review please! You guys rock my world!
