Rating: Overall story rated T for occasional language. Also see other warnings.

Disclaimer: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and all related characters belong to Nickelodeon.

Summary: Bradford has always blamed Michelangelo for his misfortunes and especially for his mutation so when he manages to capture the young ninja, he's going to make sure he knows exactly what it's like. 2k12 AU.

Warning: Warnings for physical and mental torture in this story abound, as well as for implied and highly disturbing situations. Trigger warnings may apply for some chapters. There will not however, be gruesome details. Some things are best left up to the imagination.


A/N: Text surrounded by { } denotes translated Morse code. Any spelling or grammar mistakes within Mikey's speech is purely intentional. I've only included the punctuation because I can't live with it otherwise (and don't want it to be too jarring and off-putting). If you see any other mistakes within the story, as always, I appreciate the head's up.


Minnie1015: Mm, I really enjoyed writing their moment. While they won't be that frequent, there will be more of them and not just between Mikey and Raph. So... did you get your apple? XD

NaluCelestiaDragneel: Thanks. The (approximate) answers you seek are coincidentally within this chapter XD

Concrit, thoughts and comments always welcomed.


How Much is that Turtle in the Window

ch 21

{Go out,} Mikey tapped hesitantly as he stared hopefully at his meditating brother.

The last few days had gone by slowly, each one blurring into the next with Donnie insisting he at least rest if he couldn't sleep and the continuing lessons in Morse Code. He'd learnt the letters relatively quickly but had to concentrate to put them together and that was hard, making his head feel as though it was splitting in two if he did too much at once.

Raph and Leo sometimes joined them for the lessons but Mikey and Donnie worked on it often if for short periods, including times their brothers were either outside scouting the ship or sleeping.

As usual, his bruising healed fast, leaving for the most part only faint signs of ever being there. His left side where Bradford had kicked him so viciously remained tender, however, as did his neck and right shoulder where he'd wrenched it trying to stop himself from slamming into the wall that first night and he still had occasional low-level headaches and bouts of dizziness from the lingering concussion.

But now that he wasn't in so much pain, the antsiness from being trapped inside a giant metal prison was wearing him down. He knew he couldn't explore the ship with his brothers thanks to the paws inhibiting his movement but if he didn't get to see the stars or breathe some fresh air, he was going to go insane.

The only good thing about having been a dog of the Foot these past months was the fresh air readily available. The fact he was able to see actual real stars through the tree canopy didn't hurt either - despite the deadly, thick forest surrounding them, there were plenty of cleared spaces at the compound to make room for the buildings, though he was sure from the air they were mostly, if not completely, disguised by the trees surrounding them. At one point, he'd caught a glimpse of a small tree growing on the roof of the main building - how he didn't know but he'd have bet on it being potted and that there'd be more to aid in the camouflage of the hidden base.

And the sunlight! Oh, the glorious sunlight. That was something he couldn't get back in New York where their existence depended on being kept secret. Sadly, it wasn't often he was left unmolested to simply enjoy the warmth of the sun and even then when he could enjoy it, it was from the confines of his cage where he was continually ridiculed or poked at with sticks or sharp weapons by passersby. Still, it had been something and he found himself desperately missing those simple pleasures now that he was trapped inside a giant metal sweatbox again.

Leo opened one eye to look at him and then the other before carefully stretching. "Sorry, could you repeat that, Mikey?"

Mikey huffed in frustration. Tapping with that heavy paw was tiresome and that wasn't even taking into account the effort of putting the letters together in the first place.

"I'm sorry but by the time I realised you were talking to me, you were already half done," Leo apologised guiltily. "Maybe next time you should get my attention first and then say it."

{But u mediate,} Mikey explained slowly, tapping laboriously away with his left paw. He rolled his sore right shoulder, made worse by putting his weight on it when leaning forward to tap – still, it was less painful that way than tapping with his right. It was no wonder though, that Donnie wouldn't let him do too much at once.

"Mediate?" Leo questioned in confusion, concentrating on trying to translate the dits and dahs. "Mediate what?"

'No!' Mikey blinked in annoyance. Why did Donnie have to leave him alone with Leo? Donnie was the only one that understood him well. Leo tried but he was even slower at translating than Mikey was at tapping. He shifted from his approximation of seiza to cross-legged, lifting his paws onto his knees and closing his eyes and tried breathing as deeply and slowly as possible, wincing slightly at the tight metal clamped around his throat making the deep breathing difficult. Then he looked expectantly up at Leo.

"Oh, meditating?"

'Yes,' Mikey blinked in relief. Then, {U get mad wen dis... trbed.}

For a minute, Leo struggled with translating and then his face cleared in understanding before falling as he realised Mikey was scared to get his attention first.

"It doesn't matter if I'm meditating or not, little brother, if I'm the only one here and you need me, you don't hesitate to get my attention. I promise I won't be mad. Okay?"

{'k,} Mikey reluctantly agreed, torn between trusting Leo's word and his own messed up survival instincts born of the last almost year.

"So what did you want?"

{Go out,} Mikey tapped eagerly, faster than earlier.

"Slow down, Mikey," Leo chuckled, "I'm not Donnie, give me time to translate."

Mikey pulled a face and repeated yet again, this time far more slowly.

Leo's face fell. "You want to go outside," he said flatly.

'Yes!' Mikey blinked desperately, glad that Leo finally understood. {Need air! Pls!}

"I'm sorry, Mikey, but it's not safe out there."

{D an' R out.}

Leo sighed. "Yes, they are and I can't say I like it."

Mikey pouted, looking back and forth between Leo and the door anxiously.

"Unfortunately, they had to go out there. Donnie needs a chance to scout the ship too. He needs access to the computers and records if he can, so we know how long until we reach New York. Also, to find out if there are areas we need to avoid when out on the ship."

{Need air an' c sky,} Mikey repeated, his tapping becoming faster and sloppier in his desperation. {Won't go 'way. Stay close. Pls, L!}

"Mikey, you need to slow it down, you know I can't keep up," Leo burst out over the top of him, exasperated and frustrated by his inability to understand.

Slamming a paw down in frustration, Mikey bared his teeth, growling with his breath and Leo's eyes widened in shock.

"I understand how you feel, Mikey..." he began.

No, he didn't! He had no clue and he wasn't listening!

"... but it's just too dangerous for you to go out there when you can't defend yourself or even hide or run. You need to understand that I'm just trying to keep you safe."

It was far too late for that! Maybe he should have tried harder earlier and then he'd actually be safe now! Mikey snorted disdainfully and turned away, heading for the tucked-away corner where he curled up in a miserable ball as far away from Leonardo as he could get.

-:-

"We have good news and bad news!" Donnie stated as he and Raph entered the shipping container some hours later.

Mikey stood up on all fours and crept along the makeshift barrier of crates to peer around the corner. Leonardo hadn't shifted from where he sat meditating earlier but was looking up at Donnie expectantly as Raph secured the door behind them.

"What did you find?" Leo asked with such intent curiosity that Mikey wondered if he resented being stuck behind 'dog' sitting while their brothers were able to leave and get the fresh air he so desperately needed.

Mikey would have preferred it be Donnie that stayed with him, if only because Donnie understood him far more easily than either Leo or Raph. Unfortunately, it was Donnie that needed to be out there and since Raph had a far harder time translating the Morse than Leo, - he didn't even know all the letters yet - it was Leo who'd been forced to stay behind with him.

"There are surveillance cameras onboard the ship, however, the good news is they're only in a few select places, like the rec room, a couple of secure storage areas and..." Donnie trailed off and Mikey knew that was where the bad news came in.

"...and the main bridge."

"And the main bridge is where the computers containing course information and the like would be," Leo realised.

"Yes," Donnie admitted reluctantly. "I'm not entirely sure it makes much difference however since the bridge would be rarely, if ever empty, therefore preventing us access to it anyway."

"I saw it empty for a bit the other night," Raph shrugged, "but it was only long enough for a toilet break or something."

"I did find charging ports for the T-phones, though," Donnie added morosely, "but again, those were in the rec room. The only way that would be of any use is if I shut down the security camera or looped it temporarily. Unfortunately, I need power for the T-phones to do that."

"Mine still has some power but it's down to thirteen percent," Leo admitted.

"It would be enough but it's risky. Not something we could mess up trying."

Leo nodded thoughtfully. "Still, it's a risk we're going to have to take. Is there anywhere nearby to hide and observe from?"

"Yeah," Raph replied with a grunt. "Only enough room for one though."

"Okay. For the next few nights, we'll have to take shifts to watch and establish a pattern of use. Then we'll take the chance for Donnie to loop the cameras or whatever you think is best," Leo said with a nod towards the brother in question, "so we can get some charge in the phones. We not only need it for Donnie to be able to hack into the ship's computers but also to be sure we have enough power to contact April and Casey when we come into range of New York."

Casey? Mikey blinked and stumbled back a step. Who-who was that? Regaining his balance, he looked back up at his brothers to see Raph looking his way, head canted slightly as he tried to see past the stacks of crates.

"Where's Mikey?" Raph suddenly asked, abruptly changing the topic.

"Sulking in the corner," Leo sighed wearily.

He wasn't sulking! Mikey bared his teeth at the affront; he was hurt and angry because Leo wouldn't listen to him!

"Sulking? What happened?" Donnie asked, concern seeping from his voice.

"More like, what'd Leo do to upset him," Raph snorted derisively.

"I didn't do anything," Leo protested, glaring at Raph. "Mikey just wouldn't see reason."

"Fuck, even I know we need to be patient with him right now," Raph retorted in annoyance.

Mikey blanched. Wow, ouch! He knew he was a burden on them but did Raph really need to point it out like that while he had no choice but to be in the same damn metal sweatbox as them?

"I was being patient," Leo replied too calmly. "It was Mikey who refused to be. He wanted to go outside and when I told him it was too dangerous he got agitated. He wouldn't listen to reason and instead repeated himself and started saying... well, actually, I'm not sure what he was trying to say. He was going too fast for me to keep up and I'm sure half of it didn't make sense anyway because his technique began to slip."

Only because Leo refused to listen to him! Mikey bared his teeth again at the memory. No, instead he had to pull the leader card, where he expected everyone else (him) to just obey without even letting them explain their thoughts and ideas. That was fine in a life or death situation, in the heat of battle, but the rest of the time? It hurt and he was sick of constantly being treated that way by his brothers...

"I wonder why!" Raphael scoffed, fixing his piercing green gaze on Leonardo. "The poor kid's been trapped in here for days! The rest of us have at least gotten outside now and then."

"You can't seriously think him going outside is a good idea given the state he's in?" Leo stated in disbelief.

"Of course not! But you gotta understand it from his point of view! He didn't want to come on the damn ship in the first place, Leo! The idea of being here terrified him!"

"And then he was dragged on board against his will anyway and tortured," Donnie added thoughtfully, his words soft. "We might have rescued him as soon as we were able but he's still trapped in here, the very same room that was his prison. Is still his prison, as far as he's likely concerned."

Raph nodded emphatically. "I know what it's like to feel trapped, probably better than either of you do but Mikey isn't just feeling trapped, he is trapped. So yeah, I get it but unlike me, he can't just rebel and take off because he's physically unable to."

"So what's your solution, Raph?" Leonardo asked wearily. "I'm open to suggestions."

"Don't know, don't have one. I just get it, that's all and if he felt like you weren't listening, something you're often guilty of, by the way, it would have just made things even worse."

"I was listening, I just couldn't make head or tail of what he was trying to say, " Leo protested indignantly and Mikey felt another surge of anger at the lie. "Maybe I should try asking him to try meditation and the Astral Plane again. I know the Morse Code is something but it's limited and not really a great solution..."

"Oh no! Don't you even dare go there, Leonardo!" Donnie snapped, barely containing his fury. "We need to give him time, he's only been learning it for less than a week and for the record, he's been doing great. Certainly better than anyone else that I can name in the room."

Leo gave Donnie a look for the veiled barb and interruption, then continued as if he'd never spoken. "Maybe getting him into the Astral Plane will even help with the trapped feeling."

"Maybe," Raph shrugged dismissively, "but I wouldn't count on it. You're the only one of us who ever took comfort from that crap and the more worked up you feel, the harder it is to focus on."

"That's true and there could very well be psychological reasons he wouldn't try last time," Donnie pointed out.

"Like what?"

"Fear, among other things."

"You know meditation can help with that."

"It all depends on the person, really."

"What other things could there be other than fear?" Raph asked, perplexed, glancing in Mikey's direction again.

"I'm really not sure, that would be something for Mikey to tell us."

"And there's the problem, he can't. Not yet, anyway," Leo pointed out somberly. "But get him in the Astral Plane and he'll be able to tell us everything easily."

"I'm not so sure about that. At any rate, it's better to give him more time to practice Morse Code before trying to ask about complex issues," Donnie pointed out tetchily, "but in the meantime, do not mistake needing practice for being unable. As I said, he's been doing very well. It's the two of you who need to step up in learning Morse Code at this point. Meet him halfway."

Raph groaned painfully, "I get it but it's not easy. If there was some paper and a pen somewhere in this dump and I could write down each letter as I hear it... Hey!" He suddenly looked up. "You could write a translation program, right, Donnie?"

Mikey sat up, suddenly more interested.

"Of course I could," Donnie frowned, "nothing would be easier."

"So then?"

"Lack of sufficient power," Donnie reminded him flatly and both Raph and Mikey deflated. "We can't waste what little power remains in the T-phones for something you could easily learn if you just put in a little effort."

Raph grit his teeth in annoyance. "Easy for you with that big brain of yours and it's not so much the letters that are the problem but piecing them together into words and sentences."

Donnie gave Raph a cold look. "The same problem Mikey has but in reverse and he's managing."

Standing up again, Raph threw his hands into the air and stomped towards the door to stare at it a moment. Then he whirled. "How about when we get home? Can you do the program then?"

"Yes but it won't be worth it by then because I'll be getting those manacles off his hands as soon as we get there and he'll be able to type or text what he wants to say after that. Or write but he's likely to have trouble holding a pen for a while."

Or ever... Mikey looked down at his paws sadly, imagining how mangled his hands were inside. He didn't even know how they'd looked before being sealed in thanks to being in far too much pain at the time to look. He swallowed painfully as he realised he needed to tell Donnie but right now with how much effort it took for even simple messages, it was far too hard.

"Considering we're still over two weeks away from home, you're just going to have to make more of an effort to understand Morse Code because like it or not, that's all Mikey has right now," Donnie stated tartly.

"I have no problem with making the effort," Leonardo replied softly, "but I would also like Mikey to make an effort to try the Astral Plane."

Donnie nodded. "You can ask him to try but don't push if he's reluctant. He needs help and reassurance, not pressure and speaking of, I'm going to go talk to him if he'll let me."

"Do you think he'll still be too upset to let you?" Leo asked worriedly.

"It's not so much that but more because we've been sitting here talking about him and that's not something anyone enjoys being subjected to," Donnie replied matter-of-factly.

Leonardo at least had the decency to wince and Raph glanced his way again as if he'd known all along he was just out of sight. Mikey swallowed again and carefully and quietly began backing up down the makeshift wall to the corner, hoping Donnie wouldn't realise just how close he'd been the whole time.

Mikey had just settled down, curled up with his head on his forearm when Donnie arrived and sat cross-legged by his side.

"You heard all that, right, Mikey?"

How could he not? He shifted slightly, curling up tighter.

"... Are you okay?"

No... he needed fresh air and he needed his brothers to stop talking about him like he wasn't right there.

"... I guess not... though I really would appreciate a response, Mikey."

{Need out,} he tapped petulantly.

"You understand why that isn't a good idea though, right?"

Yes... but... {Need air. C sky,} he repeated forlornly.

Donnie was silent for a few seconds. "It's dawn, Mikey. We can't even risk opening the door right now, let alone any of us going outside."

{T'nite,} Mikey tapped softly, shifting his head to gaze imploringly up at Donnie. {Pls. Need.}

Donnie sighed sadly. "Yeah, I know, buddy. Raph pointed out just how bad it must be for you being cooped up in this place all the time but Leo's right, it's far too dangerous. I'm sorry."

{Just to door. Pls. C sky.}

Donnie stared down at him, contemplating. "Do you mean that just sitting in the doorway would be enough for you?"

{Hai. Pls, D.}

"Alright, I'll convince Leo to allow that."

{Rly?}

Donnie blinked a moment, translating, then, "Yes, really."

Mikey pushed himself up, looking at Donnie with shining eyes. {Ty!} he tapped, then launched himself at Donnie, wrapping his arms loosely around him, paws on the ground, and burying his face into Donnie's arm as close to his shoulder as he could reach. A moment later, Donnie's arms were wrapped around him too as he returned the hug. They stayed that way for several minutes before Mikey finally pulled away, his arms sore from the uncomfortable position.

"Seriously though, are you okay, Mikey?"

{Hed hrts,} he admitted in shame.

"From all the chat speak, I can't say I'm too surprised," Donatello replied wryly.

Mikey gave him a surprised look.

"Your chat speak becomes rather more prevalent when you're in too much pain to concentrate," Donnie admitted with a wan smile. "It's understandable if a little annoying."

{Sry.}

"No, it's fine, Mikey," his brother reassured gently. "Just, make sure when you aren't feeling so badly to spell properly, okay?"

{Try,} Mikey tapped dubiously. {Not gud spellar, tho.}

Now Donnie smiled. "And don't I know it," he chuckled lightly. "Though sometimes I've wondered if you do it deliberately to annoy me; at any rate, I wouldn't put it past you. Now come back to bed, you're still recovering from a nasty concussion."

Hesitating, Mikey looked worriedly in Leo's direction as if he could see him through the crates.

"He's not mad, just worried and a little frustrated because you wouldn't listen to him."

{L no lissen!} Mikey insisted, scowling and plunking himself back in place. {I gud here.}

"He couldn't understand you, Mikey."

{Not lissen!} Mikey repeated agitatedly. {Talk over!}

"I see," Donnie muttered, unimpressed. "Well, I'll talk to him about that, if you come back to the mattress, have a drink and lay down again. I need you where I can keep an eye on you, even if you are out of danger now. Deal?"

Mikey scowled again but tapped out {Hai.}

"Good," Donnie smiled, relaxing slightly in his relief, "and I'll tell you what, while you're resting, I'll give the other two another lesson to help them understand better. Just a short one though, since I know noise keeps you awake and because we need to sleep too. Okay?"

{'k,} Mikey tapped. Then he reluctantly clambered to all fours and slowly made his way back out of the sectioned off corner and to the mattress. All without looking at Leo even once.

-:-


Hai – Yes in Japanese.

Stupid question time, why does Grammarly keep dinging me on percent? It keeps wanting me to change it to per cent. Like, WTH? XD

Don't forget to let me know what you think as it helps to motivate me :-)