Rating: T for occasional language. Also see other warnings.

Disclaimer: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and all related characters belong to Nickelodeon.

Summary: Bradford has always blamed Michelangelo for his misfortunes and especially for his mutation so when he manages to capture the young ninja, he's going to make sure he knows exactly what it's like. 2k12 AU.

Warning: Warnings for physical and mental torture in this story abound, as well as for implied and highly disturbing situations. Trigger warnings may apply for some chapters. There will not however, be gruesome details. Some things are best left up to the imagination.


Lovebooksdork5: You're welcome :-)

Minnie1015: Yeah, that's why that flashback was important, even though it was harsh... You ask and you shall receive! :-)

T420000: Donnie's okay. Well, alive and now safe as you can see. As to his state of mind upon coming across the empty shipping container, well *grins*


How Much is that Turtle in the Window

ch 30

Donnie slept fitfully throughout the day, worry and fear for his brothers foremost in his mind despite his utter exhaustion. More than once he gave up trying to sleep and headed for the door intending to go find them and the third time he tried, he made it as far as opening the door and slipping out a leg when he heard shouts from nearby. His heart pounding at the thought of their hiding place being discovered, he couldn't get back inside fast enough.

The hours passed slowly and the sea calmed even more. Donnie sat up, gazing at the mattress holding everything at bay. Finally, he sighed and his limbs heavy, stood and walked over to it, undoing the ropes and jumping out the way when crates and other detritus pushed their way past the broken barrier as the mattress fell.

"What a mess," he muttered wearily. That was the last time he ever listened to Raph and Leo. Donnie eyed the mess and sighed again before reaching down to pull the mattress aside.

Over the next couple of hours, Donnie worked laboriously, pulling crates aside and checking their contents. Many items inside were broken and most of those, Donnie didn't give a stuff about. A lot of the food was okay though. At least the cans were. Many of the snack foods weren't and that meant their supply was almost half of what it had been before the storm. Closing his eyes, he pinched the bridge of his beak. They were really in trouble now, especially if they wanted to survive to New York.

Finally, as he lifted the third last crate, Donnie found what he'd been searching for, his T-phone. Elation filling him, he shoved the crate aside and eagerly pounced on the device, fingers instinctively feeling out the on button as he picked it up.

The screen lit up and Donnie pressed his finger to the screen to unlock it but nothing happened. He tried again and again and that's when he saw it. A small crack right across the bottom leading to the middle of the screen.

"Dammit!" Donnie hissed angrily as the phone timed out and turned off again. He pressed the on button yet again, pressing the screen harder while holding it down with his other hand but it refused to pick up his fingerprint no matter what he did.

In frustration, he shoved his T-phone into the pouch on his belt where it belonged and began searching the room again, this time for his bag. He had some spare parts and small tools inside for emergencies, including a spare screen in case of an accident. All he had to do was replace that and then he should be able to call or track his brothers.

It didn't take long to find the bag. It was squashed under a heavy crate he'd yet to move. The one containing the precious water supply and... Donnie swallowed with trepidation and shakily reached out with a single finger to touch a dark stain on one corner of the crate.

Blood.

No! He couldn't think about that now! He needed to fix his T-phone so he could find his brothers! Then he could worry about everything else.

Focusing everything on his task, Donnie hauled the heavy crate aside and pulled his bag free, digging frantically inside. He smiled triumphantly as he pulled the small yet tough plastic box containing the spare screen out, only for it to drop again at the sound of a musical tinkling from within.

Praying desperately he was simply hearing things, Donnie ripped the cover of the container off to see the bits and pieces of his shattered hopes within.

-:-

He felt so sick.

With tremendous effort, Mikey pushed himself up and looked around for Leo but his brother was nowhere to be found. Instead, he saw the human, seated nearby and working on a laptop. A thrill of terror raced down his spine and for a moment, he saw Mai instead, working on correlating her data and he edged carefully back, bumping into something cold and solid. He whipped his head around, ignoring the dizziness that threatened to knock him back down, to see a metal barricade along the side of the bed. His heart began racing in panic; they were trying to cage him again!

"Please relax, Michelangelo-san," the heavily accented voice of the human spoke up. "The barrier is only in place so you do not fall out of bed as the sea began to get rough again."

Mikey whirled around in the bed again to see the human still seated and wisely keeping his distance.

"I do not know if you remember but I am Asahi. I am the ship's medic."

He remembered. He just didn't trust or believe him. Especially after Three tried to infiltrate however many days before it was. He stared suspiciously, pressing himself against the barricade to stay as far from the stranger as he could.

"I promise I won't hurt you and I will stay over here unless I am needed."

He better! Mikey bared his teeth in warning before glancing fearfully about again.

"Leonardo-san had to duck out, call of nature. He will be back any minute now," Asahi offered in a gentle tone.

Mikey didn't respond, just continued glaring at him.

"How do you feel?"

Completely sick. Dizzy, nauseous and his head hurt so badly. But he wasn't telling this guy that. Not that he'd understand anyway.

He needed Leo! His eyes darted about again before settling on the immediate threat in front of him.

"Leonardo-san tells me your father was Japanese and you grew up bilingual. Would you feel better if I spoke my mother tongue?"

'Oh, hell no!' Mikey blinked without meaning to. He shuddered at the thought of hearing Japanese from anyone but family ever again.

"Okay, I will stick to English then but please, forgive my bad pronunciation."

{Just keep away!} Mikey tapped against the mattress frantically, his technique slipping as he struggled against the weight of his paw, his pounding head and his ever-growing panic.

"I am sorry but I do not understand Morse Code." The doctor looked dismayed. "I do however know of your simple communication code and would like to know how you are feeling. If you need any pain medication."

'No!' Mikey blinked in horror.

"I confess I gave you some earlier but it must be wearing off by now. I do not wish to see you hurting, Michelangelo-san.," Asahi said, shifting forward to the edge of his seat. "Leonardo-san told me which medications he knows of that are safe for you to use."

Mikey panicked again and tried to back up further but the barricade stopped him. He looked wildly at it, contemplating trying to jump over it despite remembering what happened last time when he heard a door open and Leo call out softly, "I'm back!"

"Good. Your brother is awake and I am afraid my presence is not helping his state of mind."

"Mikey?" Leo called. Suddenly, Mikey heard the sound of running feet and he turned to look as his older brother burst through the curtains, shedding a raincoat as he did. "Hey, little brother, I'm sorry I wasn't here when you woke up but I needed to use the facilities. I would have waited for Raph to come and take over but it's still another hour until dark and," he smiled wryly in embarrassment, "I was getting pretty desperate."

{Leo,} Mikey tapped frantically against the bed, {Want go. Don't lik.}

"You need to slow it down, Mikey but I can guess what you're saying. You want to go, right?" Leo asked, concerned.

'Yes!'

"I'm sorry but Asahi-sensei needs to keep an eye on you for a couple of days at least," Leo apologised, coming over and pulling down the barricade on one side of the bed. He sat on the edge of the mattress and drew Mikey close and trembling with fear and relief, Mikey melted into his brother's comforting embrace.

{Don' lyk. Don' trust,} Mikey tapped out plaintively.

"I know and I'm sorry but you're just going to have to put up with it for now. It's too dangerous to take you anywhere else right now," Leo explained softly, rubbing soothingly against Mikey's shell.

{Want D.}

"Me too, Mikey," Leo sighed. He shifted slightly as if looking away. Then. "How are you feeling, Mikey? Are you feeling sick or in pain?"

{Bth...}

"How bad?"

{Nvr mor...}

Leo was silent for a moment as he struggled to decipher Mikey's tapping, then, "I know it's hard, especially right now when you're probably having trouble concentrating in the first place but can you please stop with the chatspeak? It makes it even harder to understand you."

{Sorry...} Mikey tapped slowly as he concentrated. For a moment, his vision blacked out and he swayed alarmingly, the only thing holding him upright, Leonardo's strong arms.

"Mikey," Leo whispered plaintively, "please let Asahi-sensei give you something. Or... let me give it to you."

Fear gripped him again at the thought. {No... no drugs... L...}

-:-

Finally, night fell and Donnie shot for the door. He had his hand on the handle when suddenly it moved and the door opened, a familiar short, bulky silhouette appearing in the doorway.

"Raph! Thank god!" Donnie cried hoarsely.

"Donnie?"

"What happened? Where are Mikey and Leo?"

"Where the hell have you been!" Raph growled in fury. "Why the fuck did you leave the kid alone?"

Donnie stepped back, startled by the vehemence in Raph's voice. "I-I went to find you and Leo, to tell you to get back inside before the storm became bad!"

"We were fine! Mikey wasn't!" Raph yelled furiously. "I came back to find him unconscious, Donnie! He couldn't protect himself!"

Donnie winced in pain at hearing the confirmation of his terrifying suspicions. "I... I know. I found the blood. I-is he okay? Please tell me he's..."

"No! He is not fucking okay, Donnie! He almost died!" Raphael spat, pushing him back as he stepped closer and into his face. He poked a single, thick finger into Donnie's plastron. "If you'd been with him like you were supposed to be, he might have been okay! He would have had someone to help him when everything went to shit!"

"Almost..." Donnie breathed in relief as the keyword hit him through Raph's tirade. "So he's still alive then? Wh-where is he, Raph? Where's Leo? Why'd you guys leave?"

Raph glared at him. "Ship's infirmary. Leo had to make the call to ask the ship's doctor to help," he spat hatefully.

Donnie stared at him, his mouth falling open in shock. "Wh-what happened, Raph?"

"Hit his head. Twice, front and back. It was bad, Don, really bad," Raph replied. His tone still held his fury at Donnie but Donnie also heard the broken edge to it and he felt sick. Mikey hadn't even fully recovered from the first concussion yet, though he was certainly doing a lot better than when they first found him and now...

"Leo went and got the doc and he... he had to drill a hole into Mikey's head to save him," Raph explained, suddenly sounding weak. "A fucking hole into our baby brother's... S-something about the pressure buil…"

Donnie didn't wait to hear anymore. He shoved past Raph and tore out the door. Racing for the ship's medical bay without caring if anyone saw him or not.

-:-

Donnie burst through the door into the sickbay and looked wildly about. A human looked up at him drop-jawed and then pointed to the drawn curtain. Donnie wasted no time, racing through the curtain and skidding to a halt.

Leo glanced up and then did a double-take, looking again. "Donnie, you're okay," he exclaimed in relief. "What ha..."

"Mikey! How is he?" Donnie asked frantically, cutting Leo off as he gazed horrified at the still, pale figure laying unconscious in the bed.

"Not great but he's alive," Leo answered grimly. "He's woken up several times through the day with various degrees of lucidity."

Donnie stepped closer, gingerly reaching out a hand to touch the bandage wrapped around his little brother's head.

"He's terrified of being here," Leo murmured wryly, "and refuses to take anything for the pain, despite how bad it obviously is."

Donnie turned a haunted gaze on Leo, aware of Raph stepping up behind having finally caught up. "I-I'm... not surprised. Not with what he told me earlier and even that barely scratched the surface of what those... people... did to him."

"Can you tell us what he told you?" Leo asked anxiously.

"Not much but a little. But later, okay? I really need to..." Donnie choked momentarily, "know how he is. You've no idea the things I imagined when I came back to find dried blood in the container and no one there... and then when I ran into Raph and he told me... Was that man outside the curtain the doctor?"

"Yeah," Raph grunted, crossing his arms and still looking unimpressed.

Donnie nodded. "Okay. Okay... Just... just give me a minute, okay? I-I need to ask..." Then he dashed off past the curtain and started asking rapid-fire questions as Leo and Raph stared at each other.

"Where'd you find him? When?" Leo asked anxiously, staring up at his temperamental brother, even as he kept a reassuring hand resting against Mikey's nearest arm. "And why didn't you call or text me?"

"I didn't have a chance to," Raph admitted, shaking his head in disbelief. "He was in our little home away from home. I couldn't make it back before sunrise this morning so I hid away somewhere else on the ship. Then when I stopped back there after sunset, Donnie was there and about to leave. I never found out what happened to him because he took off for here as soon as I said where you and Mikey were."

Leo nodded tiredly.

"How's he been?"

Leo smiled tightly. "Terrible. He's asleep right now but I think it's only because Asahi-sensei slipped something into his water to help him sleep. He was in so much pain, Raph and he kept refusing to take anything for it... He's woken up often but what sleep he's had in between definitely hasn't been restful."

"Nightmares?" Raph asked cautiously.

"Yeah, I think so," Leo shrugged. "The first few times he saw me, he didn't even think I was real. He seemed to think he was seeing things."

"That wouldn't surprise me," Donnie said, stepping back inside the curtain and over to Mikey's bedside.

"Did they give him hallucinogenics before or something?" Leo asked, feeling sick at the thought.

Donnie shook his head. "I really don't know. He only mentioned a couple of things they gave him and believe me, getting that much out of him was not easy."

"What did they give him?" Raph asked harshly.

Donnie turned to regard Raph. "I'm sorry but until Mikey gives me permission, I can't talk about it."

"He's our brother too, you know!" Raph spat angrily. "We have just as much right to know as you do!"

"I know Raph and I do want to tell you but if I did I would be betraying Mikey's trust. He might not talk about anything else if I did and he needs to," Donnie explained, the pain clear in his voice. "For the record, I tried to convince him to let me at least give you both the basics but the best I could get was that he'd think about it."

"We understand," Leo replied hollowly. He didn't but he had to accept it for Mikey's sake. "You said earlier that you could tell us something though?"

"Yes," Donnie nodded and he went on to explain about the time Hakuba forced pain pills on their brother, almost killing him in the process and by the time he was done, Leo was seething just as much as Raph.

"Just on that alone, I can see why he wouldn't trust Asahi-sensei to give him anything but what about us?" Leo asked uncertainly. "Surely he knows we wouldn't give him anything dangerous."

"His head knows that but his heart doesn't. Besides, there was more than that one incident where they forced such things on him."

"Okay, yeah, I get that but what has that got to do with why you're not surprised he thought he was seeing things?" Raph eventually asked through grit teeth.

"Head injuries can be like that, causing people to see or hear things that aren't there," Donnie replied simply, touching Mikey's pale, freckled face gently. "And this one is particularly bad. Then there's the fact of everything he's been through. There's a good chance that he dreamt or imagined us coming for him numerous times before and so thought that's all it was now. Though, that being said, he told me that once he was taken from New York, he thought we wouldn't come for him at all."

"Seriously?" Raph choked in pain and disbelief. "No turtle left behind! I thought he knew that!"

"He did but he thought it would be too dangerous, not to mention impossible for us to chase him down halfway across the world," Donnie explained grimly, his voice full of pain as he watched their little brother sleep.

And that was the sad part. Realistically, Mikey was right, Leo realised. By all accounts, they shouldn't have tried and if they'd been part of some organisation or military, their higher-ups probably would have just written him off as a lost cause given the circumstances. However, they were family and it wasn't like it was a choice between saving Mikey or saving the entire world. There'd been no choice to make and they had to go after him. Leo's expression hardened. It certainly explained a lot of Mikey's behaviour since they found him. He'd obviously given up long ago and it pained him to see it considering his previous naturally bright, positive nature.

"How do we even begin to fix this?" Raph asked hopelessly, his bright green eyes staring between him and Donnie imploringly.

Donnie worked his mouth a moment. "I have no idea, Raph, but there is no easy fix for something like this."

Leo nodded in mute agreement. He'd already known that, he just hadn't wanted to think about it because thinking about it made it all too real.

"First things first though, we have to help him heal his physical injuries and that won't be easy if he refuses medication and won't stay still in bed."

"Then there's the added problem that we can't stay here," Leo added gloomily. "Asahi-sensei has been good to help us but it's simply too much risk to stay here long. Sooner or later, someone will try to peek behind the curtain and if Asahi-sensei isn't here to stop them, there's nothing we can do without revealing ourselves regardless."

His brothers made noises of agreement.

"He shouldn't be moved for another day or two though," Donnie said softly. "After that, we can head back to the sea container but... It's not exactly the best place for him. Difficult to get to, not hygienic... dangerous if any more storms or rough seas occur and to be honest, it's not a great place for Mikey's state of mind, considering all he's been through and that that was his prison."

"I know," Leo agreed hollowly, "but unfortunately, there's simply nowhere else to go."

Raph grunted angrily, "Nowhere else for Mikey, at any rate. Not with his hands still trapped in those damn manacles! I still can't believe they designed them to look like fucking giant dog paws!"

"We're just going to have to go back to where we were but find some way to clean it up and make it safer," Leo frowned thoughtfully. He turned to look seriously from one brother to the other. "We should take it in turns to stay here with Mikey and the other two, when not sleeping, work on getting our shelter back in order."

"Yeah, well, I'm telling you this much, Leo, you're going to be the first to go back. You look like shit that hasn't slept in a month and Don doesn't look much better either."

Donnie smiled tightly at the crude description. "Can't say I feel much better either but I would like to stay with him and since I'm the only one that understands him well, it makes sense."

Leo sighed reluctantly. "He's got a point. I think... Donnie and I should head back to get some sleep for now, while Raph stays with Mikey overnight. Then just before dawn, Donnie can come back and take over."

Both brothers nodded in agreement.

"Mikey should sleep for some time yet anyway. Asahi-sensei said he slipped a soporific into Mikey's water earlier," Donnie pointed out.

"Yes and he won't be happy about that when he wakes up," Leo pointed out drily, "and yes, before you ask, he seems to know."

"He's always known, Leo," Donnie explained softly. "He told me a couple of years ago that such things turn his stomach in a way that he just knows."

"Great..." Raph grumbled. "So if he wakes up, I can expect to put up with a fit of some kind."

"Probably, but he needed it, Raph, whether he likes it or not."

Raph nodded glumly in agreement.

"Hopefully he'll stay asleep until Donnie takes over. He was fretting badly about him and actually seeing Donnie should help settle him," Leo pointed out.

"Speaking of," Raph turned on Donnie with a fierce glare, "where the hell were you? Do you have any idea how worried we were?"

"Believe me, I can imagine," Donnie replied with a shudder, unable to meet either of their gazes. "Honestly, it's a miracle I made it back at all..."

"What happened, Don?"

Donnie swallowed and seemed to struggle to speak. Then... "I was washed overboard."

-:-


Concrit, thoughts and comments always welcomed.