Rating: T for occasional language. Also see other warnings.

Disclaimer: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and all related characters belong to Nickelodeon.

Summary: Bradford has always blamed Michelangelo for his misfortunes and especially for his mutation so when he manages to capture the young ninja, he's going to make sure he knows exactly what it's like. 2k12 AU.

Warning: Warnings for physical and mental torture in this story abound, as well as for implied and highly disturbing situations. Trigger warnings may apply for some chapters. There will not however, be gruesome details. Some things are best left up to the imagination.


A/N: Mikey's first night home in the lair! And he finally sees his bedroom for the first time in about a year (that mess would horrify anyone!) XD


Guest: thank you :-)

T420000: No, April didn't ask. She would've been told when Donnie messaged her from the 'Umi Ryuu'. (thanks! I actually hadn't thought about Mikey's nails but that is addressed in this chapter as a result). Yeah, sadly after the trauma, physical and mental, that he's been through, such things are likely to be the norm for a while. Especially since he hasn't had an outlet until very recently and he has trouble talking things through even though he can now. Hopefully, in future, someone will be able to help him with his PTSD.

Minnie1015: That they are! It's been a long journey and they've all been gone a long time but they are finally home! *shakes head in amusement* Well, I have to keep you interested somehow, right? XD


How Much is that Turtle in the Window

ch 35

Suddenly there were hands on the sides of his face and he pulled away, sobbing in terror. He was sorry! So sorry! He wouldn't talk again just please, please don't hurt him anymore.

"Actually, I don't think he's here anymore. He appears to be trapped in another flashback."

"Fuck..."

"Yes... Mikey, open your eyes and look at us, you're safe at home in my lab."

No! Nonononono! Why couldn't they just leave him alone! Why'd they always have to mess with his mind and hopes like this? He just wanted it to be over! It was too much and he couldn't handle it anymore.

"Mikey, I need you to listen to my voice and look at me," Donnie insisted as calmly as he could. "Your name is Michelangelo and you're safe, you're home. Raphael and I are right beside you and Leonardo is just out the door, talking to April in the pit."

Oh, how he so wanted to believe it but he'd dreamt of this moment so many times, being home. Being safe with his brothers and father right there, only to be disappointed every time by waking up to his Alpha's fetid breath and sadistic violence, Master Hakuba's harsh and usually cruel training methods, Mai's painful and humiliating research or Three-Five-Eight's unwanted, painful and invasive advances.

Mikey's eyes snapped open as he shrank back, his breath ragged, fast and shallow as he whipped his head frantically about looking for escape he knew to be impossible. Especially with his hands held firm like they were.

...

His hands?

He frowned suddenly. He could actually feel warmth and calloused softness against his flesh rather than the unforgiving and always present cold, hard metal and in shock, his gaze dropped to fall on misshapen, scarred hands with broken and brittle nails. His breath caught in his throat as he stared in disbelief and not a little awe at the sight.

"That's right," Donnie said smoothly, calmly. "You're safe and home. I finally removed those manacles a short time ago."

Mikey's breath hitched as his gaze travelled from his own hands to the emerald green ones holding his.

"Hey, it's okay, Mikey," Raph promised gruffly, lifting his hands and pulling them against his plastron where Mikey could feel his brother's heartbeat if he really tried hard. "I'm here, we're both right here and no one is leaving you alone, okay?"

Mikey's gaze slowly moved up as if in disbelief until he met Raph's again, at which point he let out a huge sob, shuffled to his knees and launched himself at his passionate, green-eyed brother. He scrabbled for purchase with hands that couldn't open.

Raph turned his head to stare at Donnie, desperately mouthing "What do I do?"

Donnie smiled and mouthed back, "Comfort him."

"How?" he barely avoided hissing as Mikey sobbed hysterically into his plastron. Even as he spoke, his arms wrapped about Mikey, holding him close, holding him safe. "This is your thing, not mine!"

"Just follow your instincts and keep talking to him. Let him hear your voice," Donnie replied patiently. "I'll be right back," he added more loudly, heading for the door despite Raph's protests.

He hated leaving them like that after everything but he had faith in Raph to look after their brother alone for a few minutes. Over the last few weeks, Mikey mostly came to him, a habit built up over a lifetime of the pair being lumped together so often, something he truly didn't mind despite Mikey's often annoying tendencies. The truth was that while Mikey could be annoying and accidentally destructive, he cared for and looked out for Donnie in a way no one else ever had. Always had made sure he stopped to eat or reconnect with the family and the world about him, kept him grounded. Stopped him from feeling alone, whether he realised he felt it or not. Mikey did much the same for the rest of the family too but more so for Donnie who would otherwise cut himself off from them, intentionally or not. Mikey really was his best friend and it killed him to see his brother so distraught and hurting.

Still, though Donnie was normally his first choice to come to when he was upset and wanted to talk, Raph had always been his go-to when he just needed silent comfort or simple camaraderie.

Despite Raphael's seeming indifference and temper, Raph was often the first to notice when Mikey was upset, given that Donnie was usually off in his own head dreaming up new ideas and studying fascinating new concepts and areas of research and as for Leo, he'd always kept his own council, meditating, practising or studying strategy. It was therefore no surprise that upon seeing Raph already there and holding onto him, that Mikey latched onto him so desperately now.

Donnie carefully shut the door behind him, taking one last peek at his brothers before turning to see Leo and April gazing at him expectantly.

"Is everything alright?" Leo asked in a worried tone suggesting he knew it wasn't. "Were you able to get that collar off him?"

Donnie shook his head. "No. Unfortunately, I was only able to cut halfway through it before I had to abort. Mikey became extremely upset and I believe he was caught up in another flashback. Of what, I don't know."

Leo paled and peered towards Donnie's lab, rising to his feet.

Donnie turned to April, apologetic. "I-I'm really sorry, April but it might be best if you uh... went home."

April nodded quickly, getting to her feet and gathering her stuff with a sad smile. "It's okay, Donnie, I understand but I couldn't have stayed long anyway."

Donnie looked at her questioningly.

"Irma is coming over after school to give me today's notes and homework so I have to be there to avoid any questions I can't answer," she explained with a wry smile. "Do me a favour though?"

Donnie's first instinct was to stutter out 'anything' but he held his tongue, knowing Mikey needed to be his first and only priority right now.

"Tell Mikey that once I finish my homework I'll start studying Morse Code so I can understand him too."

"You know he uses Morse Code?" Donnie asked in wonder. "Did Leo mention it?" He swung his gaze to take in Leo who had left them, heading to join their brothers in the lab.

"No, Mikey did, back on the sub."

Donnie turned his gaze back on April inquisitively.

"He fell on me during the battle and tapped something that wasn't yes or no. I think he was trying to say sorry," she explained. "When I asked if it was Morse Code, he said yes."

Donnie felt a burst of pride for his brother. Despite the setbacks and injuries, he'd come so far, to the point of using the code instinctively even with someone he didn't really remember and had no idea he'd learnt it. It was a massive achievement for someone who'd clammed up in terror when a stranger, later proven to be Foot, had shown up in their hideaway.

"He'll definitely appreciate you putting in the effort," Donnie exclaimed, loving April even more at that moment than ever before. She truly was extraordinary. "So... uh... when you do start learning it, learn it by sound rather than by how it looks. It's a lot easier to pick up and remember that way."

April smiled gratefully. "Thanks. Any other tips?"

"Yes," Donnie replied firmly, "once you begin to get the gist of it, concentrate on learning from Mikey himself. He has his own uh... flair and a couple of shortcuts that aren't strictly official Morse Code. Plus, he isn't really capable of elongating the sounds as you hear with a telegraph sounder so it won't be exactly the same."

"Sounds fair."

"Well, I need to get back to him," Donnie said distantly, gazing over his shoulder to his lab where his brothers were.

April slung her bag over her shoulder. "I'll drop by tomorrow evening, bring some pizza and groceries down," she promised as she began making her way to the exit. "If Mikey's not up to me being around, I'll just drop it off and leave again."

"Thanks, April," Donnie said gratefully, watching her go. "Oh! For the record, Mikey said he's not afraid of you."

April laughed lightly... sadly... "Yes, he told me he wasn't, though he obviously was at first."

Donnie nodded.

"Casey seems to be another story though."

"Yes," Donnie murmured softly, "and that may prove to be a problem."

"I'll make sure he understands to keep away for a few days," April promised, her hand resting lightly on the turnstiles in preparation for vaulting over them, "but I doubt I can keep him away for long. He really missed Raph, even if he won't admit it."

Donnie nodded numbly. "Nor should he have to stay away long. Mikey needs us but he doesn't need all three of us every minute. I'll tell Raph to make time to call him tomorrow or something. After we've had a chance to settle back in, get used to things."

April smiled again. "See you tomorrow, Donnie. It's good to have you guys home again."

Then she was gone and Donnie made his way back to the lab.

Stepping past the threshold, he saw Mikey still safely ensconced within Raph's arms. His sobbing had died away but it was obvious he was still upset by the shaking and occasional ragged gasps for breath. Leo was by their sides, rubbing comfortingly at Mikey's carapace and taking turns with Raph to speak calming nonsense. Mikey only buried himself deeper into Raph's arms.

"You know, that doesn't look too comfortable," Donnie spoke up calmly, earning a look from Raph who clearly agreed it wasn't. "Why don't we head out into the pit." Mikey stiffened - probably at being asked to move and face the world again. "It has far more space for spreading out and is far warmer than my cold lab. We can even drag a couple of mattresses into there if you like."

"Actually, I have a better idea," Leo offered with a small smile Mikey's way. "How about we go into the dojo instead?"

Raph snorted derisively, even as he readjusted his hold on Mikey. "To do what, meditate or train? We just got home!"

Leo fixed Raph with a condescending look. "I was thinking more along the lines of basking. It's almost the time of day where the sun streams into the dojo."

Donnie straightened in surprise. "That's... actually a great idea. Mikey, you told me the other day that you missed the sun. Provided it's still clear outside, we should be able to get some in the next twenty minutes or so."

Mikey lifted his head as if listening but didn't turn to look.

"It won't be outside but it's the next best thing," Donnie continued softly. "Especially with the tree there as well."

"Think you can walk there?" Raph asked kindly, "or I can carry you if you'd prefer."

{Walk,} Mikey quickly tapped against Raph's shell. The sound was quiet but Donnie heard it well enough regardless.

Raph's face screwed up as he concentrated, then he nodded. "Right, well, come on then but you gotta stop holding on with that octopus grip," he said in a light teasing tone as he pried Mikey away and helped him to his feet. Leo immediately moved in to take Mikey's other arm but Mikey refused him, continuing to clutch to Raph like a lifeline.

Donnie held the door open wide as his brothers, with Leo hovering close by just in case, made their way slowly towards it. Mikey hid his face in Raph's plastron, making things difficult, but seemed determined to walk on his own as much as possible, though it was obvious his legs were shaky and barely holding him upright. Before the storm where he'd been hurt so badly, they'd worked with him often to help him get ready to walk again but over the last couple of weeks, he'd barely been on his feet for obvious reasons.

Gently closing the door behind them, Donnie followed his brothers to the dojo, where Mikey baulked at the steps leading up to it. At this point, he needed the extra help from Leo and while Donnie didn't get a look at his face, he could see the shame from the slump in his posture. Donnie bit his lip but didn't say anything as he followed them up the steps.

Once at the threshold, Mikey finally looked up and froze at the sight ahead - the heart and soul of their home. Where over the years, they'd spent the majority of their time training, mediating, basking, even holding celebrations and remembrances. The shrine to their father's original family was in here as was the entrance to his bedroom. The tree Mikey, in particular, had always loved, often claiming he could hear it whispering to him. Not words, never words but calling, as though he held a particular affinity towards it. Like they were old friends, Mikey had once claimed. Donnie and Raph had scoffed at the idea but Leo and especially Master Splinter indulged and even humoured him in his claims.

The sun was just beginning to shine through the old grate in the ceiling, catching onto the mirrors Donnie had long ago set up to reflect and boost the amount of natural light entering their dojo. Light that gave life to the tree and kept them healthy and happy.

Mikey pulled free from Leo, though he still held as tight as he could to Raph, and took a shaky step towards the tree and the nascent sunlight beginning to pool before it. Raph obliged by staying with him as the two continued toward it. It didn't take long as Mikey began to walk more confidently and he soon bypassed the sunlight, to Raph's obvious confusion, and went instead directly for the tree. He released Raph and reached out to the trunk for support instead, brushing his closed fingers against the rough bark. Unfortunately, it wasn't enough to hold Mikey up and he slid down the trunk as he leant against it.

Donnie stared in wonder for a moment before joining Mikey and sitting down beside him. "I take it you remember this tree?"

Mikey turned red-rimmed eyes upon him, shrugging and blinking both yes and no. Then, at Donnie's obvious confusion, he reached down to tap against the carpet to elaborate. {Evrything feels familiar but I don't recognise it but... it's like this tree is calling to me or sumthing, D.}

Donnie exchanged looks with his brothers, Leo, in particular, returning it with one that clearly said "I told you so."

"Okay," Donnie said softly, knowing that things would soon enough come back to his brother from what he'd told him on the Umi Ryuu. Then, "How about you? How are you feeling now?"

Mikey hunched back in on himself, obviously unwilling to answer.

"It's okay, you don't have to explain right now if you don't want to," he continued gently before Leo could have a chance to press further like he obviously wanted to.

Mikey blinked once and closing his eyes, leant his face against the tree. Then he hesitantly reached over to tap against Donnie. {Y didn't u get this off me? U sed u wud.}

Donnie's heart broke at the pain clearly etched on Mikey's face and knew he was asking about the collar. "I couldn't, buddy. You were too distressed and I was terrified about hurting you," he explained softly. "We'll try again later after you've calmed down again, okay?"

Mikey shuddered miserably.

That caught Donnie's attention and he frowned. He definitely had to find out what triggered that episode. If it was something to do with the removing of the collar, then cutting it free would not be an easy task. He might have to find another way or sedate his brother first. Something he knew Mikey would not like. Well, either way, it would have to wait for tomorrow.

"Why don't you come join us in the sun?" Donnie suddenly asked, changing the subject. "You'll feel better if you do, especially after all those weeks trapped inside."

Mikey peeked past him to see the pool of natural light had spread. It wasn't as intense as what he was probably used to back at the Foot compound but judging from the expression blooming in his eyes, it looked inviting. He blinked once in agreement and began to crawl towards it, pausing a moment as he suddenly seemed to realise he didn't need to crawl on all fours anymore. Instead, he quickly pushed himself up, lifting both hands free from the ground and awkwardly shuffled over on his knees. Finally, he settled in the middle of the sun patch and laid down, smiling faintly as Leo and Raph moved in close around him.

Then, relieved, Donnie joined them.

-:-

Heart racing in terror, Mikey awoke in near darkness to feel several bodies pressed against his. Suppressing a silent whimper, he shifted carefully so as to not disturb whoever it was and alert them to his being awake, then he relaxed, slumping as he finally recognised the shapes of his brothers silhouetted against the room.

Feeling safer again, Mikey yawned. He felt washed out and still kind of sick from his earlier breakdown and his head was aching again - thankfully not as bad as it had on the sub but still, it was worse than it had been since finally reaching home... He gingerly pushed himself upright, wincing as he did and looked around. Faint light entered the room, the dojo, he reminded himself, from outside but the bright sunlight that had filled the room earlier had long disappeared. Gazing around, he caught sight of the comforting tree again and a slight smile lit his face. He couldn't have said just what it was about it that drew him, just that it did and that it felt like an old friend welcoming him home.

Raph muttered something in his sleep nearby and Leo shifted slightly in response. Mikey reached out a scarred hand, drawing just shy of touching Raph, even as his stomach rumbled loudly. Wincing at the sound, he desperately hoped it wouldn't wake his brothers. They really did deserve their sleep after everything they'd been through in rescuing and looking after him recently.

Making up his mind, Mikey worked to push himself up to his feet, trying to hide his gasp of pain at the effort. His leg muscles had all changed over the last year, adapting to support his running around on all fours rather than upright as he was meant to do and it hurt to suddenly switch it around again, especially without help. It took ages to achieve and several abortive efforts, but he finally managed to stand. It wasn't steadily but rather wobbling in place and as he stood there, he looked around at his brothers, surprised that Leo at least hadn't awoken to the sound of his efforts. Something to be said for his enforced silence, he supposed, mouth turning down slightly at the depressing reminder.

Eyeing his brothers' positions, Mikey carefully crept past, praying not to lose balance and fall or trip on one of them. Once past, between the aching muscles in his legs and his growing headache and hunger, he couldn't stay upright anymore so he half-lowered himself again and half-fell before glancing back to his still sleeping brothers in relief to see none of them had stirred because of the disturbance. Then he cautiously made his way to the entrance of the dojo on all fours.

Biting his lip in trepidation, Mikey poked his head out the doorway, looking carefully in both directions. Having been so upset earlier in the day, he hadn't paid much attention to how they'd gotten into the dojo but upon looking now, it wasn't hard to work it out. The entrance to their home was just over there to the right and Donnie's lab in between. For a moment, he hovered between choosing to find the kitchen or the toilet but the call of nature quickly won out. Turning left, he wandered up the passageway, gazing in wonder at the doors - a couple of which were open and some that were closed.

Mikey stared wide-eyed at the closest closed doors, one of which was labelled 'Keep out!' - he didn't need to remember the exact layout of the lair to know that one belonged to Raph - and the other with a nameplate with Donnie's name painted on it in purple. The other two nearby rooms were wide open. He peeked his head into the first to see it perfectly neat, almost obsessively compulsively so. The only signs of someone living there besides the perfectly made bed was a couple of 'Space Heroes' posters on the walls and a few perfectly posed action figures. He would have bet the only reason for the layer of dust was the fact that no one had been here for the last few months. Mikey sighed slightly and stepped away, turning his attention instead to the other open room.

There, he baulked in surprise. It looked like a hurricane had whipped through, leaving garbage and devastation in its wake.

His room.

Curious and unable to immediately remember what it looked it, he took a half step inside only to feel a coldness rush through him as a tall, imposing figure to his left caught his eye. Horror filling him, Mikey turned his head, looking up and up into the terrifying face of a human and not just any old human.

Chris Bradford.

Mikey's mouth dropped open as he screamed in silent terror, backpedalling from the room as fast as possible. In a blind panic, he pelted down the corridor, ignoring the pain in his now unprotected fingers, only to crash headfirst into a door. Reeling in pain, fright and confusion, his heart pounding so fast it hurt, Mikey pushed frantically at the door. It was heavy but it pushed open easily without needing to twist a handle he couldn't reach or grip. Once inside, the door swung closed again, leaving Mikey trapped in darkness. He peered around desperately, trying and failing to see something, anything. For a moment, he was tempted to try to open the door but the overwhelming need to hide was far more intense than the need to see, so he raced deeper into the room, bumping painfully into things, before finding a cold corner to hide in, sheltered from view by the wall he felt around him.

-:-


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