Rating: T for occasional language. Also see other warnings.

Disclaimer: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and all related characters belong to Nickelodeon.

Summary: Bradford has always blamed Michelangelo for his misfortunes and especially for his mutation so when he manages to capture the young ninja, he's going to make sure he knows exactly what it's like. 2k12 AU.

Warning: Warnings for physical and mental torture in this story abound, as well as for implied and highly disturbing situations. Trigger warnings may apply for some chapters. There will not however, be gruesome details. Some things are best left up to the imagination.


A/N: Trigger warning applies for this chapter. Mentions of past abuse, including sexual, in this chapter.


Where's cheese chatnoir - Thank you. Here it is.

T420000 - At long last XD He's still got a long road ahead but with that collar removed, it's looking up.

Shelly Hamato - Thank you. Sorry about the delay. just... ugh... real life and stuck binging Star Trek Voyager *coughs*

lovebooksdork5 - Thank you :-)

Wolfangel33 - Mikey's glad too XD Thank you :-)

Minnie1015 - Yeah, baby steps is right, heh. Thank you :-)

Guest - Done.


How Much is that Turtle in the Window

ch 38

"Hey, Mikey, feel up to some company?"

Mikey turned and canted his head at Donnie in confusion. He'd had company ever since getting the collar removed. In fact, recognising his current vulnerability, no fewer than two of his brothers had been at his side the entire time since, rarely further away than touching distance.

After Donnie had finally cut away the rough metal band sealed around his neck, the four of them had gone to the dojo, waiting for the sun and basking in the warm light to help calm him down. Once the sun had moved on, Leo had suggested another session of rehab, meaning continued close contact as Leo and Raph worked with him. Donnie had gone to get his laptop, then settled down close by to study as Mikey worked. Finally, they'd come back out to the pit to relax. Raph had fetched a couple of comics and a magazine, handing the comics to Leo, who opened them for Mikey to read, turning the pages when Mikey indicated. He was halfway through the second comic when Donnie spoke up.

"April just texted," Donnie explained, holding up his T-phone. "She's finished school for the day and said she's on her way down."

Oh. Mikey frowned, unsure how he felt about that.

"She won't stay unless you're okay with it. If you're not, she'll just drop off dinner and a few other things she's picking up for us and leave again. It's entirely up to you."

Oh... Mikey studied his ruined left hand, clenching the fingers slightly. He was okay with her yesterday on the sub but he wasn't too sure how he felt now.

"If you don't want her to stay, it's okay," Leo said softly. "She'll understand."

Agreeing, Donnie nodded. "Yeah, I spoke to her about it last night and April's the one who suggested she just stop by long enough to drop dinner off if you're not ready for her to stay."

{Rly?} Mikey tapped hesitantly.

"Really," Donnie promised. "She also said that once she was done with homework, she was going to start learning Morse Code for you too. She'll need your help, though, when you're ready."

She'd really meant that? Mikey turned shocked eyes on Donnie again.

"It doesn't have to be today and you don't have to decide right now, okay? If you want to, you can just see how you feel when she gets here."

{'k} Mikey tapped quietly, turning back to stare at his comic as he thought. He liked April, especially after how she'd helped him on the sub but he still barely remembered her and just the thought of anyone else around was overwhelming right now. But...

[How does Lady sound for the name for your soon to be mate?] Bradford suddenly mused. [What could be more fitting for a female dog once on the cusp of womanhood as a human?]

She was safer here with them than out there... Mikey shuddered. Far safer. {A should stay.}

"Are you sure?" Leo asked softly.

{Should stay!} Mikey repeated emphatically, still staring down at his comic. He sensed his brothers exchanging looks.

"Hey, is something going on?" Raph asked sharply as he suddenly scooted closer to be directly in front of Mikey. Mikey jumped and looked up at Raph in fright.

"Sorry," Raph grumbled apologetically, "Didn't mean to scare you but seriously, what's going on? What's got you so...?" He motioned helplessly.

"Agitated," Donnie finished off, also coming down to crouch in front of Mikey as they gazed at him questioningly.

As Mikey sat there trembling and unable to bring himself to answer, Leo shifted his arm to wrap around him, drawing him closer while making sure his hold wasn't so tight or encircling that Mikey felt trapped. "Talk to us, Mikey. Tell us what's going on."

"Remember, you're home now. No one can hurt you anymore so it's okay to tell us," Donnie reminded him softly.

{But they can still hrt A,} Mikey finally tapped, squeezing his eyes closed as he swallowed uncomfortably.

"What are you talking about?" Donnie asked a moment later.

{Al... Dogpound sed they'd take A,} Mikey admitted. {Do to her wot they did to me.}

"When?" Donnie asked sharply, his eyes boring a hole in Mikey. "When did he say that?"

"Say what?" Raph hissed but Donnie waved him away, much to Raph's displeasure.

{On ship... After he took me bak from u an' I thawt u were ded,} Mikey explained in growing terror. {Sed if I disobeyed even once, they'd take her too! Turn her into a dog too, same as me.}

Donnie stared at him aghast.

"Donnie, what's he saying?" Raph growled in frustration.

"Later, Raph."

"No, not later. I have as much damn right to know as the rest of you!"

"I agree," Leo cut in firmly. "I only got about half of that and would like to know exactly what Mikey said."

Donnie clenched his teeth and translated for them as Mikey continued to quiver in Leo's arms.

{Sed A's new name wud be Lady,} Mikey shuddered, burying his face into Leo's plastron.

"You know he can't live up to that threat," Leo promised, rubbing his carapace comfortingly. "He's dead now, remember?"

{Had camera watching me...}

"Is that why...you were standing when we came for you," Donnie choked in horror and disbelief, "even though you were so clearly hurt and unable?"

{Had to...} Mikey admitted, sneaking a peek past Leo and seeing Donnie's horrified face. He shuddered again. {Sed I cud only eat, drink, use pit or sleep wen he sed. Had to stand in corner or they take A, do to her wot they did to me.}

"That... monster!" Donnie spat furiously. Then upon being urged, repeated for Leo and Raph.

"You were far too hurt!" Leo gasped in horror. "There was no way you could have kept that up much longer! I don't know how you even lasted that long."

{Didn't...} Mikey sobbed, terrified and relieved at getting this all out at last, despite how he feared his brothers would think him weak and pathetic for his failure at keeping April safe. {Was leaning onto wall so he shocked me. Cudn't get up again after and that's when he left. Sed I better b back up by the time he got bak or...}

"Or he'd have April taken, right?"

{Rite...}

"Did he let you rest at all in the time since you boarded the ship?" Donnie asked stiffly, knowing there was no way Chris Bradford would have allowed such a thing.

{No...}

"In other words, he wanted you to fail," Leo realised, hugging Mikey tighter.

Mikey nodded against Leo, tears dribbling down his face at his own inadequacy. {Tried so hard. I promis but cudn't…}

"It's okay, Mikey," Leo soothed gently, interrupting him. "We know you tried but he set you up to fail. There was no way you could have done otherwise and it's not your fault but April's safe, okay? There's no way he could have passed on his plan to anyone else in the Foot."

{Camera...}

"Donnie destroyed it," Leo promised. "Remember? You showed him where it was."

"But it was transmitting," Donnie realised in horror. "Three-Five-Eight admitted as much! That's how they knew to send someone else."

"Was there any voice recorded on it?" Leo asked sharply.

"I can't be certain since I didn't review the footage but I don't believe so," Donnie admitted, sounding sick at the realisation. "I didn't see any sign of a microphone but then again, I didn't examine it for one, I was focused only on destroying it. Besides, as you know, the light wasn't the best in there."

"What's not to say it wasn't planned from before he made the threat?" Raph growled furiously. "It could have been something they talked about before they took Mikey back. They were worried he'd get some of his fight back, right?"

"Right," Leo agreed grimly. "Unfortunately, we can't know for sure either way but if the Foot realise we had help getting off the ship, that could make April a target regardless, since they know she's our friend."

{And Mura-san?} Mikey faintly tapped, {Do they no about him to?}

"I doubt it, Mikey. Although, Karai did track April there that time and Murakami-san did help her so... who knows, it's possible they might suspect our connection," Donnie mused thoughtfully. "But no, I don't think they realise he's a friend. We've been very careful about being seen there ever since that run-in with the Dragons."

{Warn A?} Mikey asked, pulling away from Leo just enough to look at his other brothers, begging for them to do something to protect their friend.

"Yeah, we'll warn April when she comes by," Raph nodded, turning and looking toward the door worriedly.

"Actually, Mikey, would you mind if I went and met her?" Donnie asked anxiously. "Make sure she gets here safely?"

He didn't want Donnie to leave him again but... {Pls b careful, D,} Mikey shuddered miserably.

Donnie looked to Leo and Mikey felt him nod. Then Donnie was up and racing toward the turnstiles.

"Raph, go with him," Leo commanded. "Mikey and I will be fine here."

"Yeah, sure," Raph grunted. Then he too jumped to his feet and ran after their brother, leaving Mikey with just Leo for comfort.

-:-

"Are you feeling better?" Leo asked gently once Mikey had calmed down again.

Somewhat, Mikey thought tiredly with a frown. It was good to finally have been able to tell his brothers about the threat to April but he felt kinda washed out now. He shrugged.

"Why didn't you tell us sooner?" Leo asked gently, keeping his tone deliberately calm.

Mikey wasn't fooled. Leo was totally disappointed in him. He dropped his gaze to the ground, no longer able to meet his brother's eyes.

{Wen did I hav the chance?} he tapped ever so softly, ever so shakily. Terrified of rejection. {Cudn't talk 'til ages after.}

Leo seemed to struggle for words. "Okay, that's a fair point but how about once you could?"

Mikey bit his lip and shrugged. To be honest, it just didn't cross his mind until he came face to face with her on the turtle sub. There was too much else going on to think about someone he couldn't even really remember properly. However, there was no way he could admit that to his brothers. They'd probably hate him for not thinking of her.

"I'm not mad or upset with you if that's what you think," Leo carefully reassured as he continued rubbing soothing circles against Mikey's shell. "I know you've been through a lot and what you've told us is barely the tip of the iceberg."

Mikey flicked his eyes up tiredly to glance at Leo.

"I'm just asking because it seems to have been worrying you and because you pushed yourself far beyond what you should have been able to to protect her."

{U, D an' R woulda to,} Mikey tapped faintly, gazing back down at a crack in the floor he was sure had never been there before. From this angle, it looked just like a long, serpentine dragon and he couldn't take his eyes off it.

"Mmm," Leo agreed noncommittally after several seconds. "Under normal circumstances, yes but after everything you've been through, none of us would have blamed you if you'd given up."

Donnie would have, especially given his feelings toward their human friend but Mikey refused to say that and instead, {B'cuz I already had?} he asked, not daring to look away from the dragon in the concrete. He still saw the frown appear on his brother's face as he worked on interpreting his tapping.

"I admit knowing you gave up on us hurts," Leo replied carefully, "but I understand. You thought us coming was impossible..."

'Yes,' Mikey blinked, knowing his brother couldn't see it from the way his face was angled.

"... so you gave up hope in order to focus on surviving."

He hung his head in shame.

"No, I won't let you feel ashamed about this," Leo commanded sternly. "You did what you had to do and none of us blames you for it. None of us will ever blame you for it."

He stiffened. They mightn't blame him but... {I do, tho.}

Leo cringed, "Well, you shouldn't. Though... I know from personal experience that it's easier said than done." He sighed and silence reigned for several minutes. "Mikey, I want you to tell me it wasn't your fault."

Now he did look up and meet his brother's gaze. In confusion and disbelief.

"Come on, use your Morse Code, 'it wasn't my fault'," Leo insisted, saying the words slowly as he concentrated on tapping them out himself. "Your turn," he insisted firmly, "that's an order."

His conditioning kicking in, Mikey recoiled, the fear growing rapidly out of control once more. He shifted away from Leo and shaking, reached out to tap reluctantly on the floor, {It wasn't my fault,} he repeated, feeling sick and betrayed with every dit and dah.

"Good. Do it again and then I need you to believe it," Leo said warmly, reaching over to pull Mikey close again but Mikey scooted further out of reach, staring up at Leo fearfully as he started tapping even more shakily than before.

"What's wrong?" Leo asked, frowning in confusion as Mikey finished tapping.

{Nothin'!} he answered frantically. Everything! His own brother (his leader! His... his Alpha...) just ordered him to admit to something that felt completely wrong! His stomach churned wildly, threatening to hurl up the remnants from lunch.

His Alpha growled in disgust, kicking him viciously in the face as he retched in agony. His dinner, the first thing he'd been given to eat in over a day, in slimy, wet chunks all over his Alpha's foot.

[Stupid mongrel,] his Alpha snarled hatefully in two of the few words he could currently understand. The monster reached down and grabbed him by the collar, shoving his face towards the mess that had hurled violently from his mouth. [Nelpc hw va! Dbt!]

Spot cried out silently in fright, his stomach still churning dangerously. He'd been so hungry that when presented with his favourite food, he hadn't been able to help himself.

Three days had passed since his treatment by Mai and that other human in the white coat, leaving him unable to understand more than a few choice words he'd either been left with or picked up in the days since - dog, heel, sit, up, bed, eat, drink, come, toilet and of course the insults like stupid mongrel. He had no idea why he hadn't been given anything to eat since breakfast the day before but the last time he'd been starved had been punishment before being handed over to Mai and the thought of that happening again had terrified him. Especially after what happened last time.

Then finally, after a long, exhausting and humiliating day of training where he'd only been able to drink once, he was brought back to his kennel. To his surprise, his bowl was already there and full of food and he hadn't been able to help himself. As soon as the leash and muzzle were removed, he'd rushed at the bowl, ignoring the commands of [Stop!] and [No!]. A part of him had worried when his Alpha said something longer that he couldn't understand but he was starving and couldn't make himself stop eating.

The bowl was half-empty when his collar was viciously grabbed and he was turned to face his Alpha who yelled furiously, spittle flying wetly into his face. [OPM dog!]

Flinching fearfully, Spot recoiled from the fetid breath and whimpered silently for help that would never come.

[Balc rbvy mpdc dbvwi, kylpf!] his Alpha snarled cruelly.

Spot shook his head frantically in terror. He still had no idea what his Alpha said but somehow, he knew it was bad. Really bad and he wouldn't do it!

[H xphm wb balc rbvy mpdc dbvwi, kylpf!] his Alpha spat again, before dropping him painfully to the ground. Spot gasped as his Alpha pushed him down, scarcely able to breathe as the monster knelt on his shell, holding him in place.

Suddenly, his head ripped roughly back and Spot cried out again in pain and fright, his harsh, terrified breath the only sound leaving his throat. His jaw was grabbed and forced open. Spot struggled valiantly but his Alpha merely half-turned, doing something he couldn't see. Then, his jaw still open and head held back, his Alpha tipped something liquid and foul-tasting into his mouth before tossing the container away and clamping his mouth and nostrils closed until he had no choice but to swallow if he wanted to breathe again.

Finally, his Alpha stood, releasing Spot and Spot pushed himself awkwardly to his paws and knees, choking and desperately trying to retch whatever he'd been forced to drink out when his stomach started to churn painfully. Next thing he knew, his meal was all over his Alpha's foot and his Alpha was furious.

Why wouldn't anyone help him? Spot gasped raggedly as his face was deliberately smooshed into the foul, semi-solid mess before him. He recoiled from it, struggling to get away, only to be pushed back again and again. After what felt like forever, his Alpha released him and stormed out, leaving him to curl up in pain and still retching and gasping on the floor, only to return a few minutes later.

Suddenly, a bowl of water filled with some sort of acrid smelling cleaning solution was dumped beside him and his left paw was roughly grabbed and a large cloth tied around it, followed by his right. Bewildered, Spot shakily stared up at his Alpha who pointed furiously at the mess.

[Nelpc hw va!] he snarled, whacking Spot in the head again, this time hard enough to make him see stars. [Stupid pchdpe!]

Shaking and fighting against the sickness in his stomach and the dizziness from the abuse, Spot pushed himself back up, realisation dawning. His Alpha, the one who made him sick in the first place, wanted him to clean up the mess.

-:-

"Is it just me or do the sewers smell worse than usual today?" Raph asked, breathing shallowly as he and Donnie finally reached their destination.

Donnie reached down and pulled out his T-phone from his belt, checking the tracking app to see if April had left the store yet. She hadn't. "Until yesterday, we hadn't set foot in the sewers for over three months, Raph," he replied, trying not to breathe too deeply through his nostrils. "We're just not used to it anymore," he thumbed open April's chat window and fired off a text - We're here. Will you be long? - "and our section of the sewers doesn't tend to smell as bad as the rest since it used to be an old subway station rather than a waste flow."

"Thank god," Raph grunted in disgust, "because if it was always as bad as this, we'd be in trouble."

"We'd get used to it." A quiet beep came from his phone and Donnie glanced down at it. "April says she'll be about another ten minutes."

Raph nodded and leant back to rest against a large pipe. "Hey, Don?"

"Yes, Raph?"

"Now that we're finally alone, mind answering something for me?"

Donnie whipped his head towards his brother, instantly alert. "Depends what it is you're asking," he replied warily.

Raph swallowed visibly and seemed to steel himself as though for an answer he didn't really want to hear. "It's about Mikey and what happened to him while he was their prisoner."

Donnie levelled a stare at Raph, unsurprised, "You know I can't tell you anything that'll betray Mikey's trust in me."

"Yeah, I know but I have to know," Raph insisted, his voice sounding strained. "I just..." he faltered and took a deep breath as Donnie waited, fearing the worst, "Mikey was... he was..." Raph seemed to choke on the word, "raped... wasn't he?"

Donnie's mouth worked for several seconds and he fought against his instinct to answer honestly, "I can't answer that, Raph."

"You just did," Raph said flatly, closing his eyes in pain as he leant against the wall, suddenly needing the support. "It's not anything I didn't guess already based on how he's been acting at times since we found him." His fists clenched at his sides. "When did he tell you? The night of the storm? The night before?"

"The afternoon before the storm hit, when we went into the corner for some privacy," Donnie admitted, slumping against the pipes himself. "I wanted to tell you and Leo, I really did. I tried to convince Mikey to agree to at least let me tell you it happened, if not any of the details but he wouldn't... he was too scared of how you'd both react. He... he thought it was his fault for not fighting hard enough to stop it... I tried to tell him you already suspected but... he still wouldn't..."

Raph nodded, looking pale at the confirmation. "Not like I have the best track record of listening and keeping my cool," he conceded ruefully.

"Yeah," Donnie agreed faintly. There was that. He lifted his T-phone again to check on April's position. She hadn't moved yet.

"I won't tell him you told me," Raph promised quickly.

"I didn't," Donnie reminded him flatly. "You worked it out for yourself, remember?"

Raph nodded again and was silent for a couple of minutes, though Donnie could see the tension in the way he held himself. "Was it Three or someone else?" he finally asked stiffly.

Donnie closed his eyes, feeling sick as he remembered the crawling feeling of Three's hands caressing his paralysed body, of the way they lingered at his hidden pouch, pressing in as if to explore and of the way he mocked Mikey at the same time, promising him 'so much fun' as they waited to be picked up by the Foot. "Yes," he eventually replied quietly. If he'd felt like that over merely being touched in such a way, he couldn't even begin to imagine how bad it had been for Mikey to go through that and worse.

"Yes?" Raph struggled to keep his cool. "What the hell does that mean?"

"What do you think it means?" Donnie snapped coldly, whipping his head up again, this time to glare at Raph.

Raphael growled angrily, "I think it means both Three and others had their way with our little brother," he snarled darkly. "Is that what you're telling me, Don?"

"I'm not telling you anything. I can't because I promised, remember?" Donnie replied tersely. Suddenly a beep sounded from his T-phone and he glanced down at it, "We're going to have to shelve this conversation. April's on her way out."

Raph glowered at him but nodded and they both slipped into hiding, watching and waiting for the manhole to open and April to come through.

Finally, the lid lifted and April appeared, dropping down a couple of backpacks the brothers deftly stepped out and caught. Then she eased herself down onto the ladder, dragging a couple of boxes behind her, which she also passed down before pulling the cover back across.

"Hey guys," April smiled as she reached the bottom of the ladder and searched the darkness for the two brothers who'd slipped back into it. Moments later, her gaze fell on Donnie and her smile widened. "There you are."

Donnie stepped out, grinning broadly. "You're getting so much better at this," he praised warmly, watching the pleasure at the compliment fill her face.

Raph snorted derisively, "That or your stealth just needs work, Donnie but hey, don't worry, I won't tell Leo."

Donnie shot another glare at Raph as April giggled, fixing her gaze on where Raph was hidden. He too stepped into view.

"Maybe it's a bit of both?" April suggested teasingly. Then she became serious. "Either way, I'm glad you guys were able to come meet me. It would have been a lot to carry alone. Was Mikey okay with you both leaving?"

Donnie and Raph exchanged looks.

"About that..." Donnie began.

"Yeah, Mikey wanted us to come," Raph interjected roughly. "He's worried about you."

"About me?" April asked, her face falling as she looked from Raph to Donnie and back in confusion. "Why would he worry about me? Or do you mean... he's not ready for me to come visit?"

"To be honest, I know he's not ready for visitors, April," Donnie admitted sheepishly, "but no, that's not it. He's scared for you. It seems Dogpound made a threat towards you dependant on his behaviour and he's terrified the Foot will target you as a result."

April's brow furrowed as the trio began walking back to the lair. "Tell me what he said."

-:-


If you or someone you know is impacted by sexual assault, family or domestic violence, contact:

https{:}/www{.}1800respect{.}org{.}au/ in Australia

https{:}/www{.}safeline{.}org{.}uk/ in the UK

https{:}/www{.}rainn{.}org/ in the US

https{:}/www{.}befrienders{.}org/ for other links internationally.

Just remove the {} to use the links.


On a less serious note, if you want to know what was said to Mikey when he couldn't understand, this is the translation guide.

Z - Y - X - W - V - U - T - S - R - Q - P - O - N - M - L - K - J - I - H - G - F - E - D - C - B - A

Q - R - S - T - U - V - W - X - Y - Z - A - B - C - D - E - F - G - H - I - J - K - L - M - N - O - P

(Ugh! Why does FFNet have to make things so difficult? Like, really? Until I put the dashes in between the letters, it kept deleting every other letter per line other than one...)

I won't be translating after the story because this will be used again and in a much later flashback, it will have too much to offer translations on. I do hope that you can at least get the gist of what's going on without knowing the exact words. I gave the later chapter in question to a friend to preview to make sure and they thought it was okay. I also didn't want to translate directly after the text so as to show better Mikey's confusion and how he perceived things.

And to give credit where credit is due, the code is one that I first saw used on a wonderful Donatello-centric story (Picking Up the Pieces) by the awesome Sanru on FFNet. By the end of their story, I was almost fluent in reading that code *coughs*.