Chapter 15: "Confrontations"

Carter could not believe what he just saw, where those trackmark's on Lukas arms?

"Yeah, see ya" Carter said, knowing that he was going out have to find out for sure before he told anyone.

Luka pulled on his coat and left the lounge, left through the ambulance bay doors. Outside it was starting to rain heavily so Luka pulled up the collar of his coat, and wrapped it tighter around himself; which was not that hard to do as the coat was too big on him from loosing weight. He decided that; despite the rain and cold, that he was going to walk home, try to save some time before he had to go to the hotel, alone, except for the vivid memories that tormented and taunted him for not being able to save the people that meant everything to him.

By the time he had got home he was drenched and shivering; he had walked around for 2 hours letting his mind go numb. When he made it back to his hotel room he took off his soaked jacket and threw it over the couch in the corner of the room before sitting down on his bed and taking off his shoes. He walked into the bathroom and finished getting undressed where he noticed that the bandage around his waist had several red dots on it. He got into the shower and washed quickly before stepping out and drying just as quick, before putting on a pair of pajama bottoms and walking back into the bedroom, his hair still dripping slightly. He walked over to his medical bag and got out the things he needed and set them on his bed and then unwrapped the bandage from his waist, causing him too groan slightly as he saw the extent of his injuries; It was defiantly going to leave a scar, or he thought bitterly, another scar. He cleaned the wound, which caused him to hiss in pain, and then started to wrap a fresh bandage around his waist; something he had experience in doing he thought as he caught sight of the many scars that littered his back in the mirror on the opposite wall.

He cleaned away the rubbish and pulled down the covers and noticed that his hands were starting to shake. He cursed under his breath, remembering that he had forgotten to take his next dose since Kerry had sent him home early. He walked into the bathroom and opened the cabinet, reveling several pill bottles, and vials and syringes and needles; he had brought home a few vials and syringes over the past few weeks hoping that no one would notice since it had been busy. He took out a vile and syringe and needle, and brought them into the bedroom. He tied a tourniquet around his arm and waited for the vein to show; he was just halfway through administering the dose when there was a knock at his door. He shot his head up and quickly pushed the rest of it out of the syringe before putting it in the bin. He heard the door knock again and went to answer it quickly hoping that they had the wrong room. When he answered the door he saw that it was Carter and Abby, and was puzzled as to why they where here; but since he usually took a stronger dose at night to keep the nightmares away; at least for an hour or two; to think.

"Hey, do you wanna come in?" he said while wrapping his arms around his chest, wondering why people always came to his hotel when he was barely dressed.

"Sure" Carter said while walking into the room holding Abby's hand.

"What happened to your side?" Abby asked, noticing the bandage around his waist.

"It happened at that school shooting this morning, but it's fine" he said noticing the guilty look on Carter's face. He walked over to the couch and lifted up his coat and threw it on the bed.

"You can sit down" he said while laughing slightly as Carter and Abby walked over and sat down. Abby kept wondering how he got the scars on his back, as he sat down on the bed, and pulled the afghan around his shoulders.

Carter noticed that Luka's eyes seemed to be dropping and he kept yawning, seemingly fighting to stay awake.

"Weaver sent us over to tell you that you don't have to work tomorrow, she can get someone to cover for you. She said she phoned but no one answered and she sent us to check to see if you were okay" Carter said while studying the way Luka's shoulders seemed to slump at this statement.

Luka his head followed by a yawn.

"Well, it's late and I have a shift early tomorrow so, I'll see you later" Carter said as he and Abby got up.

"Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow then" Luka said as he opened the door. Once Carter and Abby had left Luka walked over to the bed and crawled under the covers; as soon as he put his head on the pillow he was asleep.

2 ½ Hours Later

It was 4:37am and Luka was tossing and turning in the bed, the sheets tangled around him and a sweat forming on his brow. He started to mutter in Croatian; and shot upright in bed breathing heavily. It took a moment for him to gather himself before he slid out of the covers, and shivered as the coolness of the room hit his chest; he wrapped his arms around himself and shivered. He walked over to his chest of drawers and pulled out a fresh set of clothes. He walked into the bathroom and got into the shower, letting the hot water relax the muscles in his back before getting out and wrapping a towel around his waist. He walked over to the mirror and wiped away the steam. He noticed that the bruise on his cheek was not as purple anymore. He brushed his teeth and mouth-washed before changing his bandage and getting dressed into a pair of black jeans and a long sleeved grey jumper, before he pulled on his scrub top.

He walked back into the bedroom and lifted up his coat and slipped it onto his shoulders.

3 Hours Later

Luka walked inside the ER just before it started to rain. He had been walking around for nearly 2 hours and was in desperate need of a coffee. He walked straight to the lounge were he hung up his coat and put his stethoscope around his neck and closed his locker. He walked over and poured himself a cup of coffee and drank some of it before leaving the lounge. He walked over to admit and lifted up a chart. He scanned over it as he walked to curtain 3 and was nearly there when Kerry stopped him.

"Luka, how's the side and cheek?" Kerry said as she touched the bruise.

"Both are fine, thanks" Luka said feeling uncomfortable, Kerry was treating him like she was his mother. Luka quickly walked to curtain 2 hoping that Kerry wouldn't follow him.

"So, Mr. Robinson, how did you do this?" Luka said as he sat down on the metal stool and cheeked the gash on Mr. Robinson's hand.

15 minutes later Luka had finished stitching Mr. Robinson's hand and was signing off on his chart when a gurney came in through the ambulance bay doors. Mark Greene ran over and called Luka to come and assist him. They had brought the gurney into trauma 2 and were getting ready to transfer the patient onto the other gurney when Luka saw the patient for the first time; she was a little girl of about 4-years old, she had dark hair and dark frightened eyes. Luka felt himself getting dizzy and had to grab onto the counter in the trauma room to stop himself from falling; she looked so much like her, like Jasna, he felt the bile rising in his throat at his next thought; I wonder did she have that terrified look in her eyes.

"Hey, Luka are you okay?" Greene said and Luka knew he was going to hate what he was about to do; he just walked out of the trauma room and literally ran into the men's bathroom before emptying his stomach of the coffee he had just drank that morning, followed by dry heaves. He flushed the toilet and sat there for about ten minutes to calm down before he exited the stall where he rinsed his mouth in the sink. He quickly left and was about to get the elevator when he saw out of the corner of his eye he saw Greene and Carter approaching him. He looked up and saw the elevator still had 3 floors until it reached the ER so he quickly turned and started to walk up the stairs.

10 minutes later he had made it to the roof where it was raining and noticed that his whole body was trembling. He walked over to the far side of the roof and sat down with his back leaning against the wall; he put his head in his hands and didn't bother to look up when he heard the door opening. He heard footsteps approaching him and someone sit down on either side of him,

"You okay?" Greene asked while placing his hand on Luka's shoulder and noticed that he was trembling, "Your going to get sick if you don't come back inside" Greene said as if he was talking to a child that wouldn't come inside.

Luka lifted his head up and looked at Mark, and Mark had the feeling that he wasn't really seeing him,

"She looked just like her" Luka said his accent thicker and laced with pain.

"Like who?" Greene asked hoping that Luka would tell him and not just run away like he did when he asked him about the photograph. And suddenly Greene thought he knew who Luka was talking about, "The little girl in the photo?" Luka nodded and wrapped his arms tighter around himself; he didn't know why he was telling them this but he knew in some way that it might help, "Who is she?" Greene said, noticing the way that Luka was shivering more and didn't have a lab coat he took of his jacket and put it over Luka's shoulder's,

"Jasna" Luka said and Carter noticed how a tear slipped down his cheek, "That's the only photo I have left of them"

"Is the photo of your sister's" Greene asked wondering what happened to them.

"No…it's a photo of Danijela and Jasna…my wife and daughter…Marko, my son, I have nothing of his" Luka said and Carter and Greene were both shocked, they thought that Luka was too young to have a family,

"Are they still in Croatia?" Carter asked.

"No…they all died" Luka put his head back in his hands and Carter and Greene stared at each other in shock.

Please R&R