Title: Black Heart Confession
Author: Hitsuji Kinno
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Drama
Part: 3 - The Essential Condition of Life
Created: 6/5/06
Updated: 6/26/06
E-mail: Hitsuji Kinno hitsuji at takeuchi-naoko dot com
The chapter title is a reference to a quote by Charlotte Perkins Gilman.
And I feel lucky for not owning Sailormoon, instead Naoko Takeuchi and PNP do. Read the Author notes/Disclaimers before reading.
It is not something that people talk about frequently. They say it's evil--even to the point that they will go across the world to seek a fountain of youth. They slather on beauty creams, make up and do everything to fight the inevidable look of not age, but of a word that is far more insidious to them.
Death. La Morte. Dood. Morte. Muerte. Tod. Shi. Whatever you call it in your language it's the same. What's so evil about death? What is so fearsome about death?
It is the only word I know in other languages. Sailor Mercury once was muttering these words to someone out there. She was fraught and worn, but I think sometimes that it was all she had of herself. There had been so much of it, not in a few months, not in a few weeks, not even in a few days, only in a few hours. Just a few hours between waking and walking out of the door, it was true. At the time you may think me not sane--I was inconsolable, but looking back I realize something about death. What is life without death? The world would be over populated would it not? It took me a while to understand this, but is not death an essential of life?
In my hands I have the power to end it all. Or I once did until that one day. This is why my daughter must continue...
The bodies of whomever had known the Sailor Soldiers were outside of the Tsukino residence. But It did not stop there. Soon the bodies were people that were one degree away from them, people they'd heard about in passing conversation. Makoto was inconsolable, between throwing up and not being able to look out the window.
Usagi wasn't strong enough to fight Chaos and Chaos was just warming up. There was nothing she could do.
"Is there nothing, absolutely nothing we can do?" Rei said angry at the sky, still not able to digest the truth about her father--whom she still had mixed feelings about.
Minako didn't reply, still shaken by the death of her parents. She did not talk like she usually did. It was too frightening to even think about Hikari. What was her price but knowing Minako?
"We can't grieve--not now," Usagi said coldly.
The voice was steel, somewhere between detachment and anger. Of everyone she was handling it the worst. Mamoru tried to comfort her, but couldn't find the words for it.
He hadn't really lost anyone, Usagi angrily thought. He couldn't understand what it was like to have your family almost land on your head. But through the anger, she knew she needed him. He was the only thing anchoring her to the Earth right now. He was the only source of comfort.
It wasn't in Usagi to be calculating. She was not that smart. She still came late to class and had to stand out in the hall with buckets, even in college. But there was something that Usagi was certain of and that at all costs she had to kill Chaos. Not seal it as before, but somehow kill it. She wanted it so it would never return.
It was Ami who spoke mechanically, as if it was a passing thought. It was not something she really meant to say, or was really thinking in actuality, but it was as if her soul was a robot. The smiling Sailor Soldier, a little insecure at time, full of grace, couldn't stop it even if she wanted to.
"Their starseeds--they have to have some energy in them. They have to have some good in them... we can't do this alone--our allies are too far away... but if we could."
"No!" Haruka yelled on the top of her lungs, shaking the blue-haired girl.
"Haruka," Michiru tried to say, but she felt much the same.
"We can't, we absolutely can't! What will separate us from that thing out there?" Haruka asked.
"And then their souls will go into the Silver Moon Crystal. The Silver Moon Crystal will...." Ami trailed off.
Haruka shook her head feverently. Hotaru was a thing out there, absorbing power, the girl she'd raised with her own hands and in here--no. She would not live through another Death of another Kingdom, not like this. The Death of the Moon Kingdom still rang through her head.
Usagi cried at Haruka, "What else can we do? Please tell me. Tell me now. More people are dying..."
People were raining outside like raindrops, one on another until the piles were organized.
"We can't do that!" Haruka said looking at Michiru for support.
Michiru held her partner's hand to try to prevent her from hitting Ami.
"Do you even understand what we lost? Do you understand how many people I knew died?" Makoto asked crying.
Haruka felt the sad gaze. Though Makoto's parents had died many years ago, she'd rebuilt her life and met many new people. Many people from her old school, Juuban High School and her college (which she went to through a sponsor), were outside the window.
"I lost people too. I lost many good friends, I lost--" Haruka couldn't finish. She wasn't one to talk about her inner feelings.
"We don't have time to argue," Rei said factually.
"Let's sleep on it," Michiru said trying to be diplomatic. She knew more than anyone what it meant to wait, but no one was rational now.
It was getting boring with them locked inside of that house doing nothing. Chaos hated that fact. What was the use of carnage and destruction if no one could see it? Indeed, what was the use of traveling millions of light years to this dinky planet, if no one would watch?
Just as Chaos thought it would get boring, the one that Chaos had come for came out. She was clad in that white dress. She had that confounded crystal. What was the good of that crystal and where were her friends?
And then that's when the battle began. It was not one that ended quickly, but it could not be stopped. Even if the others wanted to help, they could not, for what they saw sickened them. Even Ami who had suggested it in her shocked state could not stand it.
The people who had been laying down on the ground rose limp and their starseeds before them. The energy left the starseeds, but their energy could not return to the Galaxy Cauldron. The energy was absorbed into the Silver Moon Crystal, destroying the starseeds forever.
Through this method, Neo-Queen Serenity nourished her body for the long fight against Chaos. She used the starseed's power to restore Sailor Saturn. She did not sleep. She did not eat. She used the starseeds to make the crystal and her body one. She built the seeds of Crystal Tokyo and the Crystal Palace to strengthen her power. Because it was her heart's desire to do anything she could to defeat Chaos. And because she wanted to save her friends from being included in this act.
She cleared the sky of the leftover starseeds. She used them all, even as Chaos killed even more. Because she had no choice. She needed to save everyone just as she had done before.
She fought three long months straight and when it was over, she collapsed on the pavement, her prince ready to catch her. He brought her to a hospital with what staff was left over.
Neo-Queen Serenity's body was fed real food. For the first time in a long time she really slept. Six months of recovery because her body was worn and the Silver Moon Crystal almost on the verge of shattering. She fought death from the guilt of killing the people she knew so dearly to defeat the greater evil. She fought through the pain because she couldn't let the few friends she had down and she couldn't let the daughter she was to have never exist.
Mamoru stayed with her and conforted her, visiting her every day. She was glad of that.
On the day she recovered, she opened her hand. Tsukino Kenji, Tsukino Ikuko and Tsukino Shingo's seeds were in her hands. The souls that she could not bring herself to destroy. There was one last thing she wanted to do. With her new power she revived their bodies from their starseeds.
So her family she loved rose from the grave. She ran into Ikuko's arms waiting for her mother to scold her about her grades and unfinished homework, or her father wondering about her dates... or her brother making rude comments... but she looked into their eyes and saw they were not the same. No, maybe she had changed. She shook her head as she looked into their eyes. Chaos had found a new way of keeping itself alive. She could see it in their eyes. She knew it.
... And so, I had to kill them. I thought it would be alright, for two seconds I thought that the Galaxy Cauldron would not be cruel and actually return them to me. I thought that when I killed my mother, my father and Shingo that everything would be alright. Because Guardian Cosmos could not be that cruel.
What was it? Was it the glimmer in Shingo's eyes as I killed him with the sword given to me? Was it the fact that Mama couldn't believe it? Or was it the fact that they had betrayed me? No one ever knew. No one ever cared. No one will ever remember. I will make sure that no one remembers that act I had to do. Even my daughter Small Lady doesn't know. She's not even allowed to think about it. To her, Ikuko-mama exists only in the past and could never exist in the future. She never asks questions about them.
Queen Serenity said to me once that the Silver Moon Crystal depends on the heart of the user. After that day, though I had defeated Chaos my heart turned black, and the Silver Moon Crystal would have too, but the jolt and reversion from my pregnancy prevented it from doing so. It found a new user. This saved me.
You would think that I regret killing my family that I once adored with all my heart. I do. However probably not for the reasons you think. I do not regret that fact that I learned the true nature of this Galaxy--it is harsh and cruel and nothing will bring it back to only good and justice. But I have to keep that face. I do regret killing them because they would have been better for social functions and keeping my image as good and pure. There would be no one who could ever ask questions or break my spell then.
Like it hate it, I want reviews with some content. Tell me what you liked or disliked about the story, and most importantly why. Critique Tolerance 10 (burn me like a witch). Thank you.
