The chapter title is a reference to a poem by Friedrich Nietzsche


What place is it for you to judge and call yourself lord and master over my morality? Have you sat in the place I sit now? Have you seen the things I have seen that you can call upon me for the wrongs that I have done? How can you judge me so harshly when you have not experienced even an ounce of the responsibility?

The time of judging is coming upon me. I know you will hate me, but I have one last breath to tell you. Make your final judgment upon me then. For right now I stare into the abyss--whether is is sadness, grief or the irksome of feeling of lonliness it's not a question of my own morality--for I am sure I have done right. There is no wrong or in betweens of what I have and have not done. I never said that the decisions I made were pleasant, but what decisions are ever so pleasant? I have one last tale to tell and that is of meeting my former self. And this only affirms the actions I have taken.


Princess Tsukino Usagi Small Lady Serenity, to be called Princess Tsukino Usagi Lady Serenity when she comes of age was not so much a blight to Neo-Queen Serenity, but an existence of innocence and naiveté that she'd seen in herself all those years ago. It was not the innocence that one sees when looking into the eyes of a puppy, but rather the innocence of not know what was out there in the world and what the world offered.

By stealing the power of the Ginzuishou even though Small Lady, as she was called, had stunted her daughter, she knew the exact date that the Black Moon would attack. She'd seen those numbers on the screen when she was Sailor Moon talking to the holographic form of Endymion. Through this exact knowledge passed onto her and the things that Endymion had said to her, Neo-Queen Serenity saw it as a road map to her future and saw it as something she must do. The war against Chaos had taught her the needs of necessity.

The necessary quotes that her now husband would say still rang in her mind. She did not see it as a choice, but rather something to prepare for and in the end something to bring about. if she did not bring about those events, she would never get the next evolution of the Maboroshi no Ginzuishou--the Pink Moon Crystal.

The words of Endymion when she was Sailor Moon rang through her head time and again as she arranged for the holographic technology to support her husband in the attacks.

"...the land was still with the air of death... We closed the palace down after that, but they used poison gas. One after another, people started dying from it..."

"The life span of people in the Silver Millennium is about one thousand years. After adulthood is reached, the aging process is stopped. When Selenity was 22, she ascended to the throne and gave birth to the first princess."

"...For centuries before that, they sent criminals there in place of capital punishment. After a while, they stopped and left the planet alone."

They... they meaning her and Endymion had sent them. The place? Nemesis. She had finished with that. The time was almost here when the Black Moon would attack with a poisonous gas and kill the population she had so carefully culled--but it was no matter she was done with that little project. She was done with creatively creating accidents for the people who would even remotely speak against her. The rest of the dissenters from Nemesis were going to be killed by her past self with the help of her daughter. She had followed the instructions to the letter so far, she'd bred the people so well that she had no need of Nemesis anymore. No one resisted her. Because to even think it was against how these humans were bred. And to her surprise these domesticated humans under her power and influence lived longer. With some manipulation she'd managed to make it seem to everyone that the Ginzuishou expanded their lives as well.

So she placed the now dead crystal's shell--the Maboroshi no Ginzuishou in its glass case. She let people tease her daughter... and on the day of the attack went "looking" for her. Then everything neatly fell into place. Her past self came and went. So there was one thing that Neo-Queen Serenity felt she needed to do besides upgrading their powers. Look into the eyes of her past self. In a way she didn't think she should. She was afraid to look into those crystal clear eyes that saw no hardships, but slowly she did.

"Just for a little bit..." thought Neo-Queen Srenity "Even though... it could change history..."

And then they met. She saw her. In those eyes, Neo-Queen Serenity saw what was once her former self. Some part of her knew for those seconds that she looked into her own eyes and gave herself the powers to defeat the next enemy that the Usagi before her would have to make the same choice she did on that day when faced with Chaos taking away everything she loved systematically. But in that moment there was a feeling of joy too. Yes, joy, but also incredible sadness.

"Sailor Moon!"

"Neo-Queen Selenity!"

"Thank you...for everything," Neo Queen Serenity said, meaning every word of it.

"No, thank you, Queen," says Usagi. "Oh, there's so much I want to say."

In the end she had nothing to really say to her former self, nothing about motherhood, how to run the city, if she should study more, if she fight harder, she couldn't think of anything, because looking at her former self was looking into a pit of hopelessness, because for those few moments she realized that this person before her understood her less than those around her now. In summary, when faced with herself, unlike all those years of thinking that she would--she had no regrets. Seeing herself was an affirmation of what she had done.

There was one ingredient left: Small Lady, or as she was now called, Chibiusa. Her own daughter would help her past self to her goal. The connection to finding Hotaru was important for the growth of her own daughter and to get herself to this point. This is why she had no warnings for herself in the past and said nothing to her.

Over the months that her daughter talked to her through post cards sent through time, Neo-Queen Serenity waited for the day to come that Small Lady would return with the Pink Moon Crystal. It was a gamble at best, for in the time that Chibiusa was gone, so was the Ginzuishou, the only thing helping her to keep control, but rebuilding the city was important, and she knew she could cull off the population of dissenters once the crystal returned, though under Small Lady's control, but it was a minor matter. Waiting was excruciating.

And even the note where she misspelled the kanji was tough, because she knew after those events the Maboroshi no Ginzuishou would return as the Pink Moon Crystal. She had carefully instructed her daughter, told her about all the things she needed to know about the past and her past self to move her into the right direction so that she could realize her final goal.

Sometimes she wanted to panic because the population of the people in Crystal Tokyo and around the world was growing and Neo-Queen Serenity have very little faith that she'd culled out the gene where they would not rise up against her. If Wolves could become dogs, dogs could become dingos in a few generations. The very thing that was keeping them dogs and not wolves was gone. But the waiting would be worth it.

Then Small Lady returned and they celebrated, because Neo-Queen Serenity knew the Pink Moon Crystal was finally in her grasp. There was only one more event left.

The skies became dark instantly on Small Lady's return. This was enough to shock Neo-Queen Serenity because she didn't know it would be like this. She consulted Sailor Pluto.

Pluto was grateful for her life to be returned to her, so she had no qualms with whatsoever Neo-Queen Serenity decided--Neo-Queen Serenity was her savior, and Neo-Queen Serenity did not let the soldier of time forget whom she served and why. This is why Pluto obeyed Neo-Queen Serenity's wishes even if she knew the result.

That is when Diana begged her to go to the past. "Please," Diana said, "I request that I may once more go to the past! Isn't the source of the disturbance crossing time the attack of the enemies Sailor Moon and the others are fighting!? I wish to assist by going to Sailor Moon, defeating the enemies, and returning peace as it was!"

Yes, return everything back to peace. It was not a request she could refuse outright. So she let her go, and Pluto obeyed.

She thought this would be enough for these were not events she was familiar with. Neo-Queen Serenity originally had thought it best to keep Small Lady with her, which is why she said:

"Small Lady, your training has been completed. You gave the space-time key back to Pluto. Now you must study many things here in the 30th century."

"But-!" Small Lady objected.

"Now, good night. Tomorrow you will begin your curriculum of education at the remote palace on the moon."

But upon reconsideration realized that Small Lady would have to go, and in doing this Small Lady would understand. Even if she was reluctant about it, there was no other way.

And when Chibiusa returned from the Galaxy Cauldron of the past, with her Sailors and tales of Sailor Cosmos, that was when Neo-Queen Serenity finally knew she had what she wanted--she would instruct Small Lady on the moon. Before her was a girl that had known evil as Black Lady, who had died in the Galaxy Cauldron, knew the very face of Chaos and its cruelty, knew the heart of making choices because she had seen the choices that Eternal Sailormoon had made, and even had earned four new sailors.

"Mama, it was wondrous..." Small Lady said forgetting her decorum.

"The Cauldron?" Neo-Queen Serenity asked as if she didn't remember.

"Yes, it shined from the inside and glowed. Everything there was so bright and wonderful... and everyone who ever died during the war was saved by Usagi! Thank you for letting me go Mama."

Small Lady knew all that she knew, had seen all that she had seen. Thanks to Sailor Chibichibi showing her the events of the past she also knew loss. And Small Lady also stared into the abyss just long enough to understand her position. Just with a little isolation on the moon and teaching and seeing what it was like would send her daughter to see her ways and not that of Sailor Moon's uneducated ways.

Neo-Queen Serenity would teach her all about it with holographic projectors. The Pink Moon Crystal would not object because the intentions as Small Lady saw them would be pure. Small Lady would understand how her home was created, and how it was done. And Small Lady would not be horrified, because what Neo-Queen Serenity had done was never, ever wrong.

Yes, I used my former naive self and my daughter to eliminate the enemy. Chaos ruled in those hearts, yes that's true too and living forever in their eyes was a sin, but it was the only way I could get rid of them. It is here I gave Sailor Moon the magic and tools. I ran to see her, my former self. So naive, so innocent, would she even like me now, if she knew all of this? Would she stand to face Galaxia the same as I had done, and then get lost in the oncoming Chaos as I had done? Would she have killed her family or let Chaos rule the Earth if given that choice? But it is good to be naive. If only for a short time.

So judge me now. Hate me now. You will come to understand me as my daughter has come to. Because I'm sure once you look deep down you would have done the same. Even if you don't it doesn't matter. For in a few seconds you will not remember anymore. You will be angry at even the suggestion, the thought and eventually forget.

How is one to live a moral and compassionate existence when one is fully aware of the blood, the horror inherent in life, when one finds darkness not only in one's culture but within oneself? -- Barry Lopez

--END--


Like it hate it, I want reviews with some content. Tell me what you liked or disliked about the story, and most importantly why. Critique Tolerance 10 (burn me like a witch). Thank you.