For whatever record there is, this story was not brilliantly easy to write. In fact, it was super, super hard pushing me to the limits of my skill. I almost cried several times. I had to make a character I generally liked evil and not only evil, but evil against her own will. Turning evil against ones own will is not something generally practiced in fiction. (I think Holly Lisle did it once).

LeVar Bouyer wrote a story about Usagi turning evil, with the Ginzuishou as the catalyst--basically what if the Ginzuishou was a form of crack. I had not read this story when I wrote chapter one, but I really did appreciate the style and wished I could write something of that format for Minako Quest Against Her Henshin. (It was brilliant for its pacing echoing much of Usagi's change. I love that Old school Fan Fiction anyhow.) The story is: Innocence In A Minor by LeVar Bouyer for those who are interested.

I knew before I read that fan fiction that I didn't want to use outside forces to prove that Usagi was evil. I did not want the cliche of an outside force infecting her or for there to be a magical reason for her to turn evil. Instead, I wanted to delve into Usagi herself. I wanted her to make the decisions of her own will, but be forced into them. Though Chaos was the psychological reason, I did not want Chaos to be the real reason for her to do what she did.

The idea behind this story was generated by Lunar Archivist who couldn't understand for the life of him why in the manga there would be a penal colony and where people were "purified" or sent to that planet. I'd always been toying with the definition of "evil" and "punishment". What is the difference between evil and someone you simply do not like?

Also the question arose if Neo-Queen Serenity and King Endymion KNEW when they sent their daughter to the past all that would happen. I know it's tradition for their memories to be erased (as was in another fan fiction of mine). But for once what if they truly knew with full knowledge that their daughter would be threatened, turn evil and have to be alone in the past?

War does some crazy things to people's psyches. It's really hard sometimes to differentiate the enemy from who is a friend. I learned this by watching this guy on a bus one day talking to himself. The feeling of despair surrounding him was sad, and something that stuck with me for months. Here was a guy in army clothes and a hair cut, tattered muttering to himself about a friend that lost his leg, repeating it feverently. From what I could gather he was the commander of this unit and he was close to this subordinate underneath him. He made a decision he long regretted and this caused him the mental trauma. He could not let it go. No matter how hard he was trying he simply could not let it go and he was stuck in that nightmare, living it over and over again, trying to say sorry, but not finding the words. If there is anything I tried to echo, it was that soldier. Because while everyone was giving him dirty looks feeling uncomfortable, I felt I wanted to cry for him. I hope I echoed that in this fan fiction. A generally good person forced to take decisions they did not want to make, but did anyhow.

The other thing that I want to emphasize is that evil people do not think they are evil. And this too, I tried to echo. They say they have no regrets in when others ask, but a good person will regret their actions in private. Winston Churchill himself did not know if he was good or evil at the end of WWII. It tired him greatly to have to make such a decision. When the bombs were dropped on Nagasaki and Hiroshima it shook Einstein and Truman to their core. After the bomb was dropped, Einstein fought for them to never be used again, though he did help with the Manhattan Project in part because he wanted to help with the bomb (His student was the major force behind that project though). I saw on Frontline that Truman was secretly waiting with his hands clasped together waiting to hear that the bombs had dropped and didn't get sleep that night over it, still wondering if he'd done the right thing. These acts are things that people who were general brilliant and trying to do the right thing was forced to do.

I think you know if you're truly evil if you face your younger self and have absolutely nothing to really say. If one can face their own actions, take responsibility for them, what they do to others without yourself and when you face yourself, you still have regrets of things you wish you had done for others above yourself, that is good. I do not wish to preach for these author notes and in closing, but I hope this question really rung out throught the story--Who is really evil?

For those who are curious, here are the quotes I referenced.

Quotes Referenced:

Chapter 1 (Lead Quote)
No one is more dangerous than he who imagines himself pure in heart: for his purity, by definition, is unassailable. -- James A. Baldwin

Chapters 1 and 5
Battle not with monsters
lest ye become a monster
and if you gaze into the abyss
the abyss gazes into you.
-- Friedrich Nietzsche

Chapter 2
If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being, and who is willing to destroy his own heart?
-- Alexander Solzhenitsyn

Chapter 3
Death? Why this fuss about death. Use your imagination, try to visualize a world without death! ... Death is the essential condition of life, not an evil.
-- Charlotte Perkins Gilman

Chapter 4
No man chooses evil because it is evil; he only mistakes it for happiness, the good he seeks.
-- Mary Wollstonecraft

Full Quote Chapter 5 (End Quote):
How is one to live a moral and compassionate existence when one is fully aware of the blood, the horror inherent in life, when one finds darkness not only in one's culture but within oneself? If there is a stage at which an individual life becomes truly adult, it must be when one grasps the irony in its unfolding and accepts responsibility for a life lived in the midst of such paradox. One must live in the middle of contradiction, because if all contradiction were eliminated at once life would collapse. There are simply no answers to some of the great pressing questions. You continue to live them out, making your life a worthy expression of leaning into the light.
-- Barry Lopez

For the last chapter (Chapter 5) I used quotes from Alex Glover's translations laced within the body of the story. I twisted them a bit though.

They are:

"...the land was still with the air of death... We closed the palace down after that, but they used poison gas. One after another, people started dying from it..."

"The life span of people in the Silver Millennium is about one thousand years. After adulthood is reached, the aging process is stopped. When Selenity was 22, she ascended to the throne and gave birth to the first princess."

"...For centuries before that, they sent criminals there in place of capital punishment. After a while, they stopped and left the planet alone."

"Just for a little bit..." thinks the queen. "Even though... it could change history..."

Usagi sees the queen running out of the palace. She goes to her.

"Sailor Moon!"

"Neo-Queen Selenity!"

They look at each other.

"Thank you..." says the queen. "For everything."

"No, thank you, Queen," says Usagi. "Oh, there's so much I want to say."

The queen stands with King Endymion, and the four sailor soldiers of the future.

"Someday, we'll run into each other. The future. Someday, we can meet. Farewell."

"Please," Diana says, "I request that I may once more go to the past! Isn't the source of the disturbance crossing time the attack of the enemies Sailor Moon and the others are fighting!? I wish to assist by going to Sailor Moon, defeating the enemies, and returning peace as it was!"

"Small Lady, your training has been completed. You gave the space-time key back to Pluto. Now you must study many things here in the 30th century."

"But-!" Small Lady objected.

"Now, good night. Tomorrow you will begin your curriculum of education at the remote palace on the moon."

Thanks to all who read and reviewed this story.

Ja ne!
Hitsuji Kinno


Like it hate it, I want reviews with some content. Tell me what you liked or disliked about the story, and most importantly why. Critique Tolerance 10 (burn me like a witch). Thank you.