Purple Haze

A One Piece Crack-fic by Aoikami Sarah

Chapter Two – Attempting To Adjust

Sanji wailed and pounded on the women's cabin door. "Nami-san! Robin-chwan! Are you ok!" Although it was only a few moments before anyone answered, she fretted and danced from one foot to the other the entire time. The door opened. Luffy poked her head around Sanji. Usopp and Chopper watched from a safe distance.

"Uaa! Who the heck are you!"

Usopp smacked her captain. "You wingus who do you think that is!"

"Oh my. So that's how it is," Robin commented and folded his arms across his chest. He, like Usopp wore a sheet wrapped around his body. "Would any of you ladies have some clothes I could borrow?" He grinned and Sanji passed out. A man's terrified scream from inside the room drew their attention. "Would you excuse me for a moment," Robin said as he closed the door. "I think someone is going to need a debriefing."

"Haha, this is awesome!" Luffy laughed.

"No it's not!" Usopp shouted back.

"It most definitely is not," another feminine voice muttered from behind them. "Just what the hell happened to us?" Zoro asked. She had ditched her oversized boots, pants and haramaki and was standing in only her white shirt which reached the middle of her thighs. She looked down at the cook's fallen form. "And what the hell's wrong with him?"

"Sanji had a heart attack, I think." Usopp errantly smacked Luffy's hand away as she had started to play with her breasts again. "Something happened overnight and changed all our genders."

"All?" Zoro raised a brow and the door to the women's cabin opened. She made a choking noise as Robin stepped back out and clicked the door behind him.

"I'm afraid Miss… er… that is, Mr. Navigator isn't taking this very well."

"Is Nami ok?" Luffy asked seriously.

"She's fine. I mean, he's fine. This is troublesome," Robin said with a sigh and put his hands on his hips. He looked a bit like a greek god with the white sheet wrapped around his waist.

Zoro grit her teeth together and tried hard not to stare. "Oi. Robin. Get me some pants," she demanded.

"Oh, good idea. We should trade some clothes, shouldn't we. Nagahana-kun, could you round up some of the men's clothes for Mr. Navigator and myself?"

"Sure thing, Robin," she agreed, beginning to feel oddly more comfortable by the moment. Chopper followed her like a puppy.

Robin grinned at Zoro who stood with her arms tightly folded and grimacing at the wall to her left. "I'll find some more suitable attire for you ladies." Zoro scoffed but said nothing as Robin ducked back into the room.

Nami was still curled up in bed and shaking like a leaf. "Mr. Navigator," Robin began.

"Don't call me that!" Nami shouted back and made a muffled, frustrated sound at hearing his own, deeper voice. "Are the guys ok?" he asked quietly.

"Aside from currently being girls, they seem fine. Though I think Cook-san is taking it pretty hard."

"Robin, tell me this isn't happening."

"I'm sorry. It is." Robin sat down on the edge of the navigator's bed. "I can't say I care much for being male, either. Despite often cursing being born a woman..."

This roused the redhead. "You did?" He pulled back the covers a little, revealing a handsome face and strong features.

Robin nodded. "I was alone for many years after the bounty was placed on my head at age eight. It was often very difficult just to survive as a young girl on the high seas, especially when I left West Blue for the Grand Line."

Nami was awestruck. This was more than he had learned about Robin since the former Baroque Works officer-agent joined the crew. "I was too!" he cried excitedly.

"Was too?" Robin repeated.

"I was orphaned and had to work for this awful pirate Arlong when I was eight years old. I know exactly what you mean. Trying to get by without being killed or worse was really hard." He sat up and started at his own hands. "But despite how horrible it was sometimes, I really don't like this. I like being a woman."

Robin smiled. "Me too." He stood and crossed to the door. "I've asked the others to round up something for us to wear," he said and tightened the sheet he had wrapped around his waist. "I'm not worried. Since I've joined this crew I've been to the sky and back. I don't doubt that some solution will present itself."

Nami smiled and nodded. "Totally," he agreed and fashioned himself a toga out of his bedsheet. "And if it doesn't, think about how easily we can evade our bounties!"

Robin laughed.

In an hour Sanji was conscious and everyone was dressed. Chopper stayed close by Usopp but remained in her smaller, female deer form. Usopp wore one of Nami's bright, yellow skirts and a loose, brown tee-shirt with bare feet. Luffy had been given a more conservative red tank top to wear with the shorts she would not relinquish and a pair of flip-flops. Sanji sulked darkly as she made brunch in a black skirt and blue blouse from Robin that was a little too long but otherwise fit nicely. She had put on her own necktie which was also a little too long, but felt more comfortable. She stole glances at Robin as he poured himself a cup of coffee and sat down at the table. Finally, Zoro entered wearing a pair of Robin's black Capri pants and a white tank top. She slumped into a chair and watched Usopp sit down next to her. "Damn, Usopp. You got this chick thing down," she commented snidely as she noticed how demurely Usopp seated herself.

"Why thank you, Zoro-chan."

"Do not call me 'chan'."

"Zoro-sempai?"

"Not that either."

Luffy grinned to split her face. "How 'bout Zo'nna!"

"Absolutely not!"

Robin laughed. Sanji turned red and shouted "Everyone shut the hell up!" And everyone did. "This is not funny. Something really messed up has happened and I don't hear anyone talking about what we're going to do about it!"

Luffy deflated and flopped into a chair across from Zoro and Usopp. Robin raised his head. "I think we should wait until Mr. Navigator joins us before we discuss what we can do from here." Luffy nodded repeatedly and the others mumbled in agreement. Sanji huffed and went back to flipping the paninis she was making. When they were finished and being served, at last, the Navigator joined the rest of the Straw Hat pirates.

Nami stood in the door way, eyes wide and surveyed the room. Chopper without his antlers, Usopp and Sanji in skirts. Zoro and Luffy with cleavage. It was almost too much to bear at once and if it hadn't been for Robin's descriptive warning of what he was in for, Nami would have freaked out much harder than he was doing right now.

He wore a pair of Sanji's crop-pants and a colorful button-down short-sleeved shirt (that looked a bit like one Zoro wore a long time ago) over a plain, white tank top. His hair, like Robin's, was pulled back into a short ponytail at the base of his neck. Both he and Robin made very attractive men. "Zoro, don't sit like that," he groaned and took a seat next to Robin and Luffy. "It's unladylike."

"Why you…!" Zoro started through clenched teeth but thought better of berating him.

Luffy grinned at Nami like an idiot. "What?" he asked with a worried expression on his face.

"You're wearing my shoes!" Luffy sang.

"And?"

"That's all!" she said and giggled. Nami rolled his eyes.

"And Robin is wearing mine," Zoro grumbled.

"You have the biggest feet," he admitted. "Well, normally."

Zoro turned bright red but again opted to keep her comments to herself.

"Alright people, let's hash this out," Sanji urged to a chorus of muttered agreement. "What happened last night? Marimo, weren't you on duty? You must have seen something."

"I didn't see squat," she said, tilting her head to the side. "The weather was fine. The ship was fine. I woke at dawn and I was a chick."

Usopp leaned toward her. "Zoro, are you wearing perfume?"

She sat bolt upright and glared at Usopp. "Hell no!"

"You smell nice. Smell him, Luffy," she urged and the captain leaned in for a good sniff.

"Ah! That's a nice scent. Where'd you get the perfume, Zoro?"

"Oh my God, they're really turning into chicks…" Nami moaned.

"I said I don't have perfume on! Get off me!" Zoro flailed. Robin got up and went to have a sniff and Zoro bolted out of her chair and touched her swords. "I mean it. Trust me."

"I do," he said, holding his dangerous hands up. "May I smell what the others smell, please?"

She frowned deeply and turned her head. "Whatever. You're all nuts."

Robin sniffed Zoro quietly. "There is a sweet odor…"

"Et tu, Robin?" Zoro muttered.

"Fruity Marimo," Sanji snickered.

"I will kill you."

"Please!" Robin raised his voice. "This could be a clue. She was the only one outside when this happened to us…"

Nami leaned over the table towards them. "So what does that mean, Robin?" he asked.

"I'm sorry, I don't know. It might take a while to get to the bottom of it. If you'll excuse me, I need to do some research." Robin took his plate and left the galley to pour himself over his books.

Zoro flopped back down into a chair. "Well, this sucks. What do we do now?" She tilted her head and tried to discreetly sniff herself. She shrugged, not getting what everyone else smelled.

Nami shrugged. "Wait, I guess." He noticed Sanji was staring at him. "Do I have something on my face?"

Sanji blinked rapidly and blushed. "Ah, no! No. Sorry." She looked down at her plate and pretended to be interested in her food. Luffy's was already gone and she was working on the plates of those who weren't paying attention.

Chopper was still standing at Usopp's side. Nami pouted as she noticed this. "Chopper, aren't you hungry?"

The reindeer shook her head.

Chopper quietly left the galley and went back to the men's cabin where she transformed into her normal form and curled up in her hammock. A few minutes later Usopp, followed by Nami, caught up with her.

"Chopper, it's ok," Usopp began. "The same thing happened to you as happened to me, you know."

"No. It's different."

Usopp gave Nami an exasperated face. "How is it different, Chopper?" Nami asked.

"You should know better than Usopp, Nami. You had something obvious taken away, too."

Nami blinked. "Obvious. You mean my breasts?" Usopp opened her mouth as she finally understood. She crossed the room and picked Chopper's hat up off the floor. "Ah… Your antlers!" Chopper curled herself tighter into the fetal position. "Usopp," Nami beckoned for her to lean closer so he could whisper in her ear. "Ok?" he asked when he was done.

"Be right back!" Usopp chimed. In a few moments she returned with something pale pink in her hand. "Tada!"

"Perfect," Nami took the small, pink tee-shirt from her. "You've seen my boobs like a million times, Doctor, so you shouldn't mind me peeking at yours, once," he said and grabbed Chopper out of the hammock. "And I do like my breasts very much and I miss them, certainly. But I know everything will be back to normal in no time." He and Usopp wrestled with the panicking reindeer to dress her. "In order for us all to have faith in this, we all need to support each other. That means that you have to suck it up like the rest of us." Lastly, Usopp popped the pink hat down onto her head. "I mean, hey, you can't let Usopp be the best girl on the ship, can you?"

"Oi oi oi," Usopp said, holding a hand up in warning.

They turned Chopper around to face a mirror and she hid the wrong way behind Nami's legs. She was painfully cute as a girl. "Is that me?" she asked.

"That's you and you're so friggin' cute!" Usopp cried, picked the doctor up and hugged her tightly.

"Hey! Don't think that saying something like that's gonna make me feel better, asshole!" she chimed, grinning from ear to ear.

To be concluded…