CHAPTER 3: DECISION

How dare he! The first Erik's impulse was to kill Nadir. No matter how much he respected him. If only the Punjab lasso was within his grasp… Fortunately, he realized on time that the Persian wasn't making fun of him. He was absolutely serious…

Now, when Erik was sitting alone is his room, he almost laughed at his irritability.

He had time to decide. Will he go out of the darkness and live among people? Never! - it was the answer he gave to his friend. But Nadir will come back soon and ask him the same question once again. What will he say then?

As the time was passing, Erik found himself thinking about it more and more. Of course, it was impossible. He would never be able to live like a normal man. He couldn't even imagine it. House, windows, neighbours… buying bread and butter in the morning, looking at the rising sun, avoiding rain puddles on the street…and the sea of people… He shook his head. It wasn't life for him. But the more he was trying to deny it, the more he was realizing he wanted it. He hated his underground house. There were too many painful memories, too many objects that reminded him of the past. But he was still living there. Where else could he go? At least here, deep under the ground no one could find him, he was safe from people's inquisitive gaze.

But wasn't he already fed up with such life? This silence all around him was driving him mad. He wasn't even able to compose or design anymore, he lost all inspiration that previously was poured into his heart with love for Christine. He felt old. Day by day, he was becoming more bored and weary.

And then suddenly his friend came to him and suggested him removal. He snorted. As if it was so easy. Or maybe it was easy, but he simply didn't want to accept it? He only needed to find a house and pack some things, after all. He still had his old suitcase…

Erik smirked to himself. The older the stupider. Self-mockery became his best weapon against the dark hole of melancholy during his lonely years. But yet… he couldn't shut out the thought of leaving this place, this life behind.

He set his gaze on the wall. No… he was wrong… it was possible. If Nadir, as he said, would find him a house… then why not? He could live in one of those beautiful districts in Paris. Maybe nearby Avenue des Champs-Elysees? Once again he felt a need to call himself an old fool. His skeleton face and the most popular place in France! A perfect match!

But suddenly something came to his mind. A strange, but rational thought. There was a place where he could live… the hill full of people living on the margin, outcasts, minor thieves… a perfect place for those who want to hide. Montmartre, called la Butte by Parisians.

A sudden hope burst in Erik's heart. It was like he woke up from lethargy. He knew what he wanted. Now he knew it. He simply wanted to liveconsciously. He wasn't just a marionette, for the first time he felt strong enough to fight his fate. He won't hide and let life pass him by any longer. He still had so many things he wanted to do or see.

It all lasted far too long. Maybe few years ago, he liked the idea of spending the rest of his life alone, isolated from the world. But things have changed. He realized that it's not possible. He wanted to know what it feels like to be an ordinary man; not a lonely genius or a shameless murderer.

He sat by his desk and took his pen. He wrote quickly some words on the paper, signed it O.G., as always and with peaceful joy, he placed a pile of francs in the envelope.

It was the beginning of changes in his life.

xxx

"Erik, are you serious?" asked Nadir once again with disbelief, but his face was cheerful.

"Why did you ask me is I want to move from here, daroga," said Erik, smirking. "if you don't want to accept a positive answer?"

Nadir shook his head.

"Don't be silly, Erik. I'm just surprised. I thought you'd rather kill me than agree."

"Well, I actually was to do so, but I changed my mind." he said, putting back his cup of tea. He leaned back on the couch and sighed. "I want to be a free man, daroga. I can't live here any longer."

"I know, Erik." said Nadir quietly. "You don't have to explain it to me."

Erik nodded.

"I want to move to Montmartre, you know." he said after a moment. Nadir looked at him guardedly.

"Montmartre?" he asked "Do you think it's a good place? Do you know it's full of…outcasts…?"

"Of course I do! That's why I chose it." said Erik, a little irritated. "Have you been there lately?"

"Yes… about a week ago, I think. "

"Are there many flats for rent?"

"Flats? Aren't you going to buy yourself a house?" another surprise. Nadir never thought he'd hear something like this from Erik's mouth.

"No." replied Erik simply. "I don't think I could afford it. I sent back all the money to the managers."

For a moment, Nadir was completely speechless.

"Erik… you never cease to surprise me." he said at last. "Why have you done it?"

Erik shrugged.

"Being an extortionist doesn't amuse me any more, daroga." he said. "Look, I want to move there as soon as it's possible. Maybe even this week…"

"This week?"

"Oh, God! You have no idea what it feels like to have an opportunity to live like a normal man, daroga!" said Erik passionately. "I haven't seen the daylight for months. You don't understand it…"

Nadir smiled, looking at this outburst. Seeing his friend's sudden enthusiasm was the best thing that happened this year. He calculated everything quickly in his head. One week should be enough, after all…

"No, Erik, I understand." said Nadir after a while. "And it is possible. Finding a flat on Montmartre shouldn't be a problem. There's a lot of them. And they're quite cheap, I think. But what really troubles my mind are your things. What are you going to do with your organ, furniture and everything? It all is far too big to take it to the flat. I'm afraid you'll have to…" he trailed off. How was he to tell his friend that he should get rid of anything connected with his past life, the objects he loved? Erik was waiting for his to finish the sentence. "To sell most of them."

There was a long pause between them. Erik wasn't pleased with what he heard. Selling his organ would be like selling a part of his heart. It was so dear to him… It served him s well through all these years… But he couldn't forget it was also the biggest and the most troublesome object in his house. Nadir was right, there was no other way. If he wanted to be free, he had to abandon sentiments and forget his past life. But still there was something that was keeping him from agreeing. He suddenly felt angry at himself. He hasn't even started a new life and there already was an obstacle. No, he won't think about it anymore. Organ is just an instrument, after all. An instrument of many sad memories he wanted to forget.

"I know." he said eventually. "I'll buy a piano instead."