As always, you all are the best! I love the Andith ship and all who are aboard! Thank you for all the reviews, follows, and general good will.
I'm finding that juggling 4 stories at once is quite challenging but also keeps the muse busy and out of hiding. I do hope you enjoy the latest in this story. Now, back to the other 3. Am I insane or what?
Almost a week after his arrival at Downton, Dr. Clarkson declared that it was time for Anthony to get out of his room and move about a bit. "Perhaps even a short walk on the grounds," he'd said. "But do not overdo it. Take it slowly at first. Your body is still quite weak from all that it has been put through and it will take time to regain your strength."
When Edith came in later, Anthony told her the news. "I am to move around more," he said, almost happily. "The good doctor says I am to take it slowly but I'm no longer to lay about like an invalid."
"Oh, that's wonderful," she exclaimed. "Shall we try it now?"
"Yes, but, erm…. He left that," Anthony said as he pointed to a piece of cloth that rested on the table beside his bed. "He said when ever I am up, sitting or standing, I should wear it to support the arm. He said otherwise it will strain the shoulder and make the pain much worse."
Having seen Anthony's grimaces at even the slightest movement, Edith reached for the cloth. "Then will shall consider this your flag of freedom. Wearing this, you will be quite free of the pain that comes with stressing your shoulder and you'll be free to move about."
"Yes, alright," he said as he looked at it disdainfully.
Edith caught his expression. "You don't like it?"
"I don't like the idea of it. People will see me wearing that white cloth and know I am damaged and they will treat me differently."
"Perhaps in time you won't need it as much," she replied. "But for now, then perhaps it is wisest to wear it. After all, every man here is wearing a bandage or wrappings of some sort. You'd be quite out of place, if you weren't."
A shy smile crept into Anthony's features. "You always seem to make things seem so much less unbearable."
"Good. Because you do the same for me. Now let's get you trussed up and we'll go exploring. You've seen Downton before but you don't remember it. This will be an adventure then."
"Yes, an adventure," he sighed as Edith busied herself with the sling.
When his new adventure began, Anthony realized it would be a short one. His legs were weak and wobbly at best and he found himself leaning either into the wall or Edith. While he preferred the latter, he know it wasn't proper. Still…. he couldn't deny to little thrill it sent through him each time they touched.
They made it down the hall and onto the front hall that overlooked the stairs and the main hall below. He stood, holding the bannister tightly to keep his balance as he looked down. There were several men at tables, playing cards and other games. Edith was right, most did seem to be wearing bandages, standards for their injuries, just as he did. He saw a few of the nurses as they passed through, stopping sometimes to check on a patient. There were members of the house staff too, hurrying through as they went about their tasks. It was all reasonably quiet, considering the numbers in the hall below. "It was kind of your family to open your home like this," he said as he turned to Edith.
Edith smiled. "Yes, and…. No… Cousin Isobel suggested it, threw the idea out like a gauntlet and of course, Granny picked it up. Papa wasn't thrilled but I think saw a way to be useful. Mama thought it a good idea too. Sybil, of course, was entirely on Isobel's side. And Mary, well…. she was Mary."
"Are you certain she is your sister?" Anthony blurted. Then blushing, he tried to get out of the mess he'd just made of things. "I mean, you and Lady Sybil are so sweet and kind and she…. Well, perhaps she is the most like your grandmother?" Then he blushed again as he realized he had only made it worse.
Edith, however, giggled. "I do love that about you, Anthony. You always see things as they are and beyond the first dinner where you were invited as a potential husband for Mary, you never seemed overly impressed with her charm and didn't let her manipulate you as other men do. Well, at least not until the garden party, anyway. " Her face saddened as she finished.
"Edith?" Anthony had been delighted with her giggles but his heart plummeted as her demeanor changed.
"We had such a nice time together," she said as she looked up at him. "You would take me for drives in your Rolls and we laughed. You told me stories about your travels and you even shared a little about your wife. You were embarrassed to at first, I think. But it was nice, the glimpses you gave me of how marriage would be with you. And then you said you had an important question for me and would ask me at the garden party. But Mary got to you first. I'm not certain what she said to you, but I am certain it hurt you and shook your confidence in us being happy together." Tears sat in her eyes. "As angry as I was with her for what she had done to me, I was even more angry that she had hurt you. You always seemed confident and self-assured when we were together, but that afternoon you were nervous and anxious to leave. You never asked your question. And I never saw you again until you came here to recover."
Anthony stared down at Edith, aghast. "I shouldn't have left like that."
"No, you shouldn't have, but not because you behaved in an ungentlemanly manner. No, you shouldn't have left because whatever Mary said…. It wasn't true. I adored you, still do. You listened to me, took me seriously, when no one else ever has. And you were so kind and caring and sweet and gentle. And when you looked at me, your eyes shining with the brightest, yet softest blue I've ever seen, your expression reflecting how we felt about one another, I just couldn't imagine being any happier than I was then."
"Oh Edith, I wish we could go back to that day, but we can't. And I'm not that man any longer. He sounds like a nice chap, but I don't remember him, don't you see? And I have no idea who I am now. I'm afraid I'm a dreadful old bore, and a crippled one at that, but with no memory everything is so…. bewildering."
"You're the same man, I think. More reserved, probably. And perhaps less confident. No, I know you are less confident. But that really isn't surprising. And you are wounded, not just your arm but your spirit, deep in your soul. But even with all that, I think the Anthony I knew before the war is still here, with me."
"Edith, please don't…"
"Don't? Don't what? Love you? I'm sorry, but it is far too late for that. I've loved you since that very first drive that summer, I think. And I will continue to love you….forever. But for now, while you are finding yourself again, I will be content if we are just friends."
"I would like for us to be that, friends. But please don't expect anything more of me. It wouldn't be fair to either of us."
"For now, all I expect of you, my darling man, is that you work to heal. Once you've healed, we'll worry about the rest."
He looked at her with no small amount of consternation. "Yes, alright… for now. But please understand, your future does not lie with me."
"We'll see," Edith said as she took his good arm to turn him for the walk back to his room. As the shuffled along the corridor, Anthony ruminated on their conversation. He couldn't see how he could have been any more clear about her prospects and yet she seemed to determined to hold onto him, or at the least the hope of him, of them together. And he knew that he was being selfish in clinging to the hope that perhaps she would continue to hold on. Somehow, her confidence that they belonged together was the only thread of hope he could manage to hang onto himself. If he were to lose her, he feared he would melt away into nothingness.
