Deep Cut - n. an emotion you haven't felt in years that you might have forgotten about completely if your emotional playlist hadn't been left on shuffle—a feeling whose opening riff tugs on all your other neurons like a dog on a leash waiting for you to open the door.

Somewhere around January 2020, Brittany went to see Santana in her room. She was given the opportunity to switch over to AM shift, and was really contemplating it.

For Santana, it was a given. She told her to take it, because she knew how unhappy Brittany had become on PM shift. Not only did Sylvester pick on Santana, she picked on Brittany as well. It's one thing for a NCO to go after another NCO, but for them to do it to a lower enlisted is crazy. And it began to take a toll on her. Santana did the best she could, having arguments and defending her soldier against the NCO that had the shittiest leadership skills on the face of the earth. But as the days went by, Brittany began to have a hard time sleeping because of stress. And she wasn't being herself.

"Britt, please. Do it."

"But I can't leave you guys like that. That wouldn't be fair." Brittany replied. "The Stallions are a family. I mean, we just had that team bonding with the Bean Boozled in my room the other night."

"Just because you go to AM doesn't mean that we won't be a crew anymore. So please, take the opportunity to go. I'm sure if you talk to any of the other girls they'd say the same thing."

Madison had volunteered back in November, and honestly it was a nice break for the girls because she can be a bit much sometimes. AM shift used to have the same amount of people on shift as PM but the supply SGT took one of the soldiers to help him so they were down a person for the majority of the time in country.

Finally, they asked if they could have one soldier from PM to help them have a few more days off. They were doing one day off every nine days while PM shift was doing one day off every four days. It wasn't fair, and PM shift was willing to help of course. But SSG Sylvester and SGT Maniz had their own ideas, and didn't want to give any soldiers.

Santana and her crew convinced them finally, because they were one platoon. And it's a team effort. Something that those two had no idea about.

"Are you going to be okay?" Brittany asked shyly, "Only because, I mean-"

"Britt.. Don't worry about me. I can hold my own. You'll still be around. It's not like you're disappearing forever." Santana replied. "I want you to do what's best for you. I know how hard it's been the past few weeks for you. So please, go."

After a few more minutes of convincing, Brittany agreed. And a few days later, she switched over to AM.

For the first few days, Santana could feel this- disgusting vibe coming from SSG Sylvester and SGT Maniz. It was like they felt they won because Brittany left the shift. They showed up to shift briefings with a snarky grin, constantly shooting glances at each other as if they just won some sort of competition. Of course, that didn't last long when Santana's crew set yet another reloading record after a engagement one night. That shut Maniz up real quick.

On one specific night, Brittany texted Santana while she was on shift.

Hey, can I talk to you in your room later? It's really personal..

Of course Santana's answer was yes. So once she was finished with shift and back in the barracks, she shot Brittany a text to let her know to come to her room. She was in the bathroom so she said she'd be there in like ten minutes.

"Babe, she likes you." Dani said over FaceTime. She was headed to work and normally called to talk to Santana around this time. "Five bucks. Bet."

"Fucking bet. I'm telling you, she doesn't like me like that."

"Babe. She comes in your room and sleeps on Hasting's bed when she's off. You can't tell me that she doesn't like you."

Okay yeah, that was true. But Santana had explained time and time again that it was a safety thing. A security blanket, in a way. The ground attack affected everyone differently, and Brittany had told you that because of the way you handled that day? She felt safer around you.

"Change the subject please before she walks in and hears you." Santana told her wife. "What time are you working today?"

The time difference really put a damper on their time to talk on the phone. When Santana started shift at noon, Dani was going to sleep because it was 2230 (10:30 pm) at home in Hawai'i. They did what they could to make it work.

"Same time, I'll call you when I'm done. You should be just getting out of the gym. But I'm pulling into the parking lot already, you text me after Brittany tells you she loves you okay."

"Shut the fuck up babe. I love you. Have a good day at work."

"I love you too, goodnight. Bye baby."

Santana cleaned up the room a bit, sweeping the common walkways and tying up the trash bag to take out in the morning. The door began to open, and Brittany walked in sporting her Stallions hoodie with her PT shorts.

"Hey." She said as she shut the door. "Is this a good time?"

"Yeah, cmon." Santana said as she waved Brittany over. "What's going on? Is everything okay on AM shift?"

"Oh.. Yeah. Of course. It's so much less stressful. I'm getting more sleep too."

"Good! See, I told you that it would be good." Brittany didn't sit down, she was sort of pacing back and forth.

"Britt.. Talk to me. What's up?"

"Okay so, I like someone." Fuck. "And I wanted to come to you because, well- I trust you. And I feel like you can help me the most with this."

"Go on." Santana pried.

"Sorry, it's just hard to say out loud. Because I've never been in this situation before." Brittany stopped pacing and sat on SGT Hasting's bed. "I.. I like Fields."

"Em?"

"Yeah, and like- I've never liked a girl before San. This is scary. That's why I came to you." Now, it would be a fucking lie if Santana said she didn't think Brittany gave off vibes. So this wasn't too surprising. However, it being SPC Emily Fields was a surprise.

"You know you can tell me anything, Britt." She reassured her. "Sit." San tapped on her bed. "Let's talk."

Their conversation lasted about an hour or two, with Brittany explaining everything that had been happening since she moved over to AM shift. Emily and Brittany were partners on Gun 1, so they were working closely together. Santana smiled, because she remembered what it was when she first figured out she liked girls. It wasn't the easiest. At the time, her high school had only two out and proud lesbians. Her two best friends. So coming out felt natural, because no one treated them any differently. It took her a little longer to step out of the closet though, but that didn't make much of a difference because her friends accepted her for who she was.

So listening to Brittany talk about the butterflies she got around Emily was a tiny bit nostalgic. She smiled at the mention of Emily's name. It was cute, the glow she had was something she hadn't seen on her. Maybe moving to AM shift was the best decision she could've made.

Once they were finished talking, Brittany got under the blanket on Hasting's bed and fell asleep. Santana shut off the light, got onto her own bed and turned the volume on the tv down before turning on the sleep timer.

I told you. It ain't me. Five bucks.