Chapter 15
February to July 1876
Our anniversary came and went followed by my birthday in March. Two more of Erik's exquisite hand carved music boxes, graced the shelves that Erik had built for them in our rooms. The twins were standing up and walking unsteadily when we held their hands. They had inherited their father's green eyes and brown hair; I thought Nathaniel especially resembled his father minus the deformity. Erik thought them incredibly gifted when banging on their toy xylophones. He swore they had the makings of musical genius. I let him believe, who was I to contradict the master and who knows I supposed it could be possible in time.
Winter turned to spring and in May, the babies actually spoke their first words. Erik was thrilled when Carrie's first word sounded like papa, his little daughter had him wrapped around her finger. One particularly fine day Erik came and asked if I cared to go for a picnic. I was feeling a bit tired and encouraged him to take Madeline, the children and the twins and I would lie down for a nap.
"Are you alright angel? You have seemed rather tired lately." Erik, ever the worrier asked.
"I'm fine love, just a little tired. You go ahead I'll just lie down and rest, maybe next time I'll join you. And take that frown off your face." I smiled and hugged his tall frame, his arms automatically wrapping around me. I looked up at him and his serious face. "I do love you Erik, now go and take our children and let me lie down." He still looked at me in concern, but leaned over and kissed me lightly.
"We won't be gone too long my angel." He promised.
"Don't hurry back for my sake. I'll just be sleeping, now go." I reached up, gave him another kiss, and shooed him away.
I did lie down and for a while I dozed, but my back began bothering me and finally I just couldn't lie there any longer. I got up and felt something sticky and wet on my legs, just then a severe cramp doubled me over. I looked down at myself in horror as I saw a spreading stain of red on my skirt; another intense cramp had me gasping.
"Oh my God no! Erik!" I cried and then remembered no one was home. I ran for the bathing room, grabbing a towel. I got out of my bloodstained skirt and secured the towel so that it could absorb the blood, then changed into a nightgown. I had to get help, I was five months along, I was losing my baby, and no one was home. I stood up and a wave of nausea struck me. I sat down on the edge of the tub and swallowed. Getting control of my stomach I slowly stood back up, if I could only get to the stable and get Pierre or Antoine to fetch the doctor. Another intense contraction doubled me over, gasping at the pain. I managed to get to the stairs and I stood at their head looking down; they seemed to waver, shifting back and forth. I grabbed the rail with both hands to try to steady myself, slowly moving step by step. I fell the last three steps and lay there unable to move, I was just too weak.
"Erik!" I screamed hopelessly, knowing he was to far away to hear, I began sobbing hysterically. A few minutes later the door opened and Erik sauntered in smiling, a handful of wildflowers in his hand. He was looking behind at whoever was there. He looked around and saw me lying on the floor, blood pooling beneath me.
"Jenny! No!" The flowers fell from his hand, scattering on the floor. He ran over and gathered me up shouting as he carried me up the stairs. "Mouse, Sylvie, run, have Antoine or Pierre get the doctor. Hurry!" I looked weakly at their frightened faces as they turned and ran. Madeline took in the situation in a glance.
"I'll put the twins down for their nap and I'll be right with you Erik." She said calmly but I could see the fear in her eyes. Erik turned and ran with me in his arms, up the stairs.
"I knew I shouldn't have left you angel. I knew something was wrong. My poor angel, so much blood. It'll be alright love, you'll be alright." He kept saying repeatedly. He lay me down.
"Erik, the baby." I cried weakly.
"Sssh angel." He said as he carefully slid my gown up and replaced the towel that I had secured there with another. It was soaked in minutes. I could see the stark fear in Erik's eyes as he again replaced the towel with another. Another intense and painful contraction and another change of towels was soon needed. Madeline came in and saw the pile of bloody towels. Her face went white and she ran from the room, returning shortly with a stack of fresh towels.
"I'll change the towels Erik; you just try to calm her, and yourself." Erik took a shuddering breath, looking down at his hands smeared with my blood. He looked at my pale face and took my hand in his, brushing my hair from my face. His face was white, fear written in his eyes, unshed tears pooling.
"Erik it's not your fault. There's nothing you could have done, it just wasn't meant to be." I cried, but I could see something in his eyes, some self-blame andI realizedwhat it was. To my shame, I did not say anything to deny it.
It seemed like hours before the doctor arrived. Erik refused to leave my side when the doctor tried to shoo him from the room.
"Look Monsieur, this is not going to be pleasant."
"I am not leaving my wife. Just do what needs to be done." Erik growled and took my hand in both of his, holding it up to his face.
"But…." the doctor started to say.
"There is no reasoning with him when he's like this doctor, believe me." Madeline said.
It seemed like hours later before the doctor finished. I had my eyes closed in exhaustion. They thought me asleep and I could hear them talking.
"There will still be some bleeding, that's normal, if there is an excessive amount send for me. She should be fine in time, and although you haven't asked yet, there should be no problem having other children." I did fall asleep then.
When I awoke again and remembered, a feeling of hopelessness filled me. Our baby was gone and nothing could bring it back. Tears filled my eyes and I turned my head to find Erik sitting in the chair next to the bed, his eyes staring into space.
"Erik, our baby…" I choked out before sobs began to wrack my body. He sat on the side of the bed and gathered me in his arms.
"Sssh angel. I know, I know. When I saw you lying there and all that blood…" his voice choked and he hugged me tighter, his body shaking as his sobs joined mine. There was a knock at the door and Madeline walked in. She took one look at us and turned.
"Now is not a good time children, maybe later." She said and closed the door; she stood there for a moment. "I'll just leave the tray here. Get her to eat Erik." Erik nodded and she came over and put a hand on each of our shoulders. "I am so sorry my dears." And she turned and left the room. Erik sat back and wiped my tears.
"I'm sorry angel, I promise you it won't ever happen again." and he pulled me to him again. My stomach did a little flip. I didn't like the sound of that promise. It was filled with grim resolve. Erik stood up and brought me the tray.
"Try and eat something love. You need to build your strength back." I sat looking at the tray; food was the last thing that I wanted.
"I'm not really hungry Erik, please take it away."
"Not until you eat something." He said grimly. "Even if I have to feed you myself." I looked at him and knew I had no choice. He would not rest until I ate something. Sighing I took a bite, the food tasted as ashes. I took a few bites and then asked him to take it away.
"Please Erik; I am just too tired right now." I said lying back and turning away from him. He took the tray and sat it aside and I heard him sit back down in the chair. I turned my head back to him; he was holding his head in his hands. "Erik, please come to bed I need you to hold me. Please." There was a catch in my voice as I thought that perhaps he would refuse. He looked up at me hesitantly and then leaned over and pulled off his boots and his trousers. Still in his under drawers and shirt, he climbed into bed and pulled me against him and we lay there in silence. I eventually fell into a restless sleep and when I woke, Erik was gone.
