Thank you for liking my story! Sorry about the cliffhanger but it seemed a good place to stop. I probably should have mentioned it before but this story is rated M for a good reason, especially this one. Again thank you again it really encourages me when people review.
Chapter 16
May to July 1876
Three weeks went by, my body healed but my sadness remained, I felt Erik was building a wall between us. Now when we prepared for bed he actually wore nightclothes when before he slept nude, he no longer slept holding me to him with his hand cupping my breast like he always did before, now should he accidentally touch me his hand would jerk away as if it had been burned. When I would wake in the middle of the night, he would be gone.
One night I got up determined to confront him. I went downstairs searching through the house until I found him lying on the couch in the music room asleep. Seeing that he preferred sleeping on the uncomfortable couch instead of our bed with me filled me with despair. I knew he loved me and I knew what lie behind this but I was at a loss as to how to get through to him, I was still to full of grief myself. I crept back up to my lonely bed and cried myself to sleep. I was awake the next morning when he crept in to change his clothes. He thought me asleep.
"Erik, we need to talk." I said softly. "Please." I said as I saw him stiffen. He turned his head to me, his eyes dark and for once unreadable.
"There is nothing to talk about." He said and stalked from the room, leaving me feeling lost and desolate.
The next few days were particularly strained. Erik didn't come to bed at all, choosing to sleep on one of the settees in various rooms instead; mealtimes were in a strained silence. I would catch Madeline casting worried glances between the two of us, the children looked unhappy as they glanced from Erik's stony face to mine. Anytime I would attempt to talk to Erik, he would stalk off.
One night I lay in bed and I could hear Erik playing the piano downstairs. Everyone else was in bed; I crept down the stairs and stood behind him as he played wildly, his frustration and pain pouring through the music. When at last he came to a stop, I hesitantly came to his side.
"Erik." I said softly tears welling in my eyes. He looked at me, pain, fear and anger all in his eyes. Thinking that I could break his resolve I slowly I let my gown drop. Erik threw himself away from the piano and me with his back turned.
"Put it back on." He said in barely contained anger and then stormed from the room. I heard the front door slam as I shakily put my gown back on and again fled for my room.
I spent a sleepless night alone and at sunrise, I gave up and decided to go for a walk to clear my head. I left a note in the kitchen and set out. Lost in my thoughts I didn't realize how far I had walked until I found myself near the lake. I walked along the edge for a while but then decided to go to my favorite spot, a rocky outcrop sticking out over the lake with a beautiful view of the forest beyond. I climbed the narrow path and at the top sat on the patch of grass near the middle. It was so peaceful yet melancholy at the same time. I lay back watching the clouds drifting above and soon fell asleep.
Something woke me and I sat up with a start. The sun was getting low in the sky I had slept all day. I stood up and went to the edge of the outcrop, just drinking in the beauty of the place, thinking about returning before they became too worried, when a movement from the corner of my eye caught my attention. It was Erik coming up the path. Without turning my head, I continued to watch him from the corner of my eye. He paused as he saw me standing near the edge.
"Jenny, what are you doing?" He said softly, barely contained fear in his voice and then I knew what he was thinking, and whether it was right or wrong I let him think it remaining silent. "I will not let you leave me like this." He said.
"Why not Erik? You've already left me. I need you Erik; I need your warmth, your love, your touch. I need to feel your arms around me, I need to feel you inside me making us complete, I need your companionship. I need your tears, your fears, your joys, hopes and your smiles. Without that what is there but a life of emptiness?" I said tonelessly not looking at him directly still. "Miscarriages happen to the best of families Erik." I said softly. "With no apparent reason, you can't go on blaming yourself every time something happens, if I'm willing to take the chance then why aren't you? Or have you truly lost all desire and all feeling for me?" I said looking down. I saw him take a hesitant step towards me, then stop; as if afraid that should he come closer, I would jump.
"Jenny, come away from the edge and we'll talk. I promise." Erik said pleading, his eyes tortured. I turned toward him and slipped on a rock nearly falling. In a flash, Erik caught me and had me in his arms. "First of all never think that I don't want you. Do you not know how hard these weeks have been for me?" He said softly as he put me down gently.
"How could I, you would never talk to me." I said angrily. He reached out his hand and led me to where I had napped earlier. He sat down pulling me down next to him.
"When I saw you lying there with all that blood, and you kept losing blood, it wouldn't stop. I felt so powerless I did not think the doctor would ever come. It seemed as if you were slipping away in front of my eyes. At that time, I could not even spare a thought for the baby, and later I felt guilty that I hadn't thought of the baby. Even when I knew you were grieving, I could only feel relief that you were all right. I vowed I would never let that happen to you again."
"A really stupid promise, Erik. No one knows how or when their time will come. Keeping yourself from me accomplishes nothing but making us both miserable." I said heatedly, it hurt that he did not grieve for our child but knowing how he felt about himself, I understood.
"I know but it was all I could think of. I thought I could do it, I lived the first 35 years of my life without the touch of a woman, but that was before you. You don't make it easy." sighing he turned to me brushing a tear from my cheek. "I suppose if I'm ever to see you smile again I'll just have to start taking chances. Do you know how much it hurt me to see the pain in your eyes, knowing that I was to blame? I don't mean because of the baby but because what I was doing was hurting you, yet I couldn't stop. I kept seeing you and all that blood. I nearly lost you twice now." Tears started to slide down his face, sobs wracking his body. I reached over and pulled him down so that his head was lying in my lap.
"Sssh love, it's alright, I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere." I said softly as I held him, one hand reaching up and capturing mine. His sobs gradually subsided and his breathing slowed, he had fallen asleep, these days had been just as trying for him. I sat there playing with his hair, praying that I had him back now, a little while later he jerked awake in my lap and turned onto his back; his eyes opened and met mine. He studied me solemnly, reaching up to caress my cheek.
"Promise me you won't think about doing that again." He said softly, for a moment I didn't know what he meant and then I remembered what he had thought when he found me.
"Oh Erik, the thought never entered my head, but I desperately needed you to talk to me. I was hurting so much, first losing the baby and then watching you pull away from me and then last night…I felt so humiliated and ashamed. I felt that I had lost you for good." I closed my eyes, trying to hold back the tears. He sat up and for a moment, my stomach knotted in fear, but then his arms came around me.
"I'm sorry angel but last night I nearly lost control. I was afraid of myself, of what I might do. I don't deserve you angel." He said kissing my temple.
"I love you Erik. You are everything to me." I whispered and his lips sought mine, almost tentatively, his hand cradling my face. I slipped my hands inside his shirt gently caressing his chest as he slowly lowered me down to the ground. He lay down next to me and pulled me against him, just holding me.
"I don't know what you see in this horrible, temperamental soul, but I am so glad I have you. You are my salvation, my reason for being, the other half of my soul." His lips again found mine, softly at first, then increasingly demanding. His hands gently massaging my breasts. I reached for the buttons of his trousers releasing the throbbing length. I needed to feel him, to touch him. His lips moved to the base of my throat, my neck, my shoulders.
"Please Erik, Please." I cried and his mouth consumed mine yet again. He groaned as I stroked and caressed him, and reaching down, he dragged my hands away.
"Angel any more of that and it'll be all over." He said, holding my hands, kissing them, he lay motionless for a few moments until his breathing steadied and then yanking my skirt up roughly he reached his hand down my under drawers, his fingers slipping inside me as his thumb rubbed the sensitive spot. He groaned, "Sorry love but I can't wait." And he slid my drawers around my ankles. I kicked one foot free as he entered me slowly pausing for a moment and then he set a wild pace as he thrust repeatedly, deeper and deeper. He came shuddering violently and lay sheathed within me. Finally, he slipped from me.
"Erik…" I started to say in protest.
"Sssh, little angel, I'm sorry I couldn't wait but I'll make it up to you." He whispered as his mouth touched the base of my throat. His hand deftly opened the buttons on my blouse. Pulling it open he caressed my breast, pinching my nipple between his fingers and tugging on it. My body pushing out to his hand and then to his mouth as it took over from his hand, teeth lightly nipping the tender flesh. His mouth traveled downward, his hand lightly brushing the inside of my thigh sending waves of flame through my body. His tongue reached that most tender of places. I gasped and moaned. His fingers again slid into me while his tongue brought me finally to my trembling climax. He kissed his way up my to my mouth, murmuring soft words of love. He lay holding me until the dimness of the setting sun intruded.
"What are we doing angel, they are worried sick at the house." He kissed my forehead and brushed some leaves from my hair while I rebuttoned my blouse.
"I was about to return when I saw you." I said.
"When Madeline found your note we thought at first that you would be back by lunchtime but when you weren't back by the time Madeline started supper…. I was going out of my mind so I went looking for you, and then I saw you standing at the edge." His voice caught and he gathered me roughly to him.
"It's over now love. Here you can't go back like this." I teased as I tugged on his unbuttoned trousers, he smiled.
"And just where are your drawers angel mine." he teased back. We finished dressing quickly and then, hand in hand we made our way back down the trail. Near the bottom, my ankle gave out beneath me and I nearly fell, I would have if Erik hadn't been holding my hand. He steadied me and almost laughed.
"Angel, when did you become so accident prone?" I winced, as I tenderly put my foot back to the ground, I immediately picked it back up.
"Laugh if you must Erik, but you're going to have to carry me, seems I've sprained it." He swept me up in his arms.
"Are you sure it's just a sprain?" he asked as I wrapped my arms around his neck.
"Yes love, it'll be fine soon." I said smiling into his shirt; it wasn't really a bad sprain. He carried me the rest of the way home, laughing when he saw more bits of leaves tangled in my hair.
"This is the second time I've carried you over the threshold angel." He laughed as he carried me through the door and then stopped abruptly. I looked over to see five sets of eyes watching as Erik gently set me down, supporting my weight against him. Madeline took in our rumpled clothes with leaves and grass sticking here and there and covered her mouth with her hand, hiding her smile. Erik cleared his throat a bit uncomfortably.
"Well I found her." He said rather lamely. Antoine and Pierre also noticing the state of our clothing, rather uncomfortably excused themselves, while expressing relief that I was in one piece.
"Mama, we were so worried. Did you get hurt?" she asked worriedly.
"I'm fine darling I just sprained my ankle, and I fell asleep near the lake that's why I'm so late. I was really tired and didn't wake up until the sun started to go down and then Papa Erik found me." I smiled up at him. Mouse tugged at my skirt and I looked at him. He pointed to what he had written on his slate.
"You and Papa Erik aren't mad at each other any more? You love each other again?" it said. I dropped to my knee and hugged him.
"Oh baby we weren't mad at each other and we never stopped loving each other. We were just hurting because of the baby and because…." I looked up at Erik not knowing how to continue. Erik joined me at Mouse's level, putting one arm around me and taking Mouse's hand in the other.
"Sometimes people have misunderstandings; it doesn't mean they stop loving each other. Nothing could ever make me stop loving Jenny." He said smiling. Mouse looked over at Sylvie and they both smiled in relief.
"My dear you must eat something, unless you took a lunch with you, you haven't eaten anything all day. Children you've already had your supper why don't you go and play for a bit before bedtime." At the mention of food I was suddenly famished and after doing a brief wash up at the sink, Erik and I both sat down to our supper. Erik looked both amused and relieved to see me heaping my plate.
"It's good to see the two of you finally….ah….talked." Madeline said smiling. Erik and I exchanged glances rather sheepishly; my face I knew was crimson. Erik smiled at me softly and brushed my cheek.
"Yes Madeline, we talked. It is a relatively new concept for me you know. Talking, especially where feelings are concerned. It's been less then two years since I met Jenny. That's not much time to erase a lifetime of near silence easily."
"I know my dear. I am just glad that you two found each other." She said and with a smile at me left the room. Erik smiled watching me eat, I couldn't remember the last time I had finished a meal and when I at last pushed my plate away, Erik came to me to help me up.
"I think a nice hot bath is due." He said smiling as he picked more leaves from my hair.
"Erik, I want to see the twins first. I'm afraid I've neglected them badly." He suddenly sobered.
"You and me both angel. We've been too wrapped up in our pain." He cupped my cheek with his palm. "Come love, we'll go check on them now." and he swung me up in his arms.
"Erik I think I can walk now." I said giggling. He kissed me gently and put me down.
"If you insist angel." and he put his arm around me, and with me limping slightly we went upstairs to the nursery. We stood together watching our beautiful toddlers sleeping so peacefully. I leaned against Erik.
"They are so beautiful Erik, just like their father."
"Carrie may have my coloring but she has your cute little upturned nose and she's going to be small like her mother." He said smiling. "Come, let's go. I'll scrub your back and wash your hair for you."
"Mmm, sounds lovely, but I think your back could do with a little scrubbing as well." I teased.
"I'm not the one who was lying on my back in the weeds angel, but I accept anyway." His eyes glittered with an unspoken promise as he led me from the nursery. When we reached our room, he sat down to pull off his boots, and I went in to fill the tub with hot water. I undressed and stepped into the tub, slowly settling back in the warm water and closing my eyes.
"Here angel let me brush your hair first." Erik said softly. I looked up at him as he came through the door, he was wearing his robe, its sleeves rolled up, and in one hand he held my hairbrush and in the other a gardenia he had plucked from the vase on my vanity. He knelt next to the tub and carefully lay the flower down. Gathering my hair gently he started brushing my hair, pausing to pull bits of leaves out now and then. It felt wonderful.
"Mmm, I should have you brush my hair more often." I purred. He leaned over and kissed my forehead.
"Lean back angel. I'll wash it for you now." He said quietly. The feel of his fingers running through my hair was lovely. "You have such beautiful hair love." I relaxed as he slowly washed and rinsed my hair. He twisted it to get excess water from it and placed it over my shoulder, and put his lips close to my ear. "I'm going to wash your back now angel." he whispered as he had me lean forward. Slowly he soaped my back, starting at my neck and slowly working his way down, running his fingers lightly down my spine and then each side. I licked my lips; I was getting some decidedly warm feelings. He took the cloth and slowly rinsed the soap away, then leaned me back his eyes dark, his lips parted softly. He leaned forward his lips close to mine. "More love?" he whispered.
"Yes." I breathed; I swallowed and licked my lips. He lathered his hands and gently soaped my neck, shoulders then between my breasts. Finally, he reached my breasts, carefully lathering them. My breath caught at his touch. The bar of soap slid across my stomach mixing with the warm water. He bade me to lift one leg, starting at my foot slowly lathered my ankle, my calf, and then up my thigh then he repeated the process on the other leg. Things were getting decidedly warm and when his lathered hand finally slid between my legs I automatically pushed out to him my breath coming in short gasps as the heat built, but then he took his hand away reaching for the cloth.
"Not yet love." he whispered and slowly began the rinsing process, again when he reached between my legs I urged him to continue but again he denied me, instead pulling the plug on the drain. He wrapped a towel around me and pulled me from the tub. He carefully dried my back, then reaching his arms around me he pulled me against him. His maleness pressing against my back insistently. He pulled my hair away from my neck and softly pressed his lips to it. I shivered delightfully at the feather touch. "You are to thin angel. " He said as he continued to dry me, my arms, my front and my legs. I needed his touch but still he held back. He spread a towel on the floor and guided me down, and then he picked up the forgotten flower.
"Erik, please." I begged.
"Sssh angel, soon, soon." he whispered. He took the flower and twirling it in his fingers; he gently traced it across my body. "You are so beautiful my angel." He whispered as the flower brushed my nipples on down across my stomach. I parted my legs but the touch of the flower traced down the inside of my thigh instead. Finally, with a groan Erik tossed the flower aside, his lips tracing the path up the inside of my thigh and then lightly teasing where I burned with the tip of his tongue. I writhed trying to push myself closer to that teasing tongue; finally, his strokes became stronger, his tongue dipping inside.
"Now Erik now." I cried, my body aching for release from the exquisite torture.
"Soon angel soon." He whispered and his fingers replaced his tongue. Slowly sliding in and out of me his thumb caressing until violent shudders wracked my body. He lips met mine, somehow he had shed his robe and as I shuddered, he pulled me against him, his bare skin against mine for the first time in so long.
When finally my shuddering stopped he reached down to the swollen flesh gently caressing it until he had me writhing again.
"Now angel." he whispered as at last he rolled over me and his throbbing length filled me. Slowly he began to move, I matched thrust for thrust in an ever increasing tempo until my body was shuddering uncontrollably. Erik holding himself deep inside me, showering me with kisses until slowly I began to relax. Again, he began moving plunging deeply until at last with a deep guttural cry he spent himself within me, his body jerking with each pulse, until at last he slowly withdrew, rolling to his side and pulled me to him, kissing me gently.
"Love, I missed you so much." I said gently wiping sweat from his face.
"I have been a stubborn fool, angel." He said kissing my forehead softly.
"Just promise me that we won't stop talking. I need to know how you are feeling, as long as we can talk things out everything will be fine." I said and snuggled against him. We lay holding each other for a while, then Erik's hands began to roam again, and there was a quickening in his loins. Slowly I disentangled myself and stood up.
"Jenny, where are you going?" Erik said puzzled.
"I'm drawing your bath love. It's your turn to have your back scrubbed." I said smiling.
I woke slowly the next morning, luxuriating in the feel of Erik's arms around me, his legs tangled with mine. Things were just as they should be.
