Ah well, may as well give it a go at randomness. I have run out of Coca Cola to get high on, so this is lower on randomness...I think. Maybe. It might just be a more intelligent form of randomness. Oh yeah I may as well start naming chapters!
Chapter 3: Enter Abercrombie!
Meanwhile, in the marshy marshiness of the Krabbyslap outback, the Stevenus Irwinus was sneaking through, well, the marsh, and he was making noises like this...
"Crikey crikey crikey crikey crikey crikey"
Well anyway he was looking for strange and beeee-uuuuu-tiful creatures. And it wasn't long until he found one. He said, "Crikey, it's the rare Snotus Gorilla!" but it was actually Astaroth.
"Crikey!"Stevenus cried, "Listen to that, mates, it's growling! This could mean one of two things. One, he has detected a mate, or two he has detected something in it's presence! Oh, amazing, I think it's option one, he's doing it's ritualistic sticking up of his nose right now!"
What Stevenus did not know was that there was a third thing. That thing happened to be the thing that was happening. See, the third thing was that Astaroth was sticking his finger up his nose because he had read the last chapter, just like EVERYONE ELSE! That's right, all THREE of you! (grumble) Anyway, so he read the last chapter and went boohaw, and thought he could stick his finger up his nose and change his hair colour. And well he didn't have any hair. And he didn't understand because he also had no childhood, so he roared. You can laugh now.
So anyway, Stevenus Irwinus happened to venture too close to Asaroth, and he went, "WOOOOORRRRMMMMMMSSSSS!" No, not Stevenus, Astaroth...
So Stevenus went "Crikey", and that was his only joke, so he was easily dispensable by the author, so Astaroth ate him. Then Astaroth said, "WANT COOKIES!"so he went to see if Xianghua, Talim and Yunsung had any cookies.
And they did have cookies, because Xianghua seemed to keep conjuring them out of nowhere. Talim was still very sad about her flab. And Yunsung was STILL stupid and eating cookies.
Astaroth came and went, "WANT COOKIES!"
And Xianghua gave him a cookie. No-one had ever been that nice to Astaroth before. Tears welled up in his white eyes, and he sat down quietly and ate his cookie with the rest of them. Poor Astaroth, he was never played with, written about in a fan-fiction, fancied, or even given a cookie. And Woah-ho-hoo, he falls for Xianghua.
Now, Cookies are much more nutritious than SOULS! They're brain food, y'know. You've read it here, get eatin' kids! Anyway, once eating said cookie, Astaroth for once said something other than "Worms!"
"Oh, I say, charming piece of cookie right there, splendiferous, if I do say so yourself. Lining is perfect, spiffing, and are those chips made in Timbuctoo? Xianghua? Charmed, it's Abercrombie Shondi Theodore Alexander Richard Ocelot Timothy Harrison, but everyone calls me Astaroth."
Everyone said "HELLO!" cos they were so friendly. And so this chapter ends with no violence or sex references. BOOOOring. So Talim hit Yunsung over the head with an umbrella, and then a teapot popped out of his Tutti Frutti hair, and she was so touched she kissed him! OOOOOOH!
The end...of this chapter...
