Chapter 10
Taylor woke up slowly, biting down on her lip harshly again and she immediately felt the taste of fresh blood on her tongue. Her senses still seemed rather slow and she needed a moment for her focus to notice that Lexa and Anya were obviously with her at this moment. Taylor could distinctly hear the both of them talking. It took her a moment longer though to understand that they were not conversing in English.
Taylor could not remember immediately what had happened. The last thing which she clearly remembered was encountering Clarke and Anya in the woods and how she had warned Anya of the Skykru guard shooting at them. She remembered the way through the woods alone with the general, being exhausted, cold and wet.
The material under her palms was soft though and Taylor struggled slightly to sit upright. She let out a groan then as a sharp pain shot through her abdomen abruptly.
The memories rushed back to Taylor in that very moment and her grey eyes widened in horror. She had been so sure that she would be able to help and save some of the innocent villagers. The memories of how the husband had blamed her in the emergency room and how the villagers had fallen one by one under Finn's relentless shooting blended together in Taylor's mind.
Her breathing was suddenly coming out in ragged breaths, changing quickly into sobs as her grey eyes filled with tears. "I am so sorry" Taylor mumbled as the first tears began to down roll her cheeks "I thought that I could save them. I am so sorry…".
Anya and Lexa stopped speaking immediately at the first sound coming from the bed. They had wondered for a while why these papers had erupted to flames suddenly and how such a thing was even possible, but neither of them had been able to think of a logical reason.
"Be careful, you are injured" Lexa tried to stop Taylor from moving.
Both, she and Anya, could only watch though how Taylor suddenly started to cry.
Once the woman struggled to move her legs down from the bed, in the clear attempt to get up, Anya stepped closer to Taylor.
She carefully reached out, placing both her hands on the other woman's shoulders "Yssa, you are injured, slow down" the general tried to keep Taylor from moving "You have been shot".
"No, no" Taylor shook her head, while tears still trickled down her cheeks. She was trying to push away Anya's hands "If I only came sooner, this massacre would not have happened. None of them would have died.
Anya furrowed her brows; she could literally watch Taylor becoming paler and it did not seem as if the younger woman actually was fully present with them but instead in some form of daze.
"Is she feverish?" Lexa asked her former mentor with a frown. She could not understand why the other woman obviously was so deeply affected by the deaths of the villagers. Taylor was not one of them, so, why did she care so much?
Taylor was still shaking her head, feebly fighting against Anya's hold. All of a sudden, she stopped all her movements though and her grey eyes seemed to clear up somewhat, her voice sounded even more broken though "I failed again…" she sobbed.
"Again?" Lexa echoed in confusion, not understanding what the blonde woman had meant. This woman definitely was not a warrior, so, how could she have been responsible for someone else's death before?
Taylor looked up at the commander and her grey eyes carried an empty look "Yes" she nodded in an emotionless tone "I have failed his wife before and her husband blamed me for her death. He blamed me. The grounders' families who have died will undoubtedly blame me too. You two will blame me too. I thought I can help, but I cannot help anyone …" her voice finally failed and she was still crying soundlessly.
Lexa had stepped closer to the bed as well, crouching down in front of Taylor, while Anya had made room for her, choosing to sit down on the edge of the mattress beside the blonde woman, keeping an arm very lightly around her shoulder. The general was unsure on how to comfort the upset woman.
Lexa instead tried comforting her. She was still surprised that Taylor was reacting so strongly to what had happened. Lexa reached out and placed her arms lightly around the blonde woman's smaller frame.
Taylor immediately slumped forward and her head fell against the commander's shoulder.
Lexa just lightly patted on her back, allowing her to cry as much as she needed for now and simply holding her in silence.
It took long moments of Taylor just continuing to cry, until her body had lost its little strength again and the woman drifted off into an uneasy sleep.
"She fell asleep" Anya assessed after a little while longer, voice soft and trying to connect the reaction she had seen now and what Taylor had told her before.
Lexa nodded and she carefully pushed Taylor's upper body back onto the bed, while Anya helped to right her form on it, tucking her back under the fur, after she had quickly checked the wound on her stomach. It thankfully did not appear swollen or infected.
"So, this is what she meant" Anya said with a slight sigh "why she is so broken".
"Broken?" Lexa asked her former mentor in confusion, raising a brow at her "Broken? How?".
Anya sighed under her breath as she gently tucked the fur around Taylor's sleeping form "The first time I saw her and was alone with her, I saw this void within her eyes before. It is like she has been broken by something or someone in the past. You can see both the pain and emptiness in her eyes".
The general shortly looked down at the sleeping woman. Taylor's skin was still an unhealthy pale hue and she hoped that the younger woman would wake up soon. She needed to eat and drink something and possibly drink a tea against the pain she was undoubtedly feeling. Anya's brown eyes switched back to Lexa "She had said that we are welcome to kill her after she gave over the information she has. She wishes for death".
Lexa's brows only furrowed together further "Do you know what she meant by the husband and wife she has failed?" She was trying to wrap her mind around what the doctor might have meant.
Anya shook her head though. She wondered if Taylor may have told her about it in the woods right at the moment they had been interrupted during by the younger warrior. She did not know the answer to the commander's question yet, but she hoped to get the chance to ask her in the future.
"Commander" Gustus called for Lexa outside of the tent and the young leader sighed slightly, before she left the tent without another word.
Anya decided to stay with Taylor and keep an eye on her. There was still no healer in their camp.
Although Taylor unmistakably looked weak on the outside and definitely was not a fighter, the doctor obviously carried a completely different strength inside her and Anya found her admirable for that.
Anya waited in silence next to Taylor and after a while, she followed an instinct and reached out, taking one of the other woman's hands into her own. She told herself that she was only checking the Taylor was not running a fever. Her mind immediately noticed though how soft the doctor's fingers were, unmarred by hard work. Something within her wanted to protect her, to keep her hands this soft.
Lexa returned into the tent a while later. Her eyes narrowed a little when she spotted Anya still sitting next to Taylor and she was even slightly annoyed and confused to spot the general holding onto one of the blonde woman's hands.
Before Lexa could say anything, Taylor's breathing audibly changed and a few seconds later, she opened her grey eyes again. She noticed how Anya was holding one of her hands and she was confused for the reason for a second. Taylor quickly remembered the first time she had woken and how she had broken down in front of Lexa and Anya, telling them about the husband and wife in her despair.
Taylor immediately blushed deeply, feeling that she had made herself way too vulnerable in front of the commander and general. She knew that the grounders were all about strength and she had definitely shown them nothing but weakness.
Taylor cleared her throat after a moment of awkward silence, remembering how she had only thought of the impending massacre after writing down all the information she could remember. She let her gaze travel through the tent for a moment. She frowned slightly, this was not the tent she had stayed in before and the papers were nowhere in sight either.
"Where are the papers I wrote down?" she asked in a strained tone. The wound within her abdomen pulsed horribly with each heartbeat.
"They burned" Lexa answered in a calm tone, coming to stand next to the bed and staring down at Taylor. It angered her slightly that Anya was still holding one of Taylor's hands. She did not understand it, but she wished to be the one sitting in Anya's place instead.
Taylor frowned in confusion "But? How did they burn?". She could not imagine that Lexa or Anya would just burn papers with such valuable information.
"They erupted to flames when I wanted to read them" Lexa explained, watching Taylor's expression for clues if the younger woman had known this would happen.
Taylor shook her head slightly "I don't understand" she said "I can write everything down again…".
Anya had to help Taylor into a sitting position on the bed.
Both, the general and commander, stayed within the tent watching in anticipation how Taylor accepted a few new sheets of paper and a pen. They both had somehow almost expected that the papers would immediately erupt to flames again, but Taylor could touch them without anything happening.
Taylor visibly was in pain, trying to keep herself up in a sitting position and she pressed her lips together in a thin line, obviously not wanting to show her pain.
Unsurprisingly, Indra had just arrived at the small camp of the commander and demanded to speak to the young leader immediately. Thus, Lexa had to leave her tent for now. All of them already knew why the dark-skinned warrior wanted to speak to the commander. Indra was responsible for the village which had been massacred by the Skykru boy.
Anya stood up from the bed. She had offered to remain with Taylor in the tent and watch her write the papers. "Wait" she addressed the blonde woman; she watched her bite down a pained groan long enough now.
Anya retrieved another pillow and helped Taylor sit up a little straighter.
"I don't need another pillow" Taylor argued back, looking up from the paper for a moment. Her strained voice and the whiteness of her skin belied her words though. She had already shown herself too weak in front of the commander and general by breaking down and Taylor wanted to appear strong now.
Anya sighed under her breath at the sudden burst of clear stubbornness of the blonde doctor. She recognized the sudden shine in her grey eyes though for what it most likely was. She put a kinder expression onto her features, still keeping Taylor sitting upright.
"There is no shame in accepting help" Anya said in a soft tone, pushing the pillow under the doctor's back and slowly letting go of her, letting her sink down in the pillows.
Taylor gave up her stubbornness and gave the general a thankful nod with a grateful expression. She was surprised by the older woman's sudden kindness. She honestly did not understand it. They had failed in saving any of the villagers from the massacre. Taylor would not be surprised at all if the death count once again was exactly at 18 people. She wondered just why she had been able to save Anya's life from being shot, while she had just failed the villagers. Was there a rule in this which she did not understand yet? Taylor also could not understand how the papers had been able to erupt to flames just like this.
She shook her head slightly, giving the general a little smile, before she turned her attention back to the still mostly empty sheets of paper in her lap. Sitting in this position honestly hurt like hell, but Taylor was determined not to let this stop her as she recalled to herself just what she had written down before.
Anya had gotten up from the bed, wanting to give Taylor more space. She found the younger woman's apparent determination admirable. It was obvious how straining sitting up and writing all of this down was to Taylor. Anya could literally watch her paling just a little more as the time passed, while beads of sweat formed on her chalky skin.
"You should eat something soon" Anya said finally. For a while the only sound in the tent had been Taylor's pen scribbling onto the sheets of paper and the little pained groans the woman was trying to supress "And there is a tea you can drink that ought to help with the pain" the general added.
Taylor looked up from the papers and shook her head "I can take the pain" she insisted stubbornly. She was not sure if she could stomach anything right now, but she knew that would need fluids soon. She guessed a soup may be best though.
Anya rolled her eyes at the doctor "You do not have to act like this" she said, voice slightly showing her growing annoyance at the woman's sudden stubbornness.
Taylor narrowed her eyes slightly at the general, remembering how the show had portrayed the grounders. The general's words were contrasting this strongly and Taylor was unsure why this was the case. She sensed though that this slight conflict would come up over and over again and she guessed that it would be easier to just speak about right now. For a fleeting moment Taylor wondered if the commander had decided yet, if she would be executed or survive. If she could not write her knowledge down, she could as well just relay it to Lexa in words.
"In this… future…" Taylor said slowly, meeting the general's gaze directly to keep watch of her expression "…what I saw, your people were portrayed as holding strength up among all… Was that wrong?"
Anya furrowed her brows together in apparent confusion "Holding up strength?" she echoed, wanting to clarify this.
Taylor fumbled around with the pen in her hand uncertainly "In the future it appeared that some part of the animosity between your people and Skykru was founded in your people regarding the Sky people as weak" she sighed slightly, pausing for a moment as she looked down at the fur covering her body "by all means … I am weak" she finished in a discouraged tone.
Anya sat down at the edge of the mattress again, reaching out of instinct and stopping Taylor's nervous fumbling for now "Strength is seen is different ways" she argued vaguely.
Taylor looked up at the general again, rising a brow at her in question.
"You are undeniably no warrior" Anya assessed. Although the doctor's form appeared rather slim, she did not seem muscular in any form either "You hold a different strength though".
Taylor slightly huffed under her breath and shook her head "I am not strong" she denied the general's words immediately.
Anya chuckled at the younger woman's quick denial "You are strong, Yssa. You have a quick mind and you are determined to save others."
The blush forming on Taylor's pale cheeks, made Anya chuckle even more though, finding this weirdly adorable in a way. Something about this doctor made her want to protect the younger woman. She wondered just what Taylor all had seen about their people, but she would ask her at another point.
"I will fetch you something to eat" the general finally said, breaking the slight tension between them.
Taylor watched the older woman stand up and leave the tent from the corners of her eyes. She was amazed slightly by how graceful Anya seemed to move. She slightly shook her head, both, Lexa and Anya, already had an aura of power around them. The whole poise in which they carried themselves did nothing to hide their strength. Taylor still felt her cheeks slightly heated from the general's compliment. Was it even a compliment?
She shook her head, knowing that it was dangerous for her to think in such a fashion. She could not get attached to any of them. She did not understand how she had ended up here and how long it would last.
Taylor turned her concentration back to the papers in front of her, ignoring the constant pain within her abdomen and continuing to write down all that she remembered.
