Hello again! This chapter begins pleasantly enough but gets rather grim quickly. Still, I'm trying for at least a little realism in that simply marrying Edith does not make all of Anthony's problems disappear. Please chime in with any thoughts you have after reading.

I hope everyone is healthy and happy. All of that just seems so tenuous these days.


The tea had gone cold but they slipped into their robes and partook anyway, along with the assortment of edibles on the tray. Embarking on a honeymoon did tend to create an appetite, Anthony mused as he watched his wife - his wife; he still couldn't quite believe it was true. The lovely young creature sitting with him on the small settee was his wife. He let his hand rest momentarily, scone still between his fingers, as he contemplated the miraculous nature of it all. Sneaking a glance in her direction, he smiled as she bit into one of the sweets from the tray. Closing her eyes, a look akin to rapture skittered across her features. He knew the look; he'd seen it only a little while ago when they had consummated their marriage. He chuckled inwardly as he considered that comparison, the sweet delicacy and his love making. Well, whatever brought that expression to her face was what she would receive, he decided. He would diligently service her and provide sweets until his dying breath just to see her looking like that.

"What?" she asked worriedly as she caught him watching her.

"Nothing and everything, dearest. I am simply enjoying every moment of this," came his reply.

Her features dissolved into a radiant smile. "As am I." She sighed, glancing away. Then looking back at him, straight into his eyes, she said very softly, "Oh Anthony, I am so very happy. I knew we would be, but I had no idea just how wonderful this would be, with you."

His eyes closed instinctively, as he absorbed it all. It was too amazing to grasp that he, in his condition and with no memory, could illicit such a reaction from such an exquisite young woman. He had learned that he had once been married before. Was it this blissful? Or was this something truly unique, the beauty of it only possible between the two of them and under these unusual conditions? He couldn't answer. But he knew that he needed this, just as he needed to breath; he needed this feeling of wholeness, this life made possible only with her. It was selfish, he knew, to tie her to him like this. And he feared she might regret it sometime later. But it seemed that he was being given a chance at life again and by god, he would grasp it with both… well, his one hand and cling to it for dear life. But in doing so, he would make her happiness absolutely certain in every way possible. Opening his eyes, he saw that she was watching him, her expression curious but not worried.

"What were you thinking?" she asked him.

"I was thinking that I am most fortunate, dearest darling; we are here, together, like this and… well, there is nothing more in life I could possibly ask for."

A tear settled in her eye as she glanced away. "I feel the same, my darling." Taking a deep breath, she looked back at him with an expression that could only be described as licentious. "But I'll have you know, I have every intention that you shall be asking, even begging, for more before I'm done with you."

"Then I shall simply have to endure the torture, sweet one. One must do one's duty, you see," he replied, feeling years younger and far less wounded than he had since awakening in the hands of the Germans so many months ago.

Edith smiled, stood from her seat and saucily strode from there back to the bed, unfastening her robe and letting it slip to the floor as she did, lighting a rather warm fire within him as she moved. "Duty calls, darling," she cooed as she climbed atop the bed. "I will let it never be said that Anthony Strallan shirked his duty," was his only reply as he stood and followed her instruction.

Later in the night, or rather in the pre-dawn of the next day, Anthony awoke shaking and sweating… and shrieking. Edith, also awakened by him, sat up and turned to him immediately. "Anthony?"

He heard her, of course he did, but the sounds of his nightmare, the smell, the visions, were uppermost in his mind still. And he was shaking far too hard to speak. He felt her hand on his shoulder, felt her nearness, and tried to concentrate on that. She spoke softly, close to his ear. "Another nightmare?"

A nod was all he could manage. But her touch, the sound of her calm voice, the knowledge of her presence worked to soothe him and slowly over the next few minutes the nightmare receded and the shaking began to abate. Edith rubbed small circles on his shoulder and then his back and spoke quietly, easing him out of the hell his mind had him in until finally, he was back in the room, back in the bed, far away from the horror his mind had unleashed. After a few more minutes, Edith asked softly, "Do you remember what the nightmare was about?"

Anthony stiffened. He didn't want to remember. "I… not much."

"I just thought it might be useful to write down what you remember of it. Perhaps keeping notes on these episodes will help Dr. Rivers?" She seemed to sense his nervousness, however, and didn't press. Another moment or two passed and finally Anthony shrugged. "Perhaps. I don't think I could write anything just now though. I…. well, I feel as if I'm still shaking."

"Would you like me to write it for you?

Anthony's head shot up as he attempted to look at her face in the dark. "I couldn't… I won't share that hell with you."

"Oh darling, don't you see; watching you like this is hell for me. Helping you in any small way will help me. "Please, let me do this small thing. It might make your progress go a little quicker if, well… if you were able to talk with Dr. Rivers about your nightmares."

Anthony saw the logic in what she was saying. But while the nightmare was fading from his mind, the horror was not. It would be, not necessarily wrong but certainly ungentlemanly of him to share such horror with her. Almost as if she were reading his mind, Edith touched his arm. "Please Anthony, don't shut me out because of some out dated rule about what a lady should and shouldn't hear or understand. If we are to be together in this, if I am truly to be your wife and not just your bedmate…. Everything has been so changed by the war, everyone; and certainly, those silly old rules. Please Anthony, please put all that aside in times like this."

"Alright," he finally conceded, his stomach turning. "But… if it becomes too much, you will say?"

"Agreed," she replied quickly. "Let me find some paper to write it on." Turning on the lamp next to the bed, she left his side in search of what she needed to record his memory of the nightmare. Returning after a few minutes, she settled against the headboard and using a book under the paper, she wrote the date. "Now, your nightmare?"

Anthony swallowed with difficulty. "I… I don't know where… in a village, I think. Perhaps a small town. People were running, screaming. Fire everywhere. The air was thick with it. People were falling in the road… blood, so much blood. So many people, young and old, mothers… " he let loose a small sob, "children. And out of the smoke, running towards me… a group of nuns." The details of the nightmare began coming back to him and he shudder. But he continued, "I … I was behind… there was a wall, a short wall. I was crouched behind it and peering over the top… a stone wall. I started to stand. I don't know why. The nuns… they were running. One stumbled. Another stopped to help her and then…" He gasped. "They shot them."

"Who shot them, Anthony?"

"The … they were Germans. Chasing the nuns. Shooting anyone on the road. One of them caught one of the younger nuns. She… she began to pray. He… he tore her habit from her head. Her hair, what little she had was… it was golden in color." Anthony paused and looked at Edith. "Like yours. Her hair was like yours." That realization created panic in his chest. "Oh god, Edith… she reminded me of you." Another sob escaped him. "In my dream, it was you. And he… he… right there in the middle of the road… he…"

"What Anthony?"

"I shouldn't say," he said, tears rolling down his face.

"Just for the notes," she replied as she looked down at the paper, somehow knowing he couldn't look her in the eyes just then.

Anthony squeezed his eyes closed. "He raped her. He raped her viciously… and I did nothing." He could hear the scratching as pen met paper and wondered what she must think of him now. "I… I thought it was you in my nightmare and I did nothing."

"But it wasn't me; only in your dream but not really." She paused a moment and then asked, "Then what happened in your nightmare?"

Anthony looked at her in disbelief. "How can you…. I let it happen. How can you be so… so impassive?"

Edith looked up at him now, the sadness in her expression almost overwhelming him. "It isn't that I am impassive. I'm awfully glad that you didn't come out into the open and try to stop him though. They would have killed you if you had and we wouldn't be here now, together. And in the end, it wouldn't have changed anything for that nun."

Anthony blinked as the logic of her statement sank in and it fought with his sense of propriety. "I … I should have tried."

"Did you even have a weapon? And it is a nightmare. The actual incident might have been different. And you probably had some mission, were under some orders to collect information and take it back to your commander? What happened to that nun was horrible. What happened to all of those people was horrible. But you said there were more Germans there. You getting yourself killed would not have changed the outcome for those people. And perhaps the information you took back saved lives, the lives of our men."

"She… the nun… when he … finished, others took turns with her until… she just died. Right there in front of me… she died. And they laughed. They laughed." He took a deep breath as he fought back the sobs that threatened. "I crawled along behind the wall until I worked around to the other side of the village and then ran as fast as I could; I ran away."

"Anthony, this dream. It is a memory that has come back to you?"

Heaving a deep sigh, he pondered her question. "Yes, I believe it is. I think… I think…. For some reason, I think it might have been early on in the war." He closed his eyes again, this time trying to bring the picture of the place into his mind. "I heard people speaking… some in French, some in Dutch… and of course, the Germans in their language. Yes, I think I might have been in Belgium."

"That's wonderful, " Edith said.

"What? No, it is not… wonderful. I… it is horrible."

"No, I meant… you are beginning to remember."

Anthony stared at her for a moment and shook his head. "If this is what my memory holds, I don't think I want to remember."

"But it isn't. There are so many other memories, good memories locked away in your mind. You had a good marriage; it was plain to see that you cared for Lady Strallan whenever you spoke of her. And you spoke a few times of your childhood at Locksley. And of course, I am eager for you to remember our time together before the war. And there must be so many more good memories. Surely they are worth recovering?"

Anthony grimaced. "I don't know … if there are others like the nightmare tonight, I don't know that I can… I mean to say, I fear it will be too much."

Putting her paper and pen down, Edith wrapped both arms around him, holding him to her. "Whatever is locked away, whatever it is your mind is hiding, I am here with you. I'm not going away. You will, we will get through this…together. You don't have to face this alone. And just so you know, nothing you remember will change how I feel about you, my darling."

Anthony was feeling so many things in that moment. He was still horrified from his dream and nervous about what Edith thought of him now, as well as feeling no small amount of fear for what other memories might surface. But there was also some relief mixed in. Edith had said she was with him, she would remain with him; he wasn't alone. Reminding himself of that, his mind began to calm. "I do love you, you know," he whispered softly.

Edith tightened her grip on him. "And I love you. And as much effort as it has taken for us to be together, I refuse to let anything come between us. But right now, I think we both need more sleep. Lie down and let's try, shall we?"

Anthony did as she suggested and felt more comfort when she snuggled against him. But he was afraid to sleep, afraid of dreaming again. Still, it wasn't long before his eyes drifted shut and sleep overtook him.