A/N: Here's the next section. Enjoy!
Thanks everyone for your reviews! I appreciate them so
much.
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Chapter 1: Scene 4
The Metropolis nightlife carried with it the reputation of carelessness, foul play, danger, and criminal activity. Of course, all of that was present underneath the guise of music, booze, nightclubs, and sex. Clark often flew at night to catch those in the process of doing something evil while hidden under this usual protection, giving criminals a reason to stay at home rather than engage in illegal acts. Tonight, however, he decided against policing the streets, feeling the guilt from the day still lingering deep in his heart. Being heroic tonight, helping people just did not seem attractive right now.
Throughout the day, Clark walked with a deep sense of melancholy. Even Lois seemed worried for him, asking him often if he was okay. He merely explained watching the man try to commit suicide affected him more than he thought. Lois, though usually sarcastic with him even in times of pain, offered him a hug and comforting words. Making the effort to understand him, to make him feel better.
Yet he couldn't let go of the man's words, so harsh yet true – why did Clark end up here? Why did he feel it necessary to involve himself in other people's matters? People who didn't want him there?
The door to his apartment came up quickly, and Clark was inside in less than a minute. The entire space was covered in darkness as he walked through the living room and into the kitchen. He opened the refrigerator door, the light from inside the fridge the only source of illumination as he searched for a drink. Though he decided on water a few seconds ago, the beer in front seemed most appealing - the most able to dull his pain. Clark quickly thanked his alien body for being able to drink as much alcohol as he wanted to and feel nothing of it's usual, disabling affects it often had on humans. So with a smirk, he took a bottle, popped it open with a snap, and took a drink.
Clark gripped the bottle tightly, shut the refrigerator door, and walked further through the darkness, deciding his super vision was enough light for tonight. Sitting in darkness could give him the solace he needed.
Well, not really, Clark corrected quietly.
For the first time since he became Superman, Clark discovered the true pain of not being able to save someone. Or further, the decisions he was forced to make every day he dawned the cape. Choosing between two situations, between people that needed his assistance was not a welcome additive to his heroic career. It was the last thing he wanted to do. Truthfully, how could anyone make that decision? How could anyone decide if one person was more important to save above another? How could his destiny expect him to deal with that type of conundrum again and again, and not feel guilty?
Clark sighed deeply as he walked to the couch in the living room and sat down. More than anything, he wanted someone to be here with him. He wanted to come home to someone who could hold him, tell him everything would be okay. Ensure him that these fears, these doubts he had were normal. Perhaps even ease the deep pain he felt, and listen to him rant about the pitfalls of being a super hero.
He longed for that person more than anything. Longed for what they would give him, for the love they would enrapture him in. Longed for the day he could lose himself in the beat of their heart, and be one with that person for evermore.
The reassurance that the perfect one ... the one that would take him as he was ... the one that would accept him ... would love him for everything he was and everything he would never be ...
Take me completely ...
But as he stared into the darkness, Clark wondered if that person truly existed. He couldn't call Lois and talk to her, despite how he felt. What would he say? 'Hey, guess what? I'm Superman. And I'm scared as hell that I will never be anything more than a joke.' The thought seemed immediately ludicrous, quickly convincing Clark that Lois might never be the answer he was constantly searching for.
Again Clark flirted with the idea that he might be alone for the rest of his life. And really, it made sense. There was a wide world belief that everyone on earth had their one soul mate, the one person they were meant to be with for the rest of their life. But did that apply to him, too? Someone who wasn't even from this world? Did his soul mate die on Krypton? Or was he meant to roam through the universe all by himself?
The thought quickly engulfed Clark's heart within its harsh reality, giving him reason to believe these dark nights would be a normal occurrence.
And suddenly, he felt extremely cold.
Clark quickly sat up and placed his bottle on the coffee table, feeling his emotions rising again with the same intensity from before. Feeling the need to release them before he burst. Feeling the need to let it all out before it consumed him completely.
But this time he didn't scream. He didn't scream for what he would never have, for the love he might never experience, for the soul mate he might never find, or for the mistakes he made today and would probably make again.
Instead, Clark dropped to the floor, placed his face in his hands ... and cried.
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end of chapter one
