Chapter 34
Clarke was sitting together with her friends around the campfire in front of Arkadia.
Monty had brought out a bottle of Moonshine and they were all drinking together now. She laughed at a joke Bellamy just made.
Things had mostly calmed down in Arkadia and Skykru was focused on preparing for the upcoming winter. They all hoped that the war with the Mountain would be the last one they fought on earth and that peace with the grounders could become permanent.
Out of the corner of her eyes, she noticed a lone figure standing at the Ark for a few moments. She was not sure, but she thought to have seen a flash of bright blonde hair before the person pulled a hood over their hair.
"What is it?" Bellamy suddenly pocked her from the side.
Clarke shook her head "Nothing" she answered defensively, but her blue eyes followed the person. It was obvious that whoever was walking there, wanted to leave undetected. Clarke wondered if this could be Taylor. She had been worried about the blonde doctor. Her reaction to Maya had been extreme and although the young woman had obviously refused to speak to her, it had been obvious that the other girl was struggling.
Clarke had thought a lot about what had happened at the Mountain. She had been planning to pull that lever. Of course, or she would not have asked Monty to make this possible at all. But she could not really imagine what Taylor was going through.
She had been surprised at the blonde's arrival in Arkadia. The doctor had seemed very close to the commander and the Trikru general and she was curious what might have happened between them.
Clarke continued to watch the unknown person walk away from the Ark, keeping to the shadows and obviously not trying to garner any attention. Something was telling her, that this could indeed be Taylor. She did not feel well with the thought that the doctor was going out alone. Especially with dusk falling around them.
"I just need to check something" she quickly assured Bellamy. It might have been cleverer to get some supplies but Clarke knew that she would never find Taylor, if she let her slip away into the darkness and into the forest. She was not good at reading tracks, so, she knew that she would never find Taylor if she lost sight of her completely.
Taylor kept on walking away from the Ark with fast strides. The band which she had felt pressing down on her chest, slowly eased with each step and she was able to breathe a little easier again.
She only started to slow down a little, when she felt that she had brought a comforting distance between herself and the Ark.
Taylor startled around when she suddenly heard her name being called out loud behind her and her features immediately pulled into a frown. It was Clarke following her and obviously trying hard to catch up. Internally, Taylor chided herself. She must have been very unobservant to not hear the other girl follow right behind her. Lexa and Anya both would surely be appalled at her being so unobservant. She was lucky it was Clarke and not some kind of predator.
She stopped where she had turned around, waiting for Clarke to catch up. Internally, she was thinking about what she should say to Clarke to make her go back to the Ark.
Clarke seemed a little out of breath once she stood just opposite of her. It was also obvious that the blonde girl must have followed her spontaneously, as the Skykru girl was only wearing her blue jacket and no bag.
"Go back to Arkadia, Clarke" Taylor said a little coldly, not waiting for the other girl to say anything.
Clarke frowned as well and her blue eyes blitzed with something. She shook her head with a firm expression "It is not safe alone out here" she reasoned calmly.
Taylor sighed under her breath. The other girl was right though. They had been walking for a while now and it was completely dark already. She would be irresponsible if she sent back Clarke alone now. Otherwise, she would also not really be able to protect the two of them from any possible predators. "I cannot protect you either" she retorted with another sigh.
She reached into her backpack and took out the long hunting knife Lexa had given her in their last night together. The commander had tried to give a crash course on how to use it, but Taylor doubted that it would do her much good if she landed herself in a fight.
"Well, at least you already have a knife" Clarke assessed with a shrug of her shoulders "Anywhere particular where you want to go?"
Taylor shook her head. She was tired and she did not want to argue with Clarke. If the blonde insisted on sticking around, so be it.
"Well, we should search for a place to sleep then" Clarke answered in a nonchalant tone.
Taylor was a little baffled by the blonde's obvious firm intent to stay with her. She did not understand why the other girl had followed her in the first place.
Clarke walked right ahead and looked over her shoulder towards Taylor "Are you coming?" she asked.
Taylor pressed her lips together, but nodded her head and closed up to the other girl. She did not know if Clarke may have more knowledge of the surroundings than she did, but maybe it would prove helpful that the girl was accompanying her.
They ended up locating a cave a while later.
"A cave offers enough shelter and shouldn't be sought out by any predators" Clarke said, breaking the silence for the first time in a long while.
Taylor only nodded slightly in acknowledgment.
When she took out the furs from her backpack, she frowned. She only had two furs. One to sleep on and one to use a blanket. While Clarke obviously had nothing.
Both of them would be cold if she gave Clarke one fur to sleep one. Taylor assessed the furs with a frown. It looked like they would be big enough for the two of them to share if they laid down relatively close to each other.
So, Taylor sighed as she placed one of the furs on the hard stony ground. The cave was small and there were no supplies to erect a fire with.
She sat down on the fur, still holding the second one in her arms. The fur did not provide as much comfort as she had hoped, but she did not want to know how lying on the bare ground would feel like.
Taylor patted the fur beside her "As you did not bring anything with you, we will have to share" she said and her voice was ringing with a hint of distaste. If she wanted to sleep beside someone, it would have been Lexa and Anya, but surely not Clarke.
Clarke's brows raised in surprise. The blonde girl had been standing in the cave, eyeing the ground as if she had been searching for the least uncomfortable to settle down for the night.
"Thank you, Taylor" Clarke answered with a slight smile as she stepped closer.
Taylor only nodded her head in mute acknowledgement. She did not wish to chat with the other girl. She wanted to lie down and close her eyes. She felt exhausted.
The night was not good for either of them. Taylor had been haunted by nightmares and her tossing and turning around had woken up Clarke as well.
Taylor had lain awake after her nightmares for the rest of the night. Clarke had tentatively tried to comfort her, but she had brushed off the other girl, telling her to get back to sleep in a brisk tone instead.
In the morning, Taylor felt tense and uncomfortable. They had not spoken a word with each other yet and she was waiting for Clarke to question her. She was surprised by Clarke though.
"I understand it, you know" Clarke broke the silence in a kind tone.
The girl had gone out earlier and thankfully had found a bush with berries practically next to the entrance of the cave. She had plucked some and handed over a handful to Taylor right now.
Taylor looked up immediately and she had to control herself strongly as to not ball her hands into fists and thus smash the berries she had just received from Clarke.
"I have nightmares too" Clarke added in an understanding tone, holding Taylor's startled gaze with a compassionate expression.
When Taylor still had not said anything, Clarke sighed under her breath. A flash of frustration travelled over her features, before her eyes showed what almost looked like regret. Her tone was quieter now when she said "I have thought a lot about what happened at the Mountain…".
Taylor stiffened at the mention of the Mountain and instantly the pictures of her memories were back in the forefront of her mind and a shiver wracked through her whole frame.
Clarke continued as if she were blind to Taylor's obvious discomfort "… I know that I would have pulled that lever just a few moments later, if you had not done so, Taylor. So, I understand. I do not judge you and I would have done the same."
Taylor lips shook a little and her sight was blurred with unshed tears, but she refused to let them fall. She had not cried in a while now and she afraid that if she started to cry now, she would not stop anytime soon.
"It is okay if you do not wish to speak about it yet, but you should do so one day" Clarke added kindly and her expression gave away her worry for the blonde doctor.
Taylor looked back up again, meeting Clarke's blue-eyed gaze. She guessed that the blonde Skykru girl had indeed followed her into the forest out of pure worry and kindness. She was not sure though if she was still deserving of this. She could not make herself speak as her throat felt dry and clogged, but she nodded her head in acknowledgement.
Lexa and Anya had understood quickly after the Mountain, that she was not ready to speak about what she had done yet. Taylor was not sure if she would ever wish to speak about it.
What was there to say anyway. She had single-handedly killed all of those people. She knew that not all of them had been innocent, but regardless, none of them had deserved such a death in her mind. She had acted out of her wish to protect Lexa. She did not know if she would have pulled the lever for Abby as well.
"You should eat the berries instead of turning them into mush" Clarke broke the silence again and her tone was carefully playful, as she looked at Taylor's tense figure.
Taylor let out a deep breath and she looked down at her own hands. Clarke was right, she had indeed crushed most of the berries already.
When Clarke began to laugh at her almost dumbfounded expression, Taylor chimed in a moment later, feeling the tenseness melt away for now.
"Here let me help" Clarke offered a rag to Taylor and her blue eyes were still twinkling, while she tried to hold back another bout of laughter. She was rather failing at it.
Taylor grasped onto the rag "I'll clean that out later" she promised as she quickly cleaned up her hands on the rag.
"Sure. I will get you some more berries only if you promise to not crush those poor things as well" Clarke said with a raised brow.
Taylor's face pulled into a frown, assessing if Clarke was upset that she had smashed the berries mutely.
But the other blonde girl had already gotten up. She returned a few moments later "Seriously, eat them" she said and her expression was brightened by a smile.
Taylor nodded her head as she snorted under her breath "I am not usually a fan of jam" she commented drily, making Clarke laugh again.
Both of them agreed, that they would need to hunt as they could impossibly expect to survive on berries and whatever edible plant they may locate. The only problem at that was, that Taylor could impossibly hide that she had not grown up on this earth.
Clarke did not need longer than a few hours to bring the topic up. "What does it mean to be "a blessing from the flame", Taylor?" the blonde Skykru girl asked and although she was trying to keep her tone nonchalant, her blue eyes brimmed with curiosity.
Taylor clenched her jaw together. She did not trust Clarke and they would split up some time. So, Clarke could bring the knowledge of the future back to Skykru. These people had not exactly proven to be gracious towards the grounders. She wanted to safe Lexa and Anya and as many other grounders as possible.
"You obviously have no clue about hunting" Clarke assessed, watching the blonde doctor move trough the forest "…neither about tracking anything" she added when Taylor simply stepped on clear tracks of an animal without noticing "…and you have no fighting skills" was the last thing she added as she remembered their first encounter in the woods.
"No, I do not have any of those skills" Taylor agreed through slightly gritted teeth, still unwilling to tell the other girl the truth. What if Clarke would wish to change something? The blonde surely now was not in love with Lexa and although Taylor believed her to be kind of good, Clarke had also proven through the show that she would sacrifice just about everyone else for those who she loved.
"Are there some kind of intellectual places around?" Clarke prodded, obviously not giving up just yet.
"Intellectual places?" Taylor echoed with a frown, not understanding what the other girl wanted to know.
"Yeah, I mean you clearly have not been educated as a warrior. But the grounders we have seen so far, have all been warriors, so, you either are no grounder or there are places where grounders receive a completely different upbringing, without the need for survival skills and violence" Clarke explained with a thoughtful expression.
Taylor frowned as she thought about Titus. In her mind the man was the epitope of something religious in this culture, but even he was a warrior at training. She highly doubted that there was any place on earth where people grew up without fighting skills. Maybe with the exception of Luna's people living on the old oil rig.
"You are not going to answer?" Clarke asked after silence had settled between them for long moments.
Taylor sighed under her breath. A part of her would have liked to discuss everything with Clarke. In the show, Clarke had been shown as a character with at least some strategical thinking skill. But the larger part of her knew, that telling Clarke everything may be a big mistake. No, she could not rely on the other girl.
So, Taylor shook her head and her tone was cold as she said "There is nothing to say".
Clarke frowned and there seemed to be hurt flashing through her blue eyes for a moment, but she masked it quickly and turned away from Taylor again. "Well, come on then, we still need to hunt".
The atmosphere between them remained rather tense after that.
Taylor almost regretted having rebuffed the blonde Skykru girl in such a fashion. But she was still convinced that it was better this way.
Thankfully, Clarke had picked up more skills on earth than Taylor could ever dream of. The Skykru girl was successful in locating the tracks of some bunnies and she was constructing traps where they were walking, telling Taylor that they would need to make a circle and go back to the first trap before the light was out today.
"You have never seen such a trap?" Clarke asked with a raised brow when she noticed Taylor standing right behind her and watching her every move.
Taylor shook her head "I am a doctor by training, not a hunter" she commented calmly.
"Yeah, a doctor" Clarke echoed "not a healer".
Taylor winced internally. Of course, Clarke would already be picking up on the difference in which she used language. Lexa and Anya thankfully had not had a problem with it and they also had not urged her to try and mask her usage of different words, probably because they thought that she was prominently not a grounder anyway.
Clarke thankfully let the matter drop after the comment and instead changed her position in front of the trap she was constructing "You can watch better this way".
Taylor indeed watched closely and after they had brought a slight distance to the last trap, Clarke crouched down and waved Taylor closer "Now it is your turn" the blonde Skykru girl said.
Taylor hesitated for a moment, before she nodded. She wondered what Lexa and Anya would say now if they could see her at this moment.
Clarke had to correct her a few times, but Taylor indeed managed to construct a trap as well. She was not sure though that it would be functional.
"We should heed back before it turns dark" Clarke said, looking up at the sky, searching the position of the sun.
Taylor nodded slightly, not saying out loud that she also had no idea on how to use the sun as an indicator for the time. Internally, she was thankful now that Clarke was there. It had been foolish of her to assume that she could survive out in the wild alone. She obviously could learn a lot still from the blonde Skykru girl. The thought of having to deflect her prodding about her true origins though, was giving her a headache already.
