AN: Mourn-today owns Erica and Vicky, Deepshadows2 and Eckostalker own Artimis and Alexis and I own no characters. Kudos to JK! No money was made with this fic.
Alexis staggered to a halt next to Erica who was standing open-mouthed in shock, whilst Artimis and Vicky each picked up a mop and soaked them in the one remaining bucket of water before turning back to face their livid teacher.
Professor Trelawney remained perched on her desk, shifting her gaze from the students to the witch on the ground.
Professor Snape clenched his teeth as the cold water slowed from a cascading torrent to a slow trickle over his head and down his back. His black hair hung in stringy dread-locks infront of his eyes and he was fairly certain that he would have to change into another fresh set of clothes once again.
Slowly, Snape pulled himself up off the stone floor and raised his hands up to his head to pull the wooden bucket off. When he was free, Snape turned his attention to the two girls infront of him in shock.
Artimis and Vicky were each brandishing a sopping wet mop under his nose, looking more than capable of giving him a good scrub down if he advanced any further to reach their friend. The girl in question, Miss Whyte was looking on in drunken amusement, still holding the sherry bottle closer to her chest than was necessary.
'Put the bucket down, and walk away Professor.' said Vicky in a clear voice, whilst Artimis blushed furiously.
'I'd do what they say Professor.' Erica added.
Snape turned away from the students infront of him, to look at Trelawney for guidance. The bug-eyed witch shrugged, clearly stumped.
'Fat lot of help she is,' thought Snape savagely.
He had no choice…it was only a sherry bottle after all…the girls had already earned themselves two months of detention…would he really risk being assaulted by four teenagers wielding mops for such a trifle as firewhisky?
'Of course!' yelled a resilient voice from the back of Snape's mind. He was a spy! A powerful wizard! He would not be bested by four pubescent witches!
Snape offered Artimis and Vicky a smirk before throwing himself bodily at them. The girls screamed in surprise as their teacher dragged them down to the floor with him, one of the mops flying out of reach whilst the other became trapped underneath the pile of bodies.
At the other end of the class, Trelawney jumped off her desk in shock as she watched Snape drag himself towards the renegade mop, ignorant of the fact that he was further compromising his position on top of his two students.
The witch who had, until five minutes previously been unconscious, casually made her way over to the Divination Professor.
'Always like this is it? These detentions?' She asked, plucking a notepad and acid green quill from her midnight blue robes.
Trelawney shook her head slowly, as Snape was now being weighed down even further by the added weight of Erica, who had thrown herself on his back, whilst screaming 'DOGPILE!'
Alexis took a lengthy swig of the Firewhisky before setting the bottle on a nearby desk before picking up the lone mop and bouncing over to Snape as he struggled vainly to free himself from the young women who were pulling him to the ground.
'Hey Sev!' called the white haired witch as she stood above the Slytherin. Her Professor looked up in anger, only to have the mop plunged straight into his face.
'Interesting punishment.' Commented the witch as the green quill quickly scratched across the parchment. Trelawney finally acknowledged her fellow onlooker and started in shock.
'OI! SKEETER! GET ME MY WHISKY WOULD YA?' Screeched Alexis as Snape finally freed a hand, wrenched the cleaning appliance from her grasp and secured a firm grip around her ankle.
'Of course dear.' The posh witch strode across the room elegantly, carefully stepping over the pile of bodies and over to the whisky-bearing desk. Once there, she picked the bottle up with a thumb and finger and took two steps over to Alexis who was now trying to wrestle herself free.
'Miss-ah-Whyte?' The young Gryffindor looked up bearing a wolf-like smile.
'Thanks a lot Rita.' At this, Snape's head snapped up to look at her closely.
'What the hell are you doing? You should still be unconscious! Get back in my room and stay there until I've sorted this mess out!'
Rita Skeeter arched an eyebrow in amusement. 'My dear Severus, I wouldn't dream of going back into your room…people might get the wrong idea.'
'TOO RIGHT!' yelled Erica as she finally managed to escape the mountain of people and take a time-out.
'And besides, I wouldn't want to miss this for the world!'
The two adults glared at each other, a silent battle of wills amidst the chaos of a man-made mountain. 'I came here expecting to face a challenge before I got a story, and look Severus…one has fallen right into my lap!' Skeeter sneered at Snape who was now lying on his stomach, Artimis and Vicky sitting on his back in exhaustion barely hearing the conversation.
'I'M IN!' Came the sudden shriek of Alexis who bounded over to the 'play-area'. She jumped clean over her friends and tackled Rita to the ground. The middle-aged woman hollered in shock as she landed face-to-face with Severus Snape, who was returning her sneer with classic Snapeyness.
'Glad you decided to join me.' He muttered as Rita's acid green quill began to tickle his nose as it scribbled away.
'So…Professor…' a small voice whispered in his ear, 'you gonna tell us why she was in your room?'
'Oh that is easy Miss Callabella…this witch has been trying to get a good story on me for months, sneaking about the castle disguised as a beetle-yes Rita I know all about your animagus form' Snape added when she gasped. 'Searching through my private rooms when I am elsewhere.' Artimis' head snapped up at this as she fixed an unblinkable gaze on the Reporter.
'What's it like in there?'
'Dear, this castle isn't exactly famous for its year-round heating, but if all the dorms are that big, I'm surprised that it still hasn't signed up as a summer resort. And all those bucks you could pull in…I imagine your Professor could use some of the money to improve his personal hygiene.' Rita gave a mock sigh.
Snape gritted his teeth in anger at the latter statement and seemed to have finally reached his boiling point. Stretching a long arm over to Alexis, he snatched the now empty sherry bottle out of her grasp and held it in a bone-crunching grip.
'One more word Skeeter and I'll make sure you're sent on a first class trip to St Mungo's.'
Two small eyes peered over the horn-rimmed glasses perched on her delicate nose at the bottle. One eye-brow was arched in amusement, whilst her lips were pursed.
'You tell her Professor!' Artimis, Alexis and Vicky turned around to look at Trelawney who had offered Erica the other sherry bottle. The two women were perched on a desk watching the argument with interest whilst taking turns to take a swig of the liquid.
'Sir? Can Professor Trelawney talk again now…only she's gone for ten minutes now without speaking about the fates and I don't think it's too good for her…see…she's going a bit red in the face.'
'So are you!' replied Artimis stifling her laughter.
Erica ignored her Slytherin friend and continued to watch Snape, waiting for an answer. The Potions Professor waved his free hand dismissively, 'yes yes…finite!' A loud hiccup from the heavily jeweled woman signaled the end of the silencing spell.
'Oh great…now she's not gonna shut up. Well done Snape, always the man with a plan aren't you? Always the smart one…well, it doesn't look like it now does it…awww crap.' Rita Skeeter snarled as Trelawney staggered across the dungeon, drunkenly navigating her way through the desks and chairs that now littered the floor.
'Ah! It's you! Knew you looked familiar!' Trelawney lowered herself halfway to the ground before falling over and joining Snape and Rita. 'Rita Marianne Skeeter, reporter for the daily Prophet!' Trelawney extended a thin hand (drowning in bangles) and shook one of Skeeters' carefully manicured fingers.
'My dear, I see great wealth in your future! A story worth galleons!'
'I make galleons every week! Compared to you, I'm positively royalty!'
Trelawney sniffed in distaste, 'Fine, be rude, but one of these days you'll thank your lucky stars that you earn as much money as you do, cause it won't last forever…save it whilst you can.'
'Don't worry honey! The amount of money I'm gonna make from this story will keep me going for another two years!'
'OH SHUT UP!' yelled Snape, as his bottle-wielding fist descended, landing with a crash on the woman's head, rendering her unconscious yet again. Unfortunately, the quick-quotes quill did not follow suit and continued to write.
Snape strained his neck to look at the students still resting on his back. 'Will you please let me get up?' he snarled.
Artimis and Vicky sighed. They'd had their fun and would now have to deal with the punishment. Slowly, they pulled themselves to their feet, careful not to step on their teacher, and turned their attention to Alexis, who had pulled out her Official Chudley Cannons Quill, and was drawing new designs onto Rita's nails.
'Come one Starburst, time to get up,' prompted Artimis in a soft voice.
'Busy' grunted Alexis in reply, now working her way down one of Rita's fingers.
Vicky turned around, looking for Erica and finding her asleep on one of the desks clutching Trelawney's sherry bottle in a slack hand. The Divination teacher was next to Alexis, clutching one the reporters' free hand, examining it through heavily magnified glasses.
Snape slowly got to his feet, seething inside, 'Unfortunately, like last week, we're stuck in here until some merciful deity decides to free us.' He cast a menacing glare at each of the women around him, unconscious or not. 'Until that happy moment, I suggest you sit in SILENCE and keep out of my way. Now, Sybil…why are you here?'
Trelawney raised her head and got eagerly to her feet when she realized that someone was willingly talking to her. 'I come with a terrible prediction!' Snape groaned. 'The fates have informed me that in one week, misfortune will come your way. Many people will hear of your darkest secrets Severus…they will be told by a woman you detest…'
'Is that all?' asked Snape as he finally summoned a towel to dry himself off. 'Sybil…I thank you for the warning, really I do….but it isn't necessary.'
Oh how wrong Snape was.
