Chapter 3
"Come on, what was it? The flour, the milk, the—?"
"I don't know, alright?!" I snapped irritably, sending a caustic glare at Sanji. "I'm not lactose or gluten intolerant, I drink milk and eat bread without worry! And really, I think that biscuits taste delicious, but whenever they go down my throat, all that comes out is..." I shuddered in horror. "Yeah... anyways, it's just biscuits that's the issue, alright? Can't you just drop it already?"
Sanji blew out a cloud of smoke with an irritated huff as he returned my glare. "Not a chance. I'm this ship's cook, so I need to account for everyone's dietary needs. It's my job to make sure that that doesn't happen again!"
"It won't happen again so long as I don't eat biscuits!" I threw my hands up in exasperation. "Anyways, don't you have a dessert to work on for 'Nami-swan'?"
Sanji growled in aggravation as he debated with his priorities for a moment before turning back to his kitchen. "This isn't over, crap bum."
I rolled my eyes in response, shifting around in an effort to get comfortable on the sack of rice I was sitting on, refocusing on my book.
I'd been sailing on the Going Merry with the Straw Hat pirates for somewhere around a week now, and my life was... actually going smoother than that conversation implied. Sure, Sanji got on my case every now and then in order to get to the bottom of whatever it was that hadn't sat well with me, but other than that both he and his food were great. Zoro mainly watched me out of the corner of his eye and didn't bother me so long as I didn't bother him, Nami gave me a crash course in how to help with handling the ship, Usopp was eager to share any number of stories, real or otherwise, and Luffy... well, Luffy was Luffy, nothing more to say on that matter.
Soundbite seemed to be enjoying himself as well, if the genuine, as opposed to mocking, laughter he was constantly bellowing out was anything to go by. Of course, that wasn't to say that he'd mellowed out, by any stretch of the imagination. No, if anything he was well and truly reveling in his expanded array of available targets for his pranking. I'd already befallen retribution from half of the crew for Soundbite's very loud and very early wake up calls, though thankfully Usopp had kept his vengeance limited to the snail himself instead of me, albeit with limited results.
I'd had a bit of sea-sickness at first, but I'd gotten over it quickly on account of the fact that my grandfather lived on a boat and that I'd stayed on it with him every summer. All in all, it was a pretty nice experience.
"And get your shitty shoes off the food!"
Alright, 95% percent nice, but you take the good with the bad.
I shot another irritated glare at him, but complied nonetheless, shifting my feet off the sack I'd been propping them up on. I slipped my earphones up over my ears...
"GAH!" I yelped in pain, snapping them off in order to escape the barrage of heavy metal riffs that had blindsided me. I panted heavily in shock for a second before growling and rapping my fist on the shell that was hanging onto the side of a nearby barrel. "I said country, not punk metal!" I hissed irritably.
A small cacophony of giggles wafted out of Soundbite's shell in response. Thankfully, however, he chose to comply, allowing me to sag in relief as a calm strumming came out of my headset, rather than harsh screaming.
Satisfied, I slid my headphones back on, settled in, and resumed my reading.
I was currently perusing a respectably thick volume that contained a summary of the history of the Blue Seas. I'd borrowed it from Usopp, who'd apparently brought it onboard alongside everything he'd ever owned. I'll be honest: history wasn't usually my cup of tea, and sure, the contents were propaganda-rifficly skewed in favor of the World Government and Marines, almost sickeningly so, but it was definitely interesting. The sheer amount of influence that pirates had had on the Blues' society was... staggering, to say the least. Nations had literally risen and fallen on the whims of the stronger individuals who flew the Jolly Roger, and Paradise and the New World were described as though they were on a different world entirely.
I was midway into the history of the Marine presence in the West Blue...
"EEEEH!"
"SONNUVA—SOUNDBITE!" I howled, whipping my headphones off as the music was suddenly replaced with a loud buzzer. I snapped a furious glare at the snail. "What the hell was that—!... for?" I blinked as I noticed that the snail was missing. "The hell—?"
"Ahem."
I looked up in confusion and promptly withered under the caustic glare Nami was directing at me, Soundbite snickering in the palm of her hand.
"Ah... aheh..." I chuckled as I scratched the back of my head sheepishly. "Have you been... standing there long?"
"A full minute trying to get your attention," Nami deadpanned as she tossed Soundbite into my lap. "Be happy Soundbite was so happy to help, otherwise I'd have sicked Sanji on you."
I swallowed heavily as I eyed the cook who was, thankfully, too engrossed with his craft to notice our exchange. "Duly noted. It won't happen again."
Soundbite imitated a whipcrack noise with a snicker.
He would have done more, but I promptly crammed him back into his shell. "Yeah yeah, I get the idea..." I scowled at him before looking up at the navigator. "Anyways, what did you need?"
Nami frowned irritably, though thankfully her ire didn't appear directed at me. "Have you seen Zoro, Usopp, and Luffy? I can't find them anywhere and I need to talk to everyone."
My eyebrows promptly shot up in disbelief. "You can't find those three on a ship this small?" I asked in surprise.
"IronIC!" Soundbite scoffed, shooting a cocky smirk at Nami.
I momentarily contented myself with the annoyed look on Nami's face before shivering as I was hit by a particularly malevolent wave of killing intent that came from the kitchen."I-I-I mean—! I'm sure there's a completely legitimate reason, of course!" I grinned nervously as I simpered and shrank before the navigator, sighing in relief as the aura receded.
Soundbite whistled out another whipcrack with a laugh.
I shot a glare down at the snail. "Care to speak up, escargot?"
Thankfully, the threat of Sanji's frying pan served as an effective deterrent against the baby transponder snail's sense of humor, prompting him to snap his mouth shut instantly with a terrified expression.
"Yeah, I didn't think so."
Meanwhile, Nami had heaved a sigh and was kneading her forehead in exasperation. "Believe me, I know the Merry is small, but the fact is that those three are... special... to say the least. They can sniff out the most ridiculous corners to stick themselves in..." She shook her head and threw her hands up in defeat. "You know what? Forget it. Just... tell them to come here and wait for me if you see them, alright?"
I almost instantly felt a pang of guilt for my attitude. After all, I'd seen first hand that Nami worked hard: she was constantly scouring the sky and ocean for signs of the weather, she consistently checked over maps and made certain of our heading, fought tooth and nail to keep Luffy from sinking the Merry—that was a hands on job, believe me...
"Ah, hang on!" I got to my feet hastily, scooping Soundbite onto my shoulder. "You don't need to look for them, I can get them here in a jiffy."
Sanji and Nami looked at me in surprise. "Seriously?" Nami asked, a skeptical tone in her voice. "How?"
I shrugged and walked over to the table. "Easy, really." I plucked Soundbite off my shoulder and put him on the tabletop with one hand and slid my earphones on with the other. I then tapped the snail on top of his shell. "Amp me."
Soundbite gave me a dark leer. "What's THE magic—?"
I rolled my eyes with a sigh. "Please."
Soundbite concentrated slightly before letting out a tinny, electric whine. "You are on the air!" he crowed, his voice echoing slightly as though it were coming from a speaker.
I clamped my hands down over my headphones. "Luffy, Usopp, Zoro!" I called out, causing Nami and Sanji to jump in shock as my voice rang out over the ship at a volume that made it sound like the voice of God Himself.
"The heck!?" Nami sputtered.
I covered my headphone's mic with my hand as I smiled back at Nami. "I told you that Soundbite's voice-swap thing was only a parlor trick." I then put my hand back down and focused on the snail. "Nami wants to tell us something. Get your asses in the meeting room, now. Over and out." I jerked my hand across my neck and Soundbite let out a sigh of relief.
Barely even a few seconds later the door to the meeting room burst inwards as Luffy and Usopp rushed me, with Zoro following them in at a more sedate pace.
"Hey, Cross, was that you just now?" Luffy asked me eagerly.
"Yeah, and that damn snail?" Usopp snarled, shoving his face as close to Soundbite as could without getting a fresh set of bite marks on his nose, a threat that Soundbite was literally chomping at the bit to fulfill.
I sighed and rolled my eyes in long-suffering exasperation. "What did he do now?"
"Your voice came out of the toilet!"
I blinked before letting out a snort and clamping my hand over my mouth. "A-alright, that's weird, but you've gotta admit, that does sound pretty damn funny."
"While I was using it!?"
I promptly shot a scowl at my cackling snail. "Soundbite!"
"Clean-up on AISLE THREE!" he snorted gleefully.
"You'd better have cleaned up!" Nami growled, murder in her eyes, causing Usopp to shrink back with a whimper of terror.
Soundbite laughed and produced a flurry of whipcracks... until a familiar shaking sound came from behind him, prompting him to slowly look behind him, eyes wide in naked terror.
Sanji smiled darkly as he held the salt shaker. "Oh, don't mind me, just contemplating what to make Nami-swan for dinner." He gave it another shake, just to emphasise the point.
Soundbite promptly let out a yelp of terror and jerked back into his shell.
I gave Sanji a half-grateful, half-irritated look as I placed the shivering gastropod on my shoulder. "Thanks for shutting him up, but to reiterate, if you ever fry him, I'll fry you, capiche?"
Sanji rolled his eyes as he flipped the salt shaker away. "That all depends on him."
Soundbite popped his eyes out, both glaring at the cook. "Screw you."
I rolled my eyes and was about to comment on the little clash when Nami raised her hand and spoke up. "Ah, excuse me, but..." She pointed at Soundbite. "This never came up before... but what exactly is the range on Soundbite's power?"
I shrugged helplessly. "I've never been that good with distances, and we never got anything concrete on the island, but... I'd say maybe somewhere like a quarter of a mile? He can hear anything in that range easy, and with a little effort he can cause sounds anywhere within it as well. Worst thing he gets from it is a sore throat, and considering how he's a transponder snail, even if just a baby, I doubt there's much risk of that."
"NOPE NOPE NOPE!" Soundbite crowed eagerly.
Nami blinked as she stared at Soundbite in shock before she finally managed to speak. "That's... actually incredibly useful. I mean, you just called the whole ship together in seconds without even moving. I can name a dozen different crews that would kill for something like that. Not to mention—!"
"The eavesdropping potential?" I asked with a raised eyebrow. "Yeah, already thought of that. I'm actually going to try and get him kitted out with formal transponder snail gear as soon as I can. With any luck, it could really help him with his powers."
"We can rebuild him. We have the technology!" Soundbite concurred eagerly.
Nami pondered this for a second before looking at our captain. "Hey Luffy... why not make Cross and Soundbite our communications officers?"
Luffy blinked and tilted his head in confusion. "Eh? What's that?"
"That would be a person in charge of helping the entire crew communicate with one another, right?" I guessed.
Nami nodded in agreement. "Exactly."
Zoro scoffed slightly. "Seems a bit redundant, considering how there's only six of us."
"OI!"
"Fine, seven, sheesh. My point still stands, though."
"Yeah, seven of us now, maybe. But as our captain demonstrated recently—" Nami jabbed her thumbs at me and Luffy. "We're liable to pick up more crewmates in the future. Plus, with Soundbite's volume, he could get messages out to everyone when things are really loud. Like, say, during the middle of a battle or a storm. Easier than trying to shout over the wind at any rate. And of course, transponder snails are really useful for keeping everyone connected... hm... now that I think about it..." Nami mused as she bowed her head in thought for a second before snapping back to the moment. "A-Anyways, a comms officer would be really useful."
I considered her argument for a second before shrugging in agreement. "I'm all for it if you'll have me, captain."
Luffy tilted his head in thought for a few seconds before grinning enthusiastically. "Alright! Sounds good!" He shot me a thumbs-up. "From now on, Cross will be our ship's Commie!"
I barely caught myself from dropping my jaw in pure, naked horror. Soundbite, on the other hand, had no such compunctions, laughing as loud and as hard as he could.
Usopp stared at Soundbite in confusion. "Uh... does he have a reason to be laughing like an idiot?" His expression darkened instantly. "Beyond just being a slimy little shit I mean."
Soundbite responded by blowing a raspberry at the sniper.
"Inside joke that I will take to my grave," I ground out.
"Shishishishi!" Luffy chuckled as he scratched the back of his head. "Well, you'll be doing whatever it is that a Commie does, alright Cross?"
I grumbled mutinously as Soundbite's laughter redoubled. "Da, kapitan..."
"As momentous as this is," Zoro drawled out, drawing out the word. "Was there a reason that you called us all together?"
Nami jerked as her train of thought was brought back on track. "Oh, right! I wanted to talk to you guys about the next island we're going to."
I perked up instantly as I caught on to what she was talking about. "I think I can guess," I whispered reverently. "It's one of the main reasons I decided to come down to the East Blue in the first place."
The navigator smiled and nodded in agreement. "Not surprising. It's a popular town known the world over." She met each and every crewmates' gaze in turn. "It's the last island we'll set foot on in the East Blue. Logue Town. The town of the Beginning and the End."
Sanji, Usopp, and Zoro stiffened immediately, likely from the same thrill of excitement that had shot through me a few seconds prior, while Luffy merely looked confused.
Unsurprised by her captain's reaction, Nami seamlessly segued into an explanation. "It's called that because it's the town where Gold Roger, the King of the Pirates, was born... and executed."
That prompted Luffy to sit up, his expression blank for a second before turning solemn.
Nami smiled in return. "It'll be our last chance to resupply before entering the Grand Line. So... what do you say, captain? Want to go there?"
The fire that lit in Luffy's eyes was answer enough.
-o-
"Hooooly shit..." I breathed in awe as I took in the arch before me. "This place is huge!"
And I was right, too. There was no better word for the Town of the Beginning and the End than gargantuan. The architecture and crowds reminded me of Paris, save that instead of the buildings being aged or in the process of being renewed, these were absolutely pristine. As for the mass of people and sound around me, I actually found them to be rather comforting. It was nice to finally hear people, as opposed to just the sounds of the ocean or the jungle.
It was especially comforting to notice that a lot of the mannerisms of the people around me were familiar enough to read. Nothing outstanding, nothing that immediately caught my attention, which thankfully meant that the cultural influence was more western-influenced than eastern. Small mercies to Oda for creating (or depicting) a culture that didn't share Japan's. If I had to wrap my head around the usage of suffixes in names, I'd throw myself in the ocean. It also helped that there were enough fashion styles that I didn't particularly stand out, and the climate wasn't hot enough to make my jacket uncomfortable.
Soundbite was as eager as I was to be in the midst of civilization, if not moreso. His eyes were on separate swivels as he scanned the crowd, spouting out snippets of sound and conversation at random as he picked up a veritable arsenal of words and voices. More than a few promised potential headaches in the future.
"So this is where the Age of Pirates began..." Sanji whistled in awe.
The rest of the crew and I nodded as we stood before the entrance to the town proper, taking in the sights with a profound sense of awe.
Luffy huffed and nodded with determination. "Right! I'm going to see the place where they kill people!"
"I bet I can get some good ingredients here..." Sanji mused to himself.
"And I'll see if I can find some equipment!" Usopp concurred.
Zoro grit his teeth slightly as he cast a sidelong glance at Nami. "There's something I want to buy too."
Nami adopted a truly evil expression as she returned the swordsman's look. "And I'll happily pay for it..." Her smile became downright vicious. "At 300% interest."
Zoro growled and ground his teeth in aggravation. "Damn witch..."
I sighed and patted the swordsman on the shoulder comfortingly. "Look on the bright side: I'm as broke as you, and seeing how I need a new wardrobe—"
Soundbite took a whiff of my jacket and flinched away with a grimace. "PEE-yew!"
"And he—" I jabbed my thumb at the slimy devil on my shoulder. "Needs a Transponder Snail rig, I need cash. Hence, we're both going to be in the hole."
"How comforting."
"Actually, about that..." Nami turned and tossed rolls of cash at Zoro and I. To my surprise, mine was a fair bit fatter than the swordsman's. "Zoro, you've got one hundred thousand beri to buy your swords. Cross, three hundred."
The whole crew reeled in shock at this. Nami giving up so much as one hundred thousand was momentous enough already, but four hundred!?
"Uh... are you feeling alright?" Usopp asked slowly.
"N-Nami-swan!?" Sanji stammered in concern.
"What the hell, witch!?" Zoro demanded fiercely.
"OH SHUT THE HELL UP!" Nami raged fiercely at them.
"Nami..." I attempted to wrap my head around this... this madness. "I don't know how much you usually spend on your wardrobe, but—!"
"Cross, I'll be buying your clothes," she cut me off, giving me a quick look up and down. "Dark colors, grays and blacks primarily, heavy jackets and cargo pants?"
I blinked at the accuracy with which she summarized my preferred wardrobe choices. "Uh... I'm also partial to brown and white and I like hoods and pockets, plain or camo patterns are preferable, but... wait, why would you—?"
"Two reasons. First," Nami primly held up a finger. "You're a man, and as such your fashion taste can be summarized as being questionable, at best."
I winced slightly. "Harsh but fair... on second thought, true. Very true."
"And second," she held up a second finger before pointing at the cash, "That's not for you, that's for me. You're already going somewhere where I want to make some purchases, so you're going to buy them for me while you're there."
I paused as I tried to comprehend where she was going with this before the sound of birds suddenly chirping in my ear made the connection for me. "You want me to buy Transponder Snails for you?!" I blurted in disbelief.
"WHAT!?" Soundbite roared in over a dozen furious voices, glaring and snarling at Nami.
"Oh, calm down!" Nami scolded, rapping her fist on the snail's head. "We're not replacing you or anything, that's impossible considering how you have a Devil Fruit. No, it's just... it's just in case, alright? So that the crew can stay connected even when we're spread out over an island." She refocused on me. "I want you to buy some Baby Transponder Snails, enough for the whole crew. You'll be taking care of them, feeding them, making sure they're healthy... that sound alright with you, captain?" She waited for a response.
When none was forthcoming, she turned to look at him. "Luf—WHERE THE HELL IS LUFFY!?" she shrieked in outrage when she realized that the rubber-man was nowhere in sight.
Zoro jerked his thumb at the street. "He ran off that way a minute ago."
Nami growled furiously as she stared after him, her face slowly flushing with anger. "That... stupid—!"
"Hey!" I hastily piped up. "I'll go after him! Make sure that he's safe and that he keeps out of trouble! Who knows, I might even run into the Transponder Snail shop on the way! That sound good to you?"
Thankfully, our navigator managed to slowly calm herself down. "That's... that's... fine. Fine! Go! Catch up to him!" She swung her arms out. "Go, all of you! We'll meet back at the Merry by sundown. Just do me a favor and keep out of trouble, alright?"
"No promISES!" Soundbite crowed as I ran after Luffy.
"I WILL EAT YOU ONE DAY, YOU LITTLE SLUG!" Nami roared in reply.
"I'll let her, too," I warned the snickering Transponder Snail.
"Promises promises."
For a few minutes, I managed to follow Luffy's trail by asking passersby whether or not they'd seen a kid wearing a straw hat, but I eventually got nothing but blank stares. Soundbite was able to give me directionality now and then via snippets of Luffy speaking up, but he couldn't do jack about the veritable labyrinth I was in.
I groaned and scratched the back of my head in annoyance as I strolled down a random street that was heading in the general direction that Luffy was in. "Well, crap... how the hell am I supposed to find him now?"
"Second star on the right AND STRAIGHT ON TILL MORNING!" Soundbite offered.
"Somehow, I don't think that works in real life." I stared at him flatly before sighing and tilting my head back. "Damn it... Nami's going to kill—!"
"Whee!"
"Gah!" I cried out suddenly as I staggered out of the way of a small girl as she almost ran into me from out of nowhere. "Watch it, kid!"
"Sorry about that," a man said apologetically as he passed by me. "My little girl really loves her ice cream, and it's the first time I've let her get three scoops."
"Nah nah, it's no problem," I assured him. "I should have watched where I was going. Have a nice day!" And with that I kept going, licking my lips slightly as I suddenly noticed my hunger. Now that I thought about it, some ice cream would go down great right now. Though I doubted I'd ever be able to down three full-sized—!
I almost face-planted as I froze in shock and horror. THREE SCOOPS!? FUCK ME!
Before I could so much as move, the crowd around me froze as everyone seemed to simultaneously gasp in terror. Slowly, dreading what I knew I would see, I turned around... and stared.
Big.
There were a lot of other words that could be used to describe Smoker, but 'big' was the one that stuck out at me. Which, in my opinion, was very reasonable, considering how the marine was a freaking giant, towering almost a full head over most of the crowd. Of course, one also had to account for the fact that he was built like an ox and had a face that looked like it belonged on a bulldog... or a Sea King. And he was focused on a terrified little girl and the newly formed stains on his pants.
However, as I scanned the crowd, I couldn't help but shiver at the expressions people were wearing: horror, foreboding, anticipation...
'They really think that he's going to hurt her.' I thought numbly. 'Despite everything he's done for them, all the pirates he's captured, how he really is... they're all legitimately petrified.'
The implications were... disturbing, to say the least.
Finally, Smoker moved, placing his hand on the girl's head and kneeling down... before proffering a hand full of beri coins. "I'm sorry," he growled, his voice as raspy as granite on granite. "My pants ate up all your ice cream. Here, go and buy five scoops."
The girl blinked up at the captain in stunned awe as she took the money. "Th-Thank you, mister."
The girl's father was quick to grab her by her shoulders and hold her close. "Th-Thank you so much, Captain Smoker. I'm so sorry, I'll make sure this doesn't happen again."
"Make sure it doesn't," Smoker ordered firmly. "Not everyone's dry cleaning is paid for by the World Government."
"Y-Yes, sir!" The father nodded hastily in agreement.
"Good." He then gestured at the soldier who was following him. "Let's go."
I promptly froze in place as the Marines marched not only towards me, but by me, Smoker coming within feet of me without sparing me so much as a glance.
I slowly turned on my heel and watched them get a few yards away... before starting to follow them myself.
"Dafuq you doin' man!?" Soundbite hissed in terror.
"The local Marine captain is marching through the town in broad daylight," I hissed back. "Who the hell do you think could earn that kind of response?"
Soundbite blinked in thought for a moment before smirking. "That moron!" he cackled in Nami's voice.
"Tell me about it..." I sighed wearily, resigning myself to shadowing the strongest Marine in the East Blue, bar Garp popping in for a family reunion.
Finally, after a few minutes of walking, we wound up on... the docks? Where a bunch of two-bit pirates were raising holy hell!? What the heck was—!? I promptly slapped my forehead in realization. The Loguetown filler episodes, of course. So anime, not manga. Or quite possibly a fusion of the two.
Well, that threatened to wreak holy hell on my knowledge of the future, but hopefully it wouldn't be too bad.
Nevertheless, I allowed myself to relax significantly. Thankfully, in the filler episodes, Smoker hadn't seen Luffy's bounty poster before coming out to deal with these clods, so as far as he was concerned, my crewmates and I were free and clear.
Which was beyond good for me, considering how Smoker promptly engulfed the pirates in a cloud of smoke and beat them within an inch of their life in three seconds flat.
I swallowed heavily at the display. A talking snail and a rubber-man were one thing, but that? That was just downright disturbing.
Soundbite shivered heavily on my shoulder. "Scary..." He whispered nervously.
"Tell me about it..." I muttered back in reply, glancing around cautiously. Wouldn't do to get surprised now of all times.
"Hey, Cross!"
"YERK!" I jumped in shock, reeling back as Luffy seemed to pop out of nowhere in front of me. "L—Captain!" I swiftly caught myself. "Where the hell did you come from?!"
"Heh, I got lost!" Luffy chuckled as he rubbed his finger under his nose. "That guy gave me directions though!" He jabbed his thumb back at Smoker, which allowed me to notice the trail of smoke that lead straight over me. "I'm gonna go see the execution platform! Wanna come?"
I considered it for a moment before shaking my head. "Sorry, I've got some business to run for Nami. I'll check it out later though. Have fun!"
"Shishishi! Alright! See ya!" Luffy waved as he ran to follow the smoke.
"Make sure you're back on the Merry by sundown!" I called after him.
"Got it!" he called back before disappearing around the corner.
I rolled my eyes as I listened to his footsteps fade into the distance. "He's a real piece of work..." I chuckled.
"Yes, he is, isn't he?"
My spine promptly went ramrod straight as a blood-chilling voice rumbled behind me. "Meep."
Soundbite swallowed heavily in agreement.
"Turn around."
Slowly, shakily, I turned around and stared up at the marine captain in terror. "Is there a problem, officer?" I asked meekly.
Smoker blew a cloud of smoke that put anything Sanji could manage to shame as he stared down at me. "You've been following me for the past thirteen minutes. Why?"
For a few seconds, I briefly contemplated either bolting or just flat out breaking down. Then... I blinked as I felt something. It was like a... bubbling sensation in my gut. It felt like my stomach was boiling over, but... it wasn't unpleasant. It was actually... nice. Invigorating, actually.
Riding on the high of the sensation, I came to a decision. It was, by a lot of accounts, a stupid decision... but hey, what the hell? I was in One Piece! And as they say, when in Rome...
Taking a deep breath, I steeled my back and forced myself to look Smoker in the eye. "I was curious, sir. I wanted to observe something I'd thought was a myth until now."
Smoker cocked an eyebrow in flat curiosity. "Oh, yeah? And what would that be?"
I clenched my fist firmly as I held Smoker's gaze. "A decent Marine."
The onlooking Marine soldier tensed furiously as he glared at me, but Smoker's reaction was far more volatile, his jaws clenching down on his cigars almost hard enough to bite clean through. "Would you care to qualify that statement?" he growled.
I hissed slightly as the bubbling sensation redoubled, causing my blood to race. I briefly considered outright answering for a second before an idea struck me, causing the bubbling to increase a bit more and putting a small grin on my face. "Actually... I've got a question of my own." I pointed up at Soundbite. "Do you know any shops that sell Transponder Snails? This little guy is wild, and I want to get him a rig."
Soundbite glanced at me in disbelief before recovering his nerve and smirking at the captain. "Howdy!"
To the snail's credit, he barely flinched as Smoker flicked a cold glare at him before refocusing on me. "I know where one is. What of it?"
My gut frothed with exhilaration as I out and out smirked up at him. "I propose a trade: you show me where the snail shop is, and in return I'll tell you what I meant. Sound fair?"
Smoker fumed for a moment, both figuratively and literally, before whipping his glare at his accompanying. "Petty Officer!"
The marine in question hastily snapped into a salute. "Y-Yes, sir!?"
"Have the men patrol the docks. Keep your eyes peeled for Monkey D. Luffy."
I caught myself before I could glance at Soundbite, and judging by the fact that neither Smoker or his soldier pounced on me, so did he.
"B-But sir!" the petty officer stammered. "What about—?"
"You have your orders, soldier."
"Y-Yes, sir!" the Marine yelped in agreement before swiftly taking off.
I eyed the Marine warily as he marched off, flatly returning his caustic glare before refocusing on Smoker. "Shall we?" I asked innocently.
Smoker snorted before turning around and stomping down the docks. "Walk and talk," he ordered.
I shrugged slightly as I complied, speeding up my pace slightly to keep up with the large man. "Where do you want me to start?"
"Your general opinion of the Marines." There was no room for compromise in his tone.
I thought over my response for a moment before holding up my hands with a sigh. "Not a lot to say, really. The Marines are an unscrupulous, morally corrupt military organization that is feared by civilians the world over. Simple as that."
Smoker glared down at me as he blew out a particularly nasty-looking cloud. "That's what you think of us?"
"No..." I drawled as I looked up at him coolly. "It's a legitimate fact. One that you proved earlier."
Smoker snorted furiously, his gaze hardening even further. "I didn't hurt that girl and you know it."
"You didn't have to," I replied frigidly. "That girl, her father, and everyone who saw you was scared. Not of you, not of your powers, but of your uniform. Of what you represent. The only difference between you and those pirates you arrested?" I jerked my thumb over my shoulder, "You're well-funded. You're organized. There's more of you than there are of them. And you're always there. And if the civilians try to stand up and get rid of you, then the World Government will crush them like ants."
"This argument is starting to sound familiar..." Smoker narrowed his eyes menacingly.
I snorted and looked forwards defiantly. "I'm no Revolutionary, but I'm not an idiot either. I keep up with the maps. Islands disappear, never to be heard from again. The World Nobles are allowed to run roughshod over the rules that their so-called bloodlines established. Hell, I've heard stories of the Marines hunting down and capturing civilians all because they bear brands. Very specific brands." I tilted my head back and let out a sardonic laugh. "The great and powerful Marines: enforcing the laws they don't follow and protecting civilians from all but themselves."
"Ooh-rah." Soundbite spat venomously.
Smoker steamed darkly for a second as he contemplated my words. "I trust you have proof to back up these claims."
"I can give you three." I deadpanned. "Just off the top of my head: Captain Axe-Hand Morgan, who ruled over Shell Town like it was his own little fiefdom until a pirate deposed him; Captain Nezumi of the 16th Branch, whose pockets are very open from what I've heard; and Admiral 'Akainu' Sakazuki, who doesn't give two shits about protecting civilian lives, merely killing all pirates in his path, good and bad alike."
That drew a derisive snort out of Smoker. "Good pirates. That's a myth."
"Now there, I can give you two examples. First," I held up a finger. "I don't know about you, but I'm fairly certain that Whitebeard protecting Fishman Island is a distinctly 'good' thing to do."
"Neither King Neptune nor any noble of the Ryugu Kingdom has asked for support from the Marines, nor has the World Government ordered us to send troops to provide support," Smoker defended swiftly. Too swiftly. It sounded rehearsed. As though he were justifying it to more than just me.
"Oh, I get it!" I piped up in a sickeningly sweet tone of voice. "So the long and short of it is that the Marines won't do their jobs and give a flying fuck until they're ordered to, and the World Government won't order you to, I reiterate, do your jobs and protect the civilians of a member nation, because they couldn't give a crap about pirates and slavers raiding their personal aquarium. How am I doing so far, am I in the ballpark?"
Smoker growled darkly beneath his breath.
I snorted and rolled my eyes. "You know, I can't see why people call the Warlords 'government dogs'. After all, from what I've seen so far? The Marines are the World Government's bitch."
"Didn't you say you had two points?" Smoker spat rather quickly.
I chuckled humorlessly before moving on. "Well, as for the second..." I shot the captain a cocky grin. "You talked to my captain earlier, and he seemed pretty decent, no?"
The captain immediately came to a halt, glaring down at me menacingly.
I looked up at the Marine with a decidedly unimpressed expression. "Including me and the snail, my crew is precisely seven members strong. We haven't looted, plundered or pillaged the entire way here and as far as I can tell they haven't ever hurt any civilians, period. All we're doing is flying a Jolly Roger and stocking up before we go to the Grand Line. But hey!" I held up my wrists with a mock defeated sigh. "None of that matters to you. Doesn't matter to the Marines. Our flag is black, so we must be evil! So, come on! Lock me up! Toss me in Impel Down to be tortured far more cruelly than most pirates could even conceive of! I mean..." I tilted my head to the side curiously. "That is your job, right?"
Smoker stared down at my hands emotionlessly for a second before turning away sharply. "We're here."
I blinked and looked up at the snail-shell-shaped sign hanging above me. "Huh. So we are." I gave Smoker a polite smile. "Well, this has been an invigorating chat. Thanks for your help!"
And with that, I pushed past the captain and into the store, closing the door behind me before promptly collapsing against it.
"Fuuuuuckfuckfuckfuck..." I hissed to myself, my heart pounding furiously in my chest.
"You CRAZY boi!" Soundbite snickered with a grin.
"Tell me about it!" I huffed, a grin sliding over my face as I coasted on the elated feeling in my gut. "Worth it though, right?"
"FAIR ENOUGH!"
"Er, excuse me, sir?"
I looked up to see a headset-wearing man looking at me curiously from over a counter.
"Are you here to purchase anything, or...?" He trailed off uncomfortably.
I coughed self-consciously as I stood up properly, re-adjusting my clothing in the process. "Ahem, I—yes, yes. Sorry about that, just got out of an... interesting conversation."
The man chuckled and nodded in agreement. "Well, we know all about interesting conversations here at Samson's Transponder Snail Shack." He held a hand out. "I'm Samson, nice to meet you."
I smiled and shook his hand in greeting. "I'm Cross, this is Soundbite," I gestured at the snail, who smirked in greeting. "Nice place you've got here."
And it was, too. Though somewhat small, the walls of the shop were lined with shelves filled with snoozing Transponder Snails of varying sizes and colors, with a wide variety of technology and equipment strapped to them. There was also an open crate, within which I could see several dozen baby snails crawling around.
"Heh, thanks," Samson nodded. "So, what brings you around?"
"Well, first and foremost..." I took Soundbite off my shoulder and put him on the counter. "Soundbite here is a wild snail who I wanna outfit with a baby snail rig. Do you offer that service?"
Samson hummed as he eyed Soundbite curiously. "Mind if I...?"
"Oh, no, go ahead!"
"Alright, then..." He picked Soundbite up and started looking him over. "Hm... good color, healthy weight, his shell seems nice and solid... Mmmyeah, he looks like he could take a rig..."
"Awww, you're making me blush!" Soundbite cackled.
"Yeek!" Samson fumbled the snail, barely keeping himself from dropping the gastropod. "What the—!?"
"Devil Fruit," I replied flatly.
"Ah." The man grimaced. "That explains that." He put Soundbite back onto the counter. "Well, I don't know how his powers will interact with the technology, but I think he's viable to get a rig. It will cost you, though."
I shrugged indifferently. "Yeah, that's to be expected. What would you recommend?"
"Hm..." Samson scratched his chin thoughtfully for a second. "Maybe... an Ichabod-Portentia 6S? Latest model off the market. A bit pricey though."
"How much?"
"Twenty-five thousand beri, installment included and upfront."
"Sold! Sold!" Soundbite squealed eagerly, jumping as much as his invertebrate body allowed.
I smiled as I drew out my cash roll and withdrew the appropriate amount of bills. "You heard the snail: sold."
Samson blinked in surprise before taking the money, counting it swiftly before nodding in agreement. "Alright, then!" He held out his hand and allowed Soundbite to crawl on. "It should only take me a few minutes. It's a delicate process, but not too difficult."
"Once more UNTO the breach!" Soundbite crowed as he was carried into the store's back room.
"You never went there to begin with!" I replied, albeit with a grin.
I was patient for a while, but after a few minutes I wound up tapping my foot impatiently as I waited for the results. I reached down to my pocket to take out a quick form of entertainment... and promptly found myself cursing Soundbite as I patted down my empty pocket.
Finally...
"And here we have him!"
"I'M BACK, BABY!"
I jumped as Soundbite's voice blared out around me, prompting me to whip around and whistle as I caught sight of my snail. "Well, damn! You look good!"
And indeed he did. Not only was he wearing a fresh coat of wax on his shell, he had a shiny new transponder speaker poking out of his side and a small pair of headphones latched around his shell.
"He insisted," Samson scratched the back of his head sheepishly.
"No no, it's fine." I waved him off, taking Soundbite from him and weighing him contemplatively. He'd gained a little weight, but nothing truly off-putting. "So, does it work?"
"I was gonna test it out with one of my snails. Just point one out and—"
"How's this?"
We both jumped as Nami's voice suddenly came out of nowhere. However, a quick glance downward revealed that Soundbite was wearing a familiarly lascivious smile.
The next instant, he'd swapped it out for a full-toothed cheesy grin. "You look stunning, milady!"
Samson jolted in shock and recognition. "Wait, was that—?"
"And this?"
"So elegant, madam!"
Samson's jaw dropped in shock. "Holy hell, that's Cintre, the cashier of Robecca Hanberg! We're in the Clerk's Union together!"
My jaw dropped open as I made the connection, Soundbite consistently swapping voices between Nami in the clerk. "Wow, that's... well, to be fair, Soundbite does have a hell of a range."
Samson looked at me in disbelief. "This guy can hear things a mile away!?"
"WHAT!?" I yelped, staring down at Soundbite in awe.
The snail snickered pridefully as he tilted his head back and preened. "I can see FOREVER!"
My mind flew as I processed the development before finally reaching a conclusion. "It must be the transponder..." I whispered in awe. "I always thought he could hear so much because of his species, the transponder must be accentuating it even further."
"Hell if I know, man..." Samson breathed as he stared at Soundbite. "Devil Fruits, you know? That there's some crazy shit."
I nodded slowly before a thought struck me, a crazed grin slowly spreading across my face. "And it's about to get even crazier..." I whispered as I slid my headphones over my ears, prompting Soundbite to move the audio from himself to my headset as Nami left the store, driving the clerk to tears in the process. "Hey, Nami, can you hear me?"
A few seconds later, Soundbite adopted a shocked expression, his eyes darting around frantically. "What the—Cross?! Where are you!?"
I chuckled with guilty pleasure at her apparent distress. "In the Transponder Snail shop, about a mile away from you. The transponder worked!"
"A mile!? And Soundbite can hear everything in that radius?!"
I opened my mouth to respond—
"Blue-tongue snapper for five hundred beri! Five hun—! HEY, GET BACK HERE YOU LITTLE—! AMAA~ZII~NG GRAA~CE—! I think I'm gonna be—!"
Before wincing as a barrage of sound assaulted me. "Does that answer your question!?"
"... I heard all that... and Soundbite is a mile away... are you trying to tell me that your pompous, annoying, jerkass of a snail is essentially a god of noise!?"
"Uh..." I faltered slightly. "Don't you think you're exaggerating a bit?"
"He knows everything that happens within a mile of him and he can make anyone hear anything within that range!"
"He's also the size of a baseball, can only move at the rate of an inch a minute, and salt shakers are as deadly to him as cannonballs."
"...alright, I feel a little better. By the way, did you catch up to Luffy?"
"Yeah, I told him to get back to the ship by sundown then let him get on his way. I'm pretty sure he'll be fine."
"Mmmph... alright, then."
"Anyways... in light of Soundbite's recent upgrade, maybe we should get less snails? Two should do."
"Hmm... Well, if it'll save us money, fine. Works for me. Make sure they're good ones, got it?"
"Got it. See you at the Merry."
"See you."
And with that, Soundbite regained his usual proud expression. "TA-dah!"
"Well, he's going to be a right pain..." I sighed tiredly. "But, on the upside, I doubt I'll ever manage to misplace him."
"You have my sympathy," Samson chuckled. "So anyways, you said you wanted to buy two more snails?"
"Yeah, just babies." I picked up Soundbite and put him back on my shoulder as I looked into the crate. "Any suggestions?"
"Eh, not really," Samson shrugged as he leaned over the counter. "The majority of snails aren't as... expressive as yours, especially after they get their transponder. In general, one's as good as the o—!"
"MEEDLY-MEEDLY-MEEDLY-MEEEEOOOOOOW!"
"Gah!" Both Samson and I jumped as Soundbite suddenly started belting out a guitar solo at the top of his lungs.
"What the hell do you think you're—?!" I cut off the impending rant when I caught sight of the crate.
Most of the Baby Transponder Snails had withdrawn into their shells... but two of them were still out, goofy grins on their faces as they bobbed along to Soundbite's beat.
"Well, that's one way of doing it..." Samson mused.
"Tell me about it," I agreed, fishing the two snails out and placing them on the countertop. "So, how much?"
"Mmm... these guys are pretty big, quality range, so... two hundred thousand? Oh!" The clerk ducked down behind the counter and brought out a leather case with a shoulder strap. "And I'll even throw in this snail carrier for an extra six thousand. Sound like a deal?"
"It does to me," I nodded, drawing out the payment and plopping it on the desk. "Thanks a bundle."
"Same to you, buddy," Samson concurred, placing the snails in the bag and handing it over. "Good luck on your travels."
Slinging the strap over my free shoulder, I waved goodbye as I left the Snail Shack. I glanced around the street, contemplating where to head next...
"Why did you do it?"
Before snapping my head over my shoulder, blinking at Smoker in surprise as he leaned against the wall of the shop. "Excuse me?" I asked in confusion.
Smoker pushed off the wall and walked up to me, looming like a particularly ominous cloud. "You might have a smart mouth, but you're still a smart kid. You could have been a lot of things, so why a pirate?"
I considered my answer for a moment. There were a lot of things I could say, but as it was, I felt that honesty was the best policy. As such, I spread my arms wide. "I have a dream," I announced. "Or rather, I had a dream, just one, one that I started with. Then... something changed."
Smoker cocked an eyebrow. "Oh, yeah? What?"
My mind went back...
"I'm gonna be king of the pirates!"
And I smiled exultantly. "My captain," I chuckled. "I know he doesn't look like much, but... when he told me his dream..." I shook my head in awe. "I can't really explain it, but the fact of the matter is that... I believe in his dream. I believe that he's going to accomplish it, and I believe that he's going to do things, magnificent, glorious things in the process." I shrugged matter-of-factly. "I want to have a front-row seat while he does it. Simple, no?"
For what felt like an eternity, Smoker stared down at me; he watched me, judged me with his inscrutable gaze. Finally, he spoke. "Is your crew heading to the Grand Line?"
I shot a smirk at him. "Isn't everyone with a Jolly Roger and a ship?"
"And I can't talk you out of this madness?"
A hint of steel came into my glare. "Captain, that's a stupid question and you know it."
Smoker let out a sigh of defeat as he scratched the back of his head. "Stupid kid..." He dug into a pocket of his jacket and tossed a small rod of metal at me. "Here. You'll need this."
I fumbled and only just managed to catch the rod, looking it over in confusion. It was short and stubby and... it looked... familiar...
Acting on a hunch, I flicked my arm out, causing the seven-inch tube to unfold into a rod that was only a little less than two feet long.
I eyed the rod in surprise, hefting it contemplatively. "Is this... a tactical baton?"
"Standard issue in the Marines, meant to handle civilians in a non-lethal manner," Smoker grunted in explanation. "It's not much, especially without knowing any techniques, but it's better than nothing."
And with that, he turned on his heel and began to march down the streets. "Try not to die."
I blinked in shock, staring at the rod for a second before looking up at the captain. "Wait!" I called out.
Smoker halted and looked back at me.
I held up the baton. "Why?" I asked slowly. "I told you that I was a pirate. I disparaged the Marines and the World Government. You would have been well within your rights to break my nose at any point that I was talking. So, why didn't you?"
Smoker stared at me for a second before breathing out a sigh of smoke. "I wanted to prove you wrong."
I shook my head definitively. "You would have proved me wrong if you locked me in shackles."
"Not about that, dumbass..." Smoker gnawed on his cigar darkly. "You said that I was a good Marine. A good Marine wouldn't have let you walk one more step once they knew what you were." He turned around and started to walk away once more. "It's as simple as that."
I watched him walk away for a second before hastily shouting. "Captain!"
Smoker froze and looked back again, this time with a tinge of exasperation.
"I don't like what the Marines currently are," I announced plainly. "And I don't like what they do. But..." I sighed and shook my head. "I respect what it stands for, and I respect you. I never said that good Marines were a myth, sir. There are too many good Marines by half. It's decent ones that are in short supply. There's a difference. A big one."
I brought my hand up into a salute as I nodded at the captain. "Ooh-rah, sir."
"Ooh-rah," Soundbite echoed seriously.
Smoker stared at me for a second before scoffing and continuing on his way, his hand raised in farewell.
I watched him for a few seconds before glancing at Soundbite. "Well... now that that's been handled, wanna go find Nami and make sure she doesn't buy us anything that makes us look like a pair of crossdressers?"
"Ándale, ándale!"
"My thoughts exactly."
